


Shine bright like a diamond in the sky

by b92morgan



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Complete, Doctor Merlin, F/M, Happy Ending, Jealousy, M/M, Memory Loss, Uther is Merlin and Mordred's father, Ygraine is Arthur and Morgana's mother, pilot Arthur, pregnant morgana, translation from Italian to English
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-04
Updated: 2016-05-15
Packaged: 2018-04-24 16:44:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 93,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4927285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/b92morgan/pseuds/b92morgan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>PART 1 ( Chapters 1 to 7): Merlin is a medical officer in the Britain Royal Navy and has asked to be transferred to Camelot Base after a difficult period of his life, to move on.<br/>He would have never imaged that going to Dragon Cape would change his life so much.<br/>His new beginning has a name: Arthur Pendragon, captain and fighter pilot, Top Gun, one of the top ten in the world and, of course, beautiful and an ass, enough to change Merlin’s entire existence.</p><p>PART 2 (chapters 8 to 12): 'I'll go wherever you will go'</p><p>NOW COMPLETE</p><p>NOTE: AU</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. WELCOME

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ship](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Ship).
  * A translation of [Shine bright like a diamond in the sky](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/148324) by Ship. 



> THE STORY IS NOT MINE
> 
> translation of the italian story 'Shine bright like a diamond in the sky' by Ship  
> http://www.efpfanfic.net/viewuser.php?uid=330692

The service station is bursting with people and the adjacent bar is unusually empty in comparison with the movements around the premises, and it is good, reflects Merlin, while crossing the threshold and approaching the bar in a hurry.

His car is parked at a rest stop nearby: off.

The engine had broken down once again and that morning he really didn't need this. He has to be ready for service within a quarter of an hour, but seeing where is he now ... he is certain he will be late.

His car always decides to throw tantrums in the most unthinkable moments and that morning Merlin is seriously nervous.

"A double black coffee, please. I also need to ask you an information: what time's the next bus to Dragon Cape? My car has broken down and I will have to look for a mechanic as soon as possible ... but now I'm late for work and I really have to get there..."

The old bartender responds politely, probably urged by Merlin’s anxiety:

"The one to Dragon Cape has already passed. Are you going to Camelot Base of the Royal Navy? Of course, since there is only it there. So you are in the Navy I guess... I'm sorry. Unfortunately, the next bus is in an hour, maybe later ... but ten minutes from here, there is the stop of the bus that stops near Dragon Cape. You can take that and then go the rest of the way on foot."

Merlin quickly swallows his coffee, burning his throat. He looks in his jacket pocket for his cell phone that is ringing insistently. He is about to answer when he hears the tinkling sound of the front door bell and the door opening behind him. Someone is right behind him. He slowly turns and sees a young man approaching the bar and asking for a black coffee.

Merlin pulls himself together, looking away, while answering his cell phone. He checks the blond boy at his side out. He has short blond hair and he is paying for his coffee and waiting for the change.

He is holding a motorbike helmet and wearing a leather jacket. Ray Ban sunglasses, resting on an upturned nose above full red lips, cover his eyes.

He is attractive and occupies all the space around him in a natural way, but without invading.

Merlin wants to watch him better and much longer, curious and attracted by his remarkable physicality and natural and elegant ways of doing things. Merlin would also like to pause and reflect on the best way to start a conversation with this young man ... but his friend Gwaine is screaming in his ears through the phone, making him unable to think clearly. Besides, he is very late.

"I know. Gwaine, I know!!! I do what I can, ok? I’m taking the bus. I’m about to go to the stop right now. No ... my car is completely broken. I will arrive as soon as possible, ok? Gwaine… don’t…"

In his ears just a click. His phone is shut down too now, dead battery. Merlin curses and looks away from the blond, whom he has been staring at unseen until now, and who has consumed his coffee and is now reading the local newspaper distractedly. Therefore, he turns back to the bartender.

"What time's the next bus to the seaside?"

"Now. If you don't hurry, you'll miss it"

Merlin snorts, now exasperated by the unlucky events of his very first day of work. Forgetting about the blond boy at his side, he is about to turn around, go out and start running, when the unknown blond man turns and starts to kindly talk to him.

"If you want a ride to the bus stop, I have my motorbike parked outside. Your bus has just passed, you’ll definitely miss it"

Merlin looks at him and suddenly feels a knot closing his throat at listening to that deep and sensual voice.

That makes him think of what unlucky day that was: meeting a guy like that and not even having time to articulate something decent and not stupid to say. It was too much to ask to have more time to know him better? But he is so late and he really needs to get to work soon...

"Thanks, I gladly take the ride, so I won’t miss the bus"

The boy doesn’t respond. Merlin follows him outside, while observing his elegant, attractive, masculine and strong body, wrapped in jeans and black leather jacket, resting on two towering and muscular shoulders... was it possible to have such a chance in the worst day of his life, just after arriving in a new place?

The blond stops in front of a big sport bike. He retrieves a helmet from the glove box and hands it to him without speaking. He mounts on the bike and starts up the engine that roars loudly. Then he waits for Merlin to hop on behind him.

"Hold on tight"

Merlin grabs the tank behind his back, even if he has a strong desire to hold on to the impressive chest of the young man driving. When the bike starts with a deafening roar, he manages to focus on the road, rather than on the boy’s heat. He ends up feeling like a fool for thinking such a thing in that desperate situation. He is likely to receive a good scolding on his first day, or worst.

The bike runs fast and the boy’s driving is safe. It takes them several kilometers to reach and pass the bus that Merlin should take. Then they arrive at the bus stop a few minutes in advance.

Merlin is sorry that he has to get off the bike. He feels the young man’s eyes fixed on him and, although he cannot see his eyes, somehow he is aware that he is staring at him. Merlin would like to say something to maintain the just established contact, but his bus is arriving and the young man has already restarted the engine.

"Thanks for the ride ..." 

His words hangs in the air, uncertain... nevertheless, the young man nods without saying anything and then accelerates again, fast, leaving him there, while feeling like a real idiot who has just missed an opportunity. 

He has not even had time to ask him his name, he thinks with a hint of annoyance, as he gets on the bus, full of kids dressed for the beach, wondering where the blond was going.

He takes a seat, exhaling a sigh of relief, knowing in his heart he has remedied at least to a part of the delay. He mentally prepares himself for what’s awaiting for him at the Base. He will be certainly late, more than it was appropriate for the first day of service in a new Base, and only hopes that Gwaine would have been so brilliant to make up a good story to their superiors.

 

**

 

At the end, the delay amounts to half an hour ... it’s not that bad. It could have been much worse.

He had to change quickly and he is not even sure that his white coat is properly fixed up. He fixes the collar with hands, putting his stethoscope around his neck, praying under his breath, as he rushes along the corridors of the military hospital toward the clinics, that his delay could somehow go unnoticed.

It's his first day as a medical officer in that new destination. In fact, he has just been assigned to Camelot Base and that day he has to see some soldiers on leave.

He sticks his hands in his pocket, making sure he has the charger in order to charge his cell phone in the clinic. He raises his eyes and realizes he is almost there.

A beautiful girl with long black hair and green eyes in her off duty uniform greets him, giving him a brief distracted look. Then, she turns to the door of the clinic, where he is heading and where a vaguely known blond head appeared, immediately followed by the rest of the body. Merlin freezes on site, immediately recognizing the boy he has only left an hour before.

The young blond man is not wearing his leather jacket, which is underneath his right arm. He is wearing a gray short-sleeved shirt, tight, that brings out every single muscle under the light cotton.

Merlin remains firmly in place due to the surprise to find him there in front of him and to the questions in his mind - What is he doing here?- and of course, because like before, he feels a strong attraction to the boy. He stares at him breathlessly, not realizing that he is staring a bit too much… The blond was even more beautiful without his jacket, almost breathtakingly.

He is still wearing his sunglasses, so Merlin is still unable to see his eyes. But this time, he is even more intrigued by him, if only to find him in front of him in the military base.

Then, while slowly advancing hoping to greet him and to be recognized by him, the blond approaches the girl, hugs her and she puts her hands around his neck and deposited a kiss on his lips, slightly but confidentially. In response, he hugs her hips and together they walk down the hall without him looking straight ahead. He is so concentrated talking with her that he almost crashes into Merlin.

He stops within ten feet from Merlin, who has failed again to take a single step since he saw the blond. He is still hugging the girl and seems surprised to see the brunet.

Merlin watches him closely, focusing on the details: the square and masculine jaw, the clenched mouth, the broad and powerful neck that disappears beneath the gray shirt ... A pair of dog tags on a ball chain and the registration number showing his military rank.

‘He is a fighter pilot’ reflects Merlin. His heart begins to pound in his chest, still watching the blond, unable to look away ... Definitely a soldier on leave, one of those to carefully observe before allowing his return to duty. One of those he should have seen that day in his clinic - of course, if he had been there. Merlin reflects that someone must have seen him in his place, if he is exiting the hospital.

"Hi..."

Merlin greets him friendly, confident that the other has recognized him. And in fact the blond replies with a nod; he is impassive, but it is clear that he is surprised to see Merlin there and in those clothes.

Always in the green-eyed girl’s embrace, he surpasses him and walks toward the exit without looking back.

Merlin regains consciousness of the world around him, closing his eyes a few times, sighing to himself: _“Well Merlin... the most unlikely day of your life has not come to an end yet. And you have also met twice what must certainly be at this point the most beautiful boy of the Base. Will you be able to get through the day focused and interested in something other than a blond head and an athletic body who obviously and manly sits on one of those powerful and majestic fighter planes like in your wildest dreams??"_

He casts an eye outside for the last time, beyond the windows of the hospital, and sees the girl sitting in the back seat of the powerful bike and embracing the young man, clinging to him as the bike disappears, fast.

_"FUCK... just what I needed. I have been at the new Base for one day and I already have no idea how the hell am I going to focus on my work with that guy around here every day…so fuckable and irresistible even when dressed. Moreover, he is even with one of his colleagues. BRAVO MERLIN. This is too much even for someone like you, used to the messiest situations..."_

He opens the door of the clinic in a bad mood, his face a bit darker, wondering who has visited the young man that had just left, when Leon - the doctor who he was supposed to trade shift with – welcomes him warmly.

His friend Gwaine, who starts the first day of service as a nurse with him, is at the doctor’s side.

"So Merlin!! Gwaine here says that you had a problem with your car..."

"Thanks for covering me, Leon ... it has been a surreal situation. I had no idea at what time I would have arrived"

Gwaine pats him on the shoulder:

"You will soon learn, Leon, that Merlin is a magnet for mishaps. He always comes across the strangest circumstances..."

"Thanks Gwaine, you sure are my friend"

Merlin’s tone is sarcastic and his friend laughs ... they have been knowing each other for way too long to even think of taking offense at a few jokes between them. They've been friends for years and Gwaine is really the only friend Merlin has, as he is the only one able to bear the peculiar character of the other.

"You’re welcome, Merl... Leon here has been actually busy ... so by arriving late you did him a favor."

Merlin looks at the other doctor, met the day before his arrival at the Base, silently questioning him about that, and heads for the tidy desk, where Leon’s reports and his work, performed up to that moment, are well piled up.

The colleague immediately responds, telling him what he wants to know:

"You gave me a chance to talk with a friend. He was the first boy of today examinations you should have seen..."

Merlin holds his breath, realizing that Leon is referring to the young man who he has just seen exiting from the clinic. The blond who has messed up his day, seriously confusing his mind and who has even saved his ass on his first day on duty.

"Oh, really? And tell me, why did you want to personally visit him so much? Any reason in particular?"

"Yes. I had to tell him about the extension of his leave... He has a long way ahead... I have given him two months. The least I could give him, when in fact I wanted to dismiss him for at least six months... unfortunately I had no way to tell you about it yesterday when we met, with all the things we had to talk about! And I was afraid he would have managed to convince you to sign up for his return to active duty ... you will discover that he can be... to say the least... very persuasive"

Two months on leave. Two months out of the Base. Two months without touching a plane. They are a lot, according to Merlin, who is starting to realize that something serious must have happened to force Leon to do that to his friend.

“And why do you think his health won’t allow him to resume his duties sooner?"

Merlin tries not to show how interested he is, since Leon is apparently a close friend of the blond, when he is actually dying to know more about the young man. In the meantime, he even tries to ignore his disappointment over the fact that for two long months he would not see the blond around the Base, as he had hoped...

"If it was up to me, I would have given him even more time off, but I could give him only a week at first, promising that we were going to talk about it again. If it was up to him, he would have resumed flying the day after the funeral."

"Funeral??"

Merlin looks at Leon and then Gwaine, who nods with his eyes.

"Yes. Arthur lost his closest friend and co-pilot, Lancelot, a week ago. They have been hit, in the air, by a surface-to-air missile, fired from a pirate ship that had entered into a non-navigable zone. There had been an emergency, a call ... RAF Camelot had to intervene and Arthur and Lancelot were on duty. Their plane, Excalibur, was shot down and Arthur had been able to exit it. On the other hand, Lancelot..."

Merlin remembers the episode thanks to the news: the two brave pilots that had been shot down on duty while they were fighting an armed pirate ship that had not hesitated to fire when their plane had come near... The pilot of the fighter plane had bravely attempted a water landing and had brought the plane as close as possible to the coast, but he could not do more than that. Eventually he had been forced to exit the plane to save his life, while his co-pilot had died, shot to death.

Merlin feels his breath choking in his throat at the thought of what had happened ... at the thought of what the young man, whose name is Arthur evidently, must feel and have felt in his heart even during their first meeting a few hours before, while Merlin, awkward as always, had only thought about how attractive he was.

“It is really a sad story. It will take a very long time before he can fully recover..."

Leon nods, serious:

“You’ll find out that it is even more painful than you think. Arthur is the best pilot of the base, our best Top Gun. He is among the top three in the UK and one of the top ten in the world. For him ... flying is... more natural than breathing. He is more comfortable with planes than with people. He hasn’t many friends, just a few, and Lancelot was his best friend. That's why we're all worried: Arthur may look like an efficient machine, but at the moment he needs to mourn his Second. He wanted to put his ass on a plane right away, but thanks to our friendship and my rank, I managed to impose him a first week of leave... Now, however, it has been difficult to force on him a longer leave. But he really needs it... even though he’ll never admit it to himself and to others, he is deeply shocked by the incident and is suffering enormously... he is not ready to fly again or even to think clearly! He is likely to put himself in serious danger..."

Merlin puts his hands in his pockets. His heart is tighter due to the story he has just heard, feeling compassion and admiration for the young man he has just met.

"How did you convince him not to fly for so long if you yourself have just said he did not want to?"

"I found asmoke-screen..."

Merlin looks at him inquisitively.

"I told him it was your fault. Well, actually, I have not framed you alone alone ... I told him that we had discussed his case with the medical board and that the doctor in charge of his case from now on would be you - which is true- a new one and less involved than the others, able to assess things more clearly. Actually, we only needed an excuse to give him, because we knew it would have been difficult to make him accept our decision... Therefore, here is why he thinks it’s you that have signed his leave. We have told him that you, once analyzed his case, wanted to discharge him for six months, but that I've convinced you to give him only two. It was easier to steal four months in his head and let him accept at least these two off duty. I told him he was your responsibility and that he still has to come here to be seen by you and that he needs you consent to fly again... In a few words, Merlin, blaming it on the new guy had seemed ideal. I suggested all this yesterday, once I've met you. I firmly believed in the fact that in the light of a more detailed explanation you too would have agreed that Arthur cannot fly so soon and that this was the only way to keep him away. Besides, this way I have maintained his friendship and you've paid for your lateness... We are even!"

Leon smiles slyly but good-naturedly, making it clear that the situation would have gone that way even if they had spoken about it the day before, and Merlin smiles too, perhaps a bit forced...Because, although he perfectly understands why his fellow doctor has done what he did, he is absolutely certain now that Arthur will blame him for his two months leave. Besides, he knows that Arthur’s return will be particularly difficult... since Merlin will be the one doing his medical check-ups.

"Welcome to Camelot, Merlin."

Leon officially shakes his hand, before going out, while Merlin turns to look at Gwaine with disappointment:

"And you? Didn’t you have anything to say about it?"

Gwaine shrugs and smiles:

"I wanted to... but Leon insisted. And then, that blondie came in... and you know... he's one gorgeous hunk of a man... when I saw those damned blue eyes, they melted my heart and..."

Merlin aims his amicably furious eyes in those of his friend a few centimeters from his face. "You bastard. You can't help but think about fucking every good-looking guy you see, don’t you? Not even under such tragic circumstances?"

“What can I say? You know me... If only you had seen him too, Merl… He is really superb and..."

"Let's get to work. Call in the next soldier please. I have already had enough today to even listen to your nonsense too..."

Gwaine winks and then shrugs, smiling:

"You are in a bad mood, huh? Come on ... look at the bright side, at least we are taking the first shift together"

"I fail to see the joy"

 

**

 

After the end of his shift, Merlin spends the night reading about the tragic circumstances that led to the death of the pilot Lancelot, Arthur's best friend.

Leon had been way too polite in describing them, because now that Merlin had them under his eyes, clear and sharp, he could only feel sick after reading what had actually happened.

Camelot Base had been contacted for an illegal trespassing in international waters. Two fighter planes had left the base, one flown by Arthur with his co-pilot Lancelot, the other by a Captain Percival. Since Percival was flying on a Harrier, he was alone.

Both planes had been hit, because they hadn’t expected a missiles-armed ship. They had been taken by surprise, because they had thought they would have just made a scout and a formal control… the rest was history.

A fighter plane, hit hard, had not returned, a pilot was dead, and the severely damaged Harrier had returned to the base only after collecting the pilot of the other plane that had managed to survive.

Captain Lancelot’s body had been recovered only many hours later, once they found the plane, lying at the bottom of the sea, luckily not too deep in that area.

Captain Percival had asked and received leave immediately, while Arthur had fought, even by getting a lawyer, in order to remain on duty. He believed he did not need to stay away from work. In the end, Leon had been finally able to convince him to take a break for a week, which now had become two months.

His friend was dead and everyone but him was convinced that the boy needed to recover ... that he was still in shock and not fully aware of what had happened.

"Fuck"

Merlin narrows his eyes and runs his hands over his face, leaning his back against the sofa in his new apartment. Then, he sorts out the documents he has borrowed from Leon and starts to reflect on Arthur and the whole situation.

The more he finds out about what has happened, the more he feels involved, realizing how much the young man must suffer: Lancelot was only thirty-two years old and has left behind a wife and two young children.

 

**

 

Spring has now given way to summer.

The heat outside is unbearable and Merlin turns on the air conditioning when he returns to the clinic. One more day of examinations, then maybe he can move to a different clinic. He picks up the folders that Leon has left on his desk and that he hasn’t checked yet, to see what he has to do with the soldiers in front of him.

Never mind - he thinks - he will read them one by one as each soldier comes in, getting a clear picture of who will be able to return to work and who won’t.

"Gwaine... You can call in the first patient"

No answer.

"Gwaine?"

When his friend still does not respond, Merlin gets up from his desk, one hand in the pocket of his coat, while the other moves the metal drapes that allows some privacy to the medical bed just beyond it. Merlin is convinced to find his friend intent to arrange the medicines, but instead he comes face to face with the young blond man.

Captain Arthur is ready for his medical examination, already undressed but for his underwear. A blushing Merlin observes that he is wearing white and tight boxers that leave little to the imagination. The brunet tries not to look down there, even though he is drawn to him like a magnet, since circumstances impose on him a professional attitude...

" _YOU_ WILL BE THE ONE SEEING ME?"

His tone is not exactly friendly and Merlin feels that his breath stuck in his throat, unable to utter a word.

He feels like his heart is being ripped from his chest. He needs to plant his hands in his pockets to hide the sudden tremors, born in his veins due to the tension.

Merlin is breathless.

It's the first time he sees the boy without sunglasses and _God!_ his eyes are so beautiful! They are blue ... and intense... and call for him so strongly that Merlin struggles to stay conscious of his surroundings and with what he has to do. Moreover, the boy's eyes are completely focused on Merlin’s and they seem to reach right into him and beyond, searching and magnetic...

"So, youare the one that has kept me out of here for two months?? You are the medical officer who signed my long leave?? If I had known it that day, I would have left you at the service station..."

Merlin’s brain starts to work again, even if he feels like suffocating under the eye contact of the pilot in front of him.

Arthur's voice is warm and intense, a lot more than he remembers, and Merlin is afraid that by opening his mouth, his voice would shake. Therefore, he stands there, observing the other man, unable to look away from those eyes for even a second.

It is impossible to ignore his physicality while he is naked - or almost – before him.

How can you find your coherence and voice again in front of that gorgeous body, that broad and muscular chest, those strong legs and arms of steel??

Merlin evaluates different options but finds no solution. Thanks heaven he has not looked at the young man’s private parts yet.

He's about to hyperventilate when Gwaine enters in the room, saving him.

"Here I am!! Dr Emrys, I had gone out for a moment to get some bandages for the next patient. He has a wound that we have to medicate... and not to slow you down, I called in the first patient of the list before leaving"

"Dr Emrys. Is this the name of the signature on my medical discharge certificate?"

Merlin finally recovers and stops shaking. The situation is very delicate and requires his full attention. Therefore, he clings desperately to his professionalism.

 "They told me I really had had a thankless task, Captain..."

 "Arthur. Yes, I think so. And ... who told you that??"

Gwaine is barely holding back a laugh, as he watches the duel, fought in style, before his eyes: neither boys want to yield.

"Arthur. I would have signed that leave order anyway, even if I had known that that day I had signed for the person who had saved me from being ridiculously late..."

"And why is that??"

"Because it’s my job. Because I do it seriously and conscientiously...and because you should always hope, when in need of a doctor, to find a dutiful and highly professional one, honest and incorruptible too, even if he is a friend."

Arthur gets up from the bed and stands in front of Merlin with his gorgeous body, shining blond hair - a bit shorter than he remembered - and with his blue eyes, so deep they hurt. They are like a stormy sea.

"I knew Leon was involved. But let’s not talk about it anymore ... now if you could get a move on this examination… so you can sign my back on duty certificate"

"Not so fast"

Merlin glares at him and, despite being short of breath and senses clouded, he manages to maintain his professionalism, recuperating a tone that he had feared to have lost under the pounding and fascinating eyes of the other man.

"Gwaine, the file of Captain..."

"Pendragon." the blond finishes for him.

Merlin summarily reads the notes of the doctors that have previously seen Captain Pendragon and when he lifts his eyes, the other is still standing there, convinced of being able to leave immediately.

"Sit back down on the bed. You have had a heavy shock. When it occurs, reflexes struggles to return to normal. We need to control them..."

Merlin saw disappointment on the face of the blond, but the boy lies down on the bed nevertheless. His eyes challenging. Merlin is certain that his reflexes are perfect. He is tough and has spirit. Surely, he is a good soldier, but Merlin, as the good doctor he is, understands that Arthur’s biggest problem is not his physical or mental strength... it's his emotional part that worries him. According to the psychologist, that has evaluated him one hour before, the boy is still emotionally distant and has still not mourned for his friend.

Merlin forces himself to be professional, while the other penetrates him with his gaze without taking his eyes off him for a second every time Merlin touches him. For every touch of the brunet, the blond stares almost without blinking and without bothering to hide it. His steel muscles are tense in open defiance.

Merlin struggles to breathe as he runs his hands on the strategic points of the reflexes. It's difficult to ignore the strength of his body, the perfect texture of his skin, his marble muscles, the chemicals released by his bubble bath perfume... And those bloody eyes of his are always focused on Merlin’s face, causing chills to run down Merlin’s back.

Merlin has a vague feeling that Arthur has understood how much in trouble Merlin is in front of his physicality, in front of him, but deep down he is hoping it's just a paranoia.

Having Gwaine near him is helping him to maintain a professional demeanor. He passes him the stethoscope for the last part of the examination: the listening of the heart.

Eventually Merlin can only say that everything is fine.

"The reflexes are good and physically you’re all right..."

The blond gets up with a smug smile, as to say: “ _it _has been stupid not allowing me to fly. I'm more than ready to return!”__

But Merlin runs a hand through his hair and then puts it on the stethoscope, and continues: "How long have you had hand tremor?"

Arthur clenches his fists strongly, realizing that the young doctor is considering that little detail as important ... nevertheless, he cannot lie.

"Didn’t you read it in the psychologist’s report? You know about it"

"The fact that you still have it means that you're not emotionally stable. It is an involuntary movement, a trauma reflex. You're sure you can fly, but what will you do if you cannot keep your hands still on the control column? Tension..."

"I’m perfectly able to return, to fly! You saw for yourself that the medical examination and my tests are perfect..."

"That’s not how it works. We need to take account of the general context and for now, you are not able to return to work the way you wish to"

"I do not accept it. I am physically fit. I will ask another medical evaluation to an external board! I will not tolerate a further discharge!"

"Listen to me. I tell you what we can do. I give you permission to return to duty... you start by seeing how you’re doing. Maybe occasionally and sporadically, you can start flying a plane, as someone else’s co-pilot. That's all I can do for now and believe me when I say that as things are now, you will never obtain more than this. Because with these reports, any external medical board will forbid you to fly for a long time. You better accept my temporary certificate and the conditions that I will underwrite and that I have just imposed for your return. I see you again after a month... If things turn out as we both hope, you will resume your duties immediately. I honestly cannot do more for you. And believe me... I am also doing this as a favor to Leon. He would have risked his career today by signing your readmission. You are not able to resume flying Captain, not as things are looking at the moment"

"Fuck you. That day I should have let you crawl to reach the Base..."

Merlin smiles sarcastically while the other grabs his clothes and redresses.

The confrontation has been difficult and has not been the right way to see each other again and re-establish a contact - Merlin reflects - but at least he has been able to reason with the captain and this is a great achievement. Something no one would have bet on only two months before.

Conscious of what he has just achieved, Merlin mentally congratulated himself, scoring a point in his favor in the battle against the blond. Now they are even, since the blond had saved him on his first day of work.

"Gwaine, draw my report on Captain Pendragon with the conditions we have agreed to, please. So I can sign it. Captain, you can return to duty tomorrow"

Merlin turns around, but the now fully dressed Pendragon has still not taken his eyes off him, always in his insistent and intrusive way. And even now that Merlin’s back is turned, he can feel his penetrating eyes on him.

Merlin sits at his desk and signs the certificate with his beautiful handwriting and Arthur seems to yield for a moment, becoming more understanding and kinder ... but it's just a brief moment.

"Dr Emrys. I don’t like telling someone to fuck off so formally... what's your name??"

"Merlin"

His answer sounds harder than he really wanted it to be, but now they have erupted in an open conflict. The eyes of the blond seem flames as they look into Merlin’s, who feels his legs become jelly at the thought of those eyes on fire for other far more pleasurable situations...

"Merlin. Prepare the next certificate ... in my next check-up, I will not tolerate a further delay"

"It’s been a pleasure, Capitan Pendragon."


	2. CARPE DIEM

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE STORY IS NOT MINE  
> This is a translation of the Italian story ‘Shine Bright like a diamond in the sky’ by Ship  
> http://www.efpfanfic.net/viewuser.php?uid=330692

"My God, Merl!!! Tell me you did not cum in your pants!!"

"Gwaine, what the hell are you talking about?" 

Merlin tries to keep calm, despite his face being red with anger, tension and also with the excitement that is still pervading his every voluntary muscle, given that the involuntary ones have gone to hell a while ago.

"Ohhh come on Merlin!!! Even I was hard in my pants to see the two of you that way earlier!! You and Arthur seemed on fire... there was so much sexual tension in the air that I was about to leave the room and tell you: ‘Fuck, just stop it! I mean... just go and shag, guys!' Merl... you can fool everybody, but not your friend Gwaine. You like that guy so much that if you had met him during any other time of your life, a time that I know very well - during your internship, for example - you'd have knelt and lowered his pants and asked him to shove it in your mouth without a second thought... Come on!!"

"Don’t you ever grow up?? Gwaine ... I'm trying to..."

"That's right. You are trying... not to think about the likely erection in your cotton hospital trousers. If I were you, I would jump on that guy immediately, my dear!!"

"Exactly. You have said it. If it was YOU. But we are talking about me here, Gwaine, and frankly, after breaking up with Ryan, I don’t want to lose my head over anyone else. Not now, at least"

"The blond that has just exited his room didn’t seem a classic ‘anyone else’ to me! But... I mean…Merlin, haven’t you seen him? Fuck… you have become blind or senile, my friend!"

"Gwaine, I have not become senile. I'm just saying that for now I don’t need to mess up life even more by going after someone. Besides, apart from the fact that we keep fighting, Captain Pendragon will never look at someone like me... this morning I saw him hugging and kissing a beautiful brunet girl… end of story. Although I hope I have not disappointed your fantasies..."

"And yet, my friend, I would have bet he was totally checking you out... Merl, you should have seen the way he was staring at you when you weren’t looking! Man, I can’t believe I was wrong..."

Merlin would argue back but he is still too shaken up by the many emotions inside of him: anger, frustration, helplessness. Moreover, he is also busy taming the excitement in his pants, because unfortunately Gwaine knows him better than he knows himself. Besides, he is still shivering because of his meeting - clash with Arthur, which he was feeling in his groin too...

He runs a hand through his black hair, which is longer than usual and messy on his face. Then, he caresses his beard that he has not shaved in the past few days.

He mentally imposes himself to clean up that evening, although he must admit that with that beard in contrast with the white coat he has always been quite successful with other men. Arthur may like it ... and...

Damn it!!

How come he is still thinking about him?

He shakes his head, trying to get Arthur out of his mind:

"Let’s get back to work ... let’s try to finish early, so we can go to lunch in the officers' canteen. I have not had breakfast this morning and will arrive at the end of the shift with low blood sugar"

"HaveI told you that you have become terribly boring lately?? This good-boy act of yours is confusing me ... I want my old frat brother back...the God of the frat parties"

"Call the next patient, Gwaine..."

.

While the nurse is going toward the door, Merlin waves him to wait a moment, feeling his phone ringing in the pocket of his coat... It’s his brother.

He is arriving at the Base in the afternoon to serve as a medical officer too and Merlin is happy to work with him for the first time.He has been feeling the need to have him close for a while now, after messing up his own life...

"Hi, Mordred!! So, where are you now? Ok, I'll come and pick you up in town around 5 p.m... You can stay with me for a couple of days. Your one-room apartment will be cleared out on Thursday... Yes, I’ll take you to the Base immediately, so you can meet your immediate superior. NO, I did not call dad for his birthday. I didn't see any point after our last furious argument... Yes, work is fine. You will like it here. It is a nice place… there are a lot cool boys. Ok, cool girls too..."

Merlin smiles to his brother’s obvious question, who has always liked to run after the fairer sex, reminding Merlin with a joke that they have different sexual preferences.... Merlin’s smile becomes a laughter. Talking to him has calmed him down and relaxed. The tension seems to abandon his posture...

"… Mordred ..." Merlin closes his eyes for a moment that seems to last forever.... "I can’t wait to see you again"

Merlin gets off the phone with his big brother. He is two years older than Merlin, making him Arthur’s peer.

_Damn it!_ Merlin swears again...

 

**

The morning is almost over, and so is his shift. Merlin is very hungry, but he has to see just one more soldier: Captain Percival, involved with Captain Pendragon in the nasty business regarding his colleague’s death, perished in the sea.

However, his case is very different from Arthur’s. The boy has had a milder trauma, which he seems to have already recovered from. He had already the go ahead of the psychologist to return to duty. Merlin’s medical examination is only necessary in order to sign the final permission...

Now, Gwaine is out to deliver some blood samples, taken from a boy who needed further health checks, to the laboratories. Therefore, Merlin, now alone, is about to get up and call the young man, waiting outside, when said man storms in the clinic...

"Dr Emrys. Coming here, I saw someone going away from the clinic and I thought I was late for the examination. You are the doctor who is supervising mine and Captain Pendragon’s case ... I am Captain Jill, Percival."

"Captain ... step forward, please... Yes, I’m Dr Emrys and I was expecting you. You can sit here, no need to undress. I saw your tests and your previous medical checks-up have also shown that everything’s fine. Take a sit, please, while I sign the certificate that allows you to get back to active duty..."

When Percival approaches him, Merlin cannot help but notice that he has a very important figure. He is very tall and, despite his imposing physique, he has a sweet and gentle face...

"So, Captain… How did you experience these past two months of leave? Have you managed to get over the accident? Do you feel ready to fly again? even now if necessary?"

“The fact that I went on leave immediately must have helped me, I presume. I feel ready... Also because, despite my involvement, I am aware that I have not suffered Captain Pendragon’s same trauma. He was hit more closely, even emotionally...In fact, I have heard he is still not allowed to fly..."

Merlin tries to ignore the weight he feels while talking about the young man with whom he is currently having an open conflict...

"You see ... regarding Captain Pendragon... I heard from Leon that you are friends..."

Percival noddes...

"This is the reason, given the circumstances, why I was thinking to ask if you could take responsibility of flying with him when the time comes. I have set his agenda in order to make him fly with someone sporadically, as a co-pilot. In this regard, we thought you could be this someone. I have discussed it with Leon ... believe me ... we realize that you are just returning too and that everything is more difficult for you now... but we are also convinced that this thing will help both of you, especially Captain Pendragon. However, if you are not sure at the moment, just let me know and I will ask your superiors to find an alternative solution for this project"

"It’snot a problem for me. I'm happy to fly with Captain Pendragon. I’m not afraid to get on a plane with him, despite the fact he hasn’t make a full recovery yet... It is true that he is a great friend, but above all, he is a great pilot. I sincerely hope to be able to help him by flying with him..."

"Well then"

Merlin is signing Captain Jill’s certification, when Gwaine comes back in the room...

"Gwaine ... we have finished here. Captain Jill was just taking his certificate and leaving"

"Percival. Let’s call each other by name, please..."

"Percival" repeats Merlin, extending his hand in greeting.

"I don’t know your names... "

"Merlin. And the nurse you have never had a chance to meet is Gwaine."

Percival smiles, relaxed, holding out his hand for the other man that has just arrived to shake. He stares at him longer than necessary, focusing on his face, on his hard and angular features, on his flowing and soft long hair, on his proud look and, pleasantly surprised, on the way he smiles with his entire face. Percival friendly shakes his hand and takes his leave...

"See you around then..."

Percival can hardly take his eyes off Gwaine, who is still in front of him and unable to utter a word...

When Percival closes the door of the clinic behind him ... Merlin stifles a laugh in his throat, taking revenge against his friend.

"Well, well, Gwaine!! What were you saying about cumming in one’s pants in front of someone???"

Gwaine turns and points his mischievous look on his best friend, openly challenging him....

"Merlin... my friend. Look, I'm not the one that has a problem admitting it ... In fact, I am afraid I need to go change my underwear before going down in the canteen for lunch …"

Merlin laughs loudly and cannot stop, so Gwaine starts laughing too...

"Seriously Merl ... I think the best orgasm of my life has just walked out that door, because I swear Merl that, just as sure as my name is Gwaine, I will get Captain Jill into bed..."

Merlin laughs loudly, teasing him like old days, and Gwaine is happy to see him finally relaxing...

"And what if he is straight???"

Gwaine pats him on the shoulder with a mischievous look...

"If that man is straight, I am the Mona Lisa”

 

**

 

The dining hall is almost empty when Merlin and Gwaine arrive for lunch.

Leon, who has also arrived at their same time, joins them at their table. Merlin tries to relax with the guys at his side and to ignore the table a little further away, where Arthur is sitting with the dark-haired girl who had embraced him in the morning and who is now wearing an officer's uniform, with a skirt. Merlin is wondering what she is exactly doing in the Navy and what her job and rank are, when Captain Percival reaches them, showing Arthur his return to duty certificate.

Merlin sighs and after finishing his coffee – he really needed some caffeine right away not to faint as soon as he came into the room - gets up and goes to the Self Service to get something to eat.

Spotting the salad and the fried bread and cheese right away, he approaches the counter. He is about to fill his tray, when the insistent ringing of his phone sends a shiver down his spines. He has a funny feeling he already knows who it is...

"Ryan... Hi.” Merlin hasn’t heard of him in a while.

It's been six months now, since Merlin broke up with him after two years of ailing relationship. Merlin had resigned himself to the fact that Ryan would never leave his wife and children to have a stable and public relationship with him... therefore, he has stopped trying to keep Ryan with him.

Ryan is a civilian doctor and the two of them had met during their internship, before Merlin had joined the Navy.

Back then, Merlin was very naïve, believing he could fight against his boyfriend’s fake heterosexual life. They had dated for two years - more like they had regularly shagged for two years - but eventually Merlin, with a broken heart, more for the disappointment than the love, had said ‘no more’. Ryan is also the reason he is at Camelot Base now, thousands of kilometers away from home. Him and, of course, his bigoted father, who cannot accept his son’s homosexuality... On the other hand, he adores his brother, an equally brilliant doctor, and of course straight.

Well…All right, let's say his father had found him in bed with Ryan in his house and, ok, let’s also say Ryan was a doctor employed by him (Merlin’s father was the chief of Trauma Surgery and Ryan a surgeon of that department. Besides, Ryan’s wife was the niece of he-didn’t-remember-his-name responsible of the health authority that ran the hospital and in which his father was a shareholder)... but actually going as far as to stop speaking to him had seemed extreme to Merlin, who had told his father to go to hell. Mordred had tried in every way possible to fix things between them, as their mother would have done if she had not died long ago. However, the main problem between Merlin and his father was that both were not interested in fixing things ... not now.

Merlin sighs, opening the page of his life that he had hoped to close forever, while the voice at the other side of the phone forces him to deal with the situation once again.

"Yes ... I’m fine. My life is finally normal. I wasn't expecting to hear from you again frankly"

The voice on the other side of the phone seems to assure him he is not going to invade his life again, although Merlin is certain there’s something else going on here.

"I don’t understand why you're telling me you are in the nearby town for a conference, Ryan. I don’t want to see you. It seemed to me we had sorted things between us... what’s the point of talking about it again? No, I don’t think that in order to permanently end a relationship you should see your ex after some time to deal with the break-up more calmly. That’s something _you_ think. I don’t need it. No, I don’t want to have a coffee with you. Does your wife know I now work in the Base near the city where you are for the conference, Ryan? Greaat... I knew it. Otherwise, I am sure she would have never let you come ... ok, ok! I don’t want to fight about it, _again_. Nevertheless, my answer is no. I won’t see you tomorrow, not even for a coffee"

Merlin ends the call with abrupt gesture, looking towards Gwaine, who is raising his hands and lifting his thumbs as to say he approves. Just by seeing Merlin’s face, he has perfectly understood who had just called.

Gwaine hates Ryan, because what he hates the most are people who never take a position in life and Ryan is exactly one of those who would never make a choice, even if his wife herself were the one leaving him. He would not do it even if he were single: always too confused or too indecisive or something else.

Now Merlin doesn’t know how he stayed with him this long.

Ok, he was very good at fucking, but that excuse was not enough to justify all his obstinacy to continue their relationship.

"Fuck..."

He must have said it aloud, because some people close to him turn to look at him.

Some people ... and among them, there’s Arthur, intent on choosing his dessert -between the chocolate pudding and the lemon cake- after finishing his lunch...

He is staring daggers at Merlin and he is so close that Merlin doesn’t even know if he has heard everything.

Still in a bad mood, Merlin is filling his tray with the chosen salad and cheese, when the blond addresses him sarcastically...

"I knew you were one of those who eat their little salad …I bet you don’t even eat meat ... are you sure you are in the right place and to be a soldier? Looking at you, you seem more like a young university professor..."

Merlin doesn’t turn around and look at him. In fact, he would like to tell him that he has chosen these dishes because they were out of pasta, given the time, but he doesn’t want to argue again, since it is plain as day that Arthur will always look for a fight with Merlin...

"You know... I taught for a while. My ass of a colleague had the classical soldier body and ate at McDonald's every day ... I honestly never knew how he had managed to get his degree. Are there a lot of asses here at the Base?"

Arthur grimaces as he brings his face near Merlin’s...

"I wouldn’t know ... I was too busy putting my ass on a plane every single day ... Of course, until you came along ... one thing I know for sure though: I have seen some idiots ... at least one, I think."

Merlin finally raises his eyes, searching for an answer, just as spicy...

"Yeah? I think even idiots and asses could get along ... how about if we make them meet each other?"

Arthur widens his mouth in a smile that is more like a grimace.

"You know ... Captain Jill ...Percival. He ... I was the one who taught him to fly… for four years… then, he has also been my co-pilot for a while. What on earth were you thinking, choosing him for my rehabilitation?? YOU! ... You have no idea..."

The raven-haired girl approaches them from behind, interrupting them and gently extending her hand to Merlin. Her voice isfirm and determined...

"Dr Emrys ... I never had the pleasure of meeting you.... and my brother here appears to have no intention of introducing us... so ... nice to meet you, I’m Morgana Pendragon. I am a uniformed lawyer here at the base."

Merlin is shocked to learn that he has wrongly thought of the girl as the captain’s girlfriend. Therefore, he forces himself to ignore the delighted voice that is singing in his head at the news, focusing instead on her open and jovial face, on her bright eyes... Now he cannot explain how he had dared to judge her so fast. That morning he had seen them only embracing after all and, although Arthur had given her a kiss on the lips, it had been mild and chaste. Besides, judging by their enthusiasm and busy chatting, that was probably the first time they saw each other since the tragedy, happened just a few days earlier... It is normal to hug your sister so fondly after such a trauma.

"Nice to meet you too. Please, call me Merlin. A lawyer, eh? You have come to mediate my conflict with your brother? I think he needs someone to help him calm down..."

The blond is red-faced next to her when the brunette laughs...

"Actually I came here to get my dessert, since my brother has forgotten he came here for that. Anyway ... regarding the rest ... he's all bark and no bite. Trust me"

Arthur smirks, "Actually I could... "

His response sends thousand shivers down Merlin’s spine, as he alters Arthur’s words in his mind, imagining the blond meaning something else. Obviously those perversions are just the kind of bites that HE would like to receive... on the other hand Arthur would probably like to gnaw on him for real, on his neck maybe...

Merlin returns to reality, focusing again on the girl, while Arthur continues to look at him in that intrusive way he has got used to that morning.

"All right, boys... if you please, since two argue and a third benefits, I'll take the chocolate pudding, because it is only one left! You take the cake if you want ... it has been a pleasure, Merlin"

Arthur follows his sister without even getting his dessert, throwing a last mocking look at him, and Merlin sighs as he returns to his table.

Gwaine winks at him once the brunet doctor sits down.

"Leon here was just telling me that the dark-haired girl is the captain’s sister and that he is single! ... well ... they could have been a good couple, she is really beautiful ... However, our captain is ... single!!"

Merlin stares dagger at him, because knowing his friend, he may have made some jokes about him and Arthur to Leon, or about his sexual preference, which Merlin has never hidden. However, he also doesn’t like it when Gwaine screams it from the rooftops.

"So, Merl!! Have you already started working for your brother? I am sure that Mordred will appreciate very much your being so helpful to him. After all, you have just met his next prey... I'm sure that Mordred will go nuts as soon as he sees that girl and will not rest until he has her at his feet"

At these words, Leon starts laughing...

"Gentlemen ... Forgive me, but it's obvious you don’t know Major Pendragon. I wouldn't presume things to be that easy... Morgana has a reputation as a real witch, at least outside our circle of friends. And as much as I adore her... I still have to admit that most of the rumors are true ... Morgana is a huge bitch"

Merlin opens his bottle of water, allowing himself a long refreshing drink, while he feels Arthur’s gaze on their table, despite having his back turned.

He swallows and then lowers his voice, muttering to himself...

"It runs in the family then"

 

**

 

Seeing Mordred again after months has been, as he had assumed, healthy.

He has a slightly longer beard and hair, fixed with some hairspray. He is in a very good shape, as always, and very neat – unlike Merlin.

Merlin told him about his two months at the Base, Ryan’s phone call and the argument with Captain Pendragon. Mordred had listened patiently, always the wiser, despite being only two years older than Merlin.

"Do you like this guy, Merlin?"

"Definitely not ... He is posh ... he is arrogant... he is..."

"Mmmmm ... Definitely not. OK. I got a feeling my brother has a mad crush! Well ... no harm done as long as this Arthur takes your mind off that asshole of a doctor..."

"Yeah ... no harm done..."

Merlin had managed to change the subject. Then, they had gone home to deposit Mordred’s suitcases and to have a shower. Merlin had also shaved his beard, since he knew that that evening they would go out with the guys and he wanted to be – let’s say - neat.

Or extremely hot, as Mordred had said when he realized it was highly likely that there would be also Arthur at the Officers' Club with them that night.

 

**

 

Business at the hospital has been fast - Mordred will start tomorrow afternoon – so, now they find themselves outside the cadets’ campus with Leon and Gwaine, ready to go to the Officers' Club together.

Percival is waiting for them at the bar with a beer in hand. As soon as he sees them, he asks for a round of drinks. Then they sit at a table, knowing that the club will fill up soon.

That evening everyone is wearing the white liberty uniform, required to get in the Officers' Club, even for soldiers on leave.

Merlin, with his hair carefully arranged by Mordred, his hat and his shaved face is a head-turner, as Gwaine has noted in front of all the cadets of the campus with his sweet little voice earlier: "Hey Merl, you pull tonight!!"

Merlin, even if his face is tense, can light up a room, because even if he doesn’t want to admit it to himself, he cannot wait to see Arthur again. Because, despite all their fights, he continues to feel him inside and now, just thinking he is about to see him out of the Base, he feels nervous and intrigued at the same time.

.

The Pendragons arrives at the second round of beers and Merlin’s heartbeat becomes lauder in his ears...

Arthur fills the room and catches many gazes around him. Many people are looking at him, men and women, because of his real presence, his natural leadership... because he is back after two months and, of course, because he is gorgeous.

From his attitude, it is clear that he is fully aware of how beautiful and desirable he is… and let’s not mention seeing him with his white uniform!!

Merlin gasps. White lights Arthur up, making him more charming and sexy. His artfully arranged hair, once removed the hat, frames his face perfectly. His blue eyes stands out and the jacket wraps him artfully, showing off his powerful muscles. On his back, the fabric folds to make an unnatural curve around his hips, showing his mighty buttocks off even more, if possible-  _as if those white trousers are not enough to make those round buttocks even more perfect_ \- ponders Merlin.

Merlin blushes and looks down when the Pendragons join them at the table and sit. Arthur is far from him, but terribly intrusive with his presence nevertheless.

Morgana immediately orders beer for everyone and the conversation resumes with the introductions. Obviously, everyone’s focus is on the newcomer, Mordred, who continues to watch and to ogle at Morgana. As they have predicted.

"So, Merl ..."

Gwaine, bold as usual, manages the conversation, joke after joke, making everyone laugh, particularly Percival, who continues to slip a little closer to his seat, even if they were sitting further away from each other in the beginning...

"I did not understand exactly where they will move you tomorrow ... another clinic? Which one? Radiology?"

Merlin has obviously realized that his friend just wants to make him stop x-raying Arthur so intensely ... so, after mentally thanking him, he smiles and responds with a joke...

"No... I'm not the orthopedist in the family. Mordred is. I will be in surgery. And I am very happy not to have to listen to your nonsense for at least a couple of months during work hours..."

Percival looks from Gwaine to Merlin, interested...

"So if Mordred is an orthopedic…What did you specialize in??"

Arthur swallows a long sip of beer, planting his eyes in Merlin’s, icy and distant. Then, he feels free to respond for him, invading his space...

"The youngest of the Emrys brothers is specialized in everything. Name one and he will excel at it for sure!! Actually, this thing of knowing everything or knowing how to do everything is just his own personal conviction though... since he also feels a significant amount of overabundance of control and arrogance! Someone should remind him that there are no gods on earth and that he is just a man like anyone else. No one can make decisions about other people’s life!!"

Mordred smiles and points his eyes in those of the blond, admiring his confidence and appreciating him for what Merlin has told him about him and for what he can personally see for himself now. He likes Captain Pendragon, but he still intervenes in to support his brother, even if he does it in a polite way...

"I have to say, Captain Pendragon..."

"Arthur"

"Arthur ... I’m surprised. For the first time in my life, I have found someone who can read deeply into my brother’s consciousness, understand him... because, even as a child, he has always shown signs of delusions of grandeur and omnipotence..."

Arthur looks away from Merlin to Mordred, happy to have hurt Merlin, because it is clear that the boy is hurt by his attack ... but Mordred continues...

"I wanted to add, Arthur, that anyone who wants to become a doctor has a bit of this content of character though... In fact, know that any doctor realizes a bit of this mania for greatness in his profession... our job allows us, like it or not, to objectively have power of life and death on other people... and I must add one last thing..."

Arthur looks at him, returning Mordred’s admiration, and turns his gaze to look at Merlin...

"Merlin is a surgeon. He was meant for it. He has a great talent in this field of medicine... and only his military career has put a sort of stop at it, because it doesn’t happen so often to work in the army - unless war break out obviously. However, Merlin is so multifaceted that I could really say that he is a wonderful doctor, capable to do everything. To say it using your vocabulary ... I would say that he is a Top Gun in our profession ... and anyone who happens to have him as a doctor in any situation can only be sure to receive the best professionalism and seriousness from him. Even in case of... uncomfortable decisions. And now, I will go and buy myself another beer."

Mordred hasn’t used an arrogant tone, so Arthur is not going to argue with the doctor. Moreover, his tone, so polite, dry and gentle, has silenced everyone but Morgana, who is fascinated, amazed and quite mesmerized by him. So she says...

"I was wondering ... would you like to drink something with me and play pool??"

She gets up from the table and follows Mordred, who is smiling smugly. He offers her his arm like a knight ... Leon has dropped his jaw and Percival is laughing up his sleeve...

"Merlin, your brother is a real son of a bitch and knows his way! I think Morgana is already looking forward to get her clutches on him"

Merlin laughs, but he is still tense...

"I don’t know... Morgana's tough, but I’m afraid Mordred will gives her a hard time too..."

He turns to Arthur, remained silent and still looking at Merlin, nervous and distant... Leon continues...

"Merlin ... I like your brother! He is a surprise! Pleasant, of course. Especially for Morgana, I think. Arthur, your sister has met her match... Mordred is very smart"

Arthur gets up, takes his bottle of beer and looks into Merlin’s eyes...

"Good... at least one of the two Emrys brothers will be pleasant to be around then..."

Then he turns his back on everyone and heads to the pool next to the one where Mordred and Morgana are playing… and flirting.

"Leon, care to play with me?"

Leon gets up and follows the blond, while Merlin relaxes, sighing, and Gwaine stares at him...

"Ok, Merl. I think he is still quite pissed"

Percival gets serious, aware of how Arthur can be intractable and an asshole toward those who he can’t stand, and sends Merlin a sympathetic look...

Merlin gets up, leaving Gwaine and Percival alone, because he needs a moment otherwise he may vomit. He needs to collect his thoughts. Besides, he wants to leave the two of them alone because he can see they want to. "I am going to get some fresh air... excuse me"

 

**

 

The summer fresh air ends up cleaning Merlin’s head, now pissed off and ready to fight the blond at his next word...

When he returns in the room, Arthur is sat at the table ... and Merlin stops to take yet another beer at the bar, alone.

He is bringing the bottle to his lips when he hears Arthur arriving behind him. The brunet swallows, fast, nervous.

"One for me too..."

Arthur's voice is next to him now. The bartender serves him and Merlin turns to look at him, finding him so handsome but also a so damn asshole, so much it hurts. Merlin immediately gets into position to attack.

"I’ve been wondering... Should I expect this kind of attitude from you every time we hang out in groups? Because frankly this is starting to look kind of pathetic, as you can see, and not only to me..."

Arthur shrugs and the grimace that accompanies the movement seems sarcastic or angry… again.

Merlin continues.

"I think you should get over it... over everything, I mean… over my decision as a doctor and over the fact that you will see me often with your friends! I like them, and they like me! Therefore, I want and hope to hang with them... you better get used to having me around"

Arthur puts down his beer and looks at him from head to toe ... Merlin's eyes are furious. The arrogant attitude of the other man destabilizes him…

Arthur ices him instantly, "and you better get used to the fact that I can’t fucking stand you"

Merlin receives a lash on his back at his words and gets defensive. This time he is really hurt.

"I want to tell you that... despite you try to paint yourself as a tough guy, who doesn't need anything and anyone... you're acting like a giant baby. We should put the past behind us and..."

"I don’t want to. I DON’T WANT YOU"

"Ok. Can I please ask you what keeps you from... moving on? From using your intelligence??? What’s stopping you from overcoming your trauma? Why are you so stubborn and can’t try to have a polite relationship with me? Why there’s a wall between us?"

Arthur stares at him and his eyes seem to steal his soul ... his words, a cut on his heart ... his eyes are cold, but intense.

"We built that wall ourselves. That moment between us is gone. That's all. That day... I didn’t dare more. I didn’t, because my mind was somewhere else. If it hadn’t been, I'd have picked you up immediately. And although that day I have found you very interesting; although now you are absolutely fuckable more than anyone else, with the white coat and a beard ... or with short hair and the white uniform like tonight… there's nothing left now... we lost everything. We should have seized the moment between us that day... we didn’t do it ...Never mind. Things never come back; not in my philosophy of life at least... Therefore... even though I find and will always find your ass absolutely irresistible, in no way things between us will be more than this, DR EMRYS. Get used to it"

Merlin is shocked. He can’t even swallow, tied to the floor by Arthur’s responses, which are painful. They have put him in front of a truth that he had never contemplated: the blond likes him too. Moreover, Merlin is too sad, because of his tough stance, of Arthur’s decision to stay away from him.

Rejected, Merlin would like to tell Arthur that he is a great presumptuous for assuming that Merlin is interested in him, but he can’t say anything, except one word...

"Bastard..."

Arthur raises his hand, as he walks away from the bar, gesturing he has heard that.

.

Merlin pays for the beer and leaves the Club to go to his car without warning the others.

Cell phone in hand, his fingers are trembling as he opens the car door and looks for an all too familiar number on his contacts list...

"Ryan? Where are you? Ok... I’m not far from you. I'm coming ... wait for me"

Merlin sits in the car and crushes the wheel with his fingers... He needs a liberating fuck. He needs to be fucked so hard to forget, between pain and pleasure, the sound of the world, Arthur’s eyes and words. No one has ever hurt him so much before.

No one...

Not even Ryan during their worst period...

Merlin goes faster, conscious he is running away from where he wants to be. He is conscious he is going the person he doesn’t want to go to…in order to have sex with someone that is not who he really wants...

Never mind ... Ryan has always used him as he wanted. This time, it was Merlin’s turn. To escape, to forget...

"Fuck you, Arthur."

Merlin doesn’t even look at the odometer to control the speed anymore... he feels dead inside.


	3. THE JEALOUSY TANGO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE STORY IS NOT MINE
> 
> This is a translation of the Italian story ‘Shine Bright like a diamond in the sky’ by Ship  
> http://www.efpfanfic.net/viewuser.php?uid=330692

The morning hits the closed blinds, illuminating the bedroom and Merlin’s face. The hot summer sun warms his face and Merlin opens his eyes, staring at the wall in front of him. Then, he looks back at Ryan’s warm body next to him, still asleep.

In the end, they had fucked.

It had been easy, like breathing. Finding again his familiar body had been natural, as well as finding their emphasis in bed or abandoning themselves to the union of their bodies, which have never struggled to find each other.

Their chemistry in bed had always been the least of their problems and when Ryan had pushed hard in his body, Merlin had deleted Arthur, his harsh words and the realization of their missing chance to be together, even though they both like each other.

Merlin observes the young man beside him awaking and stretching lazily. Looking at him there, beside him, he realizes how throwing himself into his arms has been a mistake, even if he had needed to escape - as Mordred had also pointed out on the phone.

His brother had not had problems in expressing his displeasure, when Merlin had called him a few hours before to ask him not to go back to sleep in his apartment, but to go to the Base. "Merlin, you ran away. I know you have fought with Captain Pendragon again! I saw the two of you at the bar earlier!! But please, don’t tell me you have called Ryan! Please, don’t tell me you are going to spend the night with him! Merlin! You broke up with him six months ago, please..."

Merlin had hung up and then switched off the phone, so that Mordred couldn’t call him again. He had been fully aware of the fact that his brother was right. But then, he had gone ahead on his way anyway, needing to hurt himself to clear the anger inside, to do something wrong to stop thinking...

It had worked. Being consumed by the burning fire of passion and naked bodies had been ... healing, liberating ... but in the end, it had only been a parenthesis, opened and closed within hours. Merlin had not even hidden it to the other man.

"Ryan, what has happened tonight ... it doesn’t change anything between us. It was nice and wanted by both, but it's something that will not happen again. It doesn’t mean we are trying again. I hope you know that."

The other had nodded, resigned to Merlin’s decision to leave him. He had always left the final say to Merlin about the two of them, because not saying anything had always meant never having to choose, never to decide between Merlin and his wife. Because Ryan has always known he would never leave her, for his own interest, because he was spineless ... or because of a thousand other reasons.

To further emphasize that also for him it had been a one-night stand, Ryan had given Merlin some news that the young man had not been aware of yet.

"Claire is pregnant again. It’s a boy"

Merlin had taken the news without feeling hurt, something absolutely unthinkable for him only a few months ago. And in the light of his new certainties, he too had decided to tell Ryan some news about his life.

"I ... there's someone else. Actually, we are not together ... But ... what I mean is that I’m not emotionally available anymore"

Then they had said each other everything, since they had been over for some time now. Just to inform each other that now one was out of the life of the other. That was the first time they had spoken frankly.

 

**

 

It's late now when Ryan gets up and goes into the bathroom for a shower, ready to leave Merlin’s apartment, because there is nothing more to say between them.

Merlin gets up too to have breakfast and rearrange his thoughts, happy not to be on duty that day, not having to go to the Base and not having to see Arthur.

Ryan exits from the bathroom shirtless with just his jeans on. His already darkish skin tone stands out even more thanks to his tan. His curling hair frames his white smile and dark eyes. He is very different from Arthur, physically and temperamentally - considers Merlin. While seeing him like that and comparing him to the blond, Merlin bites his lip, because thinking again about the Captain confirms that his heart is elsewhere now.

He disappears behind the bathroom door with a wave of sadness to have a shower too, lost in thought again.

The doorbell rings when he has almost finished.

"I am not expecting anyone ... Ryan, can you tell them I'm coming?"

Ryan opens the door and finds himself in front of a young blond man wearing a blue camouflage and Ray-Ban sunglasses on his nose, a cup of American coffee in hand.

The stranger is staring at him quizzically and his surprise turns to disappointment when Merlin comes out of the bathroom and joins them at the door, wearing only boxer shorts and a T-shirt.

"Arthur, what? How did you get here? How do you know where I live?"

Ryan shows his best smile, discovering perfect teeth. He plants a mischievous look toward the blond’s face, who is barely holding back his anger, trying to remain impassive. Then, Ryan plants a kiss on Merlin’s shoulder that leaves little doubt about the reasons of his presence in the brunet’s apartment. Then, he steps back to let them talk.

Arthur's tone is stern, angry.

"Don’t you ever turn your phone on?? Your brother has tried to reach you many times. Eventually he tracked me to ask me if I could warn you ... since I live in this area"

Merlin records the fact that Arthur's lives in his same neighborhood and continues to stare at him full of questions. The blond looks upset of course. He doesn’t like to be in that situation. He did not want to go to Merlin’s flat… and now ... that guy.

The disappointment on his face is obvious even under the sunglasses and Merlin looks at him quizzically, awaiting to know why he is there. Behind him, Ryan fixes the annoyed blond, responding to the arrogant boy’s behavior with equal coldness.

"Mordred? What did he want? Why has he asked you to come here?"

"He is at the hospital and couldn’t come in person. Gwaine and Percival had an accident late last night and Gwaine has been hospitalized ... he wanted to ask you to join him immediately"

"Accident?? Gwaine?? Hospitalized? How is he??"

"I have no idea. I'm also going there to see them before reporting for work"

Merlin observes Arthur, who is ready to return to duty, wrapped in his camouflage. He feels his stomach dropping at finding him in front of his house. He is also so beautiful and Merlin feels his heart squeezing at seeing him, despite their great argument the night before.

He steps back, as he runs his hand through his still wet hair, suddenly realizing that he is almost naked and that Ryan is practically glued to his side. Arthur must have understood everything about the two of them. However, Merlin doesn’t feel the need to hide from the blond, since he doesn’t have to justify his behavior to anyone, let alone to him. Nevertheless, it bothers him to find himself under his inquiring and cheeky gaze, as usual.

“I’ll join you soon. Now ... I have to take care of a few things. I can’t come with you"

At his side, Ryan seems to puff his chest and Arthur winces.

"I'm not here to give you a ride. I just came to inform you."

Arthur’s so definitive tone annoys Merlin, already concerned about Gwaine.

"Did you buy me coffee?"

"No. It's mine. I exited my flat so fast that I couldn’t stop and drink it at the bar. I wanted to drink it on my way..."

Ryan looks at him as if knowing that Arthur is lying. He smiles and Arthur leans forward...

"... I am leaving it with your friend here. It seems like he needs it. Besides, now I would choke on it"

Arthur passes the hot cup to Ryan. Then he turns and walks away without a word. Merlin watches him without blinking. Then he closes the door.

Ryan is smiling, obviously aware that he has come face to face with Merlin’s new love interest.

“Ryan, what time is your plane?"

"In the afternoon"

“Get dress and come with me. So we can say good-bye later. Now I’m a bit in a hurry. I have to see how Gwaine is"

Ryan smiles and nods to oblige, when Merlin warns him.

"And don't give me that satisfied look. I didn’t like that possessive look of yours and your attitude earlier. Not that I have to justify myself, but you cannot act so possessively with me anymore. You have that right no more ... so do me a favor ... don’t do it again"

Ryan smiles, angry, "Sorry... habit, I suppose. It is not easy to let you freely be with someone else. It is a territory issue, I guess. You've always been mine and now, accepting to have to let you go since it’s all over, well ... I still have to get used to it"

Merlin smiles. Then he leaves him to return in the bathroom.

“I’m going to get dressed. You should do the same"

"Merlin..."

"What?"

“Your new love interest... you know, I think I did you a favor. He was... very angry to see you with me. I think he's dying of envy... "

"Well ... if he is eating his heart out, then I’m happy"

 

**

 

Merlin leaves Ryan outside the base, with the promise to meet him in an hour, after visiting Gwaine. He knows that neither his friend nor his brother would like to see the man. Therefore, he has told him they shouldn’t be seen together by them.

Then, Merlin goes to visit Gwaine in the orthopedic ward, where Mordred has hospitalized him after the accident. He learns from his friend the events of the previous night.

“Last night, after you left, I and Percival wanted to go for a drink in a pub on the beach. We took his car, but at some point, I don’t know what happened, a car didn’t respect the precedence and hit us. I banged my head sideways and Mordred thought best to monitor me all night. I think I can go home today anyway"

"Percival?"

"He is fine"

"Thank god. When Arthur came to inform me, he couldn’t tell me much and I was worried ... I'm glad it was nothing serious"

"How come? He didn’t tell you anything? Yet, he knew that there was not much to worry about ... he did it on purpose to make you feel anxious, I assume"

Merlin thinks his friend is right.

“Yeah, I think so too. What an asshole."

Merlin thinks to know the reason why Arthur behaved in that way: the reason, Ryan, is waiting for him outside the base to have lunch together. Arthur had been quite angry when he saw Ryan at his side, though honestly Merlin could not understand what the hell did he want. Arthur had closed the door on him, clearly telling him that there would be nothing between them, not even friendship. Therefore, Merlin just could not understand all Arthur’s resentment at seeing that he too could fuck when and with whomever he wanted.

Gwaine returns him to the present. "Merl ... Mordred said you saw Ryan again"

"Yes. But I don’t want to talk about it. Besides, there is nothing to say. This time it was different ... we saw each other, it is true, but without involvement. I have never been so sure to break up with him as I’m today"

“I’m fine with it, Merl ... I mean, if you needed to empty your balls, it’s fine, but I'm not going to see you falling back into that chronic uncertain man’s arms"

Merlin smiles, thanking him. "Always blunt, huh Gwaine?"

Then, he greets Percival who is entering the room with fresh pastries for breakfast.

"Mordred said you can eat! So I thought ... Hello Merlin!!"

“Hello Percival, I can see you're okay. I am happy that you have only taken a light blow. Gwaine is fine. I'm going to talk to Mordred to know the clinical details, but I've already been able to verify for myself that he has nothing broken"

Percival happily nods, handing the pastries to Gwaine, who sits up on the bed, inviting him to join him and to eat together.

"I’ll leave you two alone now. Percival, take care of my friend until Mordred’s return"

Gwaine gives him a suggestive wink, biting into a pastry with enthusiasm, so much that he ends up almost choking.

 

**

 

Mordred has almost done seeing a soldier with a broken leg in another room, so Merlin waits for him to finish. In the meantime, he thinks about how to apologize about his behavior the previous night.

He is aware of how much Mordred had helped him and listened to him during the most difficult period of his relationship with Ryan, the breakup ... therefore, he would willingly spare him the knowledge that he has invited Ryan in his bed again.

Mordred looks at him for a long time before speaking, while washing his hands after the dressing. Merlin doesn’t know what to say and remains silent, knowing that he has very little to say.

"Merlin... you know I have never been a pain in the ass or an uptight brother. But honestly, I'm tired to see you throwing your life away because of that imbecile. He doesn’t deserve you. Do not get back together with him, please. Don’t do it … not now that you're starting a new life and have a chance to really move on, in every sense… a new place, new people to meet! Give yourself a chance!! Try to go on. Ryan doesn’t deserve you and you know that ... Don’t throw away your life by waiting for him once more. I can’t stand it"

Merlin tells him everything about what has happened the night before: the need to exile himself from reality and to hurt himself in order to escape Arthur’s harsh words.

Mordred stops him.

"Merlin, I like that guy. And it's pretty obvious that you like him too. Otherwise, you wouldn’t let him tear you up like this, with no respect for yourself. I personally think you should be able to see the right thing to do and to stay away from your ex because of the respect you owe to yourself. However, if this is not enough for you, please, don’t burn the chances you have with this new young man. I think that despite his harsh attitude he cares about you more than you can ever imagine"

"Honestly Mordred ... After our quarrel last night and his speeches, I find it hard to believe that Arthur will ever want to be my friend! Not to mention being more than that..."

"And yet, he likes you. It’s quite obvious. Just give him enough time to swallow the fact that you have entered his life. You have to admit that your entry has been very invasive - even if for a good reason. I have reason to believe he's a good guy, Merlin, and that you two would be good together ... if you only gave yourselves time..."

"Mordred, I think you are fooling yourself here. I don’t think Captain Pendragon is thinking about me, to say the least... He clearly said in my face last night that I shouldn’t have any kind of idea about us and believe me when I tell you that he was more than sincere"

"Yes, but then you went away. And you did not see how he had spent the rest of the evening. He shut himself off, unhappy. Then at some point, a boy suddenly came to our table and asked Leon whom you were, some information about you and where you could have possibly had gone. Arthur dismissed him instantly and rudely replied that none of us was allowed to give information about you, that if he wanted it, he should ask you. And it was obvious to everyone, believe me, that he was stunned with jealousy when that guy had showed to be interested in you. Morgana has done nothing but laughing and making fun of him once back home. She made it clear that her brother had lost his mind when he met you, even if he cannot get over the fact that he is not allowed to fly and that you are the cause of it. Now, of course he doesn’t know that Morgana has told me about it. She also told me that she had had to force him a bit to talk to her and confess... Yet, dear brother, I strongly hope that you will make peace and start over. I like him as a person and I think you’ll be great together"

Merlin smiles, heartened. Despite what he says, evidently Arthur can’t manage to be so indifferent to the idea of the two of them together.

"Well, well. Morgana? Have you called each other? Good for you, brother ... You're seducing a difficult prey from what they say"

"I'm not sure she is the one who is capitulating..."

"REALLY? I cannot believe it! My brother is falling in love! And after just one day? ... That is something new... "

"It seems like surprises never end at Camelot base!!"

 

**

 

Merlin and Ryan are outside the base for a quick lunch in a diner nearby.

Shortly before leaving the base, Merlin had met Leon, with whom he had talked about the events of the night before, Gwaine and Percival’s accident and how in the end it had been all sorted out with just a big scare.

Finally, his fellow doctor had updated him on Arthur’s case, informing him about what the blond had had to do on duty that day: revising three new planes, just arrived at the base.

Arthur was in fact in charge of controlling their general conditions and of checking their electronic controls that would make them available and ready to fly in their new base.

Usually this is not exactly a pilot’s job, even if he obviously knows how to do it. But the purpose of that work was very clear: making Arthur regain contact with the vehicle that had betrayed him and that had almost killed him… and on which his dear friend had died.

But Arthur had accepted those less noble tasks happily - Leon had explained - because in the end, his superiors were also given him a higher purpose to do that job: among those three fighter planes, Arthur would find his new Excalibur. They were in fact giving him a brand new aircraft, as a sign of trust. They had also given him the right to choose among the three planes the one he liked the most, although he would start flying only after returning to duty definitively.

Merlin had been excited at the thought of what Arthur must have felt at that new expectation: savoring the taste and the beauty of his work again, the excitement of choosing a new fighter plane for a new beginning after so much pain. Merlin had not seen him when the blond had learn of the news, but knowing him, despite their disagreements, Merlin had been happy for him and  had wanted to congratulate him for the excellent manner in which he had returned to duty. He had been also driven by the desire to encourage him to accelerate his return.

…

Merlin parks his car while still thinking. It is early. Lunchtime has just begun. The cafeteria at that time is not yet full of the people who usually assault it at rush hour.

They have just finished eating and Merlin has gone out a moment to make some phone calls when Arthur enters through a side door and sits down at a table to drink coffee.

Ryan watches him from afar, as Arthur unfolds some papers in front of him, full of notes, and observes and studies them carefully. He turns them a thousand times on themselves, reading them again and again, stacking them and then taking them in hand again, evidently undecided about what to do.

Ryan looks outside at Merlin and calculates he has a few minutes to talk to the young man. He is about to get up when the cup of coffee in the blond’s hand spills, staining some of the papers in front of him and the floor. The boy swears.

Ryan gets up and goes to the bar, asking for another coffee. He goes to Arthur’s table, placing the new cup on it.

"On the house"

Arthur grimes, finding the young man he has seen with Merlin that morning in front of him. He is obviously annoyed, but has no time to argue, because the other is already continuing.

“They seems something very complicated ... these notes... You know, when I was a student, I was a disaster at taking notes. I was perhaps the least prepared person to do that, making my studies a total mess. _Merlin_ has been the one who taught me how to take notes properly. And from that day on, I no longer had problems and I became a genius, very good at not messing up.

_'You must understand the details of the argument; in general ... You have to write down only what really interests you. In a whole discourse, reasoning and study, there are only two or three things that affect the mind so that the concept is understood and stored in our brain. Keep in mind only that and write it down on paper. It is the only thing you need and that you have to go over or find when you need_ _it_ '

Studying theories according to Merlin Emrys.

Well, now, I have no idea what it says in these papers, but I assume that these rules can help you right now. Among all these confused papers, look for the details or the thing that really interests you. Go straight to what you need. Then, retake new notes. Everything will be easier"

Arthur, shocked in front of him, doesn’t know if Ryan is making fun of him or if that speech has a ulterior motive, given the person who is speaking. Besides, he honestly would like to tell him to go to hell, but something is holding him back. Arthur is curious about this young man, because he had had Merlin’s full attention in the past (he has obviously realized that this is the guy with who Merlin had a fight over the phone in the canteen the day before) and continues to have it apparently. Therefore, he looks at him curiously and studies him, looking at him more like as if he was a slimy animal.

Arthur thinks there is a subtle logic in all that talk that he cannot grasp and gets nervous. However, somehow, he manages to restrain himself and not to respond too rudely.

“Details? Like the fact that you're back in Merlin’s life even after he has closed the door to your face, I assume."

Ryan laughs softly, reading in Arthur’s dry words all the tension and interest he feels for Merlin. Therefore, he answers back, but without malice.

“But how come you like Merlin? It is obvious ... it has been this morning and it is now that you are answering in a so spicy way"

"You are wrong... and in any case, it’s none of your business. Think about your life, I’m not the one that has come to your table."

“I owed you a coffee," he says, as if it was the most plausible excuse in the world, or the most stupid.

"Unimportant... detail"

Arthur grins and Ryan has a sudden desire to unnerve him. Watching him now, Ryan can understand why Merlin is attracted to this boy so much: he is very certain of himself, so different from his insecurities and superficiality, and is obviously beautiful… no contest.

“You know, I think that in life even people should be read a bit in the same way. I’m always talking about details. When one gets inside you, when you like someone, is a detail of him that intrigues you. That’s what reminds you of him every time, staying with you. But now, Merlin is all a detail for me. After two years together, I can no longer distinguish what is left of him in me, because I think that ultimately it’s everything. Now he is a detail himself, important and indelible. Nevertheless, the fact that I have to blame myself for not finding a way to keep him with me is irrelevant to you and none of your business"

Arthur would like to be able to look away, but by character, he just cannot avoid showing what he feels. His face is a mask of disappointment.

“I still don’t understand why you have come to talk to me. Do you feel threatened by something? Not so sure of yourself, are you? Perhaps, Merlin got tired of you? Or do you have reason to believe that he is interested in someone else? You look like someone who is losing something and is doing everything he can not to"

Ryan looks down, hit hard by the strength of the guy in front of him, to who he is now giving more importance than expected in Merlin’s life. Besides, he is also showing interest in his ex… in short, the pinning seems to be mutual.

However he decides not to push too hard, considered that he and Merlin have broken up. But he wants to hurt Arthur. An unjustified jealousy takes over.

"You know… you should stop with all these tricks and clearly admit that you like Merlin, instead of attacking me. Otherwise it would seem like you are the one who doesn’t want to lose something that is nothing but your own pride"

Arthur is watching him, not knowing what to say; visibly annoyed by all that confidence and the apparent close relationship this man has with Merlin. _A RELATIONSHIP THAT HAS BEEN GOING ON FOR TWO WHOLE YEARS_ , considers Arthur.

Then, Ryan turns and forces himself to leave, seeing Merlin coming back in the diner, without clarify to the blond how things really are between him and Merlin.

“Well, I'll just be on my way. In the end, I just wanted to give you back your coffee. But I have someone waiting for me and I don’t want to make him wait too long"

Merlin takes a sit at the table giving his back, so he hasn’t seen Arthur behind them. Ryan, however, once sat, watches him from afar and observes as he takes all his papers, ignoring the coffee, and leaves the restaurant without being seen by Merlin.

Ryan has to admit that he enjoys seeing Merlin’s new love interest so annoyed. He is fully aware that they have broken up and that therefore he cannot lay claim to him - neither being possessive, as Merlin has clarified this morning - but that does not mean that suddenly Ryan doesn’t want him anymore, or that he will forget him that easily.

With his mood worsened, Ryan seems to suddenly realize that he had lost all his chances with the boy and decides to put an end to the situation, trying to protect himself from the pain due to the end of what they used to have.

"Merlin... you don’t need to accompany me to the airport. It is better to say goodbye here. Everything we had to say has been said“

Merlin nods, getting up to pay the bill: "As you wish"

 

**

 

Merlin is completely oblivious. He has just said goodbye to Ryan when he meets Arthur outside the diner, who is getting up on his motorbike, apparently on his lunch break.

He greets him a bit embarrassed, eager to exchange a few words, because he does not like the idea to go away ignoring each other. At least, not after their meeting that morning, when Arthur had gone to his house with a coffee in hand as an olive branch.

“Hello. Lunch break?"

"I only got a coffee..."

His answer is monosyllable, but at least it's something.

“Leon told me what you have to do on duty today. Choosing a new fighter plane must be very exciting"

Arthur nods and is about to put on the helmet on his head. Then he thinks better of it and mounts on the bike, sitting still on the saddle, without putting it on.

“Earlier, I saw your... friend."

Merlin was speechless for a moment... Ryan had not told him anything. What have they said to each other? He remains uncertain about what to say.

"You are a perfect match. He too acts like a professor ... even more than you. Not because of his intelligence, but because of his arrogance, typical of certain types of know-it-all men. Well, let's say I should have imagined that your eventual partner would have been a neat and boring doctor. Anyway..."

Merlin is hurt and has no idea what Ryan has told Arthur to give him that impression. He is shocked before the penetrating and furious gaze of the other. Then, he tries to argue, not to defend his ex, but to defend himself from Arthur’s criticism.

“We are not ... we aren’t a couple. You know nothing. Don’t judge me"

"It's true. I don’t know anything and honestly, I don’t care"

At this point, he puts the helmet on and turns on the bike, ready to go.

"After all, it was not me on the phone telling him to go to hell yesterday morning and shagging him last night. Why should I care? It’s your problem if you still don’t know whether you should be with him or leave him permanently. And make no mistake: I'm talking about it only because it was him the one approaching and involving me first. Otherwise, I would have never shown interest"

Merlin swallows, annoyed, because it has been Arthur the one to talk about this first. And the brunet doesn’t understand why, since the blond continues to manifest an obvious disinterest.

_Sooner or later that arrogance will definitely find its match_ , thinks Merlin, nervous and frustrated for allowing himself to continue to be treated in that way.

"Then stop showing interest... "

Arthur glares at him. Then, he turns around and speeds away suddenly, leaving Merlin alone and angry - again.

“I swear you will pay for this, Pendragon. Now, I have had enough"

 

**

 

The new clinic where Merlin will work is modern and bright, spacious, nicely decorated, one of the best of the hospital, and is located in the new wing, finished only a couple of years ago. The windows on the outside gardens are spacious and bright, decorated only by light blinds that doesn’t block the sunlight. The air smells of disinfectant and the hum of the air conditioner makes Merlin feel nauseous that morning.

Merlin closes the medical journal he was trying to read, unable to concentrate, too absorbed in his thoughts.

That morning, having little to do, he has spent the time thinking about his last discussion with Arthur, the blond’s evident jealousy of Ryan and his inability to try to have a peaceful relationship with Merlin, or to relax a bit in his presence. When they are together, Arthur always seems to be ready to break, and Merlin honestly does not understand how he can always be so tense.

Merlin is always more certain that all that arrogance is just for protection. A kind of self-imposed attitude in order not to face the fact that maybe, giving him a chance, he may really like Merlin.

.

That morning, Merlin needs a strong coffee to keep going. In front of the automatic machines in the corridor, he continues his lonely thoughts about the blond, unable to not think about him. He doesn’t know how to try and convince Arthur to give him a chance. Moreover, he feels discouraged by the fact that, unfortunately, the more time passes, the more he feels the blond inside, even if it seems absurd, given the fact that he has known him for a very short time.

It's been ten days since they met at the diner and Merlin is nervous and distant to the outside world. Too concentrated about a situation with no apparent way out.

He swallows all his coffee, hoping to see Arthur in the officers' mess at lunch. That day the blond has a break in the same time of Merlin and has no other tasks that may take him away from the base - as Leon, who has become like a kind of guardian angel for both of them, had kindly informed him.

.

Merlin snorts and sighs again. For ten days, they had ignored each other. Or rather, Arthur had ignored him, acknowledging his presence only when he had found himself in front of Merlin and couldn’t avoid him.

For the first two days, they hadn’t even seen each other. In fact, he never happened to meet Arthur at work, who hadn’t even gone out with the boys in the evening. Therefore, for forty-eight hours, Merlin had had no idea where Arthur'd been or what he had done and this had saddened Merlin very much.

Then, his world had suddenly collapses when the third night, after two days of total silent and without notice, Arthur had arrived at the pub on the beach where their group had been gathering with a guy who was not part of their circle of friends and that didn’t even work at the Base. A beautiful black haired boy, tanned, elegant and sophisticated, even if dressed in simple jeans and white shirt.

Merlin had been flabbergasted to see them together. Not because his head had been struggling to see the blond with a guy he could like, but simply because he had never contemplated the possibility of seeing him together with someone else… not until then and not given their situation - but then, what situation? Arthur had repeatedly made it clear that Merlin shouldn’t expect anything from them.

Arthur had said nothing. He and his date had just entered the pub together and had reached their group. They had sat with them and had ordered something to drink.

Merlin had felt weird for a moment, imposing himself to ignore the pain in his stomach or the anger in his veins and the frustration in front of the gaze that Arthur had planted on his face as soon as he had arrived. The blond had appeared even more distant and bastard than ever.

The group had been nice to the new guy and he, whose name was Brandon, had chatted amiably with everyone and confessed to work at the nearby university, where he teaches biology.

Arthur had found himself a young professor.

It had been too much, far too much for his stomach to bear.

He had gone way, nauseated by the provocation. Upon leaving, he had read challenge and payback in Arthur’s eyes. That attitude had reminded Merlin of the adjective "Dollophead".

The brunet had considered him a dollophead not because he was jealous to see him with another – an undeniable feeling - but because Arthur, with unbearable arrogance, had found himself and slammed in his face one of those guys that just a few days ago he had despised, criticizing Merlin for being like that.

Arthur, by dating a professor, had made it clear that, if he ever felt the need to go out with that kind of men, he wouldn’t choose Merlin.

Merlin had not been able to take the situation much longer. Therefore, he had left the pub on the beach with a trivial excuse. However, his friends had perfectly understood the cause of his anger, astonished too by their blond friend’s attitude.

Then, at seeing him going away, Arthur hadn’t refrained himself from looking at him in satisfaction. But at that point, Merlin hadn’t cared if the blond had realized he had left because he had seen with Brandon. Maybe Merlin had hoped a little that he had and that therefore he would have also felt some jealousy in turn, perhaps thinking Merlin was going to see Ryan.

In short, accepting the presence of this "young professor" had been hard in the beginning. Merlin had tried not to get too upset.

.

The next day, with a cool head, it had seemed less painful. Merlin had read the situation as a revenge against him.

The problem had been that from that day on, Arthur had continued to go out with that Brandon throughout the following week. And by then, Merlin had been more than sure they were shagging.

Then, he had begun to like the young professor. At least that was what it looked like.

Arthur had brought him every day in their group and Merlin had had to put up with seeing them together, obviously unable to retire earlier every night or to always find excuses.

The night before, Mordred, disappointed by the situation, had sent him a couple of texts while they were at the pub, making him tremble in front of everyone.

“ _How old are you again?_ _Eighteen? You're both idiots_... "

And then...

“ _By seeing Ryan and getting caught, you have brought this on yourself. Besides, this Brandon has written very clearly on his face 'He shags with me just because he can’t have you'_ "

Finally, the last message had been an encouragement not to give up.

“ _I give him no more than a week. As soon as Arthur has finished playing around,_ _give him a hard time before allowing him to have you. He will not last long before surrendering_ "

Gwaine, after his brother, had been more explicit.

" _I bet_ _he is flaccid down there... two or three fucks and Arthur will get tired of his ass_ "

Merlin had laughed, but it had not helped that much.

In fact, that same evening he had got confirmation of all his suspicions about the fact that Arthur and that boy were going out to fuck.

Merlin had had a few drinks and had decided to get out on the dance floor with Gwaine during the evening dedicated to the Latino music.

He had needed to relax and had begun to dance. Merlin loved this kind of dance and was very good at it. Therefore, he had danced for long, letting off some of his energy and at the same time, he had kept drinking. So much that at one point he had been quite sure, while he was moving his pelvis and hips, that Arthur was piercing him with his eyes. But then, he had convinced himself that it had been his imagination. Disappointed, he had drunk even more ... and danced again and again.

And in the end he had vomited… a lot.

He had left the pub dizzily, his stomach and heart broken after seeing Arthur and Brandon leaving together for the umpteenth time... again.

He had walked into the sea night for long and when he had returned, he had seen them. They were alone in the garden outside the pub, leaning against Arthur’s bike.

Merlin had hidden to avoid to be seen. He had watched as the boy had hugged Arthur and pressed against him, filthy whispering, "Will you fuck me doggy style later?". Arthur had kissed him and responded only after a few seconds with a murmured "I’ll think about it." The voices had been full of lust.

It had been too much.

In that moment Merlin had realized that he had hoped too much for something that had probably only existed in his mind, because Arthur had always ruled out this thing... always.

He had realized that MAYBE the fact that they had met in the wrong way was not enough to justify this coldness. He had finally realized that maybe Arthur didn’t like him that much, while Merlin was head over heels for him.

He even had to find a way to escape that embarrassing situation.

He had looked down and begun to walk fast, because he necessarily had to pass in front of them to go back inside. He had had accelerated so that Arthur and the boy wouldn’t understand he had eavesdropped.

He had worked up the courage and walked in front of them, indifferent, but then, he had felt like dying: Arthur had seen him. The blond had broken away from the boy's lips, had started at Merlin, grimaced, put the helmet on and, after inviting the boy to follow him on the bike, had turned it on and speeded away.

The perfect way to close a lousy week.

..

In the following days, Mordred had continued to blame Merlin for the other man’s attitude.

“Merlin ... He may be an immature and vengeance bastard, but you too are to blame!! I mean, you have handed it to him on a silver platter!! The other night, you have exaggerated with alcohol and dancing. You really have no idea how much you were uninhibited. You had attracted around you everyone: young girls, young men ... all ready to hook up with you. At some point, I even thought that soon Arthur's eyes would come out of their sockets...

But you were too intoxicated to notice it! Arthur went out of the pub to avoid reaching the dance floor and dragging you away like a caveman. Morgana said that knowing him, Arthur was ready to do it, and that she has never seen him struggling so much to hold it together. That man has definitely some problems in dealing with his feeling and to move on ... But maybe he would, if you gave him a hand, instead of rubbing your ass in his face every time and then clearly telling him ‘ _Look but don't touch_ '. Don’t you think?? No wonder he is confused. You're driving him crazy, Merlin..."

However, Merlin no longer believes it.

"Instead, brother, I think he doesn’t really give a damn about me"

Mordred had raised his eyes and sighed. Then, as it was the most elementary and obvious thing in the world, he had given his wise judgment.

"One is an ass, the other an idiot. What a great couple you are!"

Finally, at the end of this off and on where they had acted as high-school boys, ten days had passed.

 

**

 

Gwaine is on his break and stops next to Merlin for a coffee together. He works in the clinic across the hall and shouldn’t be there, but he wants to see Merlin to make sure he is ok and to give him his usual support.

"So, Merl! Have you done being depressed and clamming up? Tonight I don’t want to see long faces."

“I wasn’t planning to go out tonight. I don’t know ... I have things to do and..."

"What things? Like locking yourself at home and moping? Nope... tonight, Percival and I are not going to go to the officers' club. They have opened a new pub in the town near here, right on the dock. You are coming with us"

“The two of you? You go out alone now?"

Merlin is smiling with his hands in the coat, sympathetic...

"Well, not today. You go out with us and for one night, you’re not going to think about that Pendragon and that preppy and obnoxious biologist. We’ll pick you up at 9 ... and be cool"

Merlin nods. Perhaps spending some time with Gwaine will do him good.

He reflects: when Gwaine and Percival are together, they are so hilarious to convince him to abandon his momentary depression.

Merlin is less pale now.

“Ok, I'm in. BUT ... no jokes about Arthur and his young professor. Promise?"

“In all the time you've known me, have I ever broken a promise to you?"

Merlin glares at him while his friend throws the cup of coffee in the bin and returns to the clinic, because Gwaine’s look is already a promise itself of what's going to happen.


	4. EXPLOSION

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE STORY IS NOT MINE  
> This is a translation of the Italian story ‘Shine Bright like a diamond in the sky’ by Ship  
> http://www.efpfanfic.net/viewuser.php?uid=330692

Merlin asks yet another beer at the counter of the new pub, after leaving Gwaine and Percival chatting at a table: they seem even closer those days and their eyes are unmistakable.

Nothing has happened between them yet, as Gwaine had told him the morning before.

_"I haven’t tried to get with him yet, Merl ... I am a bit stuck. Percival is first a friend, a colleague, not the one nightstand you forget the day after. I don’t want to ruin any chance with him. Besides, Percival too keeps to himself. We are dating and the attraction between us is explosive and undeniable, but we don’t want to do something wrong; we're waiting, unsure. It would be easy to shag and just as easy to destroy our friendship if it doesn’t work,. Can you imagine the aftermath? Seeing each other every day? I mean... nothing will happen if we wait awhile more, won’t it? I know it's worth it... not letting go doesn’t mean we don’t want to fuck every second we spend together. I don’t know what is still holding us back or how much longer we will be able to resist, but at the moment we both believe that waiting is the best thing to do. We are both single. We see each other every day and there may be something there between us, on which we could build something, not just a ride on a roller coaster. Maybe ... we may happen to win the ticket for the entire funfair this time"_

_Merlin had stared, happy for him, "_ _You_ _really like him, Gwaine, and is not just a physical matter, is it? It is the first time I have ever heard you talk like this!!"_

_"You can bet it isn’t! And believe me, Merlin, I don’t know how I can stop myself every time I am near Percival … but then, we chat and we are happy together and ... oh well ... we'll see"_

_“I’m happy for you, Gwaine, really ... and I hope that this is finally the time you decide to settle down with someone!"_

_"Who knows, Merl..."_

 

Merlin, while remembering that conversation, has his hands in his light jeans, kept a bit below the waistline. He also wears a light blue shirt, smooth and large. He is leaning against the marble counter of the bar and is watching Percival moving a strand of dark hair from Gwaine’s face, smiling openly. Then he looks away and down, smiling.

Merlin is not going to spend all the evening with them, not because the two boys are making him feel like a third wheel, but because it hurts to see them so happy and trying to create something between them, to build something solid every day and then, trying to have more.

He has not even managed to establish a minimum of dialogue or confidence with Arthur, he reflects, while swallowing a couple of sips of beer. Then, he leaves the inside room to move to the veranda, leading to the beach thanks to a wooden walkway.

The just opened pub is very nice and, as expected, full.

The owners have decided to take advantage of the fact that there’s a navy base in the area, furnishing the interiors and exteriors in a nautical theme. There is even a separated lounge bar, where the lights are definitely dimmer. In a far corner in the dark, there are flight simulators, where of course there is a queue of boys eager to sit on the chairs-station to play.

Merlin looks at the darker room from a distance, hoping it would empty a little to go for a ride on the simulator too. Then, he turns his gaze to the beach, where many clients have gone to drink.

The sky is starry and music is filling the air. Rihanna's song echoes even there, outside.

_Find light in the beautiful sea_

_I choose to be happy_

_You and I, you and I_

_We’re like diamonds in the sky_

_You’re a shooting star I see_

_A vision of ecstasy_

_When you hold me, I’m alive_

_We’re like diamonds in the sky_

 

Merlin is relaxing, when a too well- known blond head crosses the threshold of the pub. The heart leaps in his chest as he immediately recognizes Arthur, coming from the beach with Brandon and a few guys, obviously friends of the professor.

Merlin remains rooted to the spot at seeing Arthur in the pub – something he had not expected - and throws the empty bottle of beer into a near trash can, puffing. Then, he reaches his friends, ready to say goodbye to Percival and Gwaine and leave. He sits at the table, suddenly moody.

“Guys, I’m calling a taxi. I no longer want to stay here, but I will not force you to leave the party. So I go on my own. See you tomorrow"

Gwaine observes him not understanding. But then, he turns around and understands the reason why Merlin was so weird. Arthur has seen them from afar and is greeting them with his head, clearly pleased to see them there too.

"Merlin, don’t be a killjoy asshole. Stay and stop looking like some whipped dog, ok? Don’t give him the satisfaction!!"

Gwaine has just finished speaking and Merlin is about to get up, when Arthur, after leaving Brandon at the counter bar with his friends, approaches their table and sits.

Merlin observes him way too much: the blond is wearing a pair of jeans, ripped strategically, above the knees and thighs, which highlights his powerful muscles; a tight black sweater, which struggles to remain soft on his massive backside.

Merlin swallows a few times in order to stay focused.

Arthur smiles mischievous, "It’s nice here ... I should have imagined I’d find you here too"

Percival intervenes for Merlin, who hasn’t even responded to the greeting, and for Gwaine, who is looking at his friend hoping to calm him down.

"Yes... a delightful place. I bet that you're here for the same reason I'm... I don’t know about the others, but I'm dying to try these simulators in the other room"

Arthur looks at Merlin, waiting for the brunet to greet him first, but the other remains still and stares into his blue eyes, not showing, fortunately, any emotions. The blond forces himself to look away without however giving in and greeting him first, continuing the conversation with Percival.

“What about if we move there and wait for a simulator to be available? Meanwhile, we can have a drink"

Percival nods, inviting the others, "I’m in. Gwaine? Merlin? It is ok for you?"

Gwaine fixes Merlin as if to say _'don’t you dare call a fucking taxi now, because I'll kill you if you do_ ' and Merlin reluctantly nods, nervous, but only at the thought of Arthur asking Brandon and his friends to join their company. And while he is about to refuse the invitation, Arthur calls Brandon from the counter and warns him that he is moving with his friends in the next room. The boy nods and smiles, sipping his drink. Therefore, Merlin relaxes at least a little and together they walk away.

.

They wait for at least half an hour at a table, when finally it’s their turn. Arthur gets up and challenges the three other men, impatient...

“So, who’s coming? I think there is a chance to fight against each other ... let’s try?"

Gwaine passes, "Not me. Maybe next round. I think your best-suited opponent would be Percy ... we will stay here and enjoy the view. Otherwise it would be too unfair ... maybe I will play with Merlin later"

Percival gets up and reaches Arthur with a full mouth smile, excited.

"Ok. Ready??"

Arthur directs his gaze on Merlin, penetrating him. Then, he responds to Percival.

"Get ready ... I'll crush you immediately. I have so much need to put both my hands on the wheel that you will not get to the second match. I will strike you in the first round. I have not softened in two and a half months I wasn’t allowed to fly... if anything, I’m just more pissed off and I feel a terrible need to hit someone”

Percival pats him on the shoulder, laughing loudly, “What are you waiting for? Don’t think it will be that easy... Gwaine? Merlin? Come and see, come on. Later, you can play too"

The boys approaches the stations and Arthur and Percival take a sit, putting headphones on the head and beginning to choose the best visual sky among the various options. Eventually both choose a close-up of the stick with controls and the strong and decisive sound of the engine starts the match.

Arthur and Percival are naturally experts and enthusiast. They throw themselves headlong into the battle, interacting with each other, dancing around and chasing each other in faster and safer whorls, twists and chases, shooting at each other with all their might ... they are so isolated from the rest of the world that they don’t even seem to hear anything.

The battle lasts longer than expected. But at last, Arthur hits and knocks Percival’s plane down.

Arthur takes off his headphones, triumphant. "Yeeessss!!! You're still my second, not forget it!!! I'm always the best!"

His tone is not arrogant or mocking and Percival, removing the headphones in turn, laughs happily, getting up from the chair.

“Well ... I will have my chance to take my revenge ... you are my second now. Let me enjoy this for a while at least, can’t you??"

Arthur laughs, relaxed, as Merlin has never seen him before. Then, he picks his beer, punching Percival on the chest... he turns and sees Merlin sitting in the chair he has just left.

“Ok, move!! Let the others play too ... too easy for you! Merl, come on, come and play with Uncle Gwaine..."

Gwaine approaches the chair just vacated by Percival, ready to engage himself in the game, when Arthur, faster than him, sits there first.

“Sorry, but I'm entitled to have another round. I haven’t flown for so long that I'm afraid you'll have to call the police to take me away from this chair tonight”

Gwaine smiles at Merlin, looking into his eyes, satisfied, "Of course, Sire. Take a seat! Who can oppose the best pilot of the base? Our bright star? Camelot Top Gun?? Please..."

Gwaine watches Merlin, provocateur, as he pronounces those words. Merlin glares. Then, he looks at Arthur, who is staring at him as usual.

Rihanna suddenly returns in the air, when the engines roars:

_Come here, rude boy, boy; can you get it up?_

_Come here rude boy, boy; is you big enough?_

_Take it, take it baby, baby_

_Take it, take it; love me, love me_

_Tonight I'm a let you be the captain_

_Tonight I'm a let you do your thing, yeah_

_Tonight I'm a let you be a rider_

_Giddy-up, giddy-up, giddy-up babe_

_Tonight I'm a let it be fire_

_Tonight I'm a let you take me higher_

_Tonight, baby, we could get it on,_

_Yeah, we could get it on, yeah_

 

Arthur leans toward him from his chair and glares at him with a grin, "I will destroy you"

Merlin relaxes and for the first time is able to react to Arthur’s look and manners. He knows that he will lose the match as everyone expects... but he wants to provoke Arthur and piss him off.

"You know? There is a common thought about those who have a so pompous and arrogant attitude..."

The engine resonates loud before the departure. Certain that Percival and Gwaine can’t hear him, Merlin continues. "They say that when someone is so overly confident, so pompous and arrogant ... it seems like he is hiding a certain sexual 'fragility', we could call it. In fact, they think he exaggerates so much to make up for something else, for his smallness in bed"

Arthur opens his mouth to respond, but Merlin winks and is already making his plane fly. Therefore, the blond has to focus only on his take-off and can’t reply, furious.

They spend the next ten minutes fighting and, as expected, Arthur defeats Merlin easily. However, the blond’s fun in beating the other is evidently disappeared now.

The wheels become silent at the end of the game and the two men take their headphones off and leave the chairs to the young boys beside them.

Arthur hasn’t the same provocative attitude of before. He fixes Merlin and seems to want to kill him with his eyes, as he turns his back to him.

“Another beer? I also have to go and see what happened to Brandon..."

He is telling this to everyone, but the last statement is clearly aimed at Merlin, while walking nervously toward the main room of the pub.

Gwaine approaches Merlin and laughs in his ear, "He may have hit your plane, Merl, but you have won this duel!! It is obvious!!!"

Merlin looks at him and laughs, satisfied. But Gwaine continues...

“You were a great earlier. But allow me to contradict you: if he fucks you, he will destroy you! That guy doesn’t even know what sexual fragility is! And I bet you would want nothing more than trying to 'touch' with your hand how that cliché is wrong, wouldn’t you??? If you could, you would have your wicked way with him right now, just to see if..."

"Gwaine? Stop it"

 

**

 

Merlin is relaxed now and he also feels good now that he has been able to score a point with Arthur in their perverse game. He doesn’t know why he feels the need to fight and compete with him all the time. Perhaps Mordred is right in saying that they look like two squabbling and capricious teenagers... and while he is thinking about his brother, a text message from him is displayed on his iPhone.

“ _So ... how's your evening out? Has Arthur arrived?"_

Merlin widens his eyes at the message, where his brother is telling him he knows the blond is with them at the pub. He responds, surprised, typing quickly, “ _Yes. How do you know he’s here?"_

Another vibration, another text in response. “ _Arthur has called Percival earlier tonight to know his plans for the evening and he has told him he was going out with you and Gwaine_..."

Merlin trembles at the thought that maybe Arthur has reached the pub to see him.

The phone alerts him of a new message, bringing him back to reality.

“ _Listen to me, you fool, since you're probably wondering ... Do you really think Arthur has come to see Percival and Gwaine flirting?? Enjoy your evening. Don’t psyche yourself up and try to talk to him_ ”

Merlin responds with shaking hands, " _What are you doing? Where are you?"_

Another vibration, another text, “ _Morgana and I are out to dinner ... alone_ "

Merlin responds immediately, " _Good!!! Later I want the details_..."

Mordred’s next message is quite intense, “ _Ok. only one for now: she has a so plunging neckline that I have lost my appetite. And lowering my head toward the plate is not helping. You be good. Tonight, don’t exaggerate with the other Pendragon_ "

Merlin closes the phone, smiling. His brother is always been able to calm him down.

He looks up and sees Arthur. He looks bored at the bar with Brandon and his friends. The blond gazes at him as he drinks. He is staring brazenly without hiding it... At the same time, he takes an olive and eats it. Soon after that, a handful of peanuts, always with his eyes pointed at their table.

Merlin does not know how his boundless pride has reacted to his previous line. He realizes that he has been provocative, but has not been able to help it - Mordred would be angry if he knew that he has provoked him that way - but given his steady and secure gaze, Merlin doesn’t think he hasbruised the blond’s ego. Merlin doesn’t need to think too much to understand why and blushes at the thought...

Arthur is one of those types who would slam you against the wall and fuck you until you lose your voice. A joke about his manhood takes him down like a blow given by a two- years- old child...A shiver runs down his spine at seeing Arthur’s cheeky smile widen, while Merlin realizes that, while deep in his thoughts, he has done nothing but stare at the blond.

Gwaine gets up from the table, impatient.

“OK, stop. I want some fresh air ... shall we go down on the beach and drink something there? And let's inform Arthur, who seems to have too much fun for me..."

Gwaine is obviously ironic and Percival laughs. All the three of them gets up to go outside, walking in front of the bar counter.

Gwaine stops in front of Arthur, "We're having a beer at the beach. Do you want to come? With your friends of course..."

Arthur looks at Brandon questioning, who nods softly.

Merlin has the impression that Brandon and Arthur have had a fight that evening, or something else, because they are quite distant.

"Ok..."

.

Ten minutes later, they are all on the beach, drinking with many other people who have assaulted it, eager to take a break from the chaos of the over-crowded pub.

Arthur takes off his shoes, barefoot, and dips his fingers in the sand. Gwaine imitates him. Then, one by one, everyone sits on the sand.

Gwaine says to him, "So, Captain. When will you fly with Percy?"

"Tomorrow. First flight"

Arthur keeps his eyes on Merlin’s face and the brunet looks down, uncomfortable.

“Will you fly on the new plane? Excalibur?"

Merlin looks at Arthur interrogatively, wondering whether he has already chosen his new plane or not, but Arthur answers immediately…

"No. I have not decided which one will be my final choice among the three planes yet. And I think that when I will fly the first time with my new plane I would want to do it alone"

Gwaine nods,sympathetic, "I see. Well, you're right to think so. You know what? Percival said that one evening he will take me to fly on his plane."

Merlin turns to look at his friend, unsure.

"You can do that? I mean... I know that you can’t ... I suppose you want to do it in secret ... but I mean…technically can you do it? Can Percival handle a two-seat fighter plane alone?"

Percival nods, "Well ... if you want to know if I can fly on it without a co-pilot, the answer is yes. But you're right. To do that I'll have to ask someone to cover me ... pretending he is with me on the plane"

During that statement, he gazes intently at Arthur, who is smiling.

“Ok, I think you have found that someone. But try not to screw it up and don’t make me regret it"

"You are a true knight, Pendragon..."

Gwaine pats him on the shoulder with his fist, happy.

"Yeah ... apparently I can be more than... pompous and arrogant"

He is saying that while watching Merlin for the umpteenth time, who responds angrily. "Aren’t you neglecting your friends too much tonight?"

"None of your business"

Gwaine and Percival gives each other a knowing look, ready to hear yet another fight.

"I’m telling you, your ... Professor... "- _damn, he hasn’t really managed to restrain himself_ – he reflected ... but the damage is done. So, he continues the phrase, "...he is waiting in adoration. I bet you're ruining his plans. Who knows how much he was enjoying himself introducing to his friends the pilot he has sex with, the handsome man in uniform..."

Gwaine gets up, exasperated. "I'll buy another round of beers ... who wants one?"

"Not me." Arthur gets up and looks in Merlin’s eyes, barely holding his anger back.

“You know what? You are right. I'm going and strutting for a while... even that is the attitude of someone sexually incapable or this time it is not a cliché?"

Merlin smiles, equally dry, "Well ... only if you don’t have anything to show off, I presume."

Arthur swallows a long sip of beer, "I'll give you a cliché. When someone wises off this way ... it is likely that he has never been properly beaten"

His gaze pierces Merlin from side to side. Then, Arthur turns around and walks away. Merlin curses softly.

"Fuck"

Percival approaches him sympathetic and answers just as softly, "Merlin, this time you were asking for it...”

 

**

 

The evening is almost over and Merlin, still sat on the sand, looks at Arthur, who has ignored him completely after their last fight.

In fact, the blond has spent the rest of the evening on the sidelines discussing planes with Percival, while he drowned his moodiness chatting about useless things with Gwaine.

A new text from Mordred catches his eyes, " _Are you ok??_ "

His answer is definitive, " _No..._ "

He is sure his brother will understand by that answer how the evening is going. It seems increasingly hopeless.

Then, Merlin sends another message, " _What about you?_ "

" _YES._ "

From his brother’s monosyllabic answers, Merlin understands that probably his everything has gone better than expected. He does not want to insist too much. They will be able to talk about it soon... Therefore, he ends the conversation. " _Good. At least one of us has been lucky with a Pendragon. See you tomorrow ... I’m happy for you, brother_ "

Gwaine stifles a laugh of satisfaction, happy for Mordred. "Your brother is amazing ... seducing a woman like that one. My dear friend, we may not be great experts of the fairer sex ... but Morgana is a Female with a capital F. Mordred has hit the jackpot conquering her"

“Yeah. But I must say that she too is lucky to have won my brother ... they are a lovely couple ... I hope it will last"

.

Merlin gives up watching Arthur and Percival, tired of having to struggle with his paranoia about the blond. He becomes silent, while a group of boys in front of him and Gwaine decides to go swimming, despite the darkness. Equipped with towels, they strip and run in the water, inviting others to follow them.

Merlin observes Brandon and Arthur’s two friends leaving their empty beers at the bar to undress.

Merlin watches them, upset, with a professional eye, undecided whether to stop them or not, "They have just eaten and, even though it's a hot night, it would be better if they don’t walk into the sea"

Gwaine nods, "Okay, Merl. However, I don’t want to go there and tell them ... do you want to be an obnoxious bigot, even though you don’t know them?"

"Yeah ... let them do as they please"

Merlin ends yet another beer, but is too nervous to be even remotely tipsy. He continues to look at Arthur, who seems to be talking with Brandon, obviously annoyed because of something.

Then, he snorts, bored and dazed, while screaming and shouting of fun from those who are swimming cut the air.

Then, suddenly the air is pervaded only by cries of help requests. Merlin and Gwaine get up to listen, trying to understand what is going on.

There are people on the shore that are pointing at sea, where a boy in obvious in danger. He is gasping in the water and then disappearing into the waves. Within a few seconds, the situation worsened, because the young man appears to be suffering and is unable to rise to the surface.

Everyone is screaming, not knowing what to do. It is night and no one has the courage to jump in to save the boy...

Percival rushes in the sea, quickly undressing, and Merlin and Gwaine run on the bank too, finding even Arthur and Brandon there. They find out that the sick boy is one of the biologist’s friends, one of those that have entered into the water after eating. Percival reaches the boy with a couple of strokes and brings him back to the shore, laying him on the sand. However, the boy doesn’t move. He is lifeless.

Merlin makes his way through the people with firmness and authority, "Make a little space here ... let him breathe!! Out the way!! Please, I’m a doctor! Let me through!!!"

Brandon, next to Arthur, is in complete panic and Merlin takes charge of the situation immediately. The situation is serious and Merlin acts immediately and fast...

Nearby, Arthur keeps a cool head, but is rooted on the spot and is shaking, agitated. He is staring at the lifeless boy on the ground and Merlin is presuming that in his mind he is reliving Lancelot’s death and the recovery of his body from the waters after the death. Arthur cannot move and keeps his eyes fixed on Merlin, terrified.

Merlin looks away from him to focus on the emergency and speaks with Gwaine...

"Gwaine, please give me a hand!! Shove everyone to the side”

Merlin listens to the heart and breath of the boy. He is unconscious and not breathing.

“It is congestion!! We have to restart the heart, otherwise we lose him!! Did you call an ambulance???"

Merlin cries to someone do it urgently, since no one seems to have done it. A trembling Arthur calls it with his mobile phone, briefly explaining the situation before his eyes along with the things spoken by Merlin. Then, he hangs up next to a now in full hysterical mode Brandon.

Merlin does CPR on the guy, alternating with Gwaine, in charge of the breathing, but the boy does not recover.

However, after a couple of minutes, finally the young man seems to recover, coughing and breathing strongly. Gwaine moves his head to the side to allow him to expectorate the water in his lungs.

Merlin finally resumes breathing naturally. Until then, he had been very tense...

“Someone, find a blanket! He must stay warm"

People move at his command, while at the same time giving the ambulance some room. Merlin, Percival and Gwaine speak with the paramedics, while the boy is checked and put in the ambulance to be taken to the hospital. Brandon goes with him, not to leave him alone.

Merlin sits on the sand for a moment beside Gwaine. Percival is drying himself and dressing. Arthur runs a hand through his hair, upset, obviously deep in thought.

They have been difficult moments for everyone and everyone brings the signs of an almost tragedy on their face. If Merlin had not given him medical attention, if he had not been there, the boy would have probably died. He has done a very good job.

Percival is the first to speak, "I need to change. I have to go home, guys"

Merlin nods slowly… The fatigue of an emotionally intense evening on his shoulders, eager to go home too...

Arthur intervenes immediately without allowing replication, staring at Merlin in the eye, to show everyone that he is giving him no choice, “I will take Merlin home. Percival, Gwaine, go ahead. He comes with me on my bike. We both have to go in the same direction..."

Percival sends Arthur a sympathetic look and Gwaine pats him on the shoulder. Then, they leave them alone.

Merlin looks at Arthur confused, but too tired to protest. Therefore, surprised but still very tense and rigid, he nods, following him. Percival and Gwaine have already left and Merlin walks behind Arthur towards his bike, both silent.

Arthur pulls out two helmets from the glove box, handing one to Merlin. Then, before putting his on, he gives the brunet his leather jacket to protect him from the wind, but Merlin refuses it.

"No, keep it. In front it is colder"

Arthur ignores him and puts it into the still open compartment, without wearing it. Then, he gets on the bike and puts the helmet on, waiting for Merlin to do the same.

 

**

 

The bike seems to fly in the dark on the road with little traffic. The only light through the air is theirs.

Merlin relaxes behind Arthur, as he drives fast and certain. Tension has apparently abandoned him and the warmth of his body, without the barrier of the jacket, reaches the brunet directly, warming his soul and heart.

He is not hugging him, even though he wants to. He keeps his hands planted on the supports of the seat, concentrating on the body in front of him, accessible and finally close after days of fights.

Arthur is still stiff. He can feel it from his muscles, from the power emitted from his body. Merlin does not know if his excessive rigidity is due to the emotional stress accumulated in the previous minutes or to his presence on the bike.

He too is still tense and nervous, but as far as he is concerned, the reason is clear: he is close to Arthur.

As soon as he had sat on the bike and felt his warm body next to him, everything else had disappeared... including the accumulated tension on the beach.

Merlin, abandoned to his now overwhelmingly feelings, surrenders to what he feels with a knot in his throat, enjoying the ride home, regretting that it takes them too little time to get there.

His house is not that far away and in fact, after a few minutes, they slow to a stop in front of the front door of his building.

.

Merlin get off the bike, expecting to see Arthur going away immediately. Instead, the blond dismounts quietly, grabs his just taken off helmet and puts it in the compartment under the saddle, still without speaking, in apparent embarrassment. Then, he retrieves his leather jacket and puts it on the saddle, ready to be worn.

Arthur runs a hand through his hair, unsure of what to say. Then, as if imposing himself to do so, he raises his eyes to Merlin.

“Earlier you have really been ... great. What you did, that is ... you have saved that guy. He never would have made it without you"

Merlin perceives the tension returning to Arthur. His muscles rigid, his voice thick and tense. His entire body conveys how difficult that evening has been, not only because of the emergency obviously.

He also stiffens again. The moment of peace on the bike is now over.

They are again facing each other and it's not really possible to stay relaxed when they are so close, especially if they are alone, as at that time. It's all in the air between them: frustration, sexual tension, inability to find a common field to try to get over their usual arguments.

Merlin clenches his fists in the pockets of his jeans, swallowing in front of Arthur’s blue eyes, from which is not able to escape.

“I was just doing my job"

Trying to give himself a professional tone seems the only way not to give in to the frustration that is crying within him.

Arthur is as tense as he is, in obvious anxiety, and doesn’t allow him to relax, "YES. But ... really! ... You have been...good"

Merlin feels his heart tightening at those words, which caress his soul and, instead to dissolve the tension, increases it so much that he finally breaks, no longer able to contain himself. They have pushed themselves too far and now it seems impossible to find a way to relate in a different way but by fighting all the time.

"Ok, I'm good. It's my job, as flying is yours. And in my job I am damn good too, ok? And I am proud of that!! I’m a great doctor, who does his work conscientiously and who really cares about what he does..."

“Yes... I've seen it earlier"

Arthur's voice seems to want to keep talking, but Merlin explodes, tired of that situation, pushed to the limit.

"Ah! Happy to have caught your attention and to have proved myself finally! However, only one problem remains apparently ... I do my job very well, but when I do it well with you, however, I end up being constantly insulted, Captain Pendragon! How do you explain this?"

Merlin is furious and stands a few inches from Arthur’s face. His blue eyes shine intensely, darkened by tension...

“You do not accept my judgment as a doctor only with regard to yourself!! And now you compliment me on my work toward someone else? I sure as goddamn shit don't get it! You are incoherent and indecisive. You don’t have the courage to accept professional advices because of your stupid virility! You are the proudest and most stubborn man I have ever met and I can't take this all the time, okay? I too have a life I am proud of and I don’t accept for it to be destroyed by your damned whims every time!"

Arthur takes a step toward him, even tenser, and Merlin is afraid that now everything is definitively broken between them. Therefore, he steps back in turn, feeling somehow defeated, and continues…

"Ok. Maybe I'm just too tired and have to go to sleep. I don’t think now it is the right moment to have this discussion. I'm going inside. Thanks for the ride"

Arthur's eyes are on fire, angry and tense, on the edge of anger due to the provocation. And while Merlin is still looking for ways to look away from his eyes, which don’t allow him to think because of the multitude of emotions they are capable to send inside him, Arthur moves quickly and grabs him by the shirt, pushing him firmly towards the door. His hot breath is glued on him.

Merlin’s whole body responds with a cry of excitement when he is suddenly slammed against the solid wood, crushed by Arthur’s imposing and strong body. The blond’s mouth looks for his with violence, with a possessiveness that takes his breath away.

Arthur presses his lips, opening Merlin’s with his strength, and his breath on him is warm and intoxicating. Merlin is no longer able to remain true to himself. He's not responsible for himself anymore. It is unable to understand that there is still a world around him.

He surrenders to the kiss, when Arthur sticks his tongue into his mouth with arrogance, to capture his strongly in a frantic pace, to savor it with force, exploring his mouth, intrusive.

And then... _God!_ His hands on his neck are tightening so hard it almost hurt and the imposed rhythm is exhausting. His flavor is so damn intoxicating.

Arthur is manly as a kisser, as he is in everything he does. Powerful and male, enough to make him surrender.

Merlin sighs and, unable to resist, leans against Arthur, seeking more. His heart is pounding. His reason has finally abandoned him...

He stifles a groan in his throat and feels Arthur dissolved into a thousand shivers in response. He is shaking under his fingers, as the blond leaves his mouth to sink into his neck, descending possessively towards the hollow of his shoulder, biting and sucking with sensuality, ripping out his name from his lips.

"Arthur..."

He feels the blond losing control of himself and diving again with his aggressive lips on his mouth. And this time, Merlin puts his hands on his shoulders, clinging eagerly, shifting the battle of their tongues into his mouth, moaning and pushing against him.

Merlin cannot move, abducted and subdued, crushed against the door. The excitement of the blond is already disruptive against him. Even Merlin is already excited and feels his entire body responding even more, trying to fit better his erection against Arthur’s...

His voice comes out thick and thin, excited. He whispers against Arthur’s skin, "Do you want to ... come in?"

Arthur continues to kiss him at the edge of unconsciousness, completely abandoned on his skin, now boiling. Then, he suddenly seems to come back to reality. He slowly breaks away from his body, letting him go slowly, little by little, until stepping back completely.

His face is still intense and beautiful, a taut mask of excitement and fire. The effort to regain control is still evident in his eyes.

“I do not think ...it's a good idea"

Merlin looks like he has received a lash on his back and reacts with disappointment and fury.

“But is it a good idea to stay here in the street like two teenagers rubbing against each other under the streetlights? Arthur, I don’t understand anything anymore!! And I'm tired of this attitude of yours!!"

Merlin is devastated. His excitement is still throbbing and his veins are still burning his senses… he can’t think clearly...

In front of him him, Arthur is an asshole for having kissed him and making him almost burst in his pants like a kid without experience, and then tore him apart...

“I’m not saying I don’t want to. The want to fuck you is uncontrollable... so much I can’t think anymore. But I’m also too pissed right now and I don’t think that starting a relationship in these terms is the right thing to do. There are still a lot of unresolved things between us and right now, these things are insurmountable. You attract me; you excite me a lot, so much I can’t think clearly. I have never felt so physically attracted to someone ... but I can’t stand all the power you have over my life!! In every way. I cannot stand that you have a so strong decision-making power on my career, my health, my judgment, on my feelings and my emotions! Even my body doesn’t respond as I would like in your presence anymore!! You constantly destabilize me! I can’t stand to feel this way... do you understand? Feeling... at someone else’s mercy!! And I don’t understand anything anymore!! Shagging would be the easiest thing to do,but what's next? I have to deal with the frustration... with the desire to push you away as much as possible... but I'm afraid that it would not change anything. And I honestly don’t understand where the hell I will end up with you. I don't think now's the right time, Merlin… not now"

Merlin feels tears wetting his eyelashes, ready to have a fit...

"Me? _I_ destabilize _you_?? But… you have not done anything but fighting me since I arrived!! You've done nothing but bully and destroy me all the time! And despite everything, I cannot find the slightest interest in anything else but you… In anything but your Donkeyface!! And you? You say I’m destabilizing you?? I have just invited you in my house!! Fuck you, Arthur"

Arthur runs his hands over his face, inhaling deeply, “Let’s take our time, ok? I need …"

He approaches Merlin slowly and stops appearing as a cold person, breaking down Merlin’s defenses, who has never seen him like this.

“I don’t know what I feel. I need to try and have a healthy dialogue with you ... something that goes beyond this ... well ... this gnawing each other every minute"

Merlin leaves his shoulders slowly, defeated, at Arthur’s mercy. It couldn’t be otherwise. He accepts Arthur’s indecision with a heavy heart, knowing that the other is somehow right.

"Ok. Maybe we really are just too tired and not very sober. I'd better go inside..."

Arthur comes closer and takes his neck in his hands again, forcing him to surrender again to a thousand shivers down his spine.

“Let’s take it slow, okay? Let’s give it a try. And in the meantime, don’t go to that ... Ryan. If I don’t fuck you... it doesn’t mean that you can have sex with someone else just because we are not dating"

Merlin closes his eyes, exhausted. He gives in to the other’s possessiveness. Arthur’s hot breath is apparently burning against his.

"And you, don’t fuck that Brandon anymore"

Arthur nods; a slight exhausted smile on his lips. “Actually, I have already broken up with him tonight..."

He detaches himself from Merlin and goes to the bike, putting his leather jacket on, which earlier he hadn’t wanted to wear just to feel Merlin closer.

“See you tomorrow. Well ... today, actually."

Merlin nods and waits for him to turn the corner before opening the front door and running to his apartment.

.

Merlin absolutely needs a shower. So he strips, leaving a trail of messy clothes in the hallway. Exhausted due to the tension, the emotions and the excitement, he slips urgently under the hot water. His erection still throbbing and strong between his legs.

"Shit..."

Merlin relaxes under the water, intoxicated by its comforting warmth. He is still lost in the memories of Arthur’s taste on his lips, the warmth of his tense and excited body pressed against his, the feeling of his sex inside the jeans, pressed strongly against his own.

He touches the shoulder that Arthur has filled with fiery kisses, bitten and sucked, revealing an unnatural redness... a clear sign of possession that the blond has left...

It is too easy to indulge in the urge to let go...

It is something that comes naturally after an endless night of tension and after Arthur’s taste.

Merlin strokes his fist around his sex, abandoning himself to his own caresses, coming almost immediately, lost in the pleasure.

He murmurs the name of the other man against the water that flows on his exhausted lips.

"Arthur..."

 

**

 

The base is silent and Merlin goes to work after only a few hours of sleep.

His phone vibrates, indicating a text, and his heart jumps at reading the sender: Arthur.

" _How are you? I'm reporting for work right now_ ”

His fingers shakes as he types the answer. " _Yeah, I’m fine. I am at work too now_ "

Another text. " _Today I'll be very busy all day. I don’t think we’ll be able to see each other. But I'll call you later_ ”

Merlin closes his eyes. He is thinking about the way things are turning out between them. Then, he types a simple " _OK_ " in response.

The door of the clinic opens easily, hitting him with the usual smell of disinfectant and medicines. Merlin is going to his desk, when he realizes he is not alone in the room.

"Dr. Kilgharrah..."

"Good Morning Dr. Emrys. I have to deliver you the report on Captain Pendragon. My last report on his psychological conditions ... but I prefer to inform you personally"

Dr. Kilgharrah, the psychologist, is a middle-aged man, affable and kind, who has shown great interest in Arthur’s case.

“Of course. Take a seat. Let’s talk about it now"

“I wanted to discuss with you the results of the last tests I have subjected the captain to... because I'm afraid they didn’t go as well as we all had hoped. Captain Pendragon still results stressed, with a still unstable personality. He has never mourned; he doesn’t speak about Captain Du Lac’s death and he still hasn’t found the courage to go and see his friend’s family… and I know he is very attached to Lancelot’s wife, Gwen, and their two children..."

“He hasn’t visited them yet? After all these months?"

"Not since the funeral. I personally think that Captain Pendragon should be subjected to further tests before returning to fly and it would also be better for him to do that after dealing with the grief, which he has not done yet"

“I understand. Do you think I should be the one to inform him? Or do you want tell him yourself?"

“It is better if you do it, Dr Emrys. It’s your sign that will go on his medical return to duty certificate. You have the final say”

Merlin sighs, nodding, maintaining a professional attitude.

“Fine. I will address the matter with him as soon as possible"

Dr Kilgharrah says goodbye as he exits the clinic and Merlin leans against his desk, now worried... He has just established a civilized relationship with Arthur and now he may lose him again.

He grabs the phone to send him a message, needing to contact him to make sure it's not just his imagination. To make sure they have really started to communicate.

“ _At_ _what time do you fly today?_ "

The reply arrives immediately, " _later on this morning_ "

" _Good luck.._." Merlin types in response.

Arthur’s message is immediate, " _Everything will be fine_ "

Merlin leans against the back of his chair, lost in his thoughts again. His mind is already working to find the perfect time and way to talk to Arthur.

Therefore, he grabs the psychologist’s report and reads it. Then, he takes a notebook and begins to write down Dr Kilgharrah’s conclusions, thinking about what to do.

Eventually, he grabs his phone, feeling the need to talk to the only person that in that moment can seriously give him a real advice, as well as a professional opinion.

"Mordred? lunch together?"

His brother, on the other end of the phone, answers affirmatively and Merlin sighs, relieve...

“Ok. See you at two p.m. in the canteen? Thanks ... have a nice day too"


	5. CRASHING INTO YOU

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE STORY IS NOT MINE  
> This is a translation of the Italian story ‘Shine Bright like a diamond in the sky’ by Ship  
> http://www.efpfanfic.net/viewuser.php?uid=330692

Merlin looks at his watch, waiting for Mordred at the canteen table. They have to see each other to eat together and Morgana will join them.

The three of them have devised to meet three days before during the last conversation with his brother, always in the cafeteria, after his confrontation with Dr. Kilgharrah and after Merlin had told Mordred what had happened with Arthur the night before: their kiss and the fact that now they are calling and texting each other.

" _Merlin, you have to talk to Arthur soon. First because mourning is too important for his career. This is something he has to deal with if he wants to fly again as soon as possible. Secondly because if now you push him away from you again with a further postponement, things will become irreparable between you"_

_Merlin had nodded and tried to call and text Arthur so they could decide when to see each other to talk ... but the blond had always postponed their meeting with one excuse after the other: work commitments, a new course… In the end, they had ended up talking only about the most trivial things through text messages. They had not seen each other in four days_.

Now Merlin needs to take stock of the situation in order to find a way to see him and understand why Arthur is avoiding him. In addition, he also has to seriously talk to him of the new tests that Arthur has to do and how to best get through them.

Merlin looks at the courtyard outside the windows of the dining hall, grim. Today is yet another day Arthur and he cannot see each other, because this time he is the one very busy at work. But there is no time now to stop and think about this because he sees Mordred coming in from afar.

He is with Morgana, who Merlin has not seen in a few days. She is as beautiful as ever.

He had not seen them together since that time they had gone out with the group, too busy to fix his own mess. Seeing them now after days and days, so close, gives him an immediate feeling of being in front of a real couple: they are happy and radiant, obviously at the beginning of a beautiful relationship.

"Hello Morgana, How are you?"

Merlin holds out his hand and she shakes it with an open smile.

"Fine. We see each other again at last."

“So? You haven’t broken up with my brother yet? I don’t understand ... you're the only woman who has managed to put up with him for more than a week"

Merlin’s tone is obviously playful and fond and Morgana laughs.

"Oh, you know... we have a deal. We meet each other every day as if it were the first time; he courts me as if he had to conquer me again... on the other hand, I am always nice and kind, never showing my bitter part. This way, we are always warm and cuddly"

Merlin stares at her, surprised and unsure of what to say. He hasn’t understood she is joking ... Mordred laughs.

“Well, brother. You will soon learn that you never know what to expect with Morgana. There's never a dull moment with her. At least for me. Her being always so ... surprising and unpredictable is the thing that keeps me glued to her and to our relationship”

Morgana looks at him, laughing. She plants her green eyes in his blue ones...

"Ok, Mordred. Now I see why you love your brother: he brings out the best in you. In front of him, you have finally dropped the mask! How comes that until now I was convinced that you couldn’t stay away from me for other reasons? Purely 'physical' reasons, of course"

Morgana’s tone is mischievous and sinful, not at all embarrassed. Merlin smiles and for the umpteenth time is more and more convinced that his brother has met his match. In fact, Mordred is embarrassed in front of Morgana’s frankness, even if she is playing...

"Well... my dear, I don’t need to repeat that 'detail' to him... Merlin knows that from that point of view you have bewitched me ... I just wanted to underline all the rest"

"Ok, Merlin. Thank you, then, for 'allowing' me to discover another thing about your brother, who is still a puzzle to me..."

Merlin smiles, happy for them. “You are really wonderful together. I have never thought that one day I would have seen this indomitable womanizer in a serious relationship with someone! So, Mordred, there IS a woman capable to subdue you ... Morgana, why have we found you only now?"

Morgana stretches toward Mordred like a cat, as if purring, making him sigh. She takes his breath away with her proximity...

"Because life gives us the right person when the time is right"

Merlin smiles, genuinely happy for them. Then, he returns serious, eager to finally address the reason why they are there. He looks at her to let her know that he needs to talk about Arthur.

Morgana immediately understands and becomes serious too.

"Ok. Now, let's talk about my brother instead. I need to update you on something that you still don’t know"

Merlin shifts uncomfortably in his chair. His stomach is tense.

"Arthur has been distant and absent these days after his first flight ... he didn’t want to talk to me about it and I have noticed something wrong with him"

Merlin watches in silence, inviting her to go on. He reflects on the fact that somehow Arthur has avoided to speak with him too, evidently troubled by something.

"I tried to talk to him ... but he wouldn’t open up to me. Therefore, I went to talk to Percival, who initially didn’t want to tell me anything. However, after a lot of insistence on my part, he spilled the beans. He would not tell me anything because he and Arthur are friends before colleagues. But finally he realized that he had to speak for Arthur’s good..."

Merlin holds his breath, waiting for her to continue...

“Arthur’s first flight didn’t go well."

Merlin suddenly sees materializing in front of his eyes all his fears: he had sensed that the cause of Arthur’s distance could be due to a problem he may have had the day of his return to active duty. However, he had tried not to listen to his sixth sense, trying to remain optimistic. But now, it turns out that probably the blond has purposely avoided him so that Merlin wouldn’t ask him questions about it...

"What do you mean?"

"Percival told me that Arthur had frozen. He had tried to let my brother control the plane, but Arthur was paralyzed. He broke out in a cold sweat, couldn’t stay focused nor take control of the stick. They even had to return to the base earlier than expected"

Merlin is shaking in his chair, although he is trying to maintain control…

"Shit…"

He stares at Morgana then Mordred, fully conscious of the meaning of that new problem...

"This is too important to stay unacknowledged! Morgana, have you told this to Percival? It is clear that Arthur is not ready to fly... There are still unresolved dynamics! We have to do something now, otherwise we seriously risk to find ourselves with an even bigger problem. If Arthur freezes in this way, not only his recovery will be longer, but he also risks his own career! He is likely to remain stuck in his fear of flyingdefinitely, can you understand that??"

Morgana feels Merlin’s anxiety and tries to remain calm.

"This is why Percival talked in the end. He is worried too now. And honestly Merlin, I tell you that at the moment no one is able to make Arthur see reason... You saw how he has isolated himself; he is avoiding everyone!! The only way to force him to deal with all this is with a professional intervention. Merlin... so far he has listening to you, even if through fighting. You're the only one who was able to reason with him a little bit and to achieve what had to be done for his own good. I fear that this will be your responsibility once again..."

Merlin shakes his head, agitated…

“I’m not sure I can ... I'm too involved now. Besides, he won’t listen to me. We would only fight again, losing everything we have hardly achieved these last few days"

"Merlin, I’m his sister. I know him too well. And I am telling you that right now you're the only one that can do something, whereas his medical case is still your responsibility"

Merlin is upset at this point and looks into Mordred’s eyes for help. But his brother is on Morgana’s side.

“We have already talked about this, Merlin. YOU must talk to him. You have to make him see sense, tell him how things are, what to do to get out of this vicious circle."

Merlin snaps. He has had enough.

"Yes, Mordred. We have talked about it BEFORE knowing these facts, BEFORE Percival told us how his first flight had gone. Things are very different now!! Arthur is already pissed off and destroyed. The battle is inevitable now!”

Morgana stares sympathetic, reaching out a hand to him…

"Merlin. My brother is not an easy person to love. The battle is always around the corner with him. He has a hard, persistent, stubborn and strongcharacter. This is neither the first nor the last argument you will have with him..."

Merlin runs a hand through his hair, defeated.

"I could lose him... just when... just when we were starting something..."

"Arthur is the type of person that makes you always live on the edge, Merlin... Get used to it. He is not an easy person to have around. That's how he is. He needs to live life to the fullest. That's why he flies. He's been doing it since he was 15…with a special permit. He has learn how to fly a plane even before learning how to drive a car. This is why he is the best. He never does things by half. For him, everything always have to be lived to the fullest. That's his way of living and if you respect him, love him for what he is. Come on... you know that the most important thing for him right now is being able to fly again. It's something that comes first, even before the two of you. Honestly, Merlin... what kind of man do you think he will become one day if he doesn’t take his life into his own hands? It is necessary that Arthur recovers. It is a priority at the moment"

Merlin nods, finally convinced …

"I will do my best. I hope my professional position will force him to do what he has to. I just hope I can do it. But above all, I hope that when this is over, there would not be only rubble of us left"

Morgana gets up and walks over to Merlin, hugging him, moved.

"You're the best thing that could ever happen to him. My brother is very lucky to have met you... I have known this since the first day I saw the two of you together and I have been even more certain when I saw my brother changing since meeting you. It is clear that for him there is something important between you, even though he’s more likely to walk in front of a firing squad than admitting it... and if you feel the same, as Mordred has told me, I can reassure you that sooner or later things will work out for the two of you"

Merlin smiles, returning the embrace.

"The Emrys and the Pendragons ... What a destiny!”

Morgana kisses him on the cheek.

"Let us know when you will speak with him"

Mordred gets up and gives him a pat of encouragement on the shoulder.

“Everything will be all right, Merlin. You have to believe it"

Merlin nods silently. Then, he is left alone with his more and more twisted thoughts.

 

 

**

 

 

Merlin is putting the white coat on the blue health uniform, taking place at the desk...

“You have ten minutes from now to complete the testing document and demonstrate that you have assimilated the key concepts. When you're done, bring it here to me. Then, you are free to go"

Merlin is about to button the coat, but it's hot, so he leaves it open.

He is in a classroom of the cadets’ campus to teach first aid to the future pilots. He has gone there as soon as he had left Mordred and Morgana.

The class has been intense and exhausting, lasting several hours. Now Merlin is exhausted.

Tired and lazy, he watches the clock, eager to get out of there...The classroom is shrouded in silence, so he rests a moment by leaning againstthe teacher's desk, trying to collect his thoughts. His mind returns to Arthur, to his want to hear and to see him. And as he is alienating himself, his phone vibrates because of a text in the pocket of his white coat.

It’s from Arthur.

Merlin almost drops his jaw as he reads:

" _You are really hot as a nerd professor. The white of the lab coat looks good on you. It trumps everything above the blue health uniform. They should just outlaw you to go out dressed like that. You shouldn’t go around looking so good... someone might wanna jump your bones_ "

Merlin has a start in his nervous system when he realizes that somehow Arthur has to be in the classroom. While he is looking around, casting his eyes to the back rows to find him, a new text makes his phone vibrate: it's him.

" _P.S.: ..._ _seeing you with that goatee makes me want to violate you right now_ "

Merlin feels sudden chills running down to his groin. Arthur is openly flirting with him and it is a new and unexpected situation for him. He is so excited that he doesn’t even want to think about the fact that Arthur somehow must have succumbed to the desire of daring with him.

His legs are trembling and when he finally finds the blond sitting in the back row, he is confused and excited as he sees Arthur sending a mischievous and perverse smile in his direction.

His heart is bouncing in his chest at seeing him so shameless and beautiful, wrapped in the camouflage once again.

Arthur keeps his eyes focused on him and in his hands has a white paper with written in black ink: " _Coffee break_?"

Merlin smiles, happy to see him. He wants to drop everything and go out with him, but he must control himself.

He types on his phone with trembling hands: “ _Give me ten minutes. Are you on duty tonight? Because then we could see each other_..."

Merlin is hopeful, but Arthur’s following text discourages him: " _Just coffee now. I’m on duty. I fly with Percival again_ "

Merlin nods from afar, typing a reply: “ _How much time do you have? I have to stop at the clinic to drop some documents_ "

From afar, Arthur seems to disapprove. Then, Merlin’s phone vibrates again.

" _Not that much if you have to stay here ten minutes more ... Anyway, I shall go to the clinic and wait for you there_ "

Merlin hastily types an " _ok_ ", seeing Arthur leaving the room, praying that the next minutes would run fast.

It is the first time that Arthur exposes himself with him, in a kind of courtship. Merlin feels all his body responding with excitement at this new game. He smiles.

His face lights up when some students begin to deliver the test. It is likely that in the end he may manage to finish sooner.

 

 

**

 

 

Merlin arrives in the clinic, looking around, but Arthur is not there yet. Therefore, he opens the door and goes to his desk to put down the folders with the just finished test results.

He grabs his phone to send him a message, asking where he is, when he feels someone behind him encircling his waist and sinking his hot breath on his neck.

Merlin recognizes Arthur’s warmth and surrenders himself to the feeling of his closeness...

Arthur tightens his hands on his hips a bit more.

“You should not go around looking so fuckable. Are you busy right now?"

Merlin smiles, feeling a long shiver down his spine when Arthur leans against him, squeezing him even more.

"Ah yes? And who should I be busy with? Haven’t you told me you needed time??"

Arthur forces him to turn around and Merlin surrenders, while the blond holds him in a vice that is taking away his breath. Arthur approaches him, stopping a few inches from his face, talking on his lips...

"Your fault. When I see you so desirable, I no longer know the meaning of the word _time_ "

Merlin stares at his blue eyes, lost in his warm whisper, and Arthur continues, lowering the tone of his voice even more…

"There are keys in this surgery??"

Merlin can’t think, lost in his embrace, and hasn’t understood what Arthur means...

"Keys?"

His voice is a faint whisper...

"To lock the door..."

Arthur’s smell is a drug for his senses and Merlin approaches him to put a kiss on the corner of his mouth, speaking softly, his voice hoarse with excitement.

“Why? What would you like to do? Didn’t you say that it is too soon to fuck?"

Arthur bites his lips in response. Then, he speaks again on his mouth, making him breathe his breath, crushing and dragging him more and more towards the desk. He is tightening Merlin so hard that the brunet is forced to sit on it.

“Indeed. But then you go around looking like this..."

Now excited, Merlin moves to the side, taking Arthur’s earlobe between his lips, sucking it slowly and making him groan with pleasure.

"Like… what?"

Arthur lowers Merlin’s white coat on his shoulders with decision. Then, he sticks his hands under the blue shirt of his uniform, setting Merlin’s skin on fire at every touch, caressing it with an irrepressible urgency...

"Like this. Attracting on yourself the filthiest thoughts"

Merlin puts a light kiss on Arthur’s lips, intoxicated by his taste...

"And... what would they be, if I may ask?"

Arthur holds his breath and sinks into his mouth, mad with desire, kissing Merlin passionately and uncontrollably. Meanwhile, he invites Merlin to open his legs, slipping between them, crushing his excitement against the brunet even more.

Merlin groans loudly, opening his mouth, and Arthur takes his tongue possessively.

“These days without seeing you have been pure torture. The thought of our kiss has obsessed me. I couldn’t take it anymore. Today, I HAD TO see you"

Merlin loses himself in the rhythm of their kiss and can’t think more, while Arthur, completely hooked, slides his bold hands down. First, he possessively squeezes Merlin’s ass, so to bring his body closer to him. Then, he moves his hand toward his groin to stroke his erection, evident under the fabric of his pants.

In response to his caresses, Merlin groans loudly, arching his back and offering his long white neck, abandoning himself to the movements of Arthur’s hands on his erect sex. The blond sinks with his lips and teeth in the curve between his neck and shoulder...

"Arthur..."

Merlin softly moans. He is thinking that he has never experienced anything like this before, when Arthur returns his tongue on the hickey he has created days before.

“You are still wearing my marks..."

Merlin answers on his hair, mischievous and hoarse.

"Yes... I'm proud of them"

Arthur groans loudly, unable to control himself. He slides his hand inside Merlin’s pants and underpants, grabbing his sex and making him scream with pleasure...

"I want to taste you... you're so good. I want to… eat you. You turn me on so much. I could cum and die on you even now, while still dressed. Your body smells like the most violent sex and makes me want to do to it the most perverse things that my mind can imagine. You have the ability to bring out the animal in me. I might even crush you here and now and fuck you so much you would forget your name..."

Merlin is no longer able to reflect or think straight, burning with desire; his whole body tensed with pleasure...

"What are you waiting for?"

Arthur emits an almost animal roar in response. Then, he slides down groaning, pulling out Merlin’s erect penis from his pants and taking it into his mouth in one sudden possessive and hungry move...

Merlin feels his legs giving away. He lays on the desk and screams loud with pleasure, biting his lips so that his cries won’t be heard outside...

"Arthur... God..."

Merlin pants strongly, grabbing Arthur’s blond hair to better sink between his lips... Now Arthur seems to have lost connection with the world and sucks him very hard... Merlin is not even able to realize that someone may enter, that they may be seen.

Arthur’s voice is hoarse with an excitement that tightens his throat.

“You taste so good ... so addictive. I want to swallow you..."

Merlin surrenders to the rhythm of the other. He backwards on the desk, defeated, trembling like a leaf.

Arthur is pretty darn exciting between his legs and doesn’t give him a break.

"Come on... I want to feel that you cannot resist. I want to feel that you cannot hold back under my caresses ... and I want to feel you coming ... Come on, let me taste your essence..."

Merlin falls into the abyss at those words.

He feels his legs becoming like jelly and his whole being burst in an explosion in the center of his lower belly, while the muscle contracted into Arthur’s mouth, who hungrily swallows every little part of him.

Merlin is still shaking when Arthur's stands up and kisses him deeply.

“I have no idea at what time I’m finishing work tonight, but I _have to_ see you... Will I find you at home?"

Arthur's voice is still thick and pliable on his skin and his way to approach him now is no longer a tense or urgent movement, but soft and sweet.

"I'll be waiting for you ... come whenever you want"

Merlin grabs his face in his hands, kissing him and emptying the many feelings that he still has in his mouth.

"... and this time, don’t tell me we have to wait."

Arthur leaves his lips, allowing him to get off the desk on trembling legs. He hugs him tightly around the waist without looking away from his eyes.

“I tried to resist, to get my desire for you out of my mind, to buy time and wait so I could sorting things... but I don’t think I can help myself anymore. Now I am the one to put my foot down on the accelerator. I want you too much and tonight you will be mine"

Merlin lazily smiles, still wrapped in the pleasure of their act...

“Areyou finally going to show me that you could be the best shag of my life?”

"You will not have the slightest doubt about that"

"Mmm... Can’t wait for it"

Arthur rearranges his pants and shirt, leaving him with a look full of promises, eager to take his satisfaction later that evening.

"I have not had my share yet and when I see you tonight, it will be even better. Now I’m going to want you for the rest of the evening and the desire to have you will grow so much that when I’ll take you... you will have to ask me to stop"

Merlin kisses him on the lips, giving him again his more mischievous smile...

"... It sounds interesting. I will count every minute. I hope you will not make me wait too long ... lift your beautiful ass off that plane as soon as possible" Merlin tells him hopeful, praying with all his might that Arthur’s second flight would go a bit better...

The other man leaves the room with a sudden shadow of sadness in his eyes.

 

 

**

 

 

Merlin has finished his shift and is tidying up the desk where he and Arthur had finally let go a few hours earlier. He is clearing up so that everything will be ready for the next day.

Then, he moves his eyes on Arthur’s dossier, still open on the desk, updated with the latest news reported by Morgana.

 

\- _First flight didn’t go well._

_Anxious and frozen pilot, no reaction._

_They refer inability to control the plane._

_Forecast: new suspension from flying for another month?_ -

 

With a heavy heart, Merlin takes a pen, updating the file again...

 

\- _New flight today, awaiting response_ -

 

He deeply breathes and gets up, set to talk to Arthur that night. He must take advantage of that meeting: Arthur is coming to his house and it will not be easy to address the problem because they mean to see each other for very different reasons, but Merlin doesn’t want to leave it until a later date…

He pauses to think about how he may start that conversation, thoughtful. Then, as he was leaving the clinic, his phone rings and he answers Mordred’s call. Therefore, he doesn’t see Arthur arriving earlier and knocking on the door of his surgery, getting inside and finding his notes on the desk.

 

 

**

 

 

Merlin is coming out of the shower, when, sometime later, the doorbell of his apartment sounds insistently. He looks at the clock on the wall, realizing that it is not likely that it is Arthur, given the time. He puts on a soft tracksuit to be more comfortable and goes to open the door.

Arthur is in in a moment, furious, and is waving his own folder with all the notes about his case...

“What the hell is this? What the fuck are you doing?? What does it mean that you want to postpone my return for yet another month?? Explain it to me, fuck!!!"

Merlin runs a hand over his still wet face and hair, expecting Arthur to throw at him all his anger and frustration.

Arthur should not have read his notes and this so delicate conversation should not have started that way …

“How come you have it?"

"It doesn’t matter. Tell me what the hell does it mean"

“Yes, it does matter. It is an official medical record. It cannot leave the base or be consulted. You shouldn’t even have read it... let alone take it away!!"

"I have found it in your office. I went to you because I had finished work earlier and thought that maybe we could have come back here together. So? Are you going to tell me what the hell does it mean or not??"

“It means that your first flight didn’t go well and that you have not talked to anyone about it and I honestly don’t know when you were going to tell me, since I am the doctor that follows your case. It means that the incident has consequences and that you need to do new tests to understand your condition better. It means that we should not have talked about it this way. I wanted to discuss the matter with you tonight, but because of your stubbornness and your huge ego we have to do it with these tones now"

Merlin is ready to fight, aware that it will be inevitable, but doesn’t want to give in, because Arthur must absolutely understand that things are not going well for his return and it is time to deal with it and start working seriously to recover, rather than just pretending to.

However, Arthur is not listening to reason.

"And it also means that YOU haven’t realized yet that I don’t like it when my life depends on your decisions...It means you have pissed me off! You cannot give yourself the right to decide everything without discussing it with me first!!! It means that I have hoped for something that obviously is just an illusion"

Merlin cannot not notice the provocation.

“It all comes down to this then? You wanted to fuck me so that I would sign for your return? Did you hope to 'bribe' me? Like I said: my work is my work, regardless of us."

"It keeps us in front of the wall, so it does regard us”

"Ok. What do you want me to do? TELL ME. Do you want me to sign a return certificate and probably give you the opportunity to kill yourself? You’re still not able to fly and you know that... you haven’t even been able to control the wheel..."

"You don't know a fucking thing about this... YOU DON’T KNOW, OK?? You don’t know how I feel with my best friend dead and the weight of his death on my shoulders... you don’t know what it is like to fly with the fear of hurting someone else!! You don’t know what it is like to stay behind three months when you have been flying all your life and you need it more the breathing!! Give me permission to fly alone ... I will have no problem flying alone!!"

"It is out of the question. We don’t know if you can handle a plane alone, not at the moment. Besides, you have to face the fact that you have to fly with another person with you as your responsibility. This is the hardest thing for you now and it is also what keeps you in this limbo. You can’t fly alone… deal with it"

"Fuck you. I will demand for you not to be my doctor any longer... I can’t stand it. I have had enough this time. Tomorrow I am going to ask to pull you off my case. I want it to be entrusted to someone else"

“And you think that this someone else will give in to your demands? You are sorely mistaken. YOU GOT A PROBLEM!!! And you need to fix it, ok? And you won’t do that by demanding another doctor!"

"My only problem is that I have met you... and let you into my life"

Merlin feels his anger and frustration increasing, because Arthur still doesn’t want to understand that his path is not the right one and that will take him nowhere.

"You're a bloody coward. For you it is much easier to insult me, rather than admitting that you don't have the balls to cope with your grief and get over it. I am the idiot who got it all wrong and thought he had seen something in you that is more than your boundless stubbornness... you know what? You deserve to be treated by someone else... I am done keeping up with your damned arrogance and indecision. Suit yourself, then...I’m just disappointed, because we could have had something beautiful between us and because you're throwing everything away. I know that now you will go out of here and won’t solve your problems... you can consult all the doctors of this world, but your problems will still be there and will always be there if you don’t face them"

Arthur is furious, his eyes on fire, while looking for an answer to hurt Merlin as much as he has hurt him... but the other continues.

“And now if you want, you can go. I really have no use for someone who one minute seems to be head over heels for me and the next throws away all we have. Go ahead. Keep your pride; change physician; keep being unable to fly... do whatever you want... It is so obvious that you are so angry because even today it hasn’t go well on the fighter plane with Percival, or do you want to deny that you've finished earlier for this reason? Anyway I don’t care anymore... Get out of here"

Arthur can’t think anymore. His legs are trembling because of the uncontrollable fury he is feeling...

“You are kicking me out??"

"This is my house. And I no longer want to fight all the time... now, _I_ have had enough. Stay out of my life. I don’t want to see you ever again"

Arthur clenches his fists, forcing himself to stay calm...

“Are you sure? Have you just really said _'out of my life_??'"

Arthur angrily moves toward him, but Merlin doesn’t step back...

"Yes"

"And how come your whole body is screaming at me to stay?"

Arthur is in front of him now, although he is still elusive and distant...

"You don’twant to send me away for real. Look at you. You are hard. Our argument has excited you... All this... fighting all the time... thrills me as much as it thrills you. It turns us on. It slams our attraction for each other in our faces. You are not credible when you say it like this, or at least you should have worn something less traitor"

Merlin turns red with rage for being so vulnerable in front of Arthur. He can’t help but desire him even during their worst fight. Indeed, his wrath and damnation have turned his senses on even more. His erection is evident under the soft fabric of the tracksuit. Yet, this doesn’t mean he wants to succumb to him...

"I've never hidden how I feel when I’m with you ... but it doesn’t mean I want to lose respect for myself just for this. I'll get over it... now go away, please"

Arthur burns the last distance that separates them, coming face to face with Merlin...

"Tell me you don’t want me and I’ll leave”

Arthur grabs him by the shoulders. Then, he takes his face in a vise, speaking on his lips and sending his heart beat in his head...

"Tell me you don’t want me. Tell me you don’t want to fuck me now. Tell me you can slam that door in my face and I’ll go and you won’t see me ever again, for real"

"You are... a bloody bastard"

Arthur takes his lips possessively, drinking his every angry breath, until he feels him relaxing...

Merlin ends the kiss panting, throwing his head back and sighing with his eyes closed, lost once again in his touch...

"You can’t, Merlin. You can’t resist me, like I cannot resist you. We are destined to succumb to this damned attraction and our inability to live it... we don’t know where the hell we are going together and we don’t know how to stay away from each other, even if we should try with all our strength"

"You're a damn asshole, Arthur ... the worst..."

Merlin plants his hands on Arthur’s powerful body, making them travel faster like his emotions. He takes off the blond’s shirt, sinking in his powerful and virile muscles. He strips him completely and admires him in front of his eyes and his hands. His breath is short and Arthur’s body is so strong...

"I want you... now" Arthur says it on the edge of madness, bent by desire...

Merlin’s shirt flies over his head and their naked chests seem to emanate pure electricity because of the force with which they are desperately seeking each other...

"I need to take you... I have an urgent need to possess you. I will go crazy if I cannot have you right now..."

Surrendered to the passion, Merlin loses himself in his mouth, looking for Arthur’s tongue, without waiting for him to take the initiative...

"Bedroom..."

.

Arthur lifts him, squeezing his buttocks, smashing him hard against him, allowing him to surround him with his legs around his waist, still kissing. His erection is already strong in his jeans, eager to get rid of the fabric.

Merlin lowers himself a bit, groaning, to let their erections touch each other ... Then, they move in Merlin’s room.

Still glued to one another, they fall on the bed. Arthur’s powerful body crushes Merlin’s beneath him. Their mouths are still clinging. The movements of their bodies desperately want something more.

"Condoms, lube... Arthur... they are... in the drawer"

Merlin’s voice is almost unnatural, full of expectation, his body tense under Arthur’s...

Arthur moves to open the nightstand drawer next to the bed and when he does, Merlin moves beneath him to unbutton the blond’s jeans, pulling out his erect member.

Arthur's penis is hard, its flavor intense and raw, virile. Merlin needs to close his eyes not to succumb to its feeling in his mouth, coveted and desired like air.

Lost in the sudden and intimate kiss, Arthur moans strongly...

"God... Merlin..."

Arthur rises above him astride, jeans unbuttoned, to enjoy Merlin’s full lips, arching and throwing his head back with force...

Merlin leaves the kiss and takes him back in his mouth, sucking and licking him alternately, savoring Arthur’s taste.

"I love... your body. It kills me... it destroys me because of the desire..."

Arthur sinks his fingers in Merlin’s hair to push himself inside his mouth more deeply, to enjoy his wet cavity even more, to get lost in the heat of the most intense kiss of his life, unable to control himself....

"I don’t ... want ... to come... I want to fuck you. MERLIN... please..."

Merlin sighed, full of excitement, when he separates from him. Then, he removes his jeans and underwear, enjoying Arthur’s naked body in front of him.

He is beautiful and every cell of his being becomes a pulsing core of desire at the thought that Arthur is about to claim him as his...

Merlin knees and Arthur takes off his sweatpants, stripping him completely. He grabs his buttocks with open hands...

"God, Merlin..."

Arthur’s urgency is irrepressible and Merlin grabs and strokes his now huge erection, while Arthur sticks his tongue in his mouth forcefully, making him fall down on the mattress on his back...

Thinking is impossible…

Merlin puts his legs around his waist and Arthur moves to his neck, while for the first time his fingers touch the brunet’s opening. Then, he moans loudly when he feels Merlin’s ring of muscle twitching with excitement...

Merlin’s whole body is responding with unprecedented passion and Arthur believes he has never enjoyed giving pleasure to someone as much as he is doing right now...

He pours some lube on his fingers, making them slippery. Then, he slowly pushes them into Merlin, who is sighing loudly his name...

"Arthur..."

Arthur sinks into his skin, possessive, biting his flesh. He is enjoying the feeling to have his fingers inside Merlin...

Then, while trying to control his excitement, he pushes in deeper once again... to tear another even louder moan from the brunet.

Arthur's voice is full of desire and Merlin finally breaks all contact with the world...

"Tell me you want it..."

Merlin contracts in a suffering spasm, as a call...

"I want it. Arthur... what are you waiting for?"

Arthur frees himself from him for a brief moment, enough to unroll a condom on his erection. Then, with his eyes burning with lust and want, he finally slowly sinks in Merlin, making him his with a groan, burst from the deep, melting into him in a thousand shivers, breathless...

"God, Merlin..."

Merlin is arching beneath him, pushing against Arthur. He lifts his pelvis to accommodate him deeper, beyond the possible...

"Merlin... being here... inside you... nothing is more important... than... this"

Merlin hugs him around the neck, forcing him to fall on his chest, to join a common rhythm, to sway together in pleasure...

Everything else but that moment is far from them: their quarrels and the anger that has ravaged their bodies. Everything has flown away, turned into the purest and uncontrollable passion.

Thinking about this, Arthur crushes Merlin even more under him, increasing the pace and intensity of his thrusts, stealing from him moan after moan...

Merlin surrenders to the other's body. His hands are over his head, tightening the sheets. His mouth is open; every muscle liquefied... Only Arthur’s name is on his lips, accompanying each deeper and stronger thrust that is hitting that most hidden part that sends a thousand shocks in every single cell of his being...

"Arthur... Arthur... nnn... Arthur..."

Arthur is working so hard to pleasure him that he is a bundle of tense nerves and muscles; his body almost aching due to the tension ... His impressive and aggressive penis reaches Merlin so deeply to imprison him in his own breath...

"ARTHUR... ARTHUR... Don’t... Arthur... I...”

Arthur closes his fist around Merlin’s sex (now more than ready to surrender), accelerating his orgasm that strikes Merlin’s every nerve violently...

“Come for me, Merlin... come for me..."

Merlin clings strongly to Arthur’s neck, loving him deeply, in every way, in every corner of his skin, flesh and heart.

His whole being dissolves in an instant, flying away from his body with his orgasm. His strength fails him, while Arthur smiles on his skin, continuing to push into him, out of control, now free from the responsibility of making Merlin cum...

Arthur’s thrusts become more urgent, uncoordinated and brutal in order to achieve his own purely selfish pleasure.

And when Merlin whispers in his ear, " _Y_ _ou know ... you were right ... I don’t remember my own name anymore_..." Arthur loses himself in the fire that is burning his body, falling into the flames of the best orgasm of his life, crying like an animal.

Finally, he collapses on Merlin’s chest, completely exhausted, hopelessly emptied in him.

"Christ..."

Arthur struggled to regain his breath, crossed by violent shivers of pleasure in every corner of his body.

Their bodies vibrate together again in the aftermath of their first intercourse and Merlin puts a kiss on his sweaty hair, hugging him and sinking on his shoulder.

"Can I take it that if this has been my best shag as a bottom, it has also been your best as a top?"

Merlin's voice is almost a whisper and Arthur smiles, unable to regain his strength...

"You can bet on it"

Merlin moves in order not to succumb under Arthur’sweight, suddenly very heavy... and Arthur slowly exits from his body, kissing him deeply. Then, he slides to his side and turns to embrace him, glued to his back, taking him in his arms like...

Merlin feels they have finally given in, moved by the pleasure and intensity of the emotions just experienced. He leans toward Arthur even more, needing to feel him close to know their making love has not been only a dream.

"It has been wonderful"

Behind him, Arthur nuzzles his neck, sniffing the scent of their bodies and the sex they have just consumed, defeated.

"I agree. I've never experienced anything like this with anyone else before... And to be honest, I think I have never felt anything with the others before you; nothing more than something physical"

Merlin turns to lay a kiss on his lips, possessive for the first time. He wants to take Arthur’s words, as if needing to swallow them as his own...

Now fully aware of his own feelings, Arthur indulges himself in an uncontrollable trembling, eventually dissolving the tension of the last difficult and exhausting months.

Tears begin to fall slowly down Arthur’s cheeks. For the first time he is free to lose himself in his emotions…his self-control finally gone.

“Even today ... Merlin ... my flight ... you know, it didn’t go well"

"I had my suspicions..."

Merlin stares at a point ahead as he tries to find the most delicate words to tell him...

"Arthur... you have to face the grieving process. You have to go and visit your friend’s grave and see his family, his wife, his children..."

"I know. But I can’t. I can’t see their pain and hold it together along with mine. And I can’t wash away my guilt of having taken Lancelot away from them"

"Arthur, you have to forgive yourself first. It's not your fault if Lancelot is dead... It happened while you were on duty. It is a risk of our work..."

"I just can't help but feel responsible. You know, we have been friends since we were little kids... they were like a family to me"

Merlin turns to kiss him lightly on the mouth, trying to pass him his strength.

"Arthur, you have to do it for you... for your life. You can’t put it off any longer"

Arthur nods slowly, defeated...

"Will you come with me?"

Moved, Merlin hugs him even more, realizing that Arthur is involving him in his life...

"If you want, I will"

Arthur loses himself in his hair, in his smell, in the feeling to have him close and to have Merlin completely, not only physically. Finally, this form of surrender forces him to deal with the feelings he has never faced up until now ... freeing all the tears that have been imprisoned in his heart for so long.

"I miss him... I miss him so much"

"I know. But you have to say goodbye to him, Arthur. Forgiving yourself doesn’t mean forgetting or deleting him from your heart. It just means ... going on living"

Merlin turns completely toward him, to observe the man that now he is sure he loves with all his heart: his face is a mask of suppressed emotions, finally freed...

Arthur kisses him again, aware that nothing will be the same from now on. Merlin will be as indispensable as the air now.

"Can I... stay? Tonight... here with you"

Merlin kisses his lips, because he doesn’t need to answer.


	6. LOVE MATTERS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE STORY IS NOT MINE  
> This is a translation of the Italian story ‘Shine Bright like a diamond in the sky’ by Ship  
> http://www.efpfanfic.net/viewuser.php?uid=330692

A ray of sunlight enters through the blinds, hitting Arthur’s eyelids, waking and bringing him into a new day after a finally quiet night after many months. He has slept blissfully for the first time in a long time, without interruptions and without nightmares or anxiety, pleasantly lulled by Merlin’s warm embrace, peacefully asleep beside him on the sheets that are still twisting around their sated bodies.

He and Merlin had made love again and again after their first time and if possible, the next times everything had been even more beautiful: less urgent, more intense, a melting into the veins of the other.

Arthur rises up, casting his eyes around the room, taking notice all around him of the power and intensity of everything that they had lived and consumed: their clothes are still on the floor, the bedspread is at the foot of the bed; a towel on the nightstand is still wet and soaked with their common odor.

Arthur smiles sweetly, puffing his chest because of the laziness he is feeling, given by a wonderfully satisfying night.

He feels Merlin still asleep beside him and slowly turns to watch him, overwhelmed by his feelings for him that he has finally become aware of. His face is as beautiful as ever, drawn by a relaxed expression, enlightened by that wonderful night of great sex: that morning Merlin is the very picture of happiness.

Deeply satisfied to be the one that had caused that state of grace, Arthur leans down and kisses his shoulder, before turning to look at the alarm on the nightstand...

It’s 6.45...

He has just enough time to take a shower before rushing home to wear clean clothes and run to the base to start work. He must hurry if he wants to be on time.

He is not going to wake up Merlin yet: he too has to be on duty, but only an hour later. Therefore, he decides to let him sleep.

Ten minutes later Arthur is already dressed with the clothes of the night before and slowly walks toward the bed to wake him up...

The other man, feeling a movement at his side and a caress on his cheek, wakes up slowly.

"Arthur... you are... already up?"

Arthur nods, smiling. He moves a lock of hair from the brunet’s forehead.

Merlin smiles, "But... what time is it?"

“It’s time to get up. I hope you don’t mind if I have used your shower..."

Arthur puts a warm and smelling like bubble bath kiss on his lips, affectionate...

“Of course not. Have you been up long? Why haven’t you woken me up earlier?"

Merlin leans on his elbows, coming closer to his face...

"Well... I didn’t want to. You seemed dead after last night. You know ... all your enthusiasm and that moaning... you were so satisfied that this morning you were sleeping like a baby"

His tone is mischievous and provocative, exciting, and Merlin runs a hand over his face, smiling blissfully, "How much longer are you still going to rub my nose in the fact that you have been the most fabulous shag of my life?? You're a peacock. A damned narcissus"

Arthur pressed himself against him, landing on his chest, forcing him under him and crushing him against the mattress, “Always. And ... I really don’t intend to make you lose your memory, reminding it to you every minute. I’d also like to inform you that every day from tonight on you will have to kick me out of your bed if you want to escape me. Believe me ... really, you will have to... if you want to stop me"

"Mmmm... Then, why are you already dressed?"

Merlin stretches beneath him, pressing his classic morning erection against him, once again filled with desire...

Arthur plants a look soaked with longing on his face, turning him on, "If you keep doing this..."

Merlin raises his face to deposit a kiss on his lips, full of promises...

"What? What would you do?"

Arthur lands on his lips, his breath already hot with excitement, "They will scold the both of us because of our lateness. Come on, Merlin! I have to go ... and you have to get up too..."

"You have been the one to start it..."

Arthur kisses him again. Then, he stands up, staying beside the bed ... Merlin fixes himself, panting and smiling, and Arthur walks to the door with a heavy heart, "I have to go. I finish at 16 ... what about you?"

"An hour after you"

Arthur nods, anxious...

“Do you want me to wait for you? ... I would like to go to the graveyard and then to Lancelot’s house with you"

Merlin sits cross-legged, still lazily settled on the bed, sinking blissfully into the pleasure of waking up with Arthur’s presence in his house.

"Okay ... perfect"

Arthur nods, suddenly looking sad and anxious, ready to leave, "Ok. See you in the afternoon then. Earlier I have made coffee. If you want it, I think there's enough left for you and it should still be hot"

"Thank you"

Merlin watches him and would like to say more, but he knows that everything that they had needed to say has already been said...

"Arthur?"

The other turns around, recovering his impeccable self-control ... Merlin tries to give him strength.

"Everything will be fine"

 

**

 

That morning the hum of the air conditioning makes it unbearable to stay in the office for too long. Merlin still has a foggy head from the night before; his confused thoughts struggle to find a common connection ... he is still disconnected from the world and fears that he will remain like this until the evening, when he will see Arthur again.

Luckily, that morning he has not much to do, given the intense workday of the day before. He grabs his phone and types a message to his brother.

“ _Mordred, breakfast together? I have to tell you something_..."

Less than a minute later, he receives the response.

" _Sure. See you at the campus canteen in about a quarter of an hour?_ "

Merlin smiles, already anticipating his brother’s face when he will tell him everything...

" _Ok_ "

Another message prevents him from putting the phone in his pocket: " _Just tell me if you have talked to him_ "

" _Yes_ "

He doesn’t want to anticipate too much, eager to tell him personally that he and Arthur are trying to date and slowly to overcome their differences. And of course he has to tell him about his victory on the blond about the grieving process.

" _Great. See you soon_ "

 

**

 

Merlin is about to leave the clinic, when he runs into Gwaine, who is coming to greet him.

"Hey, Merl!! Where are you going? I was hoping to have breakfast together ... Do you have a few minutes for me?"

Merlin nods, smiling. Gwaine has an intense face, of someone who needs to talk, "I'm going to the bar with Mordred ... would you like to join us?"

Gwaine gives him a pat on the back, looking up and sighing, "Hallelujah... this morning I feel a physical need to recover my strength..."

Merlin observes him questioning and mischievously, as they walk towards the outside courtyard...

"Ok, Gwaine. Do you want to be mysterious or will you be so nice to tell me why you look so shocked??"

Gwaine stops and plants his hands on his arms, staring intently, "Merl... last night I had my first time"

Merlin has understood very well what Gwaine is referring to, but he wants to provoke him and play a little bit, like old times...

"Ah yes? What did I miss? I take it that you and Percival have yielded to the passion without thinking about the funfair ticket?"

His tone is light-hearted and confidential and Gwaine can’t just wait to tell him everything any longer...

"Exactly. You know... I mean… it’s not easy to suppress the urge to take a ride on a roller coaster... it’s the main attraction, right? The most exciting thing of the funfair. And then... fuck... I couldn’t resist anymore. At one point I feared that both our balls would have exploded..."

Merlin laughs, disarmed by the other man’s far too much sincerity, as always.

"Bravo. You know what? You did the right thing... too many mental problems could have ruined everything, especially at the beginning. It’s better diving in without hesitation”

He is telling this fully conscious of what he and Arthur have been through and that they could have avoided if only they had given in to their attraction long before last night.

"Merlin... I have to…. tell you something else"

Merlin stops and looks at him, still joking, "Don’t tell me you want to ask me if you can use my apartment, Gwaine. Get your own. It's about time you stop sleeping in the barracks if you're going to start a relationship..."

"You wish! No… I wanted to… confess actually"

"Confess? What?"

Now Merlin is very curious. Gwaine seems someone who needs to say something really important.

"Merl... When earlier I have said to have had my first time with Percival ... I meant it in the true sense of the word"

Merlin holds back a laugh of satisfaction...

"You were the bottom?? Gwaine!! Ahahaahhaaa, this is really the best news of the day!!! YOU? THE RECEIVER?? You have to be really in love, my friend! Love really matters then! Although, I must say that if you think about doing it with that piece of big man, I should have seen this coming..."

Gwaine smiles, looking away, “You are right. I should have expected it too. Or maybe, I already knew since the beginning that it would have ended up like this. Maybe this is why I was afraid to dare, to give in... but at the same time I wanted to try... In short, being the bottom with Percy had not felt that... strange"

"Hooray for the sincerity then!! Well, what happens now??"

Merlin continues to stay in place, without moving, too busy enjoying his revenge on his friend, who has always bragged about being a top, ‘making fun’ of Merlin because he has always preferred the ‘passive’ role during sex. The brunet is indeed one of those who could never be a top – and let’s not talk about this possibility now that there’s Arthur... let alone subduing all that wonderful Alpha power – He has always believed it impossible. Anyway, in the end, Merlin is all right with it and Arthur is such a powerful top that he really doesn’t feel the need to ask for more.

Merlin is struggling to recover, once again intoxicated by the sudden thought of the previous night. However, he tries to refocus his attention on Gwaine.

"You see... Merl. I don’t know. That's the point. I loved it very much, ok?? It has been beautiful ... intense and fabulous. But Percy and me ... we respond to the same common instincts. How the hell will we manage it if both of us like dominating?? Yes, ok... I have been the one to give in this time! But I can’t forget that I like being a top too, just because it has been... hell yes ... wonderful. I mean, Merl... It’s not that easy"

"Have you talked to him about this?"

Merlin realizes that now somehow Gwaine is no longer joking, but really needs some advice...

"No. That is ... I mean ... yesterday I was okay with it and believe me when I say that I really wanted it… and I had not even thought to discuss this..."

“Well, I think that the best way to remove this worry from your mind, Gwaine, is by talking to him. It is not good to begin a relationship in these terms, thinking of repressing your own instinct and without confessing it to your partner. Percival will understand if you speak with him honestly. However, it seems to me that you have liked it, haven’t you? Why don’t you try to live all this as it comes? Tell him ... and let’s see what happens. We both cannot do much about this: it's part of you, a natural instinct. If it’s something that has to happen, it will; otherwise you will never be able to overcome your difficulties, not even with all your will"

"You are right, Merl. Shit! I knew that I had to find myself a bottom. And I knew that Percival wasn’t one… you can see it from a mile away. I have always wondered why the hell I didn’t fall in love with you!"

Gwaine’s tone is obviously humorous and Merlin responds in the same tone, "Because the first time we met you were still fucking women and I thought you were a hardened hetero. That’s why"

Gwaine laughs heartily...

"Well ... with all the problems that you may have with Arthur, at least you don’t have one like mine ... it is clear as day that with him you will always be a bottom, Merl. You just can’t wait to act like a girl beneath him..."

Merlin laughs, once again conscious of how much Gwaine knows him so well. He thinks about his own effeminate squeals of last night with Arthur... the supplications for more pleasure he had got out of his chest, while he had begged the blond to take him again and again ... a shiver runs down his spine and he smiles at Gwaine, not telling him anything.

"Come on, we are late ... Mordred is probably wondering what’s taking me so long"

 

**

 

When they arrive at the bar, Mordred is already sat at a table, drinking his second coffee.

He greets them from afar, glad to see also Gwaine with Merlin.

Merlin reaches him and takes a seat at the table, "I'm so hungry that I may even eat lunch now... have you already ordered?"

Mordred shakes his head, answering to Gwaine’s pat on the shoulder with a fist on the other's.

"No... I only took a coffee. Let’s have breakfast!!"

Merlin nods and Gwaine joins the chorus of hungry men, “I was thinking of eating the whole apple pie I have seen coming in… so choose something else, you two"

“Well well … I can see we are all suffering low blood sugar this morning. Any particular reason why, Gwaine?"

"I have shagged with Percival. Do you think I need another reason, doctor?"

Mordred surrenders to a long laughter: he adores Gwaine and his so rude way to be always honest to the end.

"No... that is all I need to know, thanks"

Merlin winks at his brother, "You too have kept early hours with Morgana??"

"More than you could ever imagine..."

Merlin looks at him questioning, waiting.

“We have gone to see a few apartments in town, together"

"What??? MORDRED!! Today is the day of the big surprises, it seems!!! First Gwaine and now you... I mean... Morgana and you seriously want to move in together??"

"Why not? We want at least try"

Merlin turns to Gwaine with his jaw dropped, "My friend, we have lost him. I've never seen Mordred going so fast with a girl. Well ... I have never seen him do anything serious with a girl actually”

Gwaine gives their breakfast orders to the waiter that meanwhile has approached their table, including coffee for him and Merlin and different portions of each cake on display.

"Ok, Merlin. If Mordred has given in, there is hope for all of us too"

Mordred smiles and is about to speak to Merlin, when the phone vibrates on the table because of a text.

It’s from Morgana.

“ _Yesterday Arthur didn’t come back home to sleep. Please, tell me Merlin has something to do with it_ "

Mordred looks at his brother questioning and surprised, and shows him the message. Merlin lowers his head, smiling, and Gwaine almost has a heart attack. Mordred urges him, mischievous.

"Merlin, do you know where Arthur slept last night? Why are you laughing??"

"Ok, ok. He was with me. In my house"

Mordred raises his hands in surrender, "Brother!! It may be surprises-day but this beats everything!! The two of you... have you...?"

Merlin smiles with a shrug, mischievous, and Gwaine nearly falls off the chair.

"Motherfucker!! I mean ... bring my apologies to your mother, boys. It’s obvious that it's just a figure of speech – Hunith, forgive me from Heaven, please!! - But Merl!!!! What are you doing??? You get laid and you don’t inform Uncle Gwaine??? You bed that... hot piece of quality meat … and you don’t say anything to your best friend???"

“I would have told you if you hadn’t spent all of our time together earlier telling me about how Percival has fucked you so good"

Mordred raises his hands in surrender, laughing, “I don’t want the details, okay? But it’s obvious that today is a great day for all of us. Good. I say we need to celebrate... Merlin has convinced Arthur to surrender; Gwaine gives in himself..."

"You and Morgana capitulate together in a new apartment..." Merlin says it, laughing, genuinely happy...

Mordred closes his eyes for a moment, breathing...

“But what the hell are we breathing in this base? It must be enchanted ... in my opinion, magic is at work here"

 

**

 

Merlin casts his eyes on the watch: they have finished eating and he is going to send a message to Arthur, while Mordred and Gwaine are engaged in an earnest conversation about the latest results of the football matches of the night before.

Now the atmosphere is relaxed and Merlin had told them what happened with Arthur last night ... about their fight, their yielding to the passion, Arthur’s decision to finally address his grief and to visit Lancelot’s family.

Mordred goes outside for a moment to answer Morgana’s call. When he returns to the table, he smiles at his brother, telling him that the girl is very happy about the good news.

"Merlin... She is happy for the two of you. She said to tell you she is rooting for you and that Arthur will be fine now, given that her brother has found in you a purpose for which he is going to fight and live for ... she is convinced that he will recover and return to fly soon"

Merlin grabs his cell phone again, typing in a hurry.

The clock shows 10:30, while he sends the message to Arthur. Mordred and Gwaine are once again busy talking with each other.

" _Hi. How are you? Allright??_ "

Arthur responds immediately.

" _I’m in the Hangar to revise the emergency medical equipment of the three planes... I don’t have much time for you but ... do you want to join me?_ "

Merlin shouldn’t stay away from the clinic, but he cannot avoid typing " _I do_ ” on the keyboard in response.

" _Ok, I will be waiting for you. Hangar 11_ "

Merlin puts his phone in his pocket, standing up...

“I need one of two of you to do me a favor. Who could replace me in the clinic for half an hour? You can do it too, Gwaine... since I don’t have to see anyone. You just have to say that I’ll be right back if someone comes looking for me"

"Ok. Just because you've allowed me to eat the whole apple pie, even though I know you love it too. But where are you going??”

“Let’s just say that... I'm going to see if all the planes are parked in the right place"

Mordred smiles, happy for Merlin, "Well... Say hi to Arthur for us then"

 

**

 

The hangar is empty. There is nobody inside; he can’t even hear Arthur’s presence. Merlin steps inside, calling him...

"Arthur... Are you here??"

His voice kind of carries, “Over here, number three, Merlin. It is the last plane ... come over!"

Merlin goes towards him with a takeaway coffee in hand. Arthur is on the wing of the plane, just out of the cockpit, and signs to Merlin that he is about to get down...

“Can’t I come up to you? I want to try ... it must be pretty cool being up there!"

Arthur smiles, nodding, "Ok... the ladder for the cockpit is behind… use it..."

Merlin obeys and a moment later, he is walking on the wing of the plane to reach him...

"It is prohibited, isn’t it? If they were to see me up here..."

"No one will come. Here there are only these new aircrafts ... and me"

"Mmmm… if you say so… It's beautiful, Arthur… I have never seen a fighter plane up-close"

"Happy to show it to you then"

Merlin blushes due to what he is feeling now that he is seeing him again after that morning and their night together. He is still confused and feels like a young boy at his first crush, with butterflies in the stomach and everything else.

"I have brought you coffee if you want it..."

"Thank you..."

Arthur sits and Merlin sits by his side.

"So... You said you will finish work at 17..."

Merlin nods, calm, "Yes... but try to come by before that… maybe I can ask to leave an hour earlier..."

Arthur nods, serious.

"Are you ready?" Merlin asks almost in a whisper...

"No. But at this point I can no longer put it off"

Merlin gives him a sympathetic look ... encouraging him.

"You will like them… Gwen and the kids... and I bet she will love you. All my life she and Lancelot has been insisting... "

Arthur returns serious...

"… _Had_ been insisting ... that I should find myself someone like you. They said I would capitulate only with someone of your kind"

"Ah yes? And what kind of guy am I?"

"Gwen will explain it better, you'll see"

Merlin cannot help himself but wanting to burn the distance between them. He turns and kisses him on the lips, seeking his tongue, "Sorry, I just wanted to remember what kissing you tastes like..."

Arthur puts his coffee on the wing, leaning in and turning to him, "And?"

Merlin rests his face on his neck...

"And... I think I may need a constant refresher... I mean... you know... to taste you sometimes, just in order not to forget..."

Arthur takes his face in his hands, kissing him again, slowly...

"Come here..."

Merlin stands up and sits astride on the blond’s crossed legs.

"Do you have to return immediately?"

"Well... Yes"

"Ok, then, I will let you go now... I just wanted to ... make sure once again that your body belongs to me"

"And do I?"

"Yes" Arthur slightly whispers, stroking his erection, as always evident in Merlin’s trousers, who shrugs, embarrassed.

“You must think I'm a sex maniac, since I’m excited like a teenager every time I’m near you..."

"I love the fact that you can’t resist me..."

Arthur says it on his lips, making him sit better on his crotch, to make him feel that he too is excited like him.

Merlin sighs, “Too bad I have to go back and that they may see us here"

Arthur allows him to stand up from his legs, depositing a new kiss on his neck, and slowly whispers, "This is fine too. I just needed to see you"

Merlin nods. "I'll wait for you at the clinic later then..."

Arthur takes the cup of coffee in hand, now cold.

"Ok. Thanks for the coffee"

Merlin is about to go away when Arthur calls him back...

"Merlin..."

The other turns, looking up towards the wing where Arthur has been kissing him just a minute ago...

"Thank you"

Merlin raises his arms in surprise...

"For what??"

"For waiting for... that lost moment to return”

Merlin feels happiness invading him, realizing that perhaps everything had to go that way.

"Thanks to you... for having allowed it to return... It is the first time you turn it all around, isn’t it?"

Arthur nods seriously.

"The only one"

 

**

 

It’s the third time that Merlin gets on Arthur’s bike and compere to the other two, this time he has the opportunity to fully enjoy the heat of the other young man. He is leaning against the blond’s back, tightening his sides in an embrace that he had wanted since their first meeting, enjoying their closeness on the road… their white uniforms shining under the sun. In fact, Arthur had wanted them to wear their official uniform to go to Lancelot and his family.

It doesn’t take them long to reach the next village, where Captain Du Lac had lived with his family and where his wife and children still live.

They have already been to the graveyard in the afternoon, where Arthur had wanted to deposit some flowers, and where Merlin had seen him fixing a silver pinwheel on the grave, like the ones that children love...

"It is beautiful, Arthur... but unusual ... does it have a special meaning?"

"This is my way to gift him with the wind one again, with the air; a symbol of the life he had lived, flying, the flown of life running high in the sky, on the power of the winds..."

“It’s a wonderful and very appropriate thought... I'm sure he will love it, wherever he is now..."

“I bought it almost immediately after his death, eager to bring it to him here, but ... I have never found the courage to"

"How are you feeling?"

Merlin had observed him: Arthur hadn’t seemed anxious or aloof or distant ... he had seemed just ... ready to say the goodbye that he had never said to that grave.

“Strange. It is as if I am in front of something that doesn’t mean anything, because all that I have of him is not in front of me ... but inside of me"

Merlin had taken his hand, holding it strongly, "This is the right path to say goodbye to him"

Arthur had turned, the hat of the uniform framing his face, and Merlin, while looking at him under the sun, finally free from all his confused pain, had felt his heart faster because of his beauty. Arthur had a new light in his eyes, the one of someone who had already forgiven himself and had taken control of his life. Seeing him with that new look had been a surprise for him and had given him a taste of what a wonderful person Arthur is… a so admirable person that Merlin had felt like the luckiest man in the world to have him for himself, to be the responsible of his rebirth to life...

He had gone even closer to his side, eager to feel him real and strong beside him.

"Facing Gwen and the little ones will not be this easy. How can I tell them why I have disappeared for three months without even calling once?"

"She will understand, Arthur"

 

**

 

The bike stops in front of the gate of a terraced house, surrounded by a green garden with a wooden swing and many toys, abandoned on the grass. Around it, the lazy silence of a classic suburban neighborhood.

Merlin dismount from the bike after Arthur, who is busy retrieving something from the usual glove box.

"It is the helmet he used to wear to fly. Gwen never knew that I have kept it for myself. I wanted to have it, but now I think it's better to just return it to his family ... maybe one day his children would like to have it..."

Merlin puts his hands in the pockets of the white trousers of his uniform, aware of how Arthur is holding on to something material to face a tough time. The blond is very anxious right now, probably overwhelmed to be near his friend’s house.

Merlin returns him to reality, conscious that he can’t give up now just because of his nervousness.

"Arthur... Let’s go. We are here and it is time to do it"

Arthur clutches the helmet. Then, he approaches the gate and opens it slowly, moving towards the entrance. Once across the garden, he approaches the door of the house, pressing a few times the bell. Merlin is a few steps behind him.

Merlin observes as an inner light in the house is turned on and soon after that, a young woman opens the door. She has latte-colored skin, sweet and strong eyes, curly hair falling softly on her face and shoulders, some lock pinned behind her head...

"Arthur..."

The girl is unable to say more. Her voice chokes with emotion after having pronounced his name, unable to continue...

"Gwen..."

Even Arthur doesn’t manage to say another word. She approaches him and abandons herself against him, hiding her face in his broad chest… tears shake her shoulders and sobs her face. Arthur squeezes her and Merlin lowers his face to give them all the intimacy of the moment, trying to push away the feeling of being an intruder, pointing out in his mind that it has been Arthur the one who had wanted him here with him in that delicate situation.

The two young people remain tight in their embrace for a few minutes. Then Gwen loosens the hug and wipes her tears way, smiling. She takes up that strong appearance that Merlin has seen on her face earlier...

"I'm so happy to see you..."

Gwen takes his hands, squeezing them in hers... Arthur wipes a tear, escaped from his eyelids, and tries to take a breath and to find the strength to speak...

"Gwen, forgive me. I wanted... really, I tried to come here many times, but I just was unable to find the necessary strength to"

She moves toward the inside of the house, stepping back, inviting them to come in...

“I know. Come on; let’s not stand here by the door..."

Arthur turns to Merlin, pointing out his presence.

"I’m not alone today... I... he has accompanied me"

Gwen leans over to look at Merlin, giving him a tired but sincere and open smile...

“Of course. Come in..."

..

They entered together in the house, where Merlin and Arthur take off the hat of their uniform, holding it in their hand ... Arthur looks around. The house is surrounded by silence...

"Where are Josh and Jonathan?"

Gwen smiles...

"It’s strange, isn’t? Hearing this silence ... in fact, they are not at home. Leon has taken them out"

"Leon??"

Arthur's voice is genuinely surprised. He didn’t know that Leon knew the Du Lacs, but Lancelot’s death may have changed things...

"They went to the park. Once a week, they do something together. The children like him, especially Jonathan. He adores him because he is a doctor. He keeps saying he is going to wear the white coat and save lives once grown up..."

Merlin spontaneously smiles and Arthur turns to finally introduce him to Gwen.

"Good. My little angel has always had clear ideas. This is Merlin... he is... a new doctor at the base, Leon’s colleague"

Gwen looks at Arthur intently, as if to convey something with her eyes. She has an open and affectionate smile on her face. Then, she turns to Merlin, shaking his hand.

"I’m Gwen. Arthur has never brought anyone here at our house... this is new for me and I'm very happy to meet you. You must be special if he has brought you with him today and if you're for him, then you're for us too"

Arthur looks down, almost blushing, while Merlin shakes the girl’s hand, glad of her friendliness... Arthur has already realized that Gwen knows; that she is already aware of what there is actually between him and Merlin and just with one glance.

"I can’t hide anything from you..."

She gives him a pat on the back, genuinely happy for him, "No. But I have to admit that you have surprised me... I always thought that you’d have found yourself a professor. I mean, you know, one of these calm, thoughtful and nit-picky persons that make you see reason. Ok, he is not a professor, but he's a doctor, so I’ve got it right...more or less"

Arthur laughs softly, looking at Merlin, who is laughing too while looking at him, satisfied, like someone who has found your bigger secret and is very happy about it...

Arthur widens a broad smile, a bit more relaxed, “Actually, for a time he has also taught and sometimes he does classes ... in short, he is really in part the kind of person you've always said would be perfect for me"

Gwen laughs with a lighter heart, "Come on, let’s not stand still here. Let's go get a cup of tea in the kitchen"

 

**

 

The Du Lacs’ house is cozy. The furniture is of a warm wood. It is decorated with furnishings in bright colors. Toys and books are everywhere, to witness that despite all the pain they have felt, the people who live here are full of life. In fact, the house is permeated with warmth and for Merlin is not hard to understand that the credit for all the love that reigns around them goes to the young woman in front of him.

"Merlin, do you take your tea with lemon or milk like Arthur?"

"Lemon is fine, thanks"

Merlin looks around; he cannot help but be interest in that family. He is comfortable here and wants to know them better. Above the sofa in the kitchen, in a blue frame, hangs a picture of Captain Du Lac along with Arthur: next to them, their plane, Excalibur.

It’s a picture that must be hanging on the wall of the kitchen for a long time, reflects Merlin. In the picture, the two young men are wearing happy smiles: they are at least 5/6 years younger and Lancelot, Merlin notices, was a brunet young man, very handsome, tall as Arthur, with intense eyes and a strong presence and posture. It's just a picture, that’s true and it is also the first time that Merlin sees them together, but it is clear that their friendship is carved in their faces, even if it is just a click.

Gwen, seeing him interested, breaks the silence, "He is Lancelot. My husband... but Arthur must have already told you everything. You know, they have been friends since childhood... then, they have attended together even the same officer candidate school. Lance loved flying with Arthur… being his co-pilot. At some point, it had been given to both of them the chance to choose to fly alone on a Harrier, but they had always preferred to fly together”

Merlin observes Arthur beside him and continues to listen to the young woman...

"I met Lancelot to get to Arthur actually. I took a fancy to this colossal big head man here, when they had arrived at the base. I approached Lance in order to meet his friend. But then, I ended up falling in love with him. At that time I did not know that it would have been hopeless with Arthur for me in any case..."

Arthur laughs for the first time, recalling that story of their lives...

"If I could have ever fallen in love with a woman in my life, Gwen, you know it'd have been you..."

"Oh, no... Thanks. I had had the best man in the world by my side, the best I could ever have. It has been a great honor to be his wife. I’ll love him forever"

On her face, Merlin reads all the deep love that she has always felt for her husband. With a heavy heart, he remains silent, not knowing what to say. She really needs to sort things out with Arthur.

Arthur sighs, looking into her eyes, "Gwen, believe me, I’ve really been unable to come and see you and the kids. Sorry if I hadn’t have the strength to do so. Even I had to pick up the pieces of my life, forgive myself for his death and face my pain. I think I have started to live again only since last month"

Merlin is moved as he watches Arthur and the emotions that go through him as he utters those words, understanding that the blond is basically saying that his ‘rebirth’ has begun when they met, no matter their fights.

She takes his hand on the table, consoling him, instead of seeking her own consolation, showing what an amazing woman she is...

"Arthur... I have always told you, right from the start, that Lancelot’s death is not your fault. You were on duty together; they have shot you and you could have died too that day"

“At the time it was not enough to convince me that the blame of what had happened wasn’t mine..."

"What about now?"

"Let’s just say that I have managed to forgive myself the fact that I couldn’t do anything more than take the aircraft as close as possible to the coast"

“Arthur, we will miss him forever, but for me, having found you again means to have back a part of him, for myself and for my children"

Gwen is again moved and Arthur needs to get up and hold her in yet another hug. Perhaps he had feared not to be accepted and forgiven, to find resentment or coldness in her… However, it has not been the case...

“I will never leave you alone again, Gwen. I promise"

Gwen laughs through her tears, watching him and Merlin alternately...

“That’s for sure! Otherwise, I swear I'll ask your partner here to give you a slap on the wrist, since he seems to me like someone much more reasonable than you..."

Merlin smiles at her, catching her request for support.

.

They're all trying to get over that moment, when a car stops in front of the house and children’s cries fill the air. Two boys, about 6 and 5 years old, burst in the house...

"Uncle Arthur is here; Uncle Arthur is here!!! That’s his bike, mom! It’s him, isn't it?? Mom!!!"

The older of the two, Josh, enters the kitchen with a toothless smile and his face lit up with joy, running to throw himself into Arthur’s arms, who can hardly hold back the tears... Jonathan comes after him along with Leon, visibly happy and pleased to see Arthur and Merlin.

Arthur lifts Jonathan in his arms and caresses Josh’s head, full of emotions, difficult to retain...

"Hello, my angels. I've missed you so much!!"

The children fill Arthur with questions, not letting him breathe...

"You won’t go so soon, right, Uncle Arthur? Mom said you were really busy after dad had flown in Heaven... but I knew you'd have come back and that we would have seen you again!!"

Jonathan's voice goes straight into Arthur’s heart, now moved to the limit.

"Your mom was right. But now I got rid of all my commitments and from now on we will see each other like before..."

Jonathan gets down from his arms to return next to his brother ... he is smaller but strangely less impetuous, which is unusual for a younger brother, and is also more reflective. Merlin smiles when he sees how different they are from each other, a bit like him and Arthur, or probably like Gwen and Lancelot...

"What kind of commitments?"

Arthur doesn’t want to put his sadness on the children and looks for Gwen with his eyes to silently ask her if he is making the right choice by leaving them out of his pain. They already have enough of their own and maybe one day they will understand better.

“I had to choose my new plane… I have to start flying again”

Arthur realizes that with these words he may have upset the children; he is not fully convinced that he has said the right thing, but the children are calm. Clearly, their mother must have worked on this issue, perhaps by telling them that their father's death had been caused by an accident on duty and that not all aircrafts fall and kill you...

Jonathan smiles, “Are you choosing the new Excalibur?"

Merlin observed Arthur carefully and the other plants his eyes on him, involving him, while he answers, surprising the brunet.

"Yeah. I have made my choice today. Your father would have liked it"

Merlin can feels his heart beating faster, realizing that maybe this morning he has got on the fighter plane on which Arthur will fly from now on...

Josh lifts himself in Arthur’s arms to look into his eyes, happy.

"Uncle Arthur, one day I'll fly like my father and like you. I will become a pilot and I will never die... So mom will be happy"

Gwen laughs, touched, leaning against Leon, who is there beside her, enjoying the scene ... Arthur puts him back down, happy.

“You will become a great pilot... I'll be happy to see you fly..."

“I am going to be like you, Uncle Arthur!! A famous Top Gun!"

Arthur smiles, ruffling his hair with his hand.

"I’m not famous! But I hope you will be!"

“Dad always said you are! He always said you are the best of the best, the King of the Sky! He said that you're not the first Top Gun in the world just because only those who fly alone can have that title… and that you have always wanted to fly only with him!!"

"Your dad loved me too much!!"

Arthur laughs and Josh goes near Leon again, taking his hand.

"We no longer have dad, but now we have Leon… and now that you're back, Uncle Arthur, we will have two special dads. And besides, mom always says she will love us for two..."

Arthur has a heavy heart at witnessing the power of those two small children, "Yes. And that's because you have the best mom in the world"

Gwen smiles through her tears, trembling, happy.

Jonathan looks intensely at Merlin, remained silent until then, eager to grant them the privacy that their reunion needs...

"Uncle Arthur... Who is he??"

Arthur seems to recover and breathes a sigh of relief, approaching Merlin.

“He’s a friend of mine, mine and Leon’s. A special friend. His name is Merlin... you know, he and Leon are also colleagues. Merlin is a doctor, just like him"

The child approaches Merlin shyly but surely, looking at him straight in the eyes…

"When I grow up I want to be a doctor. And when I will wear the white coat, I will save many people ... just like you"

Merlin takes his hand in his own, entering quietly and tiptoeing in that family for the first time, trying not to be too intrusive, but genuinely happy to be there with Arthur.

“It’s nice to be so young and already knowing what you want to do in the future... I too, when I was your age, wanted to be a doctor and today I am very happy to be one"

The child returns his smile, encouraged, "Mom and Uncle Arthur will be proud of me nevertheless, even if I will not become a pilot like daddy. They will be happy because I will save lives, even if I won’t be flying like Josh. You know, I am afraid of flying..."

Arthur approaches, kissing him, “Mom and Uncle Arthur will be proud of you whatever you will do"

Josh comes closer to his brother, always smiling with his upper incisors-less smile...

"Oh but you WILL fly... one day you will fly with me on my plane! And you will not be afraid because I'll be the pilot!!"

Jonathan smiles, returning next to Leon and his mother.

Gwen seems to regain some color and comes to her senses after all those emotions, "Ok, kids... it's almost dinner time, why don’t you ask Arthur, Merlin and Leon if they want to eat pizza with us?"

The children respond in chorus, obviously happy.

"Yeeessss!!! Pleeeaaase!!! Pizzaaa!!!!"

Arthur laughs and goes near Merlin, making him feel his presence and sending him his regained serenity, finally happy after a long time.

Merlin takes his hand for a moment, while the others are moving in the living room to order the pizzas.

“You have wonderful friends, Arthur ... and you were right. I already love them"

Arthur kisses him discreetly, out of the others’ sight, "Thank you for being here with me"

"Stop it. You have already thanked me many times today ... I'm the lucky one to have found you, Arthur"

Arthur kisses him again, squeezing his hand even more...

 

**

 

The bike stops in front of Merlin’s house and both of them dismount from the saddle, tired due to the emotions they have experienced that evening...

Merlin is of few words, conscious that Arthur probably needs to spend some time alone and to metabolize all the things he has experienced today.

“Josh was so cute with his father’s helmet on. He has kept it all the time. He's a real big boy..."

Arthur smiles and looks down, "Yeah. By the way ... remember to bring Jonathan the stethoscope you have promised him, or Gwen will eat us alive next time..."

Merlin laughs. Then, he looks at him intently, "I don’t know if you want to come in..."

Arthur shook his head slowly, "Not tonight. I need tocollect my thoughts"

Merlin nods, understanding, "I'll see you tomorrow then"

Arthur remains silent for a moment. Then, he takes a breath.

"At what time do I have to come to you tomorrow for my release to service examination?"

Merlin darkens, aware of how much that is still a sensitive subject for them...

"At 16"

Arthur nods. Then..."Tomorrow morning I am on duty and I have to fly..."

Merlin clenches his fists, hoping that this time everything will go well for Arthur.

"Would you like to meet me at the base before my flight? So we can see each other. I wanted to... show you Excalibur, though ... well… actually you've already seen it this morning"

Merlin slowly nods, his heart tightened and swollen, "See you by 11?"

Arthur nods. Then, he sits back on the bike, "See you tomorrow morning"


	7. LIKE DIAMONDS IN THE SKY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the delay... this is the longest chapter I have ever translated!
> 
> ^^^^
> 
> THE STORY IS NOT MINE  
> This is a translation of the Italian story ‘Shine Bright like a diamond in the sky’ by Ship  
> http://www.efpfanfic.net/viewuser.php?uid=33069

The sky is completely cloudless that morning and you can already feel the heat.

It is going to be a busy and full day and Merlin hopes with all his heart that things will go well regarding Arthur’s flight, now that he is clearly happier and calmer.

He is almost ready to go out: he puts on the jeans, a white cotton shirt, a light blue scarf around the neck; he fixes his hair and grabs his phone and car keys. He's a bit anxious at the prospect to meet Arthur.

He's already thinking about what to say to the blond to encourage him about this flight, very important for his career. However, when he opens the door to leave, he comes face to face with his father, arrived without warning.

He mustn’t have even warned Mordred of his arrival, because otherwise his brother would have told him.

"Dad..."

"Won't you let me come in?"

Merlin’s father is a middle-aged man, still very attractive; he has the blue eyes of his children and their same dark hair. He is a man of integrity, used to face a world that he has always dominated, primarily because of his job, but also because of his character. He lacks the ability to feel real affection or empathic ... he has never really lived, not feeling the need to address the problem of understanding the lives of his children. He is only interested in the fact that after years of studies they would play an important role in the world, at work and in the society.

Merlin moves away, letting him in. He enters into the apartment without looking at him, distant, as always. Merlin is currently only feeling nervous about having to deal with talks that he doesn’t want to address, especially in that delicate moment, when Arthur is waiting for him...

“You should have warned me you were coming ... I was going out. I don’t have much time for you"

"Do I have to announce myself even to my own children now??"

Merlin resents the tone he has used, still in a bad mood due to their fights a few months earlier...

"Well, maybe after months you haven’t spoken a word or a simple greeting to me, it would have been better to warn me of your arrival or to make sure I wanted to talk to you again, before showing up in my home this way..."

His father looks at him without blinking, aware as well as his son of the fact that meeting again after so long is not easy for the both them.

"I have called Mordred. He is coming. He hadn’t had time to warn you. He said you had your phone off"

Merlin is staring at him now, trying to figure out what his father is there for.

"Yes ... I have... found his call just now. I was going to call him once in the car..."

His father doesn’t respond, waiting for him to continue...

"So tell me…why are you here??"

The doorbell rings and Merlin turns to open the door. Mordred enters, a bit out of breath: he must have left whatever he was doing to run to them.

"Hi, Merlin... Dad..."

The other responds only with a nod and Merlin starts to talk.

"So? What happened? Has something happened and you have come here to tell us, or you simply want to fight again? Because in this case, I am telling you now that now's not the time. I have to leave and a new discussion is something we both should have agreed on beforehand. You can’t just walk in here and dictate when we have to do that, like you always do. If this were your intent, we’d have to postpone it. Until then, I cannot give you even one minute of my time"

Merlin is sharp and nervous, determined not to give him time to begin a conversation that he doesn’t want to deal with once again.

Mordred intervenes to bring a bit of peace in the room.

“Merlin, let him talk, okay? You are not helping here... if you are in a hurry, you are just losing time..."

Merlin shrugs and goes into the living room of his apartment, but remains standing.

"So?"

His father reaches the couch and sits down and Mordred does the same. On the other hand, Merlin doesn’t move, staying up, hands on his hips.

"I wanted your brother here too, Merlin, because I want you to seriously think on what I'm about to tell you and Mordred can help you see reason. What I have to talk you about is too important to let our disputes influence your choices about what I’m about to say. As always, Mordred will help you to consider what’s best for you"

"The best for me…"

Merlin is sarcastic and feels anger growing within at those words, because the best for him never corresponds to what his father considers the best...

"Merlin..."

Mordred stops him with his eyes and asks him not to react without thinking once again and to remain calm, without falling for the provocation.

"Dad, it would be better if you just start talking now. Merlin has already said that he has little time, but I too have to go to work soon and honestly, this discussion hasn’t start in the best way, considering the fact you have come here this way… you have to admit it too. So, let’s not force the hand, okay? What do you have to say to Merlin? Of what decision are you talking about??"

The man stares at his son, transmitting all his expectations, "My hospital is considering the possibility of opening a new surgery department. It is a detachment, specialized in neurosurgery ... and I can tell you that everything is already almost 100% sure"

Mordred observes his father and then Merlin, already sensing where this is going...

The other man continues…

"The chief of surgery that will direct it will be an American friend of mine. He is coming here with some surgeons of his team, but he's still looking for another neurosurgeon. I've recommended you. You got your Master's Degree in America and you're the best in this field. You have an immense talent that you have never fully exploited, Merlin. And then, by joining the army, you have ended up blocking your career. You have to think carefully about it, because this is an opportunity that comes only once in a lifetime... a boat you cannot miss..."

Merlin feels fury mounting inside in front of the control on the lives of his children that his father can’t give up, despite the fact that that discourse is still digging into him, uncovering all his old ambitions...

"Dad, I want to remind you that I’m in the navy now"

But his father smiles, somehow as if he has won, because his son hasn’t said _no_ right away.

“You can always leave it. All three of us know that you have enlisted only to escape and because your brother had already chosen that path. Your problem, Merlin, is that while he has made a choice of life, fully conscious of what he wanted - even if he could have done so much more … you have used this as a fallback. We all know that your dreams were others, more ambitious ones, and that you have set them aside ... due to other reasons, so to speak. But I invite you to ponder this opportunity very carefully: you are only 28 years old and you have a talent like no one’s in the field of medicine ... you can always go back to where you had stopped"

Merlin is furious and clenches his fists, because of the truths that his father is slamming in his face again without the slightest bit of delicacy.

"This discussion is even more complicated than I thought it would be ...now’s not the way nor the time to talk about it"

The man gets up, approaching Mordred, looking at his eldest son, hoping to convince him to help Merlin see reason...

“I haven’t come here for an immediate answer, but to ask you to think about it. The new department will be under a different management, supported by an important foundation, which already invests in research. Besides, since the project has been financed by enormous amounts of money, it has been decided to invest it primarily in the staff choosing, getting the best medical team from the States. Do you know what this means, Merlin? It means having the newest technology at your disposition, working with the elite, constant travels in the States and a brilliant career. Everything you've always dreamed, which you were born for, and that then you've abandoned over the years. I'm opening a new path for you and I’m not doing it just because you're my son, but because you're the best… You deserve it and I know that you could do great things. A great talent and great resources: all the shareholders’ idea, including me, is to make that department a point of reference for all neurosurgery here in UK"

Merlin isn't feeling well.

His father is slapping in his face all his old dreams, all the ambitions that he had put aside when his mother had died years before and when his life had become a mess.

“And for this you would be willing to turn a blind eye on what happened? On my relationship with Ryan? On the fact that your son would come to work in the hospital where everyone knows that he and one of your surgeons had had an affair? I don’t believe you. You’ve got over it? You’ve accepted my life? The fact that you have a child who will never date any woman to show off in front of the world like your colleagues?"

His parent looks at him, equally stubborn, and goes to the door, leaving a furious Merlin and a Mordred insure for the first time on how to deal with that delicate issue...

“I have just come here to tell you what I had to. It is up to you to decide now. I hope your brother will make you see reason and that in the end you will make the right choice for your life. Just let me know what you want to do. In the event of your refusal, I will offer the job to Ryan"

Merlin receives a slap in the face at those words. His father opens the door and is about to exit.

"I have a taxi waiting for me just outside. I asked him to wait for me earlier… this has been just touch-and-go to tell you this. It was not my intention to reopen old wounds. I must go now. My flight to London leaves in an hour"

Mordred nods, staring at Merlin, who is struggling to control his frustration and anger, "We'll let you know, dad"

 

**

 

Mordred looks at Merlin intensely, conscious of the inner battle that his brother is experiencing...

"Merlin... Listen to me"

"He is the usual arrogant asshole!! He always expects the world to revolve around him. He arrives and does what he wants with no regard to the speaker or whom he is facing, even if it’s his own children. He is a heartless bastard! Slapping in my face such an important proposal this way?? Mordred!! I am even more pissed at him now! And let’s not talk about what he has said about Ryan! He doesn’t even hold him in high regard ... why would he want to offer the job to Ryan if I refuse??"

"He is still a great neurosurgeon, even if he hates him. Dad must make the right decisions for the hospital. After you, you know that Ryan is the best choice"

Merlin runs a hand over his face, overwhelmed by an unexpected event that is forcing him to come to terms with his life, just when  he should focus on Arthur’s issue instead, very important for his career.

"I can’t stand all this..."

"Merlin, take a step back, okay? It is not a decision you have to make now ... you can think about it calmly. I know that right now you are just confused"

"You are right. I have to concentrate on what is happening right now. Arthur is waiting for me. Yesterday he explicitly asked for my support for his latter and fundamental test flight. I cannot think about anything else. I cannot leave him alone or forget that today I will be in front of the delicate decision whether or not to sign his return certificate. I think I have enough things to think about, at least for today"

Mordred gives him a pat on the back in support and approval.

"We'll talk later, okay? When you finish work. This way you can also let me know how things have turned out for Arthur, for better or for worse. And regarding the rest, just remember: don’t think about what our father wants. He has just offered you a job … if you believe that it’s not what you want for your life, don’t hesitate to tell him _no_ "

Merlin nods, taking his phone and car keys and then closing the apartment door behind him.

 

**

 

Merlin arrives at the base in a hurry ... the memory of the recent events momentarily put aside. Now he is focused on what's going to happen from that moment on… his mind is on Arthur’s flight.

As he parks the car, turns off the engine and turns to look at the car door, he sees Percival from afar, wearing the camouflage uniform, intent on walking in the square of the campus.

He would like to stop and talk with him for a moment, before going to find Arthur, to express his support to him too, but Percival seems to be in a hurry and is talking on the phone. Therefore, Merlin gives up and continues on his way.

 

Hangar 11 is the last one and Merlin, passing those before it, notes that many of them are empty… their pilots must be on an exercise.

When Merlin arrives to the right one, it is silent inside … not even Arthur is there.

He wants to know what he's doing. Therefore, he sends him a message: " _I have just arrived. Where are you?_ "

The reply message arrives immediately: " _I'm almost there too. I had to do something first. Give me five minutes_ "

Merlin puts the phone in the pocket of his jeans and walks toward the plane number three, the one that Arthur has chosen and that he has renamed as new Excalibur. Once in front of the plane, he looks at it a bit better, really admiring it for the first time. He is imagining Arthur inside, sitting in the cockpit with his helmet on, the Ray-Bans on his nose and his strong hands on the controls. He trembles at the thought of seeing him strong and majestic as he challenges the winds of the sky, praying with all his heart that his man can finally take up his life and his work.

The new fighter plane is very beautiful and Merlin would like to climb on it again and take a look on board, but doesn’t want to do anything rash, given the fact that his partner has not arrived yet.

Merlin is thinking of going back to meet Arthur, when he sees him arriving from afar, beautiful as always, wrapped in the camouflage and already dressed with the flying equipment and the Ray-Bans on, which Arthur takes off once he has reached him.

Merlin is tense due to the anxiety and the excitement… he struggles to find the strength to speak, conscious of the solemnity of the moment...

"So... Are you ready? Arthur, I am convinced that everything will be fine ... I'm sure of that"

Merlin’s tone is calmer than he is actually feeling within himself. Arthur nods, understanding. Then, he looks at him, smiling, sinking firmly straight into his eyes.

"Everything will be fine... and now I'm pretty sure of that too"

Merlin looks at him questioning and Arthur hands him something that Merlin had not seen before in his hands. It’s a camouflage jacket and a helmet...

"...Do you know why I'm one hundred percent sure? Because I will be flying with you"

Merlin’s jaw drops, no salivation, chocking breathing in his throat…

"What? ARTHUR, I DIDN’T QUITE GET THAT"

"You are coming with me! We are about to fly together. I have talked to Percival earlier… we discussed it a lot and at the end he agreed that this is something I can do today and that now I’m really emotionally ready, in comparison to the other flights already done. Besides, he owes me a favor: when he flew with Gwaine, I have covered him…today he’s his turn"

Merlin doesn’t know what to say: he reads conviction and confidence in Arthur, a self-control that he has never seen in him until then. He has certainly been another young man in those last few days, very different from the one he had first met ... the blond undoubtedly has a serenity in him that he has never showed. However, Merlin is still not so sure this is a good idea...

"Arthur... are you sure you want to do this? I don’t know if..."

"Absolutely sure, Merlin. I’m ready. I want to do this and I’m sure I want to do this with you. You said that I had to take the responsibility of another partner while flying and I am just putting into practice what you have told me. In fact, I’m doing even more…I’m going to show you that now I can fly with the full responsibility of my man’s life on my shoulders, someone who doesn’t even know what a control stick is"

Merlin falls silent. He doesn’t know what to say. He does not want to show Arthur fear or mistrust. Therefore, he must decide in a few seconds what the right thing to do is.

“Arthur, I'm not your co-pilot. It will be as if you are alone on the fighter plane ... I will not be able to help you in any way. However, if you're feeling up to it, if you are sure of what you’re doing ... I'm ready to go with you. I'm not afraid, I trust you."

Arthur approaches him and kisses him on the lips with decision.

"You have nothing to fear. You are the most important person for me now. Knowing I’m flying while being responsible for your life at the same time... it's not a simple matter for me. I could never do anything to put you in danger, Merlin, and I’d be happy to show you that later this afternoon you will be able to sign my return to active duty certificate serenely"

Merlin kisses him on the lips in turn to let him know that he trusts him and that he is sure that everything will be fine. "Ok. And I am ready to prove to you that I'm ready to entrust my life to you ... I will fly with you"

Arthur gives him the camouflage jacket and the helmet, "Let's go then. I'll take you for a ride in the clouds"

Merlin puts the jacket on and the helmet under his arm, now excited...

"Yes, My Captain!"

Arthur winks. Then, he surpasses him and walks toward the plane...

"Let’s go! It’s time to fly, Dr Emrys"

 

**

 

Once on the plane, Arthur gives Merlin a harness, briefly showing him what to do with it and how to fasten his helmet. Then, he invites him to wear the camouflage jacket and a pair of flight glasses.

Once dressed, Merlin feels excited; his heart is pounding fast in his chest. Arthur is beautiful and reassuring in front of him, as he finishes fastening the brunet’s equipment with safe and experienced hands, showing no sign of a tremor.

"It seems complicated stuff… all this, I mean"

Arthur smiles, happy, "Don’t worry, you won’t need to use anything. Make sure you have your earpiece and microphone always positioned in their place inside the helmet. Once turned on the engines, we’ll communicate only through them"

Merlin nods, tightening the helmet a bit more around his face. Then, Arthur accompanies him to the second seat, the one of the co-pilot.

"So? Ready for the most intense experience of your life??"

Merlin gives him a broad smile, his heart pounding with the excitement that is pervading him.

"Can’t wait for it. Are we going??"

Arthur smiles back. He quickly wears his helmet, fastens his own equipment and jumps in front of the controls.

The engines of the plane light up with a loud roar, broken only by the helmet on their heads ... Merlin is concentrated, a bit nervous. However, he tries to relax on the seat. He looks at Arthur in front of him, who is quickly touching a series of electronic controls.

"Merlin? You are with me, okay? For everything, talk to me… I’m here with you…relax"

Merlin would like to tell him that he has never been afraid to fly, but as soon as the plane begins to move out of the Hangar and onto the runway, picking up speed almost immediately, he realizes that in the end this experience will still be something unique.

In fact, when the fighter plane rumbles strong as it takes off, Merlin realizes that he has never really flown in his life, despite the hundreds planes he has taken.

A fighter plane is in fact a obviously smaller and faster plane... flying with this type of aircraft is a totally different thing, so much that it feels like to be right on the winds. It’s so fast that one moment they still are on the ground and the next they are surrounded by the highest blue of the sky.

 

Merlin gasps as he observes all that blue at his sides and above him… he even feels a bit dizzy. The Earth below them is already very far...

Then...

There is Arthur’s warm and reassuring voice in his ears to restore his breathing and consciousness.

"Merlin, are you all right? The takeoff makes everyone a bit light-headed. Until the plane gains altitude you may feel dizzy, but soon you will feel better..."

Merlin focuses on his voice to recover fully, "Yes ... it's getting better already..."

Arthur's voice is calm and relaxed in his ears, "Ok, we are about to reach the right altitude. Are you ready to break the sound barrier? You will feel like a feeling of pressure, but it will be only for a moment..."

Merlin clenches a bit more his hands on the seat, swallowing a few times... and the plane races out so fast in the sky that it’s almost hard to figure out what's going on. Completely captured and lost in that blue, he has no the slightest idea of where they are, but Arthur is confident and Merlin can feel his excitement and happiness reaching him.

"Arthur??"

The blond leans a bit sideways and backwards with his head, as if looking for a contact...

"It’s beautiful. And seeing you flying is amazing, Arthur"

Arthur smiled, spreading his lips and opening his heart, obviously at home in the sky, off the world.

"Ok. Let's go for a ride around the coast, just to show you what we're doing, since from up here you have no way to verify it, except on the controls. All this blue is making you dizzy??"

"I feel more like drugged, actually"

Arthur nods, "This is my drug. I cannot live without diving in this blue. This is my life, Merlin. This is me ... All this - flying, pushing my limits - is me. It is the best thing that can explain who Arthur is. I wanted to show you. And I also wanted... for you to want me and accept me for and despite this"

Merlin would like to hug him, but he can’t, "I'm sorry ... but I don’t have enough saliva to answer now, or enough concentration to articulate something coherent to say"

Arthur laughs openly, completely happy... Merlin almost feel tears wetting his eyelashes, sunk in the multitude of feelings he is feeling.

“Arthur, are you okay, right? It's over. You've picked up the pieces of everything you are ... your life"

Arthur raises his voice, so that the message can reach into Merlin’s ears more than clearly...

"Thanks to you"

 

**

 

The power of the engine decreases. Then, it is switched off completely when the plane is back in the Hangar. Merlin takes off the helmet, the glasses and catches his breath, overwhelmed by the moments he has just lived and that he will never forget...

Arthur is turning off all controls. Therefore, the brunet leaves the seat and goes out of the cabin, stripping and leaving in a corner the equipment that Arthur had given him for the flight. He still feels a confused buzzing in his ears and his blood is still circulating very fast. He breathes deeply and closes his eyes to imprint in his mind every single sensation experienced, every emotion.

A movement behind him returns him to reality. Arthur is standing behind him, so close he can hear him breathing.

"So? How are you?"

Merlin struggles to speak because of the accumulated emotional tension and the happiness is feeling...

"I... I need to recover a bit"

Arthur undresses in turn and puts his equipment next to the one abandoned by Merlin.

“I want to know if you liked it or if you were afraid to fly with me"

Merlin listens carefully to his voice: it is unsteady. Arthur is overwhelmed by his emotions. His face is a mask of mixed feelings: joy, surrender, happiness, excitement. He has the face of someone who has waited a long time for a gift that is finally here and Merlin is speechless at seeing him like that. He just wants to get lost in his embrace.

He needs it so desperately that he is shaking.

"Not for a second. You have been... beautiful up there. The sky is really where you belong. You were wonderful... you were shining bright like a diamond in the sky"

Arthur covers the remaining distance and takes him in his arms, squeezing him. His body trembles, while he is gifting him his warmth.

"You are trembling..."

"Kiss me. Please... kiss me, Arthur"

Arthur's lips are warm on Merlin’s, sweet, and Merlin surrenders to the kiss, that is not urgent, but tenderer than ever ... Merlin sinks into his chest when they finally separate and stops shaking, lost in Arthur’s heat...

"So? Dr Emrys... Do you think you can sign my return certificate this afternoon?"

Merlin looks up into his eyes...

"With great pleasure, Captain Pendragon"

Arthur’s lips find  Merlin’s again, this time in a more urgent kiss, looking for an outlet for the accumulated tension, which easily falls into something sexual.

Arthur moans, clutching him stronger, pressing against him more and more with all the power of his body, feeling the extreme tension that is pervading them, struggling to contain his huge excitement.

Merlin too is hard and panting. Now their bodies want to transmit to each other all the emotions lived together during the flight, which are still there, on edge, anxious to be set free.

The tension and pants are cutting the air, overwhelming them, and neither of them has the courage to escape them.

Merlin abandons himself to him, surrendering and trying once again to find his lips…this time with more urgency...

"I love you. I love you, Arthur."

Arthur separate from him as if receiving an electric shock in the body. He stares at him with his blue eyes, now turbid and cursed. At seeing him broken like that, Merlin’s whole being vibrates in a spasm...

Then, Arthur’s hands are everywhere on him, on his neck, shoulders and on his back under the shirt. His kisses travel fast on his skin, eager to own him...

“We have two more hours before you have to go back to work and I have just finished mine. Merlin..."

Arthur's excited voice seems made of molten gold and his breath is like fire, "Let’s take my bike, so we can be faster. Let’s go to yours!"

Merlin nods, kissing his lips again, as he seizes them mischievously, slipping his hand toward the center of Arthur’s erection, already strained under the camouflage. He feels it growing more and more under his fingers until the blond is hard, conscious that they can’t wait anymore. Arthur is now subdued and surrendered to his will and his desire...

"Arthur... I want you. I need to feel you, to have you inside me again"

Arthur breathes deeply and detaches himself from Merlin’s body with difficulty...

"Let’s go"

 

**

 

The bike literally flies on the road and none of them wants to talk. The sexual tension between them is so strong that they are unable to see reason, preventing them even to articulate a single word, as they climb the stairs to Merlin’s apartment. Merlin searches the keys to open the door with trembling hands.

Once inside, all the excitement and desire to own one other are vented, causing them to completely give in...

Arthur slams the door, closing it behind him with a kick, while Merlin begins to undress him with uncontrolled and frenetic movements. he sinks in his neck, wanting only to get to the point, to immediately have Arthur in him, melted into his body, as if they were as one. Arthur's hands are fast as Merlin’s own, who finds himself naked and shivering in less than a minute. All their clothes are abandoned there, in front of the door, ripped away furiously. Arthur strongly drags Merlin towards the bedroom, now possessed by the urge to have him, like Merlin’s urge to be caught...

With strong hands on his hips, his breath that seems to brand his skin, Arthur pushes a trembling Merlin on the bed, making him land heavily on his back. The blond bites every centimeter of white skin, strongly subduing him to his passion, out of control. Merlin can’t wait anymore, just like Arthur, and begs him to take him, freely offering himself, in total submission...

"Arthur!"

He cries out his name against the sheets. Filled by the excitement that is hitting his throat and making his voice rough, he forces himself to finally break all the walls.

Arthur is no longer able to control his actions, beside himself with desire. He unrolls a condom on his excitement, quickly taken from the box still abandoned on the nightstand from their first time. He grabs his sex, now very hard, to soak it with lube. Then, with trembling hands, he eagerly brings his cock to Merlin’s opening, with irrepressible urgently and with absolute enthusiasm to penetrate him quickly, unable to wait anymore...

"Merlin... I can’t take it anymore…I want you like this. I want to take you while you are still tight, unprepared. I want to make you scream ... what you’ve told me before. I want to hear you say you love me... and I want ...to hear you beg me to stop because you cannot take it. I need ... to feel you completely mine, violently mine, absolutely mine..."

Merlin tries to get up with his knees, crushed by Arthur’s strong body, to meet him, overwhelmed by the urge and desire to have him. Even like this, as the blond is asking him to; even like this, without any preparation. The brunet has such a need to feel him strong and majestically in him, to scream again under his strong and exhausting thrusts. He is even unable to think now...

“Take me. Do it now. Like this..."

His voice comes out almost inaudible, as he closes his eyes, no more in himself...

Arthur penetrates him in one thrust and Merlin’s trembling legs give in, knocking him forward on the sheets again, completely bent by the power of Arthur’s strength.

His breathing is slow, cut off by desire, and Merlin is desperate to force his muscle to get used to Arthur’s intrusion, who is already moving fast and strong in him, without giving him time to think, or to breathe...

And Arthur is completely lost in him because of the madness of the desire that is bending him from deep inside…

"God, Merlin... having you like this... tight, surrendered to me, to my cravings..."

Arthur is sinking strongly in him now, as he holds him up with an arm not to overpower and crush him beneath him.

Seeing Merlin bend by his furious pleasure is something sublime, capable to reduce him to a mass of trembling flesh... and then those moans that is leaving his open lips, choked on the sheets, are irreparably injuring his ears.

"Arthur... I can’t ... take it... anymore"

The cry of his name comes powerful, hurting his hearing and heart, while Merlin explodes into a powerful and intense orgasm, declaring all he feels for him...

"You... lo... ve. I... l...love...you"

His body is shaken by violent tremors, as he comes and his muscles clench around Arthur’s penis, forcing the other man to get lost in that embrace.

Beside himself with the urge to get lost in him, Arthur collapses on his back, burying his face in his shoulder blades, panting. His hands are crushed on Merlin’s, intertwining their fingers together and clinging to the sheets ... all this is helping him gather greater force in the thrusts, penetrating the brunet so deep to almost hurt...

Arthur groans loudly and Merlin sobs uncontrollably...

"Arthur... I can’t take it... anymore..."

That's all Arthur wants to hear, all he wants to hear from his lips in order to fall: feeling Merlin letting go is like letting go in turn. He climaxes so hard and violently that he cannot control himself and his own body anymore, finally lost, violated in the consciousness, in the head and in the heart. He forgets who he is, filled only by Merlin.

His body is heavy now, lying on a Merlin lost in the pleasure. Arthur’s voice is a warm and lascivious whisper in his ears.

"I love you too"

 

**

 

The sun enters inside the clinic with all its summer afternoon power and warms Merlin deep in his bones, slowly caressing his soul.

Arthur picks up his return to active duty certificate, smiling, clearly and finally happy. They both struggle to find some words to say.

Merlin observes the man he loves and who has shocked and changed his life, filling it so much to leave no room for anything else, nor in his heart, nor in his mind.

He is to the point where he has almost forgotten his previous life. It’s like he has been waiting for Arthur all his life, being so powerfully bounded to him to merge his life with his own, as if they are two halves of a whole, two sides of the same coin ... destined to be together.

"Merlin... thank you"

"You did it yourself, Arthur. You faced your path, you have faced your pain, questioned your life with courage. If today you can return to fly, it is because you have found your own wings... it is a bit as if ... this certificate is bearing your signature too"

Arthur smiles. Then, he looks at him in a so intense way that Merlin almost feels his legs collapsing and his stomach reaching his throat...

"Yes... but where would I have been today if three months ago you had not come into my life? We can continue to deny it ... but we both know that I owe it to you my return from the well I had fallen into"

“I prefer to think of myself as the one who has motivated you..."

Arthur is breathtakingly beautiful in his white uniforms and Merlin is afraid he’ll become blind at seeing him so changed and strong...Arthur returns his gaze and his tone is mischievous, lightening the air around them ... in fact, they both know very well what they mean to each other now.

"Well... after what we have done at yours earlier, you definitely are my motivation now"

Merlin laughs, showing him his best mischievous smile, the one that sends twitching of Arthur’s nerves and muscles straight to his groin, turning him on.

"What are you going to do now?"

Arthur puts his hat on his head, getting ready to go out...

“I’m going to talk with my superiors and then, to go to the barracks to say hello to my colleagues and to inform them of my return. They will all be happy about it. At what time are you finishing here?"

"At 22"

“I wanted to go out tonight with the guys, to celebrate"

"We should start making phone calls then. We can meet at the club perhaps. Can you come and pick me up?"

Arthur nods...

“I’ll ask Leon to try and see if Gwen would like to come ... maybe she wants to"

"Good idea"

"See you later then"

 

Merlin observes Arthur shutting the door and leaving the room. Then, he switches his gaze toward the outside to reflect.

Arthur is not the only one who has reason to say with conviction that his life has changed dramatically since meeting each other. In fact, the truth is that Merlin’s life has dramatically changed too.

Before meeting Arthur, he has always gone on instinctively and without a compass. But now he suddenly has reasons to schedule his days, reasons to think first at someone else other than himself. Moreover, now he wants to think about what’s really best for himself, for his own life.  He has reason to stop, to... stay; to finally stay in one place.

The best for his life is in fact there, at the base.

It’s Arthur; it’s that new life that gives him strength and serenity that he has never had before, a happiness that he has never thought he could achieve.

Merlin squeezes his folded arms, slowly approaching the windows to look at the summer outside in all its beauty, reflection of what he is feeling inside now.

He has everything for the first time in his life. Now that Merlin has what he needs, he finally realizes that the dreams he has craved until now have never been properly and really his own and that perhaps he has never really struggled to achieve them because deep down, he has always perceived them as false, as not really his own, although he didn’t want to admit it. Finally, he recognizes them as the projection of what others have always wanted for him, especially his father. In that moment, being aware of this fact gives him the courage to think more carefully about what has happened with him that morning.

Returning with his mind to his parent, he thinks back to the conversation he has had with him a few hours before and to the proposal that he has received, finding the right decision for himself and the answer to give his father regarding the new job.

It has absolutely no intention to accept the job as a neurosurgeon in his father’s hospital, because everything it is and the world it represents is far from what Merlin wants now...

In fact, all he wants for his life is where he is now. His priorities have changed completely, as well as his dreams.

For the first time, Merlin really likes his life and wants to live what he has, which involves Arthur in its every single aspect or moment.

Merlin moves toward the door, eager to get a coffee, and while he is in front of the coffee machine sipping his hot drink, he decides he has to find the right time and a way to call his father, to inform him of his decision. He must tell him that he rejects the offer, now conscious that he is never going to leave Dragon Cape and Camelot Base.

 

**

 

It is late in the night when the group decides to leave and say goodbye.

They had drunk and celebrated together Arthur’s return on duty, all happy for him, and even Gwen had exceptionally stayed with them at the club for more than half an hour to show her joy for Arthur, to celebrate with all of them and to rebuild relationships with the outside world and with her friends. But then, she had returned home at once, eager to get back to her children. Leon had given her a ride back home, declaring that he would have returned soon, and it had intrigued Merlin...

“Guys, to me Leon looks like one who has a crush, doesn’t he??"

Arthur and Percival had smiled, nodding and confirming discreetly.

Arthur had looked even amused by it, "Leon has always had a crush on Gwen. Who knows, maybe in the future ... you know, Leon has never hanged out very much with the Du Lacs, respecting Lancelot and staying away from Gwen. However, now perhaps he might want to try... who knows ... maybe one day, when she is ready, there may be something between them..."

Morgana had objected...

“Gwen is too in love with Lancelot to even think about looking at another man and it’s unlikely she’ll ever forget her husband..."

Arthur had looked at his sister in the eyes. Then, he had looked down, "She will never be able to forget him, no one will, especially her. However, she is young and life goes on. I'm living proof of that..."

Merlin had watched him, nodding. He too had felt like dying when his mother had died… But then, life had been stronger and slowly he had gone on, despite having been only fifteen.

Arthur had closed the discussion, hopeful, "Lancelot was my closest friend and, despite the fact that I will always love him, someday I hope he’ll be able to see his family happy, his wife happy again and his children not growing up alone, but with someone who can love them like a father should. Really, I would be happy with Gwen starting a new life with Leon one day"

The others had nodded and Morgana had smiled and raised her glass, "Well... I too liked Lance a lot, but if you put it that way ... Let’s all root for them then!!"

Eventually, Leon had returned and that conversation was over.

 

It’s very late now and the club is slowly emptying. They are all about to say goodbye when Mordred asks Arthur about a topic remained unspoken all evening, offering him the chance to be again the main topic and to open his heart to his friends...

"So, Arthur! Who will be your second from now on??"

"Percival. I’ll fly with him for a while. Then we’ll see"

Percival confirms, looking at Gwaine beside him. He clarifies his position, "Only until Arthur finds himself a new co-pilot. I have long ceased to be it. It is not easy... regressing and being a co-pilot when you are used to be in charge now..."

Gwaine smiles, reaching under the table, resting his hand on the other man’s thigh. He puts it a bit too close to his groin and Percival makes an allusive face, so obvious that the others realize what Gwaine has done.

Arthur is the first to laugh, "I can see your partner warmly approves, Percy..."

Gwaine laughs heartily, putting his head on Percival’s shoulder, languid, "Absolutely yes! Percy here was born to DOMINATE. He obviously can do you a favor for a short time... But let’s be honest! Look at him! He has written ‘ _I’m in charge here_ ’ all over his every muscle!"

Merlin laughs so loudly he almost falls off the chair and can’t stop, clearly reading one by one all the implications beneath what his friend is saying and that only he has immediately understood.

Therefore, he slowly approaches Gwaine's ear, speaking softly, “I have to assume that you two have ... come to an agreement?"

Gwaine responds so mischievously that instead of making him stop laughing, Merlin continues without breathing.

"Fuck yes. And you can’t understand what it means going at it like rabbits with all those powerful muscles and nerves, Merl..."

Of course no one has heard them. They pull themselves together, while Mordred continues to talk to Arthur as if nothing has happened…

"And what will you do after?"

"In Autumn, there will be the cadets’ exams at the Campus... Gwen's brother will get his pilot's license. He is a smart one and very good, even if young. I’m thinking to ask him if he wants to become my second ... we'll see. His name’s Elyan. Maybe sometimes he could go out with us, once official..."

Merlin looks at him, smiling, more than glad to see Arthur finally so full of life and desire to start anew.

“Actually I'm also thinking about something else. This afternoon I have talked to my superiors. I was reflecting with them that maybe I may start flying alone, perhaps on a Harrier. So far, I've never done it, but Lance is dead now and... maybe I could try. I don’t know. They have offered me this opportunity and I want to think about it…we’ll see"

Morgana gives him a pat on the back, "You know what this means? Overthrowing the first Top Gun from the top of the list! It will not take you long to become it if you start to fly alone!! Fame and glory, brother!!"

Merlin watches him from afar, becoming suddenly pensive... he had no idea of that project of Arthur, or that he could be interest in something like that...

Arthur laughs, "That’s not why I’m doing it"

Morgana stabs him with her eyes, "It isn’t? But you are the most selfish man in the world! I’m not buying that... I bet that just thinking of seeing your name up there is already going to your head. You cannot wait for it, can you? Tell us the truth..."

Leon lifts the glass, "Well, then I propose the last toast of the evening, before saying goodbye: to the future Top Gun N.1!!!"

The glasses with the beer stand up and Morgana smiles.

"It's nice to be so happy after this sad period for all of us. Very good!! I propose to meet again soon like today!! Mordred and I are moving in together in ten days… let’s have a nice dinner together at ours on the first Saturday we are all free!"

A series of whistles raise in the air in approval and Merlin stands up, lifting his own glass, "You are going very fast! When’s the wedding??"

Mordred laughs loudly, "What do I know … It is up to Morgana to decide. She’s the one in charge"

 

**

 

The evening is really over and everyone is going home.

Merlin and Arthur stay together, as always now. Arthur gives the helmet to Merlin. The brunet is about to get on the bike, but then he whispers...

"Shall we go to mine?"

It's very late and the both of them has to start work very early the next morning, but none of them wants to leave the other yet.

Arthur nods, "As soon as Morgana moves in with Mordred we’ll be able to go to mine. But tonight I'm still your guest..."

Merlin smiles, leaning towards him and kissing him on the lips.

The night is warm and full of life around them, despite being very late. Arthur returns the kiss in his own way, crushing him against the bike and invading his personal space possessively, as usual...

Merlin’s heart loses a beat.

"It has been an unforgettable day..."

Arthur takes possession of his lips again, opening his mouth, dissolving his tongue in it, intertwining it with Merlin’s. His breath is suddenly hot...

“It is not over yet..."

Merlin hugs him, sinking into his neck, breathing in his manly man’s smell, suddenly feeling intoxicated...Arthur holds him tightly, pulling him toward himself, excited...

"Let’s go?"

Merlin nods, but then he realizes he has accidentally taken Mordred’s keys and not his own...

"Arthur, I need to go back… I have to return Mordred’s keys... and he has mine. I’ll be right back. He and Morgana are still in the parking lot..."

Arthur nods, putting the helmet on. Then, he grabs Merlin’s phone, which the brunet has left on his seat in his haste, and sits on the bike, waiting for him.

He is about to turn on the bike when Merlin’s phone rings due to an incoming call.

It’s Ryan.

Arthur observed with sudden discontent as he sees the name of Merlin’s ex on the screen… visibly upset. When after the missed call the phone vibrates again this time because of a message, he really can’t help but open it, seeing that the sender is always him.

Arthur knows he is doing something wrong, that he has no right to invade Merlin’s privacy like that, but his hands are faster than his mind and the text is already open before him.

" _I heard about your father’s offer. He said that if you don’t come to work in London, I'll be the new neurosurgeon. Of course, I would be happy for the promotion, but Merlin... honestly, I hope you’ll agree and come back. I have made many mistakes, but I'm sure of one thing at least: if I had one last chance with you, this time I would never let you go. I wish to have the opportunity to explain better. Let me know._ _Ryan_ "

Arthur feels a sudden tremor seizing his body ... that trembling is actually fierce anger, but also worry and fear at the thought of losing Merlin. The brunet hasn’t told him anything about a job offer in London and about how he feels toward Ryan.

Arthur is nervous, because, although they are at the beginning of a wonderful relationship, that man is still Merlin’s ex, a good one even if hateful and indecisive. Besides, Merlin has also seen him recently.

Why didn’t he tell him anything about these contacts if he has nothing to hide??

 

Arthur is strange and distant when Merlin returns. But Merlin doesn’t seem to notice. Therefore, the blond returns his phone to him, who sits on the bike, and they leave.

Arthur’s driving as if he has a fire inside that is eating him and Merlin's hands around his waist are not relaxing or exciting as usual... his touch is almost bothering him now, making him even more furious, and of course eager to know more.

Arthur can’t take it anymore and stops at the promenade, where the smell of the sea is very strong.

"Arthur, why have we stopped??"

The moon is high and white and, along with stars, is lighting everything around them. You can see where to go even without artificial light. Arthur turns off the bike.

"I need to walk"

Merlin gets off, following him, realizing only now the sudden change of mood of the other. He walks behind him, trying to keep up with his fast steps...

"Arthur, what’s going on? Why are you so weird?"

They arrive on the beach and Arthur turns toward him, with the sea behind him.

"Earlier... I did something I shouldn’t have done. I have... read a text on your phone. Ryan has sent it"

Merlin looks at him, confused and questioning, "What? When? What do you mean? Have you snooped through my messages??"

"It's not like me... really… and I didn’t want to, but he has sent it just now. He has also called you... I... I have made a mistake, but I needed to know ... what he wanted"

Merlin grabs his phone from his pocket, opening said text... then, he puts it back in, staring at Arthur, determined to discuss the subject with him, although he wouldn’t have wanted to do it that way.

"I can explain"

Arthur looks annoyed, clenching his jaw, increasingly more nervous.

"Really? Why haven’t you done it sooner? Evidently I’m not so important for you if you can’t even tell me something so significant for your life..."

Merlin approaches him, trying to keep his voice strong and determined ... he doesn’t want Arthur to have any doubts about his decision regarding London, or the two of them.

“I didn’t say anything because my father has told me about this thing only this morning and to tell you the truth, today was not the right moment to talk about the issue. He has offered me a job as a neurosurgeon in his hospital in London and has also said that if I didn’t accept, he would give the job to Ryan...I know now it may seem hard for you to try to believe me, but I had already decided to call my father tomorrow to refuse his offer. I'm not interested in going to work in London. I want to stay here”

"...And giving up a brilliant career? You are going to put aside your talent?"

"I’m not leaving anything important behind, believe me. What is important to me, what really matters, is how and where I’m happy… and especially with whom… and I’m happy here, in this place, with you. Even though we are only at the beginning of this story and don’t know what will happen. I prefer to invest and risk here, in the two of us. This is what I want to do”

"Ryan doesn’t seem to know yet”

"He knows it’s over. If he doesn’t want to admit it to himself, it is not my problem. I have been very clear with him"

Arthur runs a hand through his hair, loosening a bit of tension and desperately trying to believe Merlin...

"Listen, Arthur… We have to start trusting each other, okay? Trying to believe in us for real. So far we have had only fights first and then, amazing sex... Now, at last, we have realized that we love each other, but we must begin to build something, to think seriously and try to be a real couple. We are not one, not now, not yet. And your distrust for a message from a ex, or the fact that I didn’t know you were going to fly alone on a Harrier proves it. We have to begin to know each other for real and to open ourselves to the life of the other. And it’s not going to be easy, given your strong character and the fact that you're not an easy man to love; as it will not be easy putting up with my inconstancy, my mood swings and my need for my own space... considering my free spirit and your possessiveness. But we can reset everything and try to start now, for real. All that matters is to want it"

Arthur approaches him, staring into Merlin’s eyes.

"It drives me crazy thinking about you... with him. I know he's your past, but the thought that you have been with him, that you've even fucked him recently ... drives me nuts. I’m like this. I’m the jealous type and I can’t help it. Now that I have you for myself, the idea of you with another makes me mad, even if with someone of your past"

Merlin smiles, stepping toward him...

"This possessiveness of yours... this... passion... is a side of you that I really love. But we have to find a compromise, okay? Arthur... Let’s just try to stay focused on what we have now, on what we should do from now on. Like me, you too have had other partners... shagged with others until the other day. What should I do about that?"

Arthur grabs Merlin’s hips and pulls him closer, crushing him against his chest, his lips on the other’s...

"None of them was remotely comparable to you... and I have never felt what I feel for you with anyone else"

Merlin dives into his mouth, almost breathless, lost in the desire that is already turning him on like a fuse, spreading in all his body...

"Neither have I. Not even with Ryan, even though he seems to worry you. Really, I've never felt anything like this with anyone else ... never..."

Arthur groans loudly, pushing into his mouth, exploring it. His hands are already crazy all over his body...

"Arthur..."

"I have been unable to think since I met you... I’m driven crazy by my desire to have you, to possess you. I always want to take you, but also to be the center of your thoughts, not to share you with anyone, to be the center of your world. It’s pure madness..."

“We are two fools then. Because I feel the same"

Arthur forces him to fall on the sand, to collapse on his back on the fresh shoreline.

"I can’t resist you. I LONG to be with you, even now..."

Merlin pushes against him, also excited, and their bodies once again seem already moving by themselves.

“I would love to make love to you here ... too bad we have to go back... we have nothing..."

"I have a...condom, in my wallet..."

Merlin tries to ignore the thought that Arthur's been having it since his days with Brandon, jealous in turn. However, he tries to be reasonable.

He captures his lips once more, breathing along with Arthur’s smell, even the one of the sea...

“What are you waiting for then? Bring it on! We can do it. There's just us and the stars here"

Arthur closes his lips by biting them, while retaking possession of his body with arrogance....

"You are mine now..."

It is a definitive statement, which doesn’t allow a reply… signed on his lips.

Merlin loses himself beneath him, surrendering once again…

"Yes"

"…and we’ll try this together, making a serious commitment..."

"Yes"

Arthur thrusts against him even more, excited, and Merlin spreads his legs to better encourage him to give in...

"…and we’ll fuck here under the stars, as I've been asking you since forever now?"

Merlin’s voice is so sexy that it’s itself like a touch in the lower belly...

Arthur laughs, excited, and starts to undress Merlin with feverish hands, just enough to take him. The rest – the tenderness, taking their time and doing things slowly- is something they can do later…

…at home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end of the first part of the story.
> 
> From chapter eight to twelve there will be the second part, called 'I'll go wherever you will go', which in the original work by Ship was actually the sequel of 'Shine bright like a diamond in the sky'... but the author asked me to put the sequel here, as a continuation of the first story.
> 
> hope you will read it
> 
> thanks


	8. No Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> second part of ‘Shine Bright like a diamond in the sky’ by Ship, called ‘I'll go wherever you will go’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Ship   
> THE STORY IS NOT MINE  
> This is a translation of the Italian story ‘I'll go wherever you will go’, sequel to ‘Shine Bright like a diamond in the sky’ by Ship  
> http://www.efpfanfic.net/viewstory.php?sid=2467732&i=1

**London, 27 March.**

 

The morning light enters into the hospital room by force, through the blinds left ajar to shelter the environment from the outside world.

The light is dim inside and so the white room remains immersed timeless in the hum of the health machines that are keeping the motionless young man on the bed alive, completely lost and unconscious. His lips, wrapped around the ventilator, have lost their natural color: they are pale, chapped and split around the plastic. His face is pale and dull, thinner. His hair frames his face even under the bandages around his head and his eyes are closed in an unnatural sleep, proof of his condition of surrender. His chest is naked under the sheets and is rising and lowering to the rhythm of the machine that is blowing oxygen into his lungs, allowing him to stay alive.

Despite the lifeless aspect and the bandages around his head, the boy still has his usual delicate features and he’s beautiful, so much that if it were not for the life-saving machines that are keeping him in limbo, he might even seem simply asleep.

People's come and go in the corridor outside the room seems to have already begun a long time ago and the young man sitting in the chair next to the bed wakes up from his sleep, disturbed by the noises outside and also by a ray of sunshine.

The boy straightens his back on the chair where he had fallen asleep only a few hours before, awaking completely and looking down at his wristwatch...

It’s 8.00 ... and the doctors are about to arrive.

He fixes his hair with a hand and then he puts it on his face, rubbing his eyes to regain consciousness and reconnect himself to the world. He stands up and straightens his tense and sore back due to the wrong posture assumed during the night. Then, with a heavy heart and soul, he looks at the boy's face in front of him… That night has been endless, the hours have been way too long and at some point the new day had also seemed only a mirage, until he had fallen asleep.

He grabs the jacket left abandoned on the chair and checks his phone to see the messages and calls received. Then, he turns on hearing a noise behind him, fully aware of who is going to enter the room.

The door opens behind him and the boy looks at the known face, followed by other doctors and nurses, just behind him...

"Arthur... It’s time. You have to leave the room"

Arthur looks up. His eyes are marked by the intense redness of many sleepless nights...

"Please, Mordred... can’t you allow me to stay?"

The doctor next to Mordred, a strong and determined middle-aged man that Arthur has found out to be Merlin and Mordred’s father a few days ago spoke firmly, but without any arrogance in his voice...

"We have already spoken about this… it is not possible. It is a delicate moment and only the health personnel can be in the room. We cannot allow anyone else to stay"

Mordred takes his hand, clutching it to give him some comfort.

“I promise to let you know what's going on or to let you back in as soon as possible, but now you have to get out. Perhaps you should go and get a coffee, Arthur ... You look terrible"

Arthur nods seriously. Then, he turns his back to leave the room, meeting the eyes of another familiar face among the rest of the medical staff.

Ryan is just behind Mordred and has his blacks and intense eyes on the blond’s face, as if to emphasize the words already spoken by the others, only with more authority.

Arthur replies with a look just as intense and stubborn, but without bitterness, only immense concern and a silent request that is almost like an order: _‘everything_ _needs to run smoothly. It’s your responsibility'_

Ryan responds with silent assent, talking to the other only with a knowing look, without saying a word, without challenge, however, feeling all the rivalry with the boy in front of him.

Arthur doesn’t leave his eyes, determined to defend his reasons… his position in there must be absolutely clear to everyone, especially to the brown haired doctor in front of him. "I'll be out here... I’ll just take a coffee from the vending machine down the hall..."

Ryan answers for the others, well aware that the blond is speaking to him.

“Merlin’s awakening will not be a short process. You have all the time in the world ... we will have to wait quite a while"

Arthur stares at him, feeling inside the anger toward Merlin’s former partner, who has strongly come back in their lives on that occasion and who still loves the brunet, as he had state just a few days before.

"I have said I'll be out here"

Ryan leaves Arthur’s side and reaches the bed where Merlin is still lying unconscious and about to be awakened from the induced coma after the head surgery of some days before, performed by Ryan himself in the new department of neurosurgery of Merlin’s father hospital in London.

Mordred steps back at seeing Arthur quite so shaken. Therefore, he pushes him toward the door to calm him again, well aware of how much he is suffering in that moment because he can’t help Merlin in any way and also because he fully has to leave him once again in the hands of his former boyfriend, the surgeon that has successfully and effectively operated him, saving his life.

"Be strong, Arthur... everything will be fine. The surgery has gone very well ... there's no reason to think that Merlin won’t recover completely"

Arthur nods, casting his eyes one last time on the man he loves before leaving the room.

 

The sun powerfully illuminates even the hallway outside the room, where time returns to its usual speed, giving back air in his lungs.

The door closes behind him, forcing him to wait, again, a normal occurrence in the last few days.

The vending machine is just a few steps away and Arthur puts some coins in to take a bitter black coffee. The hot coffee goes down along his throat, burning it, but Arthur swallows nevertheless, hurting himself in order to remain clinging to reality. Then, he sits in the chair of the hallway in front of the private room in which a helpless Merlin is lying, after the frightening accident he was involved in days before.

Arthur puts the empty plastic cup on a table beside him, taking his own face in his hands and resting his elbows on his knees, ready to face an unspecified time for Merlin’s awakening. He dives in the memory of the events that had forced everyone to come to the hospital that day.

 

 

**

 

 

**A couple of weeks before.**

**Dragon Cape.**

**2 March**

 

 

"I don’t understand, Percival... at the runway n.4?? We never take off from there... What’s going on? You have some more information?"

Percival’s voice in Arthur’s phone had come through loud and clear in response, but also the big man had proved to be clueless about the strange orders that morning, like Arthur.

In fact, it had seemed strange to both of them the fact to have been called together to fly just as they were almost at the end of their shift.

"Ok Percival, fine... We both will find out when we get there. I only need five more minutes… I’m almost ready. They told me we have to be ready to take off in ten. What about you? Great... See you there soon"

Arthur had closed the phone and put it in his pocket before putting the flight harness on his camouflage. Then, he had started a rush to the place where he had been called to for his new mission.

 

Arrived a couple of minutes before Percival, Arthur had looked around for a fighter plane ready to take off. However, he hadn’t seen anything but a cargo plane.

Stunned, he had been about to grab his phone and call someone, when he saw Percival finally arriving on the runway, already harnessed and ready to take off...

"Arthur ... is there news? There’s no fighter plane ready here. What’s going on??"

"I have absolutely no idea..."

Arthur had looked even more confused than before. Then, one of their superiors had got off the plane and approached them hastily...

"Captain Pendragon, Captain Jill, be ready to take off immediately. You will fly to London with this cargo plane as soon as everything is ready. Once the plane has landed, you will return back at the base"

Arthur, startled by those strange orders, had stared at his superior with a confused expression. His disoriented face had forced the other man to continue...

"We are waiting for one of our officials for an exceptional transport. He is seriously injured and has to be carried to a London hospital urgently. His ambulance should be here very soon..."

However, Arthur and Percival, shocked by the extraordinary task, had responded in chorus, accepting the orders.

"Yes, sir"

Then they had looked at each other, trying to understand more.

Why hadn’t an expert pilot of cargo planes been contacted for the mission?

Both men had found all that quit inexplicable.

Then, the ambulance had arrived and everything had fallen apart in a few moments.

The Code Red siren had been twitched off only when the vehicle had stopped in front of the plane. The doors were open, so that the stretcher inside could quickly exit. It was occupied by a young man covered by a sheet stained with blood in several places.

And it had been then, while Arthur was quickly about to head to the plane and climb into the cockpit, that he had seen Mordred next to the stretcher: the blood on his hands and shirt, his completely shocked face, eyes beside themselves with worry and about to cry...

Arthur had failed to make even one more step forward towards the plane. As if paralyzed by a premonition, he had moved to the stretcher that was being pushed on the tarmac toward the plane ... Then, with ice in the heart, he had looked in Mordred’s eyes, finding them filled with despair.

With panic in his heart and mind, Arthur had shifted his gaze to the boy seriously wounded on the stretcher, now aware of who he had to be. He had recognized Merlin under the heavy bandage around his head and under the sheet, almost lifeless ... He couldn’t help himself anymore.

"Mordred!! What?? MERLIN!!! GOD, MORDRED, WHAT HAPPENED? IT’S MERLIN!!!"

The doctor had recovered, ready to regain his composure, his hands still trembling...

"We must hurry!! ARTHUR!! We have to fly to London as soon as possible... Merlin... he... please... I'll tell you everything later, but now we must go... otherwise he will not make it"

Arthur had felt his blood run cold in an instant, almost fainting, and Percival had rushed to his side...

"Arthur, we need to hurry up... Come on!! If you're not feeling up to pilot, I'll take over and you can be my second... but let’s hurry up!!"

Mordred had stared into Arthur’s eyes ... inviting him to move...

"Please!!... You must be the one taking us there!! You are the best... Arthur... the fastest. I have been the one asking for you... Arthur!! I need you to find all your strength ... we have to run like the wind …"

Arthur had abandoned panic and pain and regained his cool. He had clenched his fists, trying not to collapse ... and finally, he had regained his clearness of mind.

"LET’S GO. PERCIVAL ... I’LL BE THE ONE TO FLY THIS PLANE"

 

 

**

 

 

**27 March**

**9 a.m.**

 

 

The door opens and Ryan leaves the room. He goes away with his head down, followed by Mordred that instead rushes toward Arthur, still sitting on the chair in front of Merlin’s room.

“We have begun the awakening process and also lowered the drugs... Merlin should wake up in a few hours. We will watch over him in turns. Now there is our father in there... in about an hour I'll take his place..."

"He... Ryan… what has he said?"

"That everything is proceeding as forecast"

“I can’t stand to receive information through you. I ... Merlin is my boyfriend. I have as much right as you to know..."

"Arthur, you know that technically only family members can talk to the doctor... but I'm here, aren’t I? I have been telling you everything minute by minute ... from the start"

Arthur looks down, broken.

"I know... it's just that... this is not why he is doing it. He could make an effort. He knows who I am for Merlin... he keeps me in the dark on purpose, to make me angry..."

"Arthur, what do you want me to say? Do you want to argue about this again?"

"Yes. I can’t stand that he's back in Merlin’s life; I can’t stand that he has thrown in my face that he still loves him right the day after the surgery. I can’t stand that I have to share Merlin with him right now, although I have to thank him because it is thanks to him that he is still alive”

"Arthur... I know and I understand exactly how you are feeling, okay? But this’s how things are and we cannot do anything about that. Ryan has saved his life and this is an objective fact. He and Merlin have been together two years and this is another fact… it is normal that Ryan might still love him"

Arthur glares at him...

"Arthur, look, I’m pissed off too that he has come forward so shamelessly and told you all that in that moment. And most of all I’m pissed at the thought that he has understood to love my brother only now that he has lost him, finding the courage to leave his wife now that Merlin has met you, after two years where he had hurt him so much. However, everything is different now! MERLIN LOVES YOU. And this is an equally undeniable fact and it is something that has to give you strength..."

"Mordred... did you know that Merlin and I have grown apart since about a month? Things weren't working out between us..."

"I know. But that doesn’t mean you don’t love each other anymore. Every couple goes through difficulties, especially at the beginning... it’s...hard to balance your life with that of another"

"Does he know? Ryan... that Merlin and I... you know… that we have broken up?"

"I don’t know... but I don’t think so. Unless he has learned it from Merlin himself... But I don’t think so, since they haven't spoken in a long time..."

"He must continue to believe that I’m his boyfriend"

"I certainly will not tell him otherwise"

Arthur moves his hand through his hair and sighs. Then, he stares again at Mordred.

"Can I go in for a while later, when it's your turn to be with him? Just for a couple of minutes"

The other nods...

"Quickly... but don’t get me in trouble with Ryan. If he comes, leave immediately"

Arthur sits again, nervous, staring at the door in front of him.

“Do you think he will be able to talk at once, when he wakes up?"

"The surgical procedures went well. Nothing suggests the opposite ... we are confident"

Arthur looks up at Mordred, trying to drink in his faith.

"Morgana?"

Mordred is happy to change topic for a moment...

"She called me earlier. Her flight is delayed. She will arrive in time for lunch...”

Arthur slowly nods. "I didn’t want her to travel in her condition though"

Mordred nods, serious.

"Neither did I. But you know your sister... once she sets her mind on something, it's set for good… by the way, she is feeling better. The worst period of morning sickness and dizziness seems to be over"

"I still can’t believe that you are about to have a baby boy..."

"or a baby girl... Well, it is true that we have not been together for a long time, but... well, Morgana wanted it so much and eventually she has convinced me too … Merlin was over the moon with joy when he found out..."

"It has been an immense joy for all of us"

"Yeah…"

Mordred runs a hand over his face...

“I need another coffee ... do you want to take another one with me?"

"No, not now. MORDRED... I need to know that everything will go back to the way it was... and that things will fall into place for me and Merlin... I can't imagine life without him!"

"I know. You have to believe that everything will be fine. Everything will work out, you'll see"

 

 

**

 

**3 March.**

**London.**

 

 

"The surgical operation has just begun... It is not easy, but Ryan has said that the area on which they have to work is not too inaccessible ... this bodes well for them and their work on the bleeding. They are confident"

Arthur and Mordred had gathered outside the operating room, in the hall that welcomes the family members, beginning the long wait.

"Must be him the one to operate him? I was honestly hoping the chief of surgery would take care of Merlin"

"Arthur... he is not here at the moment. I have already told you he is in the States. Ryan is a great neurosurgeon... and our father – you have seen him earlier, haven’t you? – is in there with them. Believe me... he would have never allowed Ryan to operate on Merlin if he was not sure he could do it successfully. Trust him... there is no need to question his skill as a surgeon... you have to trust him. And if you don’t, at least trust me"

"I am not questioning his talent... just... I would rather someone else to do it… that’s all"

Mordred had nodded, serious...

"But now we just need to hope that everything will be fine, okay? We have to"

Arthur had got up. Then, he had stared at him intently.

"What happened, Mordred? On the plane you have said that Merlin had had an accident, but you didn’t have time to speak further about it...."

"Merlin stopped on the highway as he was coming home. There was an accident. He decided to pull over and give a hand; there was also an injured child. It had just happened. When he moved a moment to call the emergency services, he was run over by a coming car. He couldn’t do anything to avoid it. It had hit him in a matter of seconds"

"He has a head injury, Mordred. A major injury... he could die. And this flight to London has been... well, I was afraid of not being able to arrive in time..."

"I know. Neither was I. I was terrified too. But we are here now, aren’t we? You have taken us to London with an unthinkable speed. It is thanks to you if we were in time. The speed with which we got here has been crucial. I knew that only you would be able to fly so fast. And now we are here and Ryan will save him... he will not let Merlin die, and our father is overseeing the operation so that we can be informed of everything in real time"

Arthur had nodded weakly. Then, he had continued to walk up and down the hall like an animal in a cage, trapped in his own anxiety and anguish.

Naturally, he had not been able to leave and didn’t even know who had taken his place alongside Percival on the cargo plane for the return flight to the base.

 

The waiting hours had been long and exhausting and a few times Arthur had seriously thought he was about to go crazy, without news. Mordred’s presence had been essential in order to stay calm.

“Thanks for letting me know and for allowing me to come here to London immediately. I couldn’t have borne to stay away"

Mordred had nodded, also happy to have him near.

"I couldn’t do that to Merlin. If Merlin could talk, he would want you here; I am one hundred percent sure of that... and honestly, I'm happy to pass these exhausting hours waiting with you"

"Does your father know who I am? I know he has big problems to accept Merlin’s private life"

"I told him a few months ago. This summer he has been outraged that Merlin hadn’t accepted to work as neurosurgeon here in his hospital. In fact, Merlin had not given him any explanation about the reasons why he had refused the job when father had called him. In short, he had been very vague. He had only said that he had an important reason to stay at the base. However, I assume that dad had understood immediately, because after a while he had called me. He wanted to know if Merlin had a special someone in his life and if that was the reason why he had refused to go back to London... and I told him yes. He had seemed resigned. But why are you asking me this? Has he been unpleasant with you in some way? Has he made some bad jokes? Has he said or asked you something?"

"No... not about me and Merlin. But he had said he knew who I was when he saw me earlier for the first time. I assume he meant this"

Mordred had nodded, serious.

"I need to eat and so do you... shall we go and take something from a bar? We’ll be back soon... I too don’t want to go too far from here. Besides, dad told me he would come out before lunch to tell us how it’s going so far. We have time to go and come back"

Arthur had turned toward the door leading to the operating room, as if to make sure there wasn’t any news. Then, he had said to Mordred, "Ok, let’s go and eat something... but let’s go to the hospital cafeteria… I don't feel like going out"

 

 

**

 

 

**27 March**

**12.00 p.m.**

 

 

Arthur awakens from the sleep that had touched him on the chair, when Mordred had walked away to make some phone calls.

It has been days now since the last time he has had a decent sleep and he has spent only a few hours in the hotel nearby that he has booked. It has also been days since the last time he had gone to work, having asked for a special leave, that long ago he had hated.

He has probably slept only three hours in the last 24. His eyes are bloodshot, but he doesn’t care.

 

Mordred is back and hands him a warm brioche.

"Arthur, I'm going to relieve my father. As soon as possible, I will let you in for two minutes. Don’t walk away right now"

Arthur nods, serious...

"I’m here. I’m not going anywhere"

Mordred pats him on the shoulder. Then, he turns and walks into the room.

 

The door opens again after a few minutes, allowing the boys’ father to leave.

The man stares at him intently without saying anything. Then, he approaches the vending machine, picks up a coffee and returns to Arthur, sitting next to him.

Arthur speaks to him, tempt by that contact..."Are there news?"

The man swallows all his coffee. Then, he turns to look at Arthur.

"We still need to wait. In fact, we may even have to wait another two hours. We can’t tell with certainty the moment when Merlin will wake. Technically, the drug that keeps him sedated will end its effect in less than an hour"

Arthur nods, unsure whether to continue to talk to him now that they have made contact.

However, it’s the other man to continue instead.

“I have never thought I would have to ...repeat this waiting. I had forgotten how exhausting it is to be on the other side"

The sudden opening of Merlin’s parent shocks Arthur, since Merlin had told him several times that he is not a very talkative person, having the reputation of being rather unfriendly with the world and people.

"Dr Emrys..."

"Uther"

"Uther. I understand... It must be hard, after losing your wife..."

"Ex-wife actually. We ... we were already divorced by the time she died. She had left me years before, too tired of my bad temper. Well... not just for that actually"

Arthur stares at him, not knowing what to say. Then, he stays still without salivation when the older man continues.

"How is Ygraine?"

Arthur struggles to find the words to articulate an answer, but then the voice finally comes out clearly from his throat...

"Fine. She... no, sorry Uther, but I'm not sure I understand. When you said you know me, I thought you meant... you know, that Mordred had told you... about me"

Uther puts the empty glass on the table next to him. Then, he runs his hand through his gray hair... his blue eyes are focused on Arthur’s.

"Yes... Mordred has obviously told me about you and Merlin. But... actually, seeing you is somehow like meeting you again. I have known your mother for many years and I also knew your father Gorlois"

Arthur moves on the chair in front of a truth that not even Merlin and Mordred know.

"Morgana... she is Mordred’s girlfriend. You... I mean... you and Merlin... well... you are together. I would have never imagined that life would end the circle this way"

"I don’t understand. What are you trying to tell me? How do you now my family?"

Arthur can’t believe what he is hearing...

"Ygraine and I... we once were in love with each other. But then... you know... your mother is a noblewoman. Her family, the Pendragons, pushed her into a forced marriage. She had to leave me in order to marry a duke. You have the surname of both your parents, haven’t you? However, of the two, your mother’s royal one prevails. She belongs to one of the noblest families of England"

Arthur nods so weakly in disbelief that Uther hardly perceives his assent and continues...

"Well... because of this cumbersome surname... we lost touch, separated by life. She married Gorlois and I Hunith; we both have had children; my marriage ended; the mother of my children died and so did your father. Honestly, I never thought I would have to reopen this painful unfinished chapter of my life... and seeing you today, living what we couldn’t have had and faced because of our cowardice and lack of experience, given our young age at the time, is... something that I still haven’t been able to realize fully. I really can’t believe it. You have fallen in love with each other... all four of you! What twist of fate is this, that has prevented us from living our love and made the children we haven’t had together fall in love with each other?"

Arthur is trembling, as he drinks in the words of Merlin’s father, which are hitting his heart like an arrow in the chest.

“I had no idea of all this you are telling me about you and my mother... Merlin... Mordred... Do they know?"

"No one knows. You are the first I’m telling this and I don’t even know if Ygraine would approve..."

“Why then? Why are you telling me?"

"Because you have her eyes and her hair. Because you look so much like her that I can’t look at you for long. Because for the first time I feel vulnerable and defenseless against someone after a long time, in front of you as I used to be in front of her. Because my son has almost died and I don’t know yet what will happen to him. This is why Ygraine’s absence is an enormous burden now… and right now I miss her so much that I wish she was here"

"I... I’m sorry. My mother has never told us about her private life. She is an affectionate but unstable woman, too catch up in her inner world. It is strange to think today that perhaps her attitude is due to a personal sad past... I’m sorry"

Uther nodded, as if confirming to know that particular about her...

Arthur shakes his head, incredulous about what he has just heard.

"My father died 12 years ago... Why haven’t you ever tried to approach her again? If you had divorced your wife, you could have looked for her… if you still loved her, of course..."

"Because I didn’t want her to see how much I've changed. I didn’t want her to see the heartless man I have become. I’ve always wanted to be worthy in front of her eyes. I didn’t want her to see my cold heart, completely different from what she used to know"

"…that perhaps has become like this because you have denied yourself the love of your life for so long?"

Uther looks at Arthur thoroughly impressed by his words, suddenly sad and suffering.

He is finding himself admiring the boy in front of him, his frankness, freshness, sincerity. He had known right away, when he had shaken his hand on the day of the accident, that this boy would find a place in his heart. It is indeed easy to recognize in him Ygraine’s every nuance, which has drawn his soul as well as his features.

Uther looks away because everything has suddenly become too much to deal with all together: Merlin’s critical condition, the return of the past that is forcefully knocking at his door...

He gets up.

“I have to go to my department for a while. I have to check some deliveries and arrange some papers in my office... I will be back later, in about an hour. If there are any changes, can you ask for someone to be sent to call me?"

Arthur nods, at the mercy of many conflicting emotions...

"Of course"

 

 

**

 

**3 march.**

**Post-op.**

 

 

"Everything went well, as expected. The internal bleeding has been stopped, the blood hasn’t created pressure inside the skull and it has been absorbed. Merlin will remain in induced coma for a few days to recover completely and fully, but everything suggests that luckily there won’t be damages. Ryan has successfully operated him… his team has been great"

Arthur had struggled to maintain his composure and not release the tears that had been treating to run free for some time now...

"Earlier... he came out without even saying hi to me, completely ignoring me, Mordred"

"His attitude is quite obvious. He can’t stand you, Arthur, and you can’t stand him for the same reason: Merlin. But you don’t have to like him, you just have to thank him because he's a good neurosurgeon; that aside ... you can hate him all you want for the rest of your life!"

Arthur had smiled through his tears...

 

 

**

 

 

**27 March.**

**13:00 p.m.**

 

 

Arthur drinks some of the water from the bottle he had bought, his throat finally refreshed after hours of waiting.

Earlier Mordred had let him into Merlin’s room, as promised, for a few minutes, but Merlin had not awakened then.

Then, Uther had come back to take their place and has been inside with his son for more than an hour now. The more minutes passed, the nearer they were to Merlin’s awakening.

Mordred, sitting beside him, gets up to answer a phone call, and Arthur realizes he is on the phone with Morgana from the worried tones used by the boy during the conversation.

"Hey, Mordred... what’s going on? You look worried ... is Morgana all right?"

“Nothing to worry about, but she is not feeling very well. She feels a bit of pain in her lower belly. She was stubborn to want to travel not matter what. Now she is scared and is being seen in gynecology on the fourth floor. I am going to her, but I won't be long. I hope to return up here with her. Call me if things change before I come back"

Arthur responds with anxiety...

"Of course... but wouldn’t it be better to inform our mother Ygraine so she can help her and keep her company? It won’t take her very long to arrive if I call her now..."

“Now that she is here, she is calming down and is fine. Let's wait a moment... maybe the pain is just due to a bit of anxiety caused by the journey… we can always call your mother later."

"Ok... I’ll be hearing from you soon then"

 

Arthur is standing in the middle of the hallway, still undecided whether to call his mother nevertheless.

At the end, he is about to take his phone out of the pocket of his jeans and look for Ygraine’s number, when he sees Ryan arriving in a hurry with a doctor of his team behind him and two nurses.

Concerned, he approaches him, ignoring the fact that Ryan never cares to talk to him...

"What’s going on?"

Ryan turns to answer him, elusive, "Merlin is waking up"

"... Can I? Let me in, Ryan... please"

The other looks at him for a moment where he seems unsure, but then he freezes him in place.

"Later... and just for a couple of minutes"

Arthur clenches his fists in silence and while the doctors are entering the private room, he grabs the phone to call Mordred and warn him.

Merlin’s brother responds immediately. “ _I’m coming. I'll be there in two_ "

"How is Morgana?"

“ _They want to keep her here under observation for a few hours. She says you can call Ygraine if you want. I'm already reaching your plan anyway"_

Arthur sits down, leaning his head against the wall, closing his eyes, almost crying.

That waiting was destroying him deeply. He has no more strength to fight against the anxiety that is eating him alive. He only wants to see Merlin awake and to know he's finally fine. And now he is also worried about his sister, who hadn’t wanted to remain in Dragon Cape, despite being three-months pregnant and not having lived the first months of gestation very well.

 

The next moments are long and agitated. Mordred too has disappeared behind the door of the room and no one seems willing to tell him anything.

He is about to insert a coin to take yet another coffee, when Ryan suddenly leaves the room without stopping and goes away.

Arthur doesn’t even have the time to stop him, dying due to the frustration and the anger, when Mordred finally peeks outside and softly calls him, smiling...

"Arthur??"

Arthur approaches him with a heavy heart, full of emotion. Mordred's face is reassuring...

"He's awake... obviously still numb, but he’s fine... come... Come in for a few minutes"

Arthur rushes to the door, entering the room and approaching the bed with a thousand emotions inside, the tension on his skin.

He would like to embrace Merlin, to deposit a kiss on his lips ... to show him how much he has missed him, how he has been afraid for his life and to tell him he isn’t going to be apart from him ever again. To tell him how sometimes life can make the wrong turns but always forces men to deal with their own feelings and that breaking up doesn’t mean anything if they still love each other…and they do.

He stays there, motionless, without articulating a thought, conscious that later there will be time for complicated speeches: that is not the time to speak, but only to find each other again.

Arthur gets his courage and lets Merlin see him slowly, silent, anxious, moved.

Uther is sitting next to the bed, on the chair where Arthur had spent yet another sleepless night while watching over Merlin, and is holding his son’s hand.

Merlin speaks little, weakly and almost inaudible due to the drugs and the long sleep... but Arthur can see that his eyes still have their blue and that his gaze is always so intense that Arthur is breathless.

Trembling and heart pounding, Arthur swallows a few times, unable to speak or pronounce his name...

Then, as the blond is about to say a simple ‘ _hi'_ , Merlin slowly turns his face, seeing him approaching. He has a blank expression in his eyes: distant, so distant that it is taking his heart and squeezing it in a vise...

"Who are you?"

Arthur takes only a moment to realize that death can have its own taste even if you are not dying for real.


	9. clarification

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Ship   
> THE STORY IS NOT MINE  
> This is a translation of the Italian story ‘I'll go wherever you will go’, sequel to ‘Shine Bright like a diamond in the sky’ by Ship  
> http://www.efpfanfic.net/viewstory.php?sid=2467732&i=1

**27 March**

 

Uther gets up from the chair next to Merlin's bed, capturing Mordred's eyes, who immediately understands his father's silent message. Mordred moves quickly to try to assess the situation that can't continue like that in that moment: it is necessary to stop any reaction of Merlin, who seems to have amnesia...

"Merlin, he is the pilot who brought us here to the hospital and that has made sure we would arrive in time for the surgery. I have already told you that we had to fly here to London after the accident..."

Merlin nods weakly, watching Arthur with distant eyes, lost in memories that obviously he can’t remember.

“Yes, Mordred… but from where? I don’t remember anything of what has happened. And why were you with me? Wasn’t I returning home from work? But I work at Mercia Base and you at Lothian Base... at opposite ends of England. How come we were together?"

Mordred acts promptly, stopping a discussion that is about to degenerate...

"Ok... Merlin. Calm down. There will be plenty of time to explain … you're talking too much and you have just woken up from a long coma. Therefore, now I am speaking as a doctor, not as your brother. Don’t think about these issues for now and rest"

Merlin smiles, nodding silently and causing stab wounds in Arthur's heart and stomach with his vulnerable and distant attitude, who hasn't said a word yet.

The blond stays still on the spot and perhaps he is not even breathing anymore. Since he has discovered that Merlin has lost his memory, or at least a part of it, his heartbeat has stopped.

He is close to collapse when Uther gets up and approaches him, intending to lead him out of the room before the boy would utter even a word...

Mordred turns again towards Arthur, to divert his brother's attention in that delicate moment, well aware that this is not a situation to be addressed now, and certainly not like that, "Arthur, you can go now. See you later. We shall have lunch together"

Arthur stares into Merlin's eyes for a moment that seems endless, trying to find a reaction after hearing his name, but nothing happens. Therefore he stays silent, about to have an emotional breakdown when he realizes that Merlin doesn't have the slightest idea of their story, or of what must have happened in his life during the past year.

After a silent nod from Mordred, Uther firmly approaches him, beckoning him to follow him out of the room, almost dragging him away.

They are about to go out and Arthur hasn’t still  said a word, when Merlin speaks to him faintly...

"Thank you for coming visit me"

Arthur nods with a dead heart, unable to think and reflect, breathless... then, while Uther is pushing him out of the door, his world starts to spin around and die at hearing Merlin's next words from behind him...

"Mordred... where’s Ryan?"

Arthur breaks and is unable to realize anything but that sound.

 

**

 

**4 March.**

**24 hours after the surgery**.

 

Arthur had spent the last 48 hours in the hospital, unable to find the will and the way to go back to the hotel that Gwaine - immediately rushed to London as soon as he had heard of the accident - had booked for the both of them. The brown haired man had also brought him a suitcase, hastily prepared by Morgana with his personal effects.

In order to be free to stay next to Merlin and follow his health situation during that delicate moment, Arthur had immediately request a special leave of a couple weeks to his superiors, through his friend, the day before. He had obtained it using as a plausible excuse the need to have time off to go back home to London to collect some important personal documents: in fact, as everyone has been well aware of for a few weeks, in June Arthur would leave for America for a couple of months. A while ago, in fact, he had applied to attend an advanced course for the best Top Guns, at the end of which he hoped to gain the possibility to jump directly to the top of the world rankings of the best pilots in the world.

However, it was a goal that had seemed distant and dull in that moment, while he walked in front of those hospital rooms with the fear of losing Merlin.

A few hours after the surgery, Gwaine had joined him, while his injured friend was still in a private post-op, a necessary precaution in order to watch over Merlin at best, as Mordred had explained to them, making known Ryan and his medical team's will; but also because that isolation would allow no one to visit him.

Only his brother and his father had been allowed to see him after the surgery, and Arthur was convinced that Ryan had made Merlin so unapproachable only in order not to allow HIM in particular to see him.

 

Once arrived at the hospital, Gwaine had given him a bag with a change of clothes.

Then, he had sat next to him, "Jesus, Arthur, when was the last time you have taken a shower? It doesn't make sense to continue to stay here for all these hours staring at that door! Merlin will not wake up for the next few hours. You will not see him exiting that room very soon! Come on… you really need to go to the hotel. Let me take your place for a while. If it makes you feel better, I can phone you immediately whenever you want an update... but now go, for God's sake!"

Arthur had intensely stared at Gwaine. Then, he had answered with a confidence that had surprised even the other man...

"Yes... I had already decided to do so. I’m just waiting for Ryan to return. Earlier he has told Mordred that he would be back around lunchtime. I want to see if he has finally decided to move Merlin to a room where I can see him"

Gwaine had asserted and offered him a coffee, now slightly cold. Arthur had swallowed it even if it was so cold, happy to take yet another dose of caffeine.

"Ok, mate. Then let's do it like this. You will wait for Ryan and then you will run straight to the hotel and rest at least for a few hours. I'll stay here as long as Mordred or Uther won’t show up"

Arthur had thanked him and had started to check his phone with the intention of calling Morgana, or perhaps his mother Ygraine.

His sister had warned her that he was in London, even though Arthur hadn't wanted her to at first. In fact, he had been not in the mood to talk, or to explain, let alone to see anyone, not even her ... even though it had been months since the last time he had seen his mother.

 

The hall had remained silent for a few minutes. Then, Ryan had arrived with a couple of doctors and a nurse and Arthur had rushed toward him.

Gwaine instinctively had got up too without really knowing why... perhaps sensing Arthur's not so happy intentions towards the doctor. In fact, the blond, exasperated by the hostile attitude of Merlin's ex, had stopped in front of the surgeon's way, preventing him go into the room, and Ryan, surprised, had stopped immediately, staring grimly at him and looking around in the hope to find Mordred or Uther to avoid confronting the blond.

Then, when it had been clear that Arthur would not move one millimeter from where he was standing, he had turned to the others, "Go ahead, please. I'll be with you in a few minutes. Don’t touch anything until I get there"

The others had left them, shocked but diligent in doing what their boss had ordered.

Gwaine too had taken his leave, leaving them alone, sensing their need for some privacy, "I'll go make a phone call. Arthur, I’ll be right out here in the waiting room"

Arthur had not answered, deciding to stare straight at Ryan, who too had proved to be as stubborn as him and intent to maintain a hostile attitude.

When Gwaine had walked away, Arthur had finally grunted out all his rage of the last hours against Merlin's ex.

 

**

 

**27 March**

 

Arthur is shocked beyond imagination.

Once outside Merlin's room, he finally loses himself in his anger and concern, desperate due to his inability to face that new dramatic situation: Merlin has obviously lost a part of his memory after the surgery and seeing Uther as worried as him isn't helping him to think clearly.

“What the hell is going on? Tell me!! You have dragged me out of the room before I could even utter a word to him!”

In his anger, Arthur abandons all his hesitation and starts to talk informally to Merlin's father, now feeling closer to that man…

“What does it mean that Merlin doesn’t remember anything? I'm not a fucking doctor! I am unable to understand these things as fast as you do!! Explain! God! My boyfriend doesn't even know who I'm anymore and I don't know what the hell I should think. And no one is telling me anything!! Why the hell didn’t you and Mordred inform me??"

Uther runs a hand through his gray hair, trying to stay calm: it is not the time to break down and Arthur desperately needs an explanation that at that time it is not easy to find, even for a doctor.

"Because no one knew it, Arthur!! Don't act as if there was some kind of conspiracy against you to cut you out! Mordred and I... we had not realized that Merlin has amnesia until a few minutes ago. In fact, we have only realized it then, in front of you. Moreover, we need to think and evaluate the situation with the others. We’ll immediately inform Ryan and..."

"Who of course will be more than happy about all this..."

Uther understands Arthur's worry and his fear that Merlin's ex may take advantage of this tricky situation, but now is not the time to concern themselves with those problems...

"Arthur, use your head! Could you calm down, please?? WE DON’T KNOW ANYTHING YET, OKAY? What you have heard is what we have heard too. We must understand what Merlin remembers, understand how far his amnesia goes and how invasive it is and understand why it has happened and whether it is due to the trauma of the accident or due to the surgery… figure out if it is recoverable, if..."

Arthur grits his teeth strongly...

"If??? Are you saying that he may not recovering his lost memories??"

"I haven’t said that. You see? I can't discuss medical details with you since you're not a doctor. And I am not doing this to cut you out, but because if I have to provide medical opinions, I have to do it with someone who can help me to think! Not with someone who confuses me and destabilizes me because he can't calm down”

“Calm down? How the hell can I calm down when Merlin doesn’t even remember my face??”

Uther raises his hands in surrender. Then, he touches his own face, joining them in front of his nose, his eyes closed…

“I have to move. So I'm going to leave you. We have to call for a staff meeting, to confront each other. Surely Mordred is already asking Merlin questions without making him suspicious of what's going on … I can't stay here with you long enough to help you calm down"

Arthur now seems more desperate than angry, “You’ve dragged me out here before I could talk to him"

Uther lifts his blue and tired eyes on him, “Unfortunately, no matter how painful it is, Arthur, it is not yet time for you to talk with Merlin. First, we need to understand the situation. We must understand the nature of the amnesia. As I have already told you, we need to verify whether it is due to the surgery or the trauma. If we don't know where the memory loss comes from and force things, we risk blocking Merlin in this state. Think, Arthur. Mordred... earlier he too  has decided it would be better to cut you out for now. At the moment it is the only thing to do"

Arthur collapses on the nearby chair, his head in his hands, the defeat evident in his every muscle.

Uther continues, “We’ll immediately gather the medical committee. I'll notice Mordred and then I'll take his place in there. Stay calm. Perhaps it would be better for you not to be alone. Has your sister Morgana already arrived?"

Arthur is about to tell him that he doesn't want to see anyone and that Morgana can't join him right away because she is not well and is at the gynecological ward, when his phone rings and Arthur answers when he recognizes the number. However, he tries not to make eye contact with Uther, because he doesn't want to open another argument about who is calling him.

"Mom? Yes, I’m fine. Listen… stay there. I’m coming to you. I need a change of scenery and here the doctors are about to meet to discuss Merlin's situation. There are some things to check, it seems, but I'm afraid it's a bit too much for me to wait here. As soon as they gather together, I'll come down where you are. No, I'm not going to tell you anything right now. I'll tell you as soon as I get there. What about Morgana? Fine... see you later"

Arthur doesn't want to look at Uther, not right after he has practically revealed Ygraine's presence only a few floors below them. He doesn't want to reopen the argument, not now. He’s unable to even utter another word. However, when he turns to observe him, the older man is impassive and if the presence of Ygraine so close to them has somehow shaken him, he sure doesn't show it.

 

**

 

**4 March**

 

“Are you moving him?"

Ryan had looked at him impassively, secure in his position as Merlin's doctor. He had been careful to choose the right words, perfectly aware of how Arthur couldn't stand him, and that it was mutual.

"Yes... but I am not allowed tell you more OBVIOUSLY. You are not a relative of his after all"

"I disagree... not really obviously. You know very well who I am. Merlin is my man. It has always been clear that he would have become mine …since the day we met. Or do you wish to deny it?"

The doctor had glared at him with his dark eyes from under his curled hair, struck by the truth. Although at the time Merlin had not been with Arthur yet, it had been immediately clear to his eyes, since their first meeting, that a fire had been ready to flare up between them... the beginning of something that inevitably had become a real relationship later.

"What do you want? I don't have time to talk to you"

"I need to see him. Allow me to see him"

A white sharp smile had spread on Ryan's face, “He can't receive visitors, except for close family members and it is not a personal matter. In fact, you are not the only one that is not allowed to see him yet"

"I am a close family member. it is not a personal matter!? You're an asshole who still has a crush. _This_ is the truth"

“I don’t have to explain myself to you”

“Yes, you have”

Arthur had immediately understood what the other man was going to say, because he had never lost the habit of putting his nose in Merlin's messages. And because of this doctor, a few months before the two of them had had a terrible fight, then led to a crisis, to which other things had gradually been added: errors and mistakes by both sides that had forced them to break up.

Choked by those unresolved issues once again, in that moment Arthur had had the urge to hear Ryan's version of the events about that famous message sent to Merlin. He had not been able to restrain himself, not even in that so delicate situation. Therefore, he had stressed the question and the other man, provoked, had reacted.

“I don’t have to, but if you want to know, I'll tell you"

"Tell me!"

“I did everything the wrong way with Merlin during our two years together and I am fully aware of it, and now... I have saved his life. I still love him. I have always loved him. I shouldn't tell you this because it's none of your business, but a couple of months ago I informed him of my feelings for him and that my wife had lost the child she was carrying, with the result that I have finally decided to leave her, eager to get him back, by my side. In that moment, I reoffered him to get back together, to try again. He didn't give me an answer, that's true, but I have never taken his silence as a real and definitive closure"

Arthur had stared at him angrily, only wanting to smash his face right there. However, he had tried to stay calm.

"Ah no? Face it, Ryan... Merlin didn’t answer you because there was nothing to consider. He loves me; he is my boyfriend. We are together and YOU have to get the fuck out of our lives. Don’t force me to tell you this in a less orthodox way"

Ryan had smiled almost mocking, hurting Arthur, who had actually been very unsure of himself and had been suffering due to the separation that he hoped the other man was not aware of.

"Why are you feeling so threatened? It's obvious you are being defensive. If you are so sure about the two of you... you should have nothing to fear, when I will talk to Merlin about this. Because, like it or not, Arthur, I can already tell you that I'm not going to give up, now more than ever. I will speak with him again, without forcing him or saying more than I have already had. But this _will_ happen. If things between you are so intense, so... strong, as you clearly seem to believe, everything will be fine for you, right??"

Arthur had gritted my teeth. If at the time they had not been there in the hospital, in front of Merlin's room, or if they had been outside, away from other eyes, Arthur would have made that asshole's smile disappear by punching his nose many times. However, he kept the tingling under control by planting his nails into his palms and had enlarged his face with all the certainty that didn't have about the relationship between Merlin and him.

"You will be rejected once more. Aren’t you tired yet to be told by him that now you are just a bad memory? Something to erase completely??”

The other man had shrugged. Then he had walked away, leaving him with his anger.

Arthur had called Mordred, enraged, and it had took Merlin's brother ages to calm him down.

 

**

 

**27 March**

 

Arthur is sitting with Morgana on a sofa with in the gynecological ward, where she is spending the last minutes before leaving the floor after completing all the check-ups to which they have subjected her.

"Arthur, try not to lose it. We can't assume anything until we know exactly what's going on with Merlin. I want to try being optimistic even for you, ok? What has Mordred told you?"

Arthur seems to relax, pushed by his sister's firmness and confidence, and somehow he manages to find a glimmer of reason.

"We haven't talked about all this yet. They are going to gather the medical team. They need to discuss about this situation"

Morgana gets up impatiently...

"I want to see him too, but I fear it is not possible. If he can't remember his new life at the moment, he can't even see me. Now I have to decide whether to return with you to Dragon Cape or to stay in London a few days to our mother's. What do you want to do?"

"I still don’t know. I suppose I'll decide when I'll be able to speak with Mordred and Uther. I'll do what I can. I mean… if I can stay during Merlin's convalescence and be able to see him, I'll stay. Otherwise, well... I don’t want to think about it right now"

Morgana nods...

"It is comprensible. I agree. Just wait for now. What about your Top Gun course? Have you talked to your superiors? Have you given up leaving for America in the coming months or not?"

Arthur runs a hand over his face, tired.

“I sent a letter to my superiors, but they have replied that it is not necessary to cancel my departure for now. They have said that I can decide until the week before the departure is due whether to give it up or not ... and at the moment I intend to wait for that too"

"What about the leave?"

Arthur stars at his sister, seeing in front of his eyes all the uncertainty of his life in the past month, "Same. I should be back on duty in two days. I have the rest of today and tomorrow to decide. It all depends on this famous meeting of the doctors"

Morgana puts her jacket on and grabs her bag, now impatient, "Mom is not here yet. Shall we go meeting her on the way? So we can go to Merlin anyway. Even if I cannot see him, we can talk to Mordred together"

"Morgana..."

Arthur takes her hand to stop her...

"Thanks for talking to our mother of the whole situation...I wouldn't have been able to"

His sister tightens his hand, firmly fixing her green eyes on his face...

"You don't need to have to give her any more explanations... don’t worry. She knows everything. She is here to ensure that Merlin is feeling better and to give you her support, although she was unaware until now that you... well, that your boyfriend is Mordred’s brother"

“I should have been the one to talk to her about Merlin, isn't it? Long time ago… but you know me… I do not like to talk about my private life ... not even with her"

"She would have adored him. And she WILL ADORE HIM now. Who doesn’t adore Merlin?? And seeing you with a steady boyfriend is already a source of great happiness for her. You know how much she had been unrest in the past by the fact that you'd never found someone to really love, Arthur"

"I wasn’t the only one… before Mordred, you too had never fallen in love with anyone. She is not here yet?"

Morgana looks at her clock once again...

"I have no idea. I’ll call her"

 

**

 

**Epilogue of March 4 th**

 

This had been how everything had changed. Merlin's accident had changed even Arthur's life in the end: it had changed the priorities of his life, redesigning the order of hi days, the way of seeing things. It had forced him to face their break up and not to live as if there was always a tomorrow for dealing with their separation.

In fact, the possibility of losing him had forced him to stop putting off a confrontation between them- since the fact that in the last month they had avoided each other, postponing the discussions indefinitely every day. Before Merlin's lifeless body, Arthur had found himself thinking that if Merlin was going to recover, he would not even asked him an explanation, and if, no ... WHEN he would recover, he would simply say that he did not care about all their disagreements anymore. He’d make it clear to Merlin that he just wanted him back by his side and with him, because without him he felt like dying.

And if ... that Ryan should ever try to want Merlin back, Arthur would make him understand how things are with his fists.

Gwaine had totally agree with him on that last point, as soon as he had returned from his phone call, "Fuck, you should have punched him on the face immediately! Next time, if you don’t do it, I will. Now he has really pissed me off. Put aside the fact that he has saved Merlin’s life... he has just done his job! This fact doesn't give him the right to demand something in return! If he sticks around Merlin now that he is with you, I will not deny him a couple of punches on the teeth"

Arthur had smiled at listening to the advice...

"Sooner or later Ryan and I'll end up pick a fight ... and if things continue like this, it will happen very soon”

Merlin had been moved that morning. Arthur had been able to see him in secret thanks to Mordred. In the end, they had been fifteen asphyxiating days, where Merlin had been in a coma, and Arthur had closed himself in a lonely pain, isolated from the world, interacting only with Mordred and Uther, with who he had felt he was sharing the same anxiety and distress.

 

**

 

**27 March**

 

Arthur and Morgana are heading toward the elevators, when they meet Ygraine, busy due to her lateness...

"Sorry... traffic was crazy. Today London is impassable”

Ygraine has never driven in her life and has never taken a public transport. Her aristocratic attitude can be smelled all around her figure, even in those hospital corridors.

Morgana smiles when she sees her, “Hi, mom!”

“Hi, sweetie. I have been so anxious on the way here! Are you all right, then?”

Morgana nods with her head and Ygraine concentrates on Arthur.

“Arthur!! Please... let me hug you. We haven't seen each other in a year now and despite the fact that it's not nice to hug here in the hospital, do come here"

Arthur hugs his mother and buries his nose in her hair and her perfume.

Although Ygraine is a difficult and unattainable woman, she loves her children more than anything else in the world, even though she often forgets to show it.

Arthur loosens the embrace, genuinely happy to see her.

She pulls herself together then. "Mordred? I had occasion to see him only as soon as the accident had happened and only after the surgery... we are going to see him, aren’t we? Merlin has woken up... any news?"

Arthur hadn't know until now that Ygraine had already met Morgana's new partner; but, given the gravity of the last few days, he really doesn't know many things about what has happened in the outside world. In fact, he had not been very interested in anything but those hospital corridors …

Feeling somehow guilty, Arthur feels the need to answer her immediately, “We are going to him upstairs to discuss the new situation just now."

Ygraine nods...

"I’m coming with you then if it’s okay for you. Of course, I'll wait for you to finish if you want to talk to him alone"

Morgana has already pulled the elevator up and the automatic door opens, letting out the people inside.

Uther is among them.

Arthur searches the man's eyes in silence, not knowing what to say. He is the guardian of a too big secret in that moment and cannot even turn toward his mother. Then, Morgana, who knows nothing of that embarrassing situation, speaks fist...

"Uther. What’s going on? We were coming to you... Where is Mordred? Have you already talked to the medical team?"

Uther stays still, unable to find the strength to say what he has to. His eyes are glued to Ygraine, who too has remained still, breathless...

"Yes... I... I was coming to warn you..."

The answer is for Morgana, but Uther keeps staring at Ygraine in front of him, whose eyes are too lost in those of the doctor. The atmosphere is so thick you could cut it with a knife...

Arthur speaks before everyone in order not to worsen the situation.

"Morgana, I haven’t had the opportunity to tell you... but Uther and our mother are old acquaintances"

Morgana, obviously unaware, observes them stunned and without malice...

"Really? It’s ok... even if a bit strange! Mordred has never told me... we will be able to talk about the details later. What do we do now? Do we go up then??"

Uther speaks with a professional tone once again, stiffening. Ygraine keeps staring at him, pale...

"Yes... I told Mordred that I would be back soon with you lot... He is waiting for us to talk"

The four of them enter into the lift, whose door closes behind them, while Ygraine remains in her silence and is obviously nervous.

Probably the woman - reflects Arthur - had not counted on seeing Uther again, even though it is absurd. After all, the hospital is his and his son is lying on a hospital bed. Not to mention the fact that Morgana is Mordred's girlfriend and he is Merlin's boyfriend.

Arthur looks at his mother weirdly, trying to read her silence and her strange attitude, but failing to.

 

The lift reaches the right floor and when the doors open, air seems to return into the small cabin, allowing those present to breath.

Uther immediately starts to look for Mordred and speaks directly to Arthur.

“Join me in the private waiting room. We won’t be disturbed there. I'll be waiting for you with Mordred there"

Arthur nods...

"We’ll be there soon"

Ygraine put herself together. She takes a deep breath and then she turns toward her children...

"Go ahead. Obviously, it's better if you talk amongst yourselves without me. You can tell me later. I’ll wait here and drink a coffee. It seems an eternity since I have drunk one this morning"

Arthur nods. Then, he walk away, followed by Morgana, down the hall to enter into the waiting room made available only for the relatives of the patients in the private rooms. Because of this, he doesn't see his mother breathing a sigh of relief and sitting on the bench in order not to collapse.

 

**

 

Arthur and Morgana only have to wait a couple of minute before Uther and Mordred enter the room together. Mordred immediately approaches his girlfriend and gives her a quick kiss...

"How are you feeling? Have they told you are free to go home? You shouldn't stay here too much, it would be better if you leave earlier. Do you want to go home with me or do you prefer to go to your mother's?"

During those days of leave from work to stay near Merlin, Mordred had returned to his father's house ... a good solution given the proximity of their home to the hospital...besides, his father had insisted. On the other hand, Morgana had stayed at Ygraine’s when she had come to London in the last two weeks.

"I’m fine and I can stay at my mom’s for a few days... or maybe we can decide together later"

Arthur impatiently approaches Mordred and Uther.

“So? Have the doctors talked?”

Uther nods, staring at Arthur in the eyes. The older man looks a bit more shocked than that morning and Arthur is certain that it is due to the fact he has seen Ygraine again. However, the man replies firmly, appealing to his professionalism.

“Yes. We consulted each other about an hour ago. Ryan has reread the medical report, the procedures of the surgery and chatted with Merlin for a while. We have arrived at the conclusion that Merlin doesn't remember anything that has happened in the last year: he doesn't remember that he has moved to Camelot Base in Dragon Cape, nor about his professional life in this period, or his friends. He has gone blank. Ryan thinks that the amnesia is temporary and that it doesn't depend on the surgery, but rather on the trauma. And I have agreed with him, once reviewing the whole situation carefully. Therefore, the situation is still critical, but we are convinced that the memory loss will be recovered with time and simultaneously with Merlin's physical recover. Mordred agrees with us”

Arthur sigh in relief, glad for the good news. But then, Uther continues…

“There is only one detail that we should always keep in mind. Merlin cannot be forced to remember. Which means that we cannot give him too much information about what his life has been like in the past year or about the events he has forgotten. All of us should have the patience to wait for him to get his memory back naturally, helping him to deepen the memories when they will begin to return, without forcing him however. If we do, we may lengthen his recovery, or at worst, Merlin may completely lose a part of his life forever”

Arthur swallows a few times and his blood freezes in his veins, “Can you be clearer, please? I want to know exactly what to expect! Does it mean I cannot get close to him and talk to him in any way? Do I have this right? Mordred?”

Mordred approaches him, staring at him in the eye, trying not to answer too harshly.

“It means that Merlin will not return to work immediately. He will be on leave for a while. He will not be able to return to Dragon Cape immediately: we will have to explain to him where he has been and lived in the past year. Only then, he can return to the base, but only if he chooses to, and if he feels up to it... if he starts to remember. We have to wait, gradually helping him to understand the things that he will remember spontaneously. AND NO, Arthur, if you want to know specifically if you can see him right away, chat with him or talk about the two of you, the answer is NO. You cannot, not for now at least. Not even Morgana, or his other friends besides Gwaine, who he already knows. Merlin cannot manage too much. However ...I'm not imposing a total closure. We could make sure that you can see each other on some sporadic occasion maybe, meeting again without talking about your past, just to see each other. However, we cannot allow you more than that”

Arthur feels like collapsing. He steps back and sits in the chair just behind him, defeated, exhausted and with a torn soul. Only Merlin's death could have been worse than that, or not knowing if the memory-loss would be permanent. It's something he would have never imagined and that he cannot accept.

Mordred approaches him, knowing how devastated he must be due to that news …

“Arthur, I am well aware of how much this must be upsetting you. Believe me, this is deeply upsetting all of us. I can't think about anything else anymore! I feel sick at the thought of what we will need to do to ensure that everything will be all right! We’ll need to be very careful for a long time, which means that none of us will be able to move as we wish, or to let go, or to breathe and live Merlin as before! Surely you will be the one to carry this burden more than others ... that's for sure...but what can I say? This situation is difficult and too delicate to be able to act differently. To cheer you up a bit, I can tell you that I am sure that slowly, we'll be able to find new strategies to speed up the recovery process. However, the terms and choices will always be considered and evaluated calmly and carefully. Who knows? Maybe it will be Merlin himself that will give us a hand, managing to shorten the recovery time”

Arthur collapses with his back against the back of the chair, finally resting his head with his eyes closed, isolating himself from the world around him, ignoring their voices. He is no longer listening. Merlin will be unreachable for who knows how long. Arthur will be unable to see him whenever he wants. Or to tell him what he has always felt for him. Or to show him how upset he is for what has happened to him and how defeated and destroyed he feels by this ordeal. Or how much fear he has to lose everything they had had and built… how much he is suffering to be forced to close their love in a box and wait.

He doesn't even want to talk with the others anymore. He just want to go away, perhaps to the hotel, maybe to Dragon Cape...he doesn't know. If he can't see Merlin, a place is as good as any for him. He doesn’t know when he will be allow to see him, certainly not for the moment, and therefore he only want to run away, even from himself.

 

He gets up; his eyes are red due to the unshed tears … everyone around him are tired and shocked. Morgana is silently crying and Mordred is embracing her. Uther has his eyes fixed on a window and pointed outside, but his gaze is blank.

“Mordred, earlier... you were wrong, when you said that we are all upset by this situation”

Merlin's brother looks at him questioningly. After explaining things, while trying to stay calm, he too now is struggling to find the serenity to continue talking. He tightens his hold on Morgana, clinging to his woman to find the strength once again…

Then, what Arthur says next hits Merlin's brother as strongly as a punch in the stomach, due to what Arthur's statement implies.

“No all of us is upset by this situation as you’d like to think. Ryan will be more than happy with all of this, which we are hoping will remain only temporary. He will definitely take advantage of this situation and will try to reconquer Merlin. And this new condition of his may give him the opportunity to succeed, and he knows it”


	10. COULD HAVE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Ship   
> THE STORY IS NOT MINE  
> This is a translation of the Italian story ‘I'll go wherever you will go’, sequel to ‘Shine Bright like a diamond in the sky’ by Ship  
> http://www.efpfanfic.net/viewstory.php?sid=2467732&i=1

**15 April, LONDON**

 

_It could have happened._

_It had to happen._

_It happened earlier. Later._

_Nearer. Farther off._

_It happened, but not to you._

_You were saved because you were the first._

_You were saved because you were the last._

_Alone. With others._

_On the right. The left._

_Because it was raining. Because of the shade._

_Because the day was sunny._

_You were in luck – there was a forest._

_You were in luck – there were no trees._

_You were in luck – a rake, a hook,_

_A beam, a brake,_

_A jamb, a turn, a quarter-inch,_

_An istant…_

_So you are here? Still dizzy from_

_another dodge, close shave, reprieve?_

_One hole in the net and you slipped through?_

_I couldn’t be more shocked or_

_speechless._

_listen,_

_how your heart pounds inside me._

_(‘Could Have’ - Wislawa Szymborska)_

 

Merlin stops reading and closes the little book of poetry that he has read during his convalescence and that has become almost like a bible during his long days in the hospital, which would finally end that morning.

He is about to be discharged and to go home. He has recovered physically and there is no reason why he should remain in the hospital. His hair has grown back on the wound, his skin has regained its natural colour and his muscles have recovered completely, as well as his weight.

Actually, looking at him now, he doesn't even seem like someone who has had an accident, or spent the past month in the hospital, were it not for the veil lying on his memories, of course.

In fact, just by looking at him in the eyes, it is impossible not to notice the confusion and uncertainty of a mind in constant search, obsessed with the will to remember a part of his life that continues to elude him. That curse, now companion of his long hours, is drawing the colour of his eyes, making them a deeper and stormy blue, capturing the void in their depth, but also the battle in him.

He is standing next to the open window, already dressed and waiting for Mordred, ready to leave the hospital. The sun’s rays penetrating in the room are touching his face and that seem to give him more oxygen and warmth than the air itself.

Mordred is late and Merlin is impatient. Somehow, he forces himself to come back to reality, to look away from that blue sky out there and to stare at his wristwatch, counting out the minutes.

He is angry, impatient and disappointed in himself. He hasn't even jogged a piece of memory yet, and every day he continues to work on this loss - as advised by Ryan and the medical team that has his case. But despite all that effort and constant work, nothing seems to shape itself as something even remotely similar to the memories of the last year of his life.

Because of the perpetration of the darkness in his mind, he also continues to fight with his brother, who for his sake keeps trying to make him see reason, to calm him down, often reminding him that time is the best medicine to recover from his problem.

However, Merlin is unable to just stay still and wait, and the fact that he himself is a doctor and therefore knows the dynamics of everything that is happening to him is not helping him relaxing, or to live this situation with the necessary calm and tranquillity.

The last fight with Mordred has happened only the day before.

“I don’t know, Mordred… I don't know if I want to go to Dad's once discharge after these days of convalescence. Perhaps, it would be better for me to go back home”

“Merlin, you know you still can't go back to Dragon Cape. Your recover has not even started. Now you know something about your present life - it is true - but only because WE have begun to tell you something about it. What you know is not your play. You don't remember anything yet! We cannot throw you in the middle of things that are still distant and unknown to you, at least until you'd start to remember something by yourself. I know you would like to, I know that you think that returning right back to your life is the easiest solution ... but what if doing it so soon and quickly as you want causes you an irreparable damage? What you are asking is too risky”

“Mordred, I know that you're worried too, but I am convinced that only by fully throwing myself in my life I would have my memories back! I can't stand to wander in the fog of my own mind anymore! I no longer have the patience to wait, nor the patience to wait to get my real life back! I want to resume my work ... to return to live something real! I feel as if I have died on the day of my accident”

Mordred had nodded, understanding, but then he had reminded him the risks, one by one, of what at first glance might have sounded like a perfect plan. Then, he had asked him to think clearly, possibly with that part of his mind shaped by his profession, and Merlin had finally given in, defeated...

Yet Mordred had known, as he had tried to stay calm, that his brother somehow was right to be so impatient: in fact, no matter the initial optimistic forecasts, after twenty days, Merlin was still wandering in the darkness of his memories.

Due to the concern of too many days passed without any news, at one point, it had also been decided to start to help him remember and invoke his memories slowly and in a not too invasive manner, in order to try to lend a hand to what was not taking place with a spontaneous process.

With the doctors and Ryan's approval, Uther and Mordred had started to tell him, especially in the last week, not only about what had happened the day of the accident, but also about something of his life in the past year, informing him at least about the most important and relevant details.

At present, upon discharge, Merlin is aware that it has been long since he left Mercia Base and moved to Camelot Base in Dragon Cape, where he has been living for about a year now, and where Mordred lives too. He knows that his friend Gwaine has moved there too with him and he knows that he has had no more relationships with Ryan - as Mordred had reluctantly told him – since their breakup, which on the other hand he remembers very well because it had happened a year and a half before, therefore prior to his transfer.

He has also already met Morgana. In fact, one morning Mordred has taken her with him to the hospital to introduce her to Merlin as his girlfriend, but without mentioning the pregnancy. And that morning the both of them are coming to pick the brunet up together...his hospitalization finally over.

 

Merlin closes the bag that he wants to carry with him, kept open until then. He is not sure where he wants to live yet, because if he cannot take back his life, then it doesn't matter where he is going to stay. However, he cannot move away from London: he must undergo a day-hospital for the treatments that Ryan had ordered him to do any other day, with him or someone else of his team.

He turns to grab the phone in order to call his brother and to ask him where he is, when the door opens and Mordred and Morgana come in the room, smiling and happy to be able to take him away from that place...

“Merlin, have you still that old book of poetry in your hand? You've consumed it in the past few days! But at least you are already ready… good… so we can leave right away!”

“Actually, you are the ones late!”

Merlin smiles, tucking the second-hand book of poetry that some days before he had found in his room, in the inside pocket of his jacket, previously thrown on the bed. That little book is not his. Someone who had never returned to claim it during his hospitalization had forgotten it, although Merlin has taken it as his own in the meantime, enamoured with its content.

He turns to Morgana, who in the meantime has come closer to give him an affectionate kiss on the cheek…

“Hello, brother-in-law! You look well for someone who is about to be discharge! I'm happy to see you so well. You're much better than a week ago”

Merlin reciprocates the affections of the girl with an open smile…

“I'll be even better as soon as I get out of here”

Morgana smiles also with her eyes, tightening his hands in hers.

“Of course! Besides, today is a perfect day!! A splendid sun is shining above London, so much that it doesn't even seem our city! The sky is almost unnaturally blue, considering it is April! Are you ready to dive back into the world?”

Merlin leaves the girl's hands in order to slip the sports jacket on his light sweater and jeans…

“Why are we still here then?”

Mordred laughs, “Ok, let’s go. Have you talked to Ryan? What did he say?”

“I have the weekend off. Meaning two days away from this place, I can’t believe it. I'll be back Monday morning and continue with a session with him and a psychologist”

Mordred pats him on the shoulder...

“Good. Then, this weekend will be relaxing. We will spend it together. Have you decided where to go? Shall we take you to dad’s?”

“Actually, I was thinking of going to a hotel… or to rent an apartment somewhere…”

“Seriously, Merlin? Why? I thought that in the past few days you and dad had reconciled! I thought you had resolved your disputes. Besides, he has changed… did I get it wrong?”

Merlin grabs the bag with his belongings, putting it around his shoulder. He seems to relax a bit…

“No, it is true. Things are better between us now. But this is more like a personal issue. I want to stay on my own for a bit… but maybe you're right, maybe being in company and not depressing myself alone is the best thing to do. Maybe I'll go and stay with him after all”

Mordred smiles, obviously happy, admiring his brother's good sense…

“Good. Let’s go to dad's house then. Later I'll tell him and maybe today he'll be able to get off earlier and we can have dinner together”

Merlin nods, closing for the last time the door of the room where he has spent the last months of his life behind him.

 

**

 

The lift opens onto the large main hall on the ground floor of the hospital, finally allowing Merlin to breathe a different air …

“So Mordred? Now what?”

Mordred is heading towards the elegant wooden swivelling compass of the entrance, exiting.

“Shall we go and have breakfast? We didn't have it yet.”

Merlin vigorously nods.

“Me neither. I couldn't wait to have it out of this place. Where have you parked? Is dad going to join us to say goodbye before we leave, or is he on duty?”

“He can’t go out. He has a surgery in an hour and he is already with his team. He cannot leave. However, the car is nearby. Actually, it is not mine and Morgana and I aren't even alone. We have ‘caught’ a ride”

Merlin stops on site …

“Gwaine? He's in London?”

Mordred winks at him...

“No, today our driver is Morgana's brother. I haven't had time this morning to go and get my car, since I came here straight from the airport. Therefore, he, already in London, has offered to give us a ride”

 

**

 

Arthur is waiting for them out of the car, a grey Mercedes, one of the many that the Pendragons own, leaning against the bonnet. He has parked in the nearest lay-by to the hospital.

He is looking straight ahead, impatient to see the guys appearing in the lay-by and also impatient to see Merlin again after more than twenty days.

He has waited a long time to see him again. He is excited, as if it was their first date.

The medical team had evaluated a possible reunion between the two of them during Merlin’s hospital stay several times, upon a proposal from Mordred and Uther, but in the end the team - and Ryan of course - had always delayed their meeting, presenting objections after objections, asserting how much Arthur's figure would have been invasive for Merlin's memories.

That pretext has been hard to swallow, even if understandable from a medical point of view, because in the end, it had handed Ryan the possibility to always keep Arthur away from the brunet on a silver platter.

However that day, Merlin is discharged and there is no reason why the two boys can't meet... so Mordred has ensured that they could.

Arthur looks impatiently at his watch for the umpteenth time, but then he smiles, seeing the trio coming from afar. He surrenders to his emotions, hidden from them by some trees. He stares at Merlin with his heart pounding, who is talking with his sister, relaxed...

“Morgana, isn’t your brother a pilot? Didn’t you say he doesn't live in London?”

Merlin smiles friendly and Morgana widens her best smile too…

“It’s true, but he is in London these days, at our mother's house. However, now you'll meet again”

Merlin changes his smile with an expression of surprise.

“Meet again?”

Mordred intervenes…

“Well, we haven't had a chance to tell you. We have carelessly omitted it more than once … actually, you already know Arthur, Morgana's brother…”

“Arthur? He wouldn't happen to be the young blond, would he??”

Merlin stops on the spot for a moment, feeling a certain anxiety that he cannot explain within him and that he attributes to the fact that he is outdoors for the first time after endless days in the hospital.

“Exactly. You’ve only met him for a moment on the day you woke up: he is the pilot who took you to London after the accident. That day he had come to the hospital to visit you for a few minutes, since he was in the area”

Merlin feels his heart a little lighter, but without understanding why, and responds happily…

“Yes… I remember him. So today, I will have a chance to thank him. I’m pleased. That day I hadn't really had the strength to articulate a single word…”

Morgana smiles hopefully, noting a slight change in Merlin, but doesn’t want to have too many expectations…

“No problem, you are going to meet now, aren’t you?”

Merlin smiles and takes off the shoulder bag as he is reaching the car. Then, he notices a young blond man slowly approaching them: he is wearing a pair of jeans, ripped on the knees, a black leather jacket, and a pair of Rayban sunglasses that are partially covering his face, hiding his eyes.

 

Merlin slowly approaches him, suddenly feeling a slight and unexplained tremor in his legs; he has no more saliva. The young man in front of him is very beautiful and handsome. He has an admirable and powerful body that seems to overflow under the clothes that are wrapping his figure. He has a natural elegance in his movements and manners and Merlin, while watching him with a confused insistence, cannot understand how he can think about all those things all at the same time in that moment, as soon as he's out of the hospital and feels like a jetsam.

He is still on the spot and unable to speak, when the blond moves his sunglasses on his hair, revealing two blue eyes that make Merlin's blood flow faster in an instant, confusing him even more.

Merlin is afraid he is making a fool of himself and hopes that Morgana's brother is unaware of the fact that he has suddenly lost the ability to breathe, while the blond approaches him friendly, smiling and holding out his hand in greeting…

“Hi! Happy to see you again, this time on your own two feet!”

Saying those few words is costing a lot to Arthur. Seeing Merlin again after all this time, after all the fear, the worry... seeing him again IN THAT WAY is breaking thousands of kept feelings in his heart.

Merlin is beautiful and fine. He has recovered completely, at least physically: he has gained his past weight, his beautiful coloring and his eyes are shining with a forgotten intensity that Arthur is struggling to remember... an intensity that his eyes had no longer shown in the last few months, and not just because of the accident.

In front of Merlin in that moment, Arthur finds once again a part of him that he has obviously lost in the midst of their problems and disagreements. That morning the young man is shining once again like the early days, when he has seen and met him first. He's absolutely breathtaking, just like the first unconscious time, when he has met him at the bar of the service station, attracting Arthur like a magnet.

Refraining himself from taking him in his arms and sinking into his mouth and in his smell is harder than Arthur had thought. His heart just cannot take it and holding that beauty moment any longer.

Nearby Morgana and Mordred exchange a look of understanding and happiness, captured by the air that seems to hover between the two boys: ok… Merlin hasn't recognized Arthur, but seeing them meeting again is something touching, at a subtle level.

They are approaching each other in a somehow untouchable way and that feeling is in the air around them.

Merlin is hit and destabilized by the blond boy in front of him, but eventually finds a way to contain himself and not to succumb to the beauty and intensity of the other young man, who is heavily confusing and is making him look - according to him - like a moron.

“Thanks. Well… You've seen me on a stretcher at first and then on a hospital bed as soon as I had woken up. Happy there is a big difference today. Let's just say that so far you have yet to see the best side of me…”

Arthur feels his heart twitching at those words. He perceives a subtle emotion in Merlin's voice. He feels that the other is impressed by his presence. Now he knows him well, after all the months together in the past. He know how much Merlin can feel - in a pleasant way - his body. But clearly, finding in him and in that moment this strong attraction makes him feel a great joy.

He approaches him, taking his bag, and the brunet lets him...

“I’ll put your bag in the trunk. Shall we go? We don't want to talk here in the parking lot, right?”

Merlin smiles and nods, realizing he has to get used to the world in some way, estranged from everything else after seeing Arthur. Then, he looks for a way to re-emerge from the sea in which he has sunk while staring at his blue eyes. Finally, he manages to get into the car without letting on that his legs are trembling.

 

**

 

The cafe where the group stops is uncrowded and Merlin thanks the privacy that the bar is granting them.

In the car no one has talked much, respecting Merlin's space, giving him time to get used and find his own place in the outside world.

During the ride, Merlin has sat in the back seat next to Mordred and Morgana on the front passenger seat next to Arthur. The car ride has been pleasant and relaxing and Merlin has often found myself watching Arthur in the rearview mirror and his reflection has showed how beautiful he is in his safe driving, his face fixed on the road.

At some point, however, Merlin has been fairly certain that Arthur had insistently looked at him at least in a couple of occasions from behind his sunglasses, because he had taken them off and rested them in a storage compartment in the glove box, gifting him with his perfect blue eyes in the mirror reflection.

From then on, they have continued to look at each other for the entire trip, alternatively, and on a couple of occasions they have even made eye contact, showing a mutual interest.

In those brief moments, Merlin has felt a vice in the stomach, exactly at the point where it meets the breath, feeling out of breath for a moment, abandoned at that magnetism in the air and the obvious attraction between them.

He has liked what he saw in the eyes of the blond, when he crossed his eyes: he has made him feel a flight of butterflies under his skin and in his stomach, and those inexplicable emotions has ended up destabilizing him the whole time. Then, he has found myself fantasizing about him and wondering how that beautiful and attractive blond pilot could be like in a relationship, what kind of sex he could inspire in a partner...

And even now at the bar, things are not proceeding differently in his head, with the same thoughts that are nailed him to the seat.

Merlin is nervous, tense with emotions that are chaining him. He is sitting next to Arthur at the table, Mordred and Morgana in front of them.

The waiter comes with their orders and Merlin drinks and eats with gusto and quickly, almost without seeing what he is taking in his mouth. Mordred, who knows him too well, is pleased to see him so excited in Arthur's presence and teases him happily...

"Very good, brother. The ride has given you an appetite..."

Merlin glares at him good-naturedly with his eyes, waving his brother to stop and not to provoke him further, while at those words Arthur slowly turns toward him, staring unashamedly at him without bothering to conceal it, while bringing the coffee to his lips.

The strong scent of coffee mixed with that manly one of his personal scent makes Merlin dizzy, twisting his stomach. Therefore, the brunet decides to eat more food.

He bites into yet another pancake, as if he hasn't eaten for a whole year, without being able to look at the boy beside him in any way.

Arthur is obviously happy with Merlin's attitude. He can read his embarrassment, he can read his confusion and the attraction that Merlin can’t hide from him, that he has never been able to hide and that has always been evident in his eyes since the day they met. Besides, this new getting closer seems to have a completely new flavor for the both of them, even for him: it is almost a resetting, a start again, a new beginning. And the most obvious and the most beautiful thing is that the dynamics between them are the same as ever, with chemistry traveling around them, so fast it doesn't even allow them to think when close to each other.

Arthur smiles to his sister and brother in law. He has never done anything so far, nothing that would force the situation at least. Yet, Merlin is strongly influenced by his presence and the three of them look at each other, confident, while the unsuspecting brunet boy continues to eat his breakfast.

Merlin swallows the last sip of coffee, almost choking himself with the strong liquid, overwhelmed by all that he is experiencing and feeling, his heart is too stuck in his throat to speak.

Mordred and Morgana finish their coffee and throw knowing gazes to the other. They are having the time of their life staring at the other two, good-naturally smiling at their difficulties. Merlin is clumsy and tense, busy hiding and not looking like an idiot, while Arthur is struggling to keep under control his instincts and the desire to take the brunet and carry him away in order to bend to the will that he has to have him back...

 

Arthur gets up, holding a sigh with obvious pain, "I'm going to pay the bill..."

Mordred starts to get up too, but Morgana stops him...

"Stop… I’ll go. Breakfast is kindly on the Pendragons this morning"

Mordred nods, understanding that his girlfriend wants to give him the opportunity to speak with Merlin alone. So, she gets up and reaches Arthur, leaving them alone.

Merlin closes his eyes for a moment and sighs...

"Jesus, Mordred! Please, tell me I am not looking like a complete moron! I don't know what the hell is happening to me... I feel like a fifteen-year-old kid! Standing near Morgana's brother is depriving me of my already seriously compromised mental faculties. Tell me I'm not making a fool of myself!"

Mordred laughs heartily, immensely happy for reasons that his brother cannot imagine and that are filling his heart with joy. Merlin remembers nothing of Arthur, of their past and their being together as a couple... and yet, it seems that his brother are falling in love with the young pilot once again.

"Well... a fool no, or at least not for those who don't know you, because I find you quite dumbass actually. Do you like Morgana's brother? Well... he is a very handsome guy, it wouldn't surprise me"

Merlin relaxes after the tension and he seems to breathe again, away from Arthur's gaze.

"I don't care to make a fool of myself with you... tell me that HE hasn't realized than I can't stop drooling when I look at him, please! I feel like a snail who is leaving a slime behind and I may just die if Arthur were to slip over it!”

But despite himself, Merlin starts laughing: he has always trusted his brother with every part of him and just can't hide anything from him.

“I mean Mordred… Come on!! How can I resist him? Fuck, he is a pilot, isn't he? I mean, he's like something out of my wildest dreams! I really needed it on the day of my release from the hospital, don't you think? Did you do it on purpose? If so, I hate you"

Mordred can read all the excitement in Merlin's voice and feels triumphant due to what is happening, of which Merlin is an oblivious victim...

"Come on, brother… I want to cheer you up. It is not so obvious that you like him and even if it were the case, there would be nothing wrong if that. I think that he too has looked at you in that way twice or three times"

Merlin stares at him, dumbfounded...

"Twice or three times?"

... he continues with a great laugh and Mordred follows him.

“His gaze does seem like a jackhammer! Has Morgana ever told you if he is ... well ... if he is interested ... in men?"

Mordred composes himself, trying not to laugh in his face again, touched by his vulnerability in front of Arthur, realizing again how his brother is completely affected by this situation and how much he will come to slowly realize it more and more.

"I don’t know... but if you want I can ask her as soon as possible..."

Merlin glares at him ironically, as if to say 'this is not the case', while Arthur and Morgana return to the table. He composes himself, trying to hire a relaxed and safe posture, but Arthur is making things difficult for him by keeping his eyes on him all the time.

Morgana smiles at them and enjoys the situation just as much as Mordred. She has spoken with Arthur meanwhile, congratulating him about the strength of what he and Merlin have and that is evident and clear even among all the mists of Merlin's lost memories.

Mordred gets up, ending breakfast...

"Shall we go? Otherwise we will devour the entire bar food..."

Arthur gets up first, brushing Merlin's arm with his thigh, passing his warmth to him for a moment and giving him a taste of the consistency of his marble muscles, clear under the tear of his jeans where the knees are.

Merlin swallows a couple of times, once again in trouble. Therefore, he tries to hide the flushing that is mounting up to his ears. At the same time, he hopes to manage to compose himself in time and that his legs would not tremble, as he gets up.

Fortunately, in that moment, Arthur is not looking at him.

 

**

 

When they arrive outside the Emrys's house, Arthur gets off and takes his leave, as previously agreed with Mordred.

Days before, when it had been clear that Merlin would leave the hospital, he and Mordred had talked and discussed - also with Uther's consent - about the fact that it was finally time for him and Merlin to meet again. They had decided that it was possible, agreeing not to make this first meeting too long, so that Merlin could begin to get used to Arthur's presence.

“I have to go now. I have other commitments. Morgana, you want to stay here or will you come with me?"

Arthur tries not to betray the tremble in his voice. He doesn't want to part with Merlin and it's hard not to show it.

“I’ll stay and I'll also sleep here”

Arthur nods and looks at Merlin, who seems embarrassed and doesn't really know what to say.

Mordred hastens the goodbyes, because the situation between the two of them is starting to be a bit too tense. However, he dares a thought that with a more accurate reasoning he may have never consider. In fact, the first meeting between Merlin and Arthur has gone well, nothing between them has seemed somewhat forced, and perhaps it is possible that the situation could go further, beyond that first hour…

The doctor decides to push a little bit on the accelerator, estimating that an immediate meeting between the two boys maybe could be an advantage rather than a hazard.

“Arthur, tonight we'll dine here at home and dad will be with us too. I'd like to ask you if you want to join us, if you've no other pressing engagements, of course..."

Morgana looks at him surprised, but then decides to go along with her partner, reflecting that Mordred must have thought carefully about this idea. He would never endanger Merlin. He loves him too much. And at those words the boy seem even to abandon his embarrassed air, in favor of a hopeful one.

Perhaps it won't be a bad idea to allow them to see each other again that evening, given that in any case they won't be alone, but with all of them, "Yes, Arthur! Join us! I think it’s such a good idea!! It will be a relaxing family night and it would be nice to have you too..."

Arthur stares at Mordred, looking for a confirmation, afraid to make a mistake, but the other man firmly nods and Arthur turns to Merlin, smiling widely...

“I would love to come if you don't mind. At what time do you dine?"

Mordred sends him a knowing wink...

“If you arrive at eight, we'll have time for an aperitif in the lounge"

Arthur nods. Then, he takes his leave, waving goodbye at Merlin, who answers with a simple "Bye", naturally happy with the turn the day has taken.

"See you later then..."

Arthur's heart jump with excitement and joy as he gets in the car to go away.

 

**

 

Arthur arrives to the Emrys's on time and Mordred and Morgana reach him, but there's no sign of Merlin yet.

The two lovers are dressed in a simple but elegant way and also Arthur is wearing a cocktail dress like them.

He is wearing dark and elegant trousers and black leather shoes, a white shirt with cuffs, while his hair is slightly artfully tousled. He has taken care of himself with maniacal attention that evening, spending a lot of time in the shower and at preparing himself carefully. He is excited and eager to show himself off to Merlin in all his glory to impress him, to leave him breathless and speechless, to feel his glances full of adoration and admiration on himself once more, since he can't have him on him.

Therefore, he is excited and tense for the new meeting. He is sipping an alcoholic aperitif, prepared by Mordred, when Merlin arrives.

Arthur turns to the lounge entrance, ready to receive a look of admiration, but in the end, it's him the one ending up speechless and completely breathless, when the brunet enters the room.

Mordred and Morgana smile and move slightly to the side, stepping back with subtle discretion and leaving the scene to develop before their eyes.

Arthur has a glass in his hand and shakes. He is struggling to articulate a simple "hello" in front of Merlin's beauty, who is dashing and sexy with his elegant figure that evening. He is wearing a dark gray suit, a white shirt and a soft dark and blackish red neckerchief. His hair is tousled on the forehead and his eyes are reflecting an undisguised emotion that lights up his eyes, making them shine. Staring at him, Arthur is completely hooked and without salivation.

Merlin doesn't speak as he approaches them, so Arthur, to cover his obvious embarrassment, averts his gaze. He tries to think, but articulates something that sounds very confused even to his ears, and prays that Merlin won't notice that he is being in difficulty.

"You have completely recovered ... looking at you now no one would guess that only a fortnight ago you were on a hospital bed, just awaken from a coma"

Arthur bites his own lip to stop himself from saying more. He clenches his teeth. His hands are sweaty and anxious.

If it was up to him, he'd run to Merlin an take him in his arms; he would kicked Morgana and Mordred out of the room, locking it, and then he would make Merlin remember by making love to him non-stop, even there, on the bare floor.

Merlin gloats at having the eyes of the blond on him, taking his satisfaction after that morning, where he has been the one in trouble and where he has probably looked like a creep, drooling on Arthur all the time.

Now seeing the blond boy confused before him makes him mentally give himself a high five, proud and conscious of the fact that also the other is obviously affected by his charm as much as Merlin is of his.

"Well... I suppose so. It has been enough setting foot outside of the hospital to make me feel alive once more..."

Arthur nods, speechless, and is unable to say more, or to look away, now lost in Merlin's eyes, who is staring back at him the same way.

Mordred brings the world back into the room, smiling and handing a non-alcoholic cocktail to Merlin, making his younger brother protest...

"Mordred, how boring you are! Not even a bit of wine? I can drink ... I have no more drugs in my body”

His brother winks at him...

“Maybe later as we eat, with your stomach full, if you don't want to end up drunk"

Arthur laughs softly, finally breathing after an infinite time, and even Merlin relaxes once the tension has softened...

"What about dad?"

Mordred replies as he pours himself another drink and offers a second one to Arthur too...

"He is in the car. He called earlier and said he is coming. He has stopped at a teahouse with some colleagues, but he will be only a few minutes late"

Morgana leans on Mordred, beginning to suffer a slight fatigue, and he convinces the group to move to the sofa near the open window, facing the warm lights of London at sunset.

The girl smiles, relaxed...

“So brother-in-law, what are you going to do this weekend? Tomorrow is Saturday and you have Sunday free too. On Monday you have to go back to the hospital, it's true, but no one can prevent us to organize something special if we hung around here, right? Your choice. What would you like to do?"

Merlin has refused to sit. He is standing by the window. The outside lights, which are being projected inside, are drawing some shadows on his face, emphasing his sculpted cheekbones with reddish colors that are taking Arthur's breath and heart away, making him leave the room into a world where only the two of them exist. With each passing second, it is becoming more and more difficult to remain impassive and cold... and staying away from Merlin is like a terrible torture.

“I still don't know actually, but spending some time with all of you seems like a good idea anyway"

“I got it. Why don't we go out of town? Our family has a country estate in the Berkshire..."

Mordred laughs, teasing her...

"The Pendragons have estates everywhere"

"You're so obnoxious. I am only considering the closest one to London. We can get there in no time and spend the weekend there. We can be outdoors, go for walks, enjoy our free time ... What do you think?"

Merlin looks unsure, but Mordred seems to find a solution...

"Arthur, why don't you come and spend the weekend with us? Merlin and I will mooch a mini vacation from the Pendragons in a royal villa and we need the complete package. Joking ... come on, it would be nice to spend a couple of days together, wouldn't it? I think Morgan has had a fantastic idea"

Suddenly Merlin seems to find the proposal interesting and Arthur, at seeing his face lighting up, feels like dying. Two days with Merlin out of the world? It is a unique opportunity to be together after a long time...

“I really think it's a great idea. Later I'll call our mother to ask her to warn the Carlises, the caretakers of the estate, to tell them that we will spend this weekend there”

Morgana claps her hands, happy...

“I would say that by noon we will arrive there, so that after this evening we don't need to get up too early..."

Arthur nods...

"Yes... well... It is not that far indeed"

Morgana has an epiphany...

“Why don't we invite also mum and your father, Mordred? A sort of family reunion!! A sort of ... engagement meeting! In fact, our families have never been together for real! It would be a great opportunity to know each other better, wouldn't it? Merlin? Arthur? And I seem to remember that Arthur once has hinted that Uther and Ygraine already know each other..."

Arthur shakes while listening to the good - unsuspecting - intentions of Morgana, who doesn't know the things that Uther had revealed to him, "I don't know ... we should ask them..."

Arthur is interrupted by Uther entering in the bar lounge, just returned home from the hospital.

"Hello everyone! It is nice to come home and not finding it empty for the first time in a long time! I know this is almost a rare occasion and I intend to enjoy it! Having my two sons under my same roof after years makes me happier than ever"

Merlin observes his father and feels his heart softening at seeing how much he has changed. His accident and the possibility of losing him must have changed his priorities and seeing him approaching and greeting Arthur with a pat on the back infuses in him tenderness. Therefore, Merlin himself decides to be the one to ask his parent if he wants to join them that weekend...

“Dad, we are evaluating the possibility of spending the weekend out of town and we wanted to ask you if you want to come with us, making it a kind of family reunion..."

Uther pours himself a bit of whiskey and takes a couple of sips. Then, he joins them on the sofas...

"Oh yes? What a great idea ... where are we going?"

“To one of the Pendragons' estates ... in the Berkshire"

Uther remains silent for a moment, unsure. Then, he looks at his sons from afar and then at Arthur, as if searching information in the boy's eyes...

Arthur welcomes his silent request and gives him the answer he is implicitly looking for...

“I was thinking to ask also to our mother Ygraine..."

Uther tries to maintain a relaxed and emotionally distant posture ... then, he gives the guys a piece of information that no one is aware of...

“We met ...earlier. At the teahouse where I went with some colleagues. We also had tea together."

Mordred observes his father with a surprised look...

"Did you? Earlier Morgana has mentioned the fact that you and she knew each other once ...was it in college? When?"

Uther swallows the rest of his whiskey, immediately needing another. Then, he decides to drop the mask in front of his children and Morgana, who too has a right to know like the others.

That evening Ygraine and he had met by chance, arriving at the teahouse almost simultaneously: him with colleagues, she with some friends, after the theater. They had stopped for a moment at the entrance, greeting each other. Then, that moment had become an hour sitting at a table alone, to chat a bit about everything: about Mordred and Morgana, about Arthur and Merlin, about their children who have fallen in love with each other... about Merlin's delicate health situation.

In the end the time had just flown, so that they parted reluctantly.

That evening, when he saw her again, Uther had remembered all about the two of them, of their once love, then suppressed, and had found within himself still the memory of his love for her that had never really disappeared, though of course he had not told her this. Then, Ygraine too had taken her leave invaded by the memories and emotions that seeing Uther again - the most important love of her life - had awaken in her, emotions that had brought all that life had taken from her to consciousness.

Uther finally decides to talk …

“Something like that. We met at a mutual friends’ graduation party"

Morgana gets closer to Mordred, feeling a bit cold...

“Sometimes life is incredible, isn't it? Meeting again after years and years and finding out that your children are engaged..."

Uther cannot help but smiling...

"It is much more than that. She and I had also been together as a couple for some time ... for two years"

At that statement, the guys jump, incredulous. Only Arthur keeps his composure because already aware of this ... So Uther continues, however, avoiding to say the part of the story that has seen him and Ygraine breaking up because of the Pendragon family, which had given her in marriage to Gorlois, Arthur and Morgana's father.

Morgana steps in immediately, excited…

“So, an important young love?"

She can't resist. She wants to know more, because all this sounds incredibly romantic, and their father is long dead, as well as Mordred and Merlin's mother. She thinks all this situation is so exciting and obviously cannot read or understand the implications that having to repress all that love has caused to their parents' lives...

Uther cuts off the discussion...

“About our weekend ...I think it's a good idea. I'll come, regardless of Ygraine's decision"

The Emrys's butler enters the room to alert everyone that dinner is about to be served and the discussion is postponed.

They are leaving the room when Arthur approaches Uther and offers him a coconspirator support...

“How has it been like to see each other again? Earlier... at the teahouse, ALONE?"

Uther stares at the boy in the eyes, giving him the same look of his children. He is unable to hide anything from Arthur: the boy unknowingly can force him to be honest to the end, like Ygraine always used to, even with his silent presence...

“Like... suddenly starting to live again after a long winter"

Arthur smiles, putting a hand on his arm…

“I'm happy for you. I don't know what will happen, but you have my support”

Uther smiles, embarrassed, and beckons him to follow the others.

 

**

 

The dinner served by the butler and cooked by the chef of the Emrys house is over and it has been obviously delicious, with a calm and relaxed atmosphere all the time.

The night is warm outside, so everyone moves to have a drink in the large outdoor balcony, still chatting affably.

Ygraine, warned by Morgana an hour before, has also given her availability to spend the weekend with them, and after discussing the details for the next day and agreed on the time when to meet at the Pendragon estate, the group separates.

Uther is talking with Mordred and Morgana in a corner of the terrace. Merlin and Arthur suddenly find themselves alone and embarrassed, but happy to be able to exchange a few words with no one else close.

Merlin is drinking a glass of wine and staring at Arthur straight in the eyes, captured by the intensity of that moment.

They are not really alone, it's true, but the air between them is so dense and rarefied that it seems so. The attraction they feels for each other in that moment is blatant and is crushing them strongly towards each other without them even touching.

Merlin just can't look away from Arthur's eyes and doesn't even bother to hide it anymore. In fact, that night, eager to learn more about each other, he has started a subtle game of seduction made of looks and attitudes, which have tortured Arthur's soul throughout dinner, who continues even now to keep himself from kidnapping Merlin and locking the both of them in one of the bedrooms of the house.

Composed but with a fire inside, Arthur looks at Merlin sipping his wine: the sensual way he brings the elegant glass to his mouth; the red and fleshy lips that meet the amber liquid in the cup in a so sexy way that is taking his breath away; the breath that breaks against the delicate crystal...

All that dancing around each other, the tense atmosphere, is lighting up his blood, preventing him from thinking.

It’s Merlin the one breaking the silence between them.

“I haven't had the opportunity to thank you yet, for flying me to London that day. Mordred told me that if we had not flown in a so impossible speed, I would certainly be dead now"

"Duty"

It is a cold and distant word, and Arthur realizes it immediately, but fails to say more. In that moment, his senses burn too much and cry under his skin, throat and in every muscle. He is glued to Merlin, as if after the separation, he needs his presence even to be able to breathe...

Merlin looks down, slightly shaking his head, won by the intensity of that moment, by Arthur's eyes, now branded inside his...

"Sorry. I must have been imprudent tonight... perhaps Mordred was right. Maybe I shouldn't have drunk today... I am afraid I'm a bit dizzy..."

He looks up, already longing for a new contact after that short separation, only to find that Arthur is still staring at him.

The blond moves his gaze down on the brunet's lips, leaving it there for a very long time. He is dying to touch them, so he strokes the curve of that mouth with his eyes, penetrating inside of them with his mind, eager to let go and kiss him like never before, to die slowly around his tongue.

Merlin is overwhelmed by that look. His lips are trembling due to the desire for a kiss that doesn't come, “Or maybe it's not the wine"

Arthur looks away from his lips to return to his eyes again, more intensely than before, "No... maybe not"

Merlin smiles, flirting.

He is really dizzy and indulging in that feeling is something addictive... it would be nice to sink into Arthur's mighty arms, collapsing on his broad chest, feeling the possession of that mouth that makes him drool at the thought of a kiss...

He puts the glass down and puts his hands in his pockets to hide their tremor.

“It will be a fantastic weekend"

 

**

 

It’s late and everyone has said goodbye.

Morgana has left with Arthur, not staying at the Emrys's so she could pack her things at home in anticipation of the weekend. They all have decided to meet there at about eleven a.m., while Ygraine has instead preceded the group to the estate, to organize everything.

Merlin is undressing for bed in his old room, the light of a lamp on the bedside table next to a double bed.

He sits on the bed in his boxer shorts and T-shirt, staring at the light without realizing it, without blinking, only to look away when his eyes begin to hurt.

He grabs the crumpled little book of poetry for the umpteenth time, which he had abandoned on the bedside table that afternoon, when he had placed his belongings in the room.

The bookmark is still on the page of his favorite poem: " _Could Have_ "

That bookmark, a postcard showing a beautiful blue sky with few clouds, had already been there, when Merlin found the book in his hospital room weeks ago, and that poetry, apparently also loved by the previous owner of the book, is underlined in different places, to emphasize the most intense lines.

Merlin has read the whole book, but " _Could Have_ " remains his favorite, in that moment more than ever, because it is as if somehow it is describing that busy day.

He reads it once again, trembling, aware of how incredible life can be, of how much it can change things, overturning them overnight. It is equally incredible - he thinks - how sometimes a writing work can capture much more than the mind itself, capture truths you wouldn't have never noticed until they are told as absolute and unquestionable life certainties.

Merlin reads the verses, murmuring slowly, his voice almost inaudible. He touches the words with his fingers as he goes through them, almost as if he could touch what he feels along with the letters.

He can see himself in these lines due to the presence of light and shadow in his present life, dragged into the fog. He unconsciously feels a kind of connection with those who loved that poem before him, perhaps managing to grasp the same emotions of the past owner, since he loves the same lines underlined by the other...

…he has loved and learned it by heart immediately!

It is then that Merlin makes it really his, squeezing it inside him, slowly capturing it and writing it in his heart...

 

" _It could have happened._

_It had to happen._

_It happened earlier. Later._

_Nearer. Farther off...._

_One hole in the net and you slipped through?_

_listen,_

_how your heart pounds inside me_ "

 

Merlin closes the book and smiles.

It looks like an infinite time has passed since he met Arthur, yet he saw him only a few hours ago.

It's strange to read of him among those lines. It is strange to look for and recognize his smile in every lines, the sound of his voice in every word.

It's strange how easy it is for him to see him in each verse... his unmistakable presence. Yet, Merlin knows what he is feeling, because he has listened to his heart all day long; he knows why he keeps thinking about him and looking for him with his mind...

He is falling in love with Arthur and this is causing uncontrollable, unpredictable and unmanageable emotions inside of him.

He can already feel him invading him inside.

“ _Listen, how your heart pounds inside me_..."

He reflects that he is even able to feel the other's heartbeat. It is strange and inexplicable, yet it is the truth, and it is a certainty.

His mind, one hole in his net and he, Arthur, has slipped right through it?

Beyond the fog?

He has managed to penetrate inside him, digging deeper and deeper, in a way Merlin still can't understand how.

Merlin smiles, excited once again as he thinks about Arthur. He has desired him all evening. He had provoked him at every opportunity, in every possible way, given the fact they still know little of each other.

Without any shame, he had clearly shown how much he liked him, with an indomitable instinct, almost as if carried by an unnatural force: a relentless hurricane, something stronger than his will, forced to abandon his fear and shyness, defeated by his attraction.

In the end, after dinner, when they had touched in some way, albeit distant, the brunet had finally surrendered, exhausted from a battle that, however, he had only wanted to succumb to, shivers had taken possession of both, Arthur affected in his same way. Emotions had escalated into sexual tension during the goodbyes and had travelled long his skin, as well as that of the other.

Merlin slips under the light blanket, hugging the pillow, still partly obvious.

His net has only one hole ... and Arthur, right from there, has started to take his rightful place by force even if Merlin, while falling asleep, still doesn't know he had already given that place to the blond long time ago.


	11. NOTHING CHANGES

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Ship   
> THE STORY IS NOT MINE  
> This is a translation of the Italian story ‘I'll go wherever you will go’, sequel to ‘Shine Bright like a diamond in the sky’ by Ship  
> http://www.efpfanfic.net/viewstory.php?sid=2467732&i=1

After the dinner with the Emrys, Arthur and Morgana return home late at night.

They park in the private parking lot of Pendragon Palace, the residence where Ygraine has been living for some years now, eager to live in the heart of London, but even more to live in a smaller and familiar place, in comparison to the large estate in the suburbs, where Arthur and Morgana had grown up.

Being very late, the streets are empty. Morgana has already opened the front door to get inside the palace, when Arthur hears a movement behind him and someone behind him calling his name.

"Pendragon..."                                                                                               

Surprised, he turns, noticing a black BMW parked nearby that he had not seen when he has arrived. Then, he recognizes the figure that is approaching in silence.

Disappointed and annoyed, Arthur dismisses his sister...

"Morgana... you go inside. I’ll be with you in a moment..."

The girl is about to protest, when her phone rings. It’s Mordred. She answers, already knowing what’s going on.

"Morgana? You are already at home? I have just discussed with Ryan. He is angry because we have excluded him from the project to reunite Merlin and Arthur. I think he's coming there to you to talk to your brother ... please, do not get in their way. I warn you, it won't be a pleasant conversation"

"Yes... he is already here. He was waiting for us, when we arrived. But we have noticed him only now. What do you mean that you and he have discussed? Arthur and he are glaring at each other here. I don't know if it's a good idea to leave them alone... what's happening?"

“Maybe it's time for them to clarify their many unresolved issues. Both of them have much to say and it is best if you let them alone, Morgana. It is a matter between the two of them”

Morgana observes Arthur from a distance, who is ordering her with his gaze to leave them alone.

His sister goes, lowering her voice as she keeps talking with Mordred…

“I’m worried, Mordred...”

Her partner tells her what has happened. Of how Ryan has found out by accident, while texting with Merlin, how the boy has spent the morning and evening with Arthur and of the intentions of the family to spend the weekend together. Of how because of all this, Merlin's ex was enraged, blaming him and Uther, but Arthur even more, whom in his opinion is acting against the rules, the ones imposed by the doctors.

Morgana openly expresses her indignation to Mordred, very similar to that of her boyfriend, because of Ryan's effrontery, while outside, finally, Ryan and Arthur are facing each other.

 

Arthur is seeing red, but he tries to keep a calm tone as much as he can.

"What do you want, Ryan? What the hell are you doing outside my house at this hour?"

"The right question should be: what the hell are YOU doing, Pendragon? You have some explaining to do, don't you think? I’M MERLIN’S DOCTOR!! Today you have taken an unimaginable liberty by spending all that time with him! A liberty that you are not allowed to have!! You can't decide for yourself to spend a day with Merlin! You still couldn't see him, and certainly not all those hours!! What the hell do you think you’re doing?"

Arthur approaches, threatening: he is furious and is no longer willing to tolerate the other's lies, because it is plain as day that Ryan is abusing his power to try and permanently take Merlin away from him... but he refrains himself from attacking the other even then. He wants to make things clear between them once and for all and in order to do that, he needs to stay calm.

"I have done nothing risky. Mordred, Uther and myself talked a lot before Merlin and I could meet again. I have done nothing on my own, nor any wrong move with him, nothing that hadn't already been decided with his family"

"Yes, of course!! Without the advice of his doctor! Without his permission! You shouldn't have expose Merlin to such a test ... you have been imprudent and irresponsible!!"

Arthur approaches him, piercing him with his furious eyes, hands on his hips to hold himself back once again.

"I would like to remind you, since you seem to have forgotten it, that Merlin's father and brother are doctors too, who would never jeopardize Merlin's health, for the world! Their judgment and their words are worth as much as yours!"

"YES, but I’m officialy his doctor! Legally I am to have the last word..."

"Now YOU’VE REALLY PISSED ME OFF with this last word thing!! It is obvious to everyone that you keep abusing your power to keep me away from Merlin, and this just so you can try to get back in his good graces! But Merlin is no longer hospitalized and you have no authority outside the hospital! For my part, it is clear that I will never do anything to endanger him, that's for sure. But you won't keep us apart anymore! Face it... or you'll force me to make you understand it differently”

Ryan hisses through his teeth.

“Do you want to punch me? Typical of those like you, who cannot solve problems with words..."

"I am fucking sick of talking to you. You are not worth the effort. You're an arrogant egghead! You hide behind your manners, when in reality you are a snake that must face the fact that he has lost the war. You won't be able to get me away from Merlin. He was discharged and I can see him whenever I want from now on. Get used to it. You no longer have all the power you used to brag about. And be sure that I will never do anything to endanger his health. I AM NOT ALONE in this. There are people advising me to what the best way to get closer to him is. Who's better to do it than his own family? You've lost and you'd better get used to it"

"Well, Well. It seems I’m alone... Don't go tasting victory just yet. Who do you think alerted me tonight that you and Merlin have seen each other? That you have spent the day together? Don't you wonder why I know that you have dine together? Aren't you asking yourself why I'm aware that you will spend the weekend away? I haven't spoken with Mordred ... not with Uther! None of them would have informed me... so? What does this tell you, Pendragon?"

Arthur falters a moment, pierced by the evidence.

"What the hell are you trying to tell me? Speak clearly. You and Merlin call each other? This doesn't mean that things are like you are trying to make me believe they are! There's no way I’ll believe that the two of you are back together"

"Indeed. But we've grown close again. I saved his life and this means something, even if in your eyes it’s something unimportant. However, you must take note that this is something that can reconciliate two people, and I'm not going to miss this opportunity"

"You had the HONOR to save his life only because in the hospital you have the job that HE has refused TO STAY WITH ME. What does this tell you? What does it tell you of Merlin, Ryan? You underestimate what we have, even if at the moment it is closed, waiting..."

Ryan smirks, "A wait that could become endless for you..."

Arthur is mentally strangling him with his eyes, more furious than ever, virtually squeezing his hands around his neck ... Imposing himself not to react has become almost impossible...

“Yours will be longer, believe me. You’ve got no chance. Face it. And now he and I will spend the weekend together...and you'll stay away from us for two days"

"Two days where, however, you won't be allowed touch him. You know it. Any invasive contact with Merlin is forbidden, for everyone, especially for you. You'll be even unable to dare caressing him. Mordred and Uther must have told you. And this sends you into a rage"

"No. It’s true. You are right. I cannot touch him, but things between Merlin and me aren't just like that. The two of us have something that goes beyond the physical aspect, and that eventually will do justice to our relationship. I am sure of that. What do you have on the other hand? Only your presumption and a story that has been over for almost two years now"

Ryan comes closer.

"You are wrong. I have two years with him. Two years where we have loved each other, even if making a mistake. Two intense years and even before those, wonderful moments shared during our years as medical students in America. I have the privilege that the two of us have known each other for many years... can you claim this same privilege?"

"What privilege? To be with him and at the same time and in a cowardly way with a woman without having the courage to be yourself? What fucking privilege are you talking about? I can claim the privilege of his love! Something that you no longer have"

"Neither do you. Not at the moment at least. And I'm going to talk to Merlin now, before he remembers anything of you. Finally it's time to ask him to reconsider our relationship. I was wrong in the past, it's true, but now I can give him everything. This will be the key to bring him back to me. And I can assure you I'll give it my all"

Arthur clenches his fists so hard that it hurts...

"Then, you still haven't realized that you have to get out of the way... must I... explain it better in my own way?"

“Suit yourself..."

"You are not even worth my anger..."

"Nor you my envy"

“Don’t get in my way, Ryan. You could get hurt"

“Merlin is worth a dispute ... but in the end he is the one who has to choose ... and if he chooses me...you can beat me all you want, but it would still be over between the two of you"

“ _If_ he chooses you. It's over between you! Fuck, you are the only one who still doesn't see it"

Arthur turns his back, eager to end the conversation and leave...

Ryan is just standing there on the spot and is furious. Therefore, in order to hurt the other man, he speaks poison. The fear in his voice turns into mockery.

“Will you remember these words, when I will start shagging him again?"

Arthur can't take it anymore. Blood rushes to his head in a moment at those words, very disrespectful of Merlin or of his own love for him. He turns as fast as a thunderbolt and punches Ryan's face, causing him to fall to the ground.

He lowers himself in front of him, one knee on the ground, the other sprawled. He seizes him by the collar of his shirt, growing in his face…

"I say that he would rather die than go back to fucking you ... but just so you know, just try to get close to him that way and I'll tear you to shreds..."

Ryan puts a hand on his hit lip, but smiles ... he rubs his jaw slowly...

"Why are you being so defensive if you're so sure of winning this war? Don't be so sure of your idea, Pendragon. I still remember your face when you were left with nothing, that morning, when you had arrived to Merlin's house hopeful, while I had just finished fucking him. I look forward to seeing that same furious expression on your face..."

Arthur lets go of his collar and punches the other side of his face. Then, he leaves him on the ground. He gets up, panting to regain control: he knows that he must dominate himself; otherwise he may tearing him to pieces and send him to the hospital.

“You’re spineless. Don’t you even react? You aren't even worth picking a fight with... but that's okay, stay there where you belong: on the ground. After all, snakes slither. And again: stay away from Merlin"

Arthur is closing the door of the mansion behind him, furious, when he hears the doctor's last words...

“Goodnight, Pendragon!!!"

 

*****

 

Arthur and Morgana's Mercedes stops in front of the Emrys's house a few minutes earlier than the agreed meeting time. Arthur gets out, still in obvious bad mood from his fight with Ryan.

Next to him, Morgana, to whom he has told everything once back home the night before, tries to make him relax.

“Arthur, don't think about it now. Enjoy this weekend and Merlin's closeness. You have to trust in the two of you...”

He looks lost in the distance, when the door of the gate opens.

It is Mordred the one welcoming them outside with a couple of suitcases ready to be loaded.

"Arthur, let's go only with your car..."

"As you wish ...but didn't you say yesterday that we would have been a bit tight all together in one car? But for me it's fine to go with my car...No problem..."

Uther exits from the door and greets everyone...

"Hello and Welcome back ... Morgana ... Arthur ... shall we go then?"

Arthur looks at Uther closing the door… then, he suddenly stares at Mordred, hard.

"But ... Where's Merlin??”

Seeing him changing expression, Uther turns to his son.

"You haven’t told him, Mordred?"

Mordred stares at him.

"No, I was going to do it now. Arthur, Merlin will join us at the estate at lunchtime. He’ll arrive later"

Arthur stops and puts his hands on his hips, defensive.

“What does it mean? Where is he?? Who will drive him to the Berkshire?"

Mordred advances toward Arthur, staring into his eyes.

“This morning, Ryan has called him. He asked him if he could pick him up to have breakfast together. Merlin explained he had to leave in an hour ... but he insisted and promised to take him to the estate for lunchtime... so Merlin has agreed. They went out together more or less a quarter of an hour ago... I have his suitcase”

Arthur punches the car, furious...

"You should have done something! _Christ_ Mordred!! After what we told each other after the outburst last night! Come on! Morgana must have told you! You know his intentions!! He's going to do everything to have Merlin back… he has been very clear about this! And I'm honestly starting to fear that he’ll succeed. I’m fucking afraid of losing him! I cannot think of them together right now... I am going crazy at the thought of what that asshole is telling him to convince Merlin to get back together..."

Mordred understands Arthur’s fears and tries to calm him down.

"What should I have told him? How could I stop him? See reason! He told me that he too had to talk to him! Arthur ... you have to trust him. You know that Merlin and you have a special bond... and since yesterday, this bond has been quite obvious, even though he still doesn't remember..."

"Mordred, I am trying to see reason and to stay calm! But I cannot help but worry! Maybe I should have smashed his jaw and sent him to the hospital… Maybe with another set of punches he would have withdrawn from his intentions today... It seems like he has not understood the lesson..."

Mordred shook his head.

"Arthur ... you cannot keep fighting windmills. Ryan has clearly told you what he intends to do... do you really think that beating him would make him give up? He is determined and I honestly believe that now the best thing is for him to confront Merlin and have his nose slam directly into the face of rejection"

"But what if Merlin were to falter? What if he were to somehow feel confused by his words, to get carried away by the memories of the two of them!? What if he wants to start again with him?"

"It won’t happen"

“You cannot be so sure. At least, I'm not! I am terrified of losing him, Mordred! I can’t even think about it!!"

Mordred rests a hand on the other man’s arm, clawing it.

"You know what? According to me is a good thing that they are going to confront each other, that the situation will be finally clear and definitive! In spite of all your anger, Arthur, only Merlin can really close the door on the two of them forever! You can only wait. I think it will happen just that! Merlin will finally understand that between them is over. I have often talked to my brother after the surgery, even in these last few days. Merlin has obviously realized that Ryan is desperately looking for a way to get closer to him, but keeps saying that things are over between them…have been for a long time now. Arthur, listen, I'm sure things will work out ... and after having seen you two together yesterday... I don’t think you will ever lose him"

Arthur seems to relax after his brother-in-law’s words...

"I just hope you're right, Mordred, with all your heart..."

Uther approaches and intervenes, after having remained in silence until then.

"Come on then. We have to already be at the villa when Merlin arrives after rejecting Ryan..."

Arthur nods and puts the raybans on. Then, he helps Mordred loading the suitcases, while Morgana gives him a kiss as a sign of encouragement.

“Everything will be fine"

 

*****

 

After breakfast, Merlin fiddles for a bit with the spoon sunk in his cappuccino cup, now empty. He keeps his eyes down, undecided whether to start a conversation with Ryan, postponed for far too long.

Actually, he prefers that the other would start talking first, because it would allow Merlin to weigh his thoughts and answers, but doesn’t want to wait. Therefore, he decides to expose himself...

"Ryan..."

"Merlin..."

They say it simultaneously and Merlin is embarrassed. He leaves the spoon on the saucer, finally ceasing to torment the cup.

"You first"

He says this with a tight heart. He is aware of how long he and his ex have postponed this confrontation, now more and more necessary. Ryan knows that he would have wanted to talk to him right away, as soon as he had recovered after the surgery, but with the excuse of respecting him, he has always put off this conversation several times, waiting for his discharge. But that moment is today and they cannot wait any longer.

Merlin has never seen him so close to him, has never seen him considering him so much and placing him before his own self, because in the past Ryan has always been a very selfish person.

Now, as he speaks, he knows he is about to hurt him, but strangely doesn’t feel any sense of revenge, only a deep melancholy.

He looks at Ryan, who has hope in his eyes, and in spite of the suffering endured because of him in the past, Merlin closes his heart in order to deal with this conversation, which is about to close their story forever, handing it to the past at last.

It is obvious that the other will not take it very well, but Merlin can only be honest and continue on his way, that hasn’t included the surgeon for some time now. The fact that he saved his life (and Merlin will forever be grateful to him for that), however, won’t affect his choice now.

He imposes himself to listen, leaving aside prejudices and pre-packaged answers, only wishing to address their talks in the most spontaneous way possible. He will try to be honest and to speak with his heart, so to leave no doubts in the other man.

“Merlin... I thank you for being here with me this morning. I needed to talk to you and didn’t want do it in the hospital, but I could not wait anymore neighther..."

Merlin firmly stares at him for a long moment, "I know ... that's why I'm here. I too have things to tell you..."

Ryan nods, continuing...

"Listen, Merlin. All this ... the accident and before that your loss and your leaving my life is something that has profoundly changed me. Being away from you has put me in front of my true feelings, leaving me for the first time in my life empty and disoriented. I don’t think I've ever read inside myself like during this period, during your convalescence. Seeing the man I am today because of you and that is speaking to you, I can only regret not having changed sooner in the past. I got it all wrong. I have played with your love, assuming that if I had ever decided to love you fully, I would have found you always there, waiting for me. I have been arrogant and sinned of omnipotence. Even if I loved you, I have been a coward for demanding to have you for myself, even though I went on with my double life, with my wife, also unaware and that too didn’t deserve my lies, my absences and my guilt. I have neglected the fact I had to take a position with everyone for so long that I have lost you at some point, you and your love..."

Merlin watches him with his heart in hand, unhappy for him, but can only go on.

"Listen, Ryan..."

The other shakes his head, his dark curls move on the forehead that Merlin once had loved so much...

"Please, let me finish..."

Merlin nods to let him continue with a small movement of his head in assent, crossing his arms on the breakfast table.

"You already know that I have left my wife. I am ready to offer you now what I should have offered you in the past, and although I greatly regret not having done so sooner, I beg you to consider what I'm saying now. I LOVE YOU. I know I have always loved you, even though I have never found the right way to prove it... I love you. Even today, after so much time together, and even more in your absence. I want you back with me, Merlin"

Merlin reaches out and breaths in the air he needs to answer...but Ryan continues.

"I love you... and I'm willing to accept your terms if you want to try again with me. Whatever they are, I promise to accept them. Obviously, I don’t expect you to give me an answer right away. I know my proposal may confuse you. I'm willing to wait for you to get used to the idea of us getting back together and to taking it slow. I’ll give you all the time you need. I just want you to answer me that you will think about it. Now I only care about this answer..."

Merlin clunches his hand for a moment. Then he moves away, staring into his eyes...

"Ryan... you have waited the entire period of my convalescence to let me know your intentions and, despite having long known that we'd have reached this point, I appreciate that you have postponed it. Do you know why _I_ have avoided taking about this?"

The other moves backwards, leaning back in his chair at the table, stepping away from a tone that reaches him cold and final. Then, he stares at Merlin in the eye with a sad expression, ready to listen to his words, whose meaning, however, he has already sensed...

"Continue..."

He moves a hand to his chin, slowly stroking his still sore jaws, hit by Arthur the night before, which will probably bruise in a couple of days.

Merlin collects his invitation after a long pause.

"I don’t need time to give you my answer, Ryan, because I've ready chosen. For days now, I have reflected on the two of us, on giving a new chance to our relationship, already over. I will not hide that during the first days after the surgery I was very tempted to try again... and the fact that you saved my life... well...has contributed a lot to my initial hesitation, as seeing you present and really interested in me, free at last to love me as I have always wanted you to..."

"Why in all this I am just reading a big _'but'_?"

His tone is not hard, but still dry...

"Because what I’m saying ends exactly like that and it seems you have already figured it out. I cannot date you again, Ryan… not even go out with you as a friend. I don’t want to get your hopes up about us"

Ryan takes the lumps and lowers his shoulders. He stares at Merlin in defeat.

"Tell me why! I understand you are still angry ... that you want to get revenge for the suffering I have caused you. I could accept it if you tell me this is the reason why you are pulling back from the two of us. I’ll give you the time you need to trust me again..."

Merlin shakes his head...

"It’s not that. Forgiveness is the only thing that is not an obstacle for us... in fact, I no longer hold any grudge against you, or our past..."

Ryan leans toward Merlin on the table, capturing his eyes once again.

"And then what it is? What is preventing you from taking even a bit of time to think? I don’t understand..."

Merlin straightens his posture and crosses his arms over his chest, leaning on his back.

"All this time ... these days ... I have tried to read myself the best as possible. You know I’m still roaming in the fog, that I still don’t remember a whole year of my life. Yet somehow, in all this confusion, I was convinced that my heart would have preserved the memory of my love for you, if that love had been still there. I have long sought to understand if something was left of my old feelings for you, but I have found nothing. Therefore ... today, it is for this reason that I’m definitively closing the door to our story. I am not doing this out of spite, nor to punish or take revenge on you, but simply because I don’t feel anything for you. I want to turn the page and move on"

Ryan would like to shout at him that he knows that in those final words there is the Pendragon boy, because he is starting to realize that Merlin isn’t telling him… but he has feelings for someone else. Despite his being still immersed in the fog, it is clear that Merlin still feels a bond with the young man, with threads that no one can understand...

His jaw hurts even more, while taking Merlin’s words as final...

"Are you sure about your decision? Are you sure you don’t want to take your time to think?"

Merlin nods, really determined to close their story forever.

"Pretty sure. I have no doubt. Today we say goodbye, closing this conversation, postponed for too long, and without any hesitation on my part. I'm sorry for hurting you right now. I know I'm doing it, but I cannot go against the decisions I have already taken. I would just like to exit this cafè friendly, with no hard feelings, but with things definitively clarified..."

"There’s really nothing I can do to hold you back?"

"If I had still loved you, I would have come back to you as I always have all the other times, and without even been asked to... the problem today is that I DON’T LOVE YOU ANYMORE and this is something you need to accept if you want to move on… because you'll have to do it without me. For my part, I'll thank you forever for saving me, for having spent with me some of the best years of my life, but it is here that the chapter ends. If you want, you can also delegate my therapy if it hurts you to see me. In fact, I beg you to strongly consider it... believe me, I've been there because of you and I know that not seeing each other is the best way to leave the sufferings behind"

Merlin is glacial and straightforward in ending things and Ryan widens his white smile for the last time, sarcastic...

"I have been a good teacher then"

 

*****

 

Ryan's car arrives at the villa on time for lunch, while everyone is having a drink in the front garden of the villa.

Arthur is staring at it all the time at a distance, while the two young men inside the car say goodbye to each other. Finally, Merlin gets out, closing the door behind him, and without looking back, heads slowly towards them, as the car makes a U-turn and goes away from the long private driveway leading to the estate.

Arthur observes Merlin walking thoughtfully and putting a hand through his hair. His slightly tense face relaxs and widens into a big smile as he approaches them.

Ygraine and Uther are chatting amiably, apparently abducted in their own world. Mordred and Morgana are next to Arthur, with whom they are talking about things that Merlin cannot hear from where he is. In front of at that picture, Merlin breathes in spring, happy to be in that place and to spend two days with the Emrys and Pendragon families reunited. However, mostly he is happy to SEE Arthur.

Even in that moment in fact, while he is watching him from a distance, so beautiful in the sunlight that makes his hair shine gold, Merlin is feeling a thousand emotions inside for which he has stopped trying to give an explanation…he is just eager to live them...

 

Arthur is silent, tense, while the others greet the brunet when he arrives... Merlin swallows a couple of times as he stares at the blond with a sudden knot in his throat. He loses himself in his intense blue eyes... therefore, he jokes to break the embarrassment of the moment.

"Hey! When yesterday you talked about the estate, you didn’t specify that it was actually a castle... I almost feel awe..."

The tone is playful, but Merlin is struggling to stay connected with the world around him, while Arthur seems to run him through from side to side and scrutinize him with insistence.

The blond is obviously concerned about his conversation with Ryan, but Merlin cannot know that, and therefore doesn’t know why of his sudden silence.

At that joke, Morgana approaches Merlin and kisses him on the cheek, breaking the ice...

"Hello Merlin. Welcome. Don’t say that! Do you want to embarrass us?? "

Merlin returns the kiss fondly, moving his gaze on Arthur, meeting his. He feels growing inside the tension abandoned only hours before...

"Embarrass, sister-in-law? Nooo... if anything, we are the ones embarrassed here. I didn’t know we had intermarried with royals. I'm almost afraid that I have to run and buy a book of etiquette to carry around. You're all so... aristocratic..."

Merlin leaves Morgana and Arthur's gaze to approach Uther and Ygraine slowly. When she sees him, she goes to him with her elegant air.

Merlin is impressed by the manners of the woman, who certainly has a regal and elegant way to do, but also a naturalness that shines through her every gesture spontaneously.

"Hello, Merlin, I can finally meet you! It is a pleasure for me to have you Emrys here with us... it was time that our families would gather to know each other better..."

Merlin openly smiles at the woman, feeling completely at ease...

"The pleasure is mine. It was a really good idea to spend the weekend together..."

Uther approaches them and Merlin noted a certain confidentially air between his father and Ygraine, although neither are doing something to show it. The way the two of them seem to fill the space around them, to invade each other's space unintentionally, suggests a preliminary dance of a complicity that goes beyond friendship. Merlin smiles at the thought, surprised by the fact that he is fine with all this.

"So, Merlin, have you finally recovered? You look well and this fine weather will help you feel even better"

Merlin nods, taking the glass Uther is handing him. Then, without turning around, he feels a presence behind him approaching slowly and taking a seat beside him: Arthur.

Having him so close causes him a sudden but familiar flight of butterflies in his stomach and continueing the conversation with the blond’s mother has become difficult. Lost in his scent and in his warmth that seems to enter him even from distant, Merlin forgets to answer; therefore, Mordred calls everyone’s attention...

"Well... since we are all here, why don’t we sit down? So we can keep talking at the table?"

Merlin swallows his drink in one gulp. Then he answers, staring at Arthur and turning to him...

"Good idea, I'm starving. Let's go then"

Arthur has yet to utter a word since the brunet has arrived, and Merlin is starting to feel uncomfortable under his scrutinizing gaze.

The others are already on their way to a sunny corner of the garden, where the household staff has set a table. The silence is overwhelming and Merlin is about to say something, when Arthur finally breaks the air around them with his voice...

"The person who has driven you here didn’t stay?"

Arthur is obviously happy that Ryan is out of the way, but he is questioning Merlin because he can’t resist: he must know right now what they have talked about at breakfast...

"You could have invited him to stay if you wanted"

Of course he would have preferred to kick the doctor in the ass and send him back to London, but Merlin doesn’t need to know that detail.

"It was not the case. He was just a friend. We had breakfast together, but he had go back to work. He is the surgeon who saved me"

Merlin becomes tense, but Arthur continues. He already knows those details. He needs to know more...

"You and he ... well…you know…"

Merlin stops for a moment, blushing. He isn’t ready for such a question. Not that he doesn’t like it, of course, because it shows Arthur’s interest, but he doesn’t know what to say. So he decides to be honest...

"He is my ex boyfriend"

Merlin holds his breath for a moment, surveying the reaction of the young man in front him, feeling that somehow they are at a turning point...

"An ex as a friend? I have never believed in the fact that when you end a love relationship, it can turn into friendship..."

Merlin stares at him, reading between the lines a silent question: Arthur is implicitly asking if he and Ryan are still something. He needs to reassure him, because the boy is exposing himself somehow.

"Me neither. Never. But he saved my life and I think this counts for something, right? Maybe we cannot remain friends for real, but we can still part ways cordially, with no hard feelings, say goodbye amicably, it doesn’t happen most of the times"

Arthur nods, for the first time giving a possibility to that idea in his head.

"Ex. Friend."

Merlin smiles at him, realizing he has convinced him. He sinks his happy eyes in the blue ones of blond. He feels great by his side. He is happy to see him. He cannot wait to spend two days with him and wants Arthur to have no doubt about his being completely free of any love relationship...

"Very ex. And a sort of friend from today on. In the sense that I will no longer scream at him when we meet and maybe I'll send him a card at Christmas, hoping to hear that he has moved on"

Arthur calms himself, but his heart is already jumping with joy in his chest. His inevitably happiness is clearly written on his face. Then, he searches a definitive clarification.

"Isn’t he the doctor with whom you have to do your therapy?"

Merlin gives him a shameless wink, to confirm the fall of the last doubt.

"I asked him to delegate the supervision of my case: I will be under another doctor’s care. We have agreed it is for the best"

The blond’s sigh of relief must have almost reached Merlin’s ears, while together they join the others at the table.

 

*****

 

Lunch has flown, as well as the entire afternoon.

The group has spent hours in relaxing chatting. Then, they have visited the estate, led by Ygraine. They have passed through the stables, filled with many and well-cared horses, the beautiful and flowered gardens and finally they have admired the many rose bushes, so wanted and loved by Ygraine, including numerous species of rare roses.

Uther is lost, as he listens to her, busy describing every single quality and history of each different type of rose with passion. He is genuinely interested and their children behind them are watching them interacting, amazed by the intimacy between the two of them, established during the day.

Morgana is the most enthusiastic and doesn’t hesitate to show it, while Mordred hands her a freshly picked red rose...

“I say that Mom and Uther should have spent the weekend alone. I mean, look at them! They are... so absorbed by each other to forget we are here too. I find it very romantic. What about you? Our mother has been a widow for many years now and I say that it would be good for her to have a companion. Arthur, what do you think?"

Merlin listens to the girl, noticing his father moving relaxed and peaceful for the first time after years, and replies instead of the blond, conscious of his father’s difficult personality, which could bother Ygraine in the long run...

"I don’t know...Morgana, our father is a very complicated man. He too is a widow, but to tell you the truth even before our mother’s death, our parents had been separated for years. And his strong, stubborn and hard character has always prevented him to carry on stable relationships from that day on, which have always ended almost immediately. I would say that for a woman it is quite complicated to even think to be with him"

Morgana smiles, hugging Mordred beside her, beaming...

"Well... I would say that we must stop meddling in our parents' business. They are adults and surely know what they are doing. Arthur, when was the last time you have seen mother so at peace?"

Since he knows their past, Arthur observes Ygraine and Uther, happy for them.

"I don’t know, but I can say that our mother has never been interested in any man after dad's death. Seeing her smiling for someone, with someone after so many years, pleases me a lot..."

Mordred stretches and gives him a five and Merlin, seeing them together, feels his heart a bit lighter, as if there, in that moment and in that place, the pieces of the puzzle of his life are beginning to fall into place. As if those days together with the Pendragons, with ARTHUR, are spreading a kind of light on his fog, which now no longer seems to wrap him completely. And Arthur is by his side, capturing every nuance of his new thoughts or new condition, and every time unknowingly finding the right way and words to take his hand, to show him the right path, making his way in his life and in his hours, suddenly no longer empty...

Merlin turns away, blushing, suddenly realizing he is staring, and Arthur smiles back, conscious of the moment of intimacy in his thoughts.

The air around them seems to be full of emotion, when Uther and Ygraine abandon the roses and approach them...

"Kids, Ygraine and I have to make a kind of announcement. At the end of this month, we will go together to New York to see the opening of a marvelous play that haven’t been played in the theaters for some time. Earlier, while chatting, we have discovered that we intend to go with friends, each our separate ways, but there is no reason why we cannot arrange to go together. We won’t be away long..."

Mordred starts laughing shamelessly, followed by Merlin. Morgana sinks into his shoulder not to suffocate due to her incredulous joy and Arthur winks at Uther.

Ygraine is embarrassed, but obviously happy when Mordred continues...

"Am I mistaken or are you asking our permission? Aren’t you too old to be asking your children’s permission to date?"

Uther smiles, embarrassed in turn.

"Well... we... we weren’t thinking to go alone, actually..."

Arthur gives him a pat on the back...

"You could. You don’t go to see the opera with too many people for company"

Ygraine finishes for both, quick, ending their children’s laughter and retaking control.

"We didn’t want to ask your permission. Even if we haven’t seen each other for many years, Uther and I don’t need excuses to express the desire to amend our friendship, which can be solid and strong once again, as it used to..."

Morgana steps back from Mordred and takes his mother’s hand, eager, as a woman, to know everything...

"Let's go for a walk towards the stables? I'm afraid I have forgotten my scarf earlier, when we went there"

Ygraine sighs, relaxing and laughing. She starts walking away with her daughter on the path surrounded by well-cared flowerbeds.

 

The men are left alone and stare at each other, communicating with their eyes. Then, Uther claps his hands on his chest, evidently satisfied...

“I need some brandy or something similar. Who’s with me?"

Mordred silently nods toward Arthur, showing his support, and answers for everyone...

"I am, Dad. Merlin has exaggerated at lunch and it is better for him not to drink again. Arthur, will you stay here too?"

Arthur smiles, catching Mordred’s delicate way to leave them alone.

When father and son leave, the blond turns to Merlin...

"Would you like another glass of wine? It isn’t brandy, but at least you can drink it, I think..."

Merlin nods, following Arthur towards the still set table.

 

Once there, Arthur pours wine for both, handing a sparkling cup to Merlin.

They don’t speak and Arthur sits with one leg crossed over a chair, sliding forward a bit on the seat, sipping his wine. Merlin is in front of him, leaning against the table. He is drinking lazily and swaying the wine in the glass gently, struggling to break the tension of that moment, given to them by the others...

"So... Arthur, flying… what is like?"

Arthur takes a long sip, watching him from above the lips glued to the cup. Then, he puts the glass on the table, leaning a little forward, closer to Merlin, who can smell his perfume, still fresh on his skin.

Merlin swallows a few times, looking closely at his wheat-colored hair and at the way they are uncombed on his forehead, where he would like to lose his hands slowly. He too puts the cup on the table and puts his hands in his pockets, because they are trembling with emotion, as happens whenever the air between them is tense, as it is now...

He almost doesn’t hear the answer. He has to focus to do it.

"It’s... like a drug, I think"

Arthur takes a deep breath, waiting, waiting to see Merlin remembering something at his words, but nothing happens. Therefore, put off but eager to spend as much time as possible alone with Merlin, he continues...

"Well…that’s what _I_ feel"

"I can imagine. You know, thinking about your work, I think it's exactly how it should be, flying on a fighter plane I mean ... an intoxicating experience ... that direct contact with the immensity of the blue of the sky! I cannot think of a better definition"

Arthur looks at Merlin in the eyes as he says these words and feels like dying inside. Seeing his eyes, the same cobalt blue they are talking about, is becoming of a suddon painful due to their intensity.

Unable to look away from his face, the blond keeps staring at him, looking down once again at his lips, that he loves above all else, longing to be the breath that leaves them in an inaudible whisper. Then he loses himself, indulging too much in the contrast created by the light on Merlin’s snowy skin and prominent cheekbones.

He looks away, defeated, while the brunet seems to be lost in the moment, isolated from the world with him.

Merlin clenches his hands, pressing his nails into his palms, tense and eager to do or to say something more, but been actually incapable of daring for real.

Then Arthur continues.

"I have been flying since I was very young, since I was fifteen. I had a special permission to attend the flight school so early. My father was a pilot. I flew with him right away. I don’t even remember when I started… I was that young. Flying has always been my dream and the navy has only allowed me to realize it. I got a degree in physics well ahead than normal, because I could not wait to make of flying my life, my job..."

Merlin nods. A shiver runs long his spine. He just hopes that Arthur will realize how excited he is and that that intimacy will lead them toward something more than their usual elusive contact...

"You are like me then. I fell in love with my job thanks to my father. I have always known I would have become a doctor"

Arthur nods, always tense.

Merlin smiles and loosens the tension...

"I hope to be able to return to work soon. I miss it a lot, as well as the rest of my life. I feel as if I’m in a waiting room..."

Arthur hurts at those words. He gets up, pours another glass of wine and sips it in front of Merlin, who is enjoying the new atmosphere between the two of them.

Merlin is caught by the moment. His eyes moves from Arthur's gaze to his full mouth, then to his Adam's apple, which moves as the blond swallows the ruby red liquid, of which Merlin is even capable of drawing the path inside his throat.

He averts his eyes, looking down, eager to feel the taste of that sweet and fruity wine into Arthur’s mouth, dreaming of abandon himself against his lips.

He has a physical need to close his eyes and to indulge in that vision and does it for a moment. Then, he reopens them immediately.

He is sad that Arthur still hasn’t made a move. It is obvious they want each other. They are alone and that would be the perfect moment to dare something, so far away from the others.

Merlin is about to make the first move and kiss the blond, when Arthur, won by the desperation of not being able to approach and take him in his arms, grabs his arms strongly, letting him slip his hand out of his pocket.

He cannot touch him, he cannot kiss him, he cannot invade the delicate fragility of Merlin's mind, but staying away from him has become an immense torture... he needs to get away, to put some distance between them.

“Come with me... there’s something I want to show you"

Merlin is still lost in his desire to kiss Arthur, when he feels someone forcibly dragging and reuniting him with the world. It is difficult to reconnect himself with the air around him.

"Where are we going?"

“We have a hangar at the end of the estate. As a young man, my father had bought an old airplane: a veteran of the two world wars. He had it restored and now the plane is still kept here, on the estate area. Now it's mine. I still revised it, because sometimes I like to fly with it. I want to show it to you!"

 

*****

 

Arthur and Merlin arrive at the Hangar almost at dusk and the light colors of orange all around, including the aircraft, which takes Merlin’s breath away in an instant because of its beauty.

It is well cared. It is military gray. It no longer has the identification serial numbers of the aviation forces it comes from, but instead on the front chassis there is an inscription, clearly dedicated to Arthur by his father: " _Little Prince_ " with a half-length of Saint-Exupéry’s blonde Little Prince painted just below. Then, Merlin moves his eyes for a better view. It has two seats, but the pilots cabin is not covered. So Merlin tries not to imagine Arthur on board flying with the wind in his hair and rayban sunglasses on his face as he slips through the clouds.

The brunet is shaken from his fantasies only when he hears the other speaking...

"My gem. It’s a Hawker Hart, a 1930 light bomber, single-engine, 12-cylinder, water-cooled..."

Merlin lights up as he watches Arthur being so passionate about what it’s evidently his life.

"We obtained it from the Royal Air Force (RAF), when it was about to be scrapped, destroyed. My father put it back together. It was used in both world wars and it is almost unique. In all UK, I think there are no more than two or three planes identical to this one. The Pendragon family is very proud to own it and I have lost count of all the times I have flown with it"

"You are right to be so proud... it is really beautiful and I imagine that flying with an open cabin is different... feeling the air on you..."

Arthur looks away from the plane and looks at Merlin.

"It is. Obviously you cannot exceed a certain altitude because of the pressure... but flying on a plane directly with the wind in your hair is really something unique"

Arthur refrains from lean and hold Merlin in his arms and kiss him, eager to take him even there on the bare ground, while his body is alive and warm, colored by the orange sunset.

"Can’t we... you know... take a ride on it?"

Arthur shakes his head slowly.

"It must be prepared. I have to refuel it and check the commands. Furthermore, the sun is almost set and soon it will be dark. We cannot fly if there is no visibility. This plane has no electronic controls... Besides, I am guessing that you need to ask Mordred and Uther if you can fly, right?"

Merlin pouts, genuinely disappointed. He would have really loved to fly with Arthur.

Arthur gives in in front of the redness of his cheeks, in front of his deliciously frowning lips.

"Let's talk about it later at dinner. If you get the go ahead of your father and Mordred, tomorrow morning I will prepare and check the plane and if you still want to... "

"Seriously? I'll do anything to corrupt my two personal doctors to give me permission. I suggest you start preparing, because I always get what I want!"

Merlin mischievously winks at him, sending Arthur’s blood down to his groin, turning him on. It is painful to give up that moment...

"Let's go back? Soon it will be dark and the area has no light. Besides, we will have to prepare for dinner"

 

*****

 

The evening and the dinner are over.

The Pendragons and the Emrys are in the living room drinking something together. Arthur is thickly talking with Uther. Morgana and Mordred are chatting with Ygraine. Merlin is sitting on the ground, on a large carpet, intent on looking at an old album of photographs of the estate, where he has also found photos of Arthur, Morgana, Ygraine and Balinor.

In particular, Merlin has stopped to stare at some old photographs of Arthur as a child. In one, he is standing next to the plane, helmet in hand and aviator sunglasses on, next to his father, who is apparently teaching him something. In another, Arthur is a teenager, wearing a mechanic's jumpsuit, and is wonderful; his hair is so greasy and a bit longer and sweaty. Then another photo, where he is always next to the plane, while adjusting a few pieces, and his father is sitting in the cockpit giving him instructions. And finally the last one, the most beautiful of all, where Arthur is lifting his thumb and showing the pilot's license he had just earned. He is damn beautiful and his joy is evident on his face. His eyes are of an even more intense blue.

Merlin closes the album, overwhelmed by the emotions triggered by the full immersion in a part of the life of the blond, whose presence and penetrating gaze he can consistently and strongly feel behind and on him.

Merlin gets up and pulls himself together, depositing the old album on a near table.

Morgana is tired and shows a desire to leave. It has been a very nice but intense day, and she doesn’t want to force the hand with the pregnancy, about which she and Mordred intend to tell Merlin the next day, pretending to announce it for the first time.

Mordred hugs her and waves.

"We retire. Tomorrow morning will we have breakfast together? Or are you going to laze in bed?"

Ygraine responds.

"We always have breakfast by nine. Let’s just say that the breakfast room will be ready for that hour and everyone can decide what to do. It's a weekend of relaxation and if you want to spend a few more hours in bed, we can meet later in the morning..."

Mordred and Morgana nod and leave the room. Then, also Ygraine takes her leave, accusing fatigue.

Merlin gets up to answer a call from Gwaine and Arthur is left alone with Uther, who immediately asks him a question...

“Has Merlin made some progress we are not aware of today?"

Arthur shakes his head and Uther sighs. So Arthur continues.

"But between us things are going well. The complicity that has always distinguished us has returned, even if it is becoming more and more difficult for me to restrain myself or ignore what we have"

Uther looks at him in the eyes.

"Give him time. You've just ‘met’ yesterday..."

Arthur punches the arm of the sofa, clearly tense. Then, he asks a delicate question in turn...

"What about you? You and my mom, I mean... how has it been spending this day together after all these years?"

Uther smiles, embarassed.

"As catching an interrupted thread... as if time had never passed. For the both of us. The problem will be tonight... how to spend the night until tomorrow..."

Arthur looks surprised, "Why?"

“Ygraine and I... this is where we have done it for the first time together. It was during a party. We spent the night in the coach house next to the stables. No one noticed. Tonight will be long to live"

Arthur is watching him in silence, full of understanding, but doesn’t comment. Then, Uther gets up.

"I’ll pour myself one last glass of scotch and drink it in my room. Goodnight... and goodnight to you too, Merlin"

Merlin is coming back at that precise moment, while his father is about to leave, and tells him, "Goodnight, dad... see you tomorrow then"

 

Merlin and Arthur are alone now and, as usual, neither of them speak.

Arthur because he is pinned by the fear of not being able to control himself and to give in to his instincts, and Merlin because he is still uncertain whether to make the first move. He doesn’t see Arthur determined. Somehow, he perceives him aloof. Therefore, he isn’t sure if Arthur likes him as Merlin does him. So, he remains distant and scrutineer, afraid to take the step to get closer to him.

Arthur gets up to pour himself a drink and Merlin watches him from behind, his heart in his throat, lost in his strong and elegant figure: tight jeans wrapping a wonderful ass, muscular legs, broad shoulders and the majestic neck standing on a perfect back.

Busy catching every detail, Merlin daydream about how the blond’s naked body must look like. He blushes, afraid to have been caught red-handed in his fantasies, when the other turns. Then, he looks down, tormenting his hands and drumming them on his knees.

If only Arthur would make a move...just one... to make him understand whether he can dare!

Merlin is paralyzed, like a boy without experience, completely frozen and lost in his emotions by the desire to dare.

There, in front of him, Arthur is tense and at his limit. He is afraid of being even a minute longer in the room. The air between them is so electric and sexually tense that he is about to break and has a feeling that he won’t be able to control himself anymore.

He observes Merlin sipping his wine, dreaming of turning off that sweet-sour taste on his lips, of sinking into his tempting neck, of taking him in his arms tightly…of taking him there in that moment, on the couch or on the floor, even of pinning him to the wall.

With trembling hands, he puts the glass down, shrugs and looks away.

Then, he runs away, not to give in to the desire... he is excited and soon he will not even be able to hide it. So he better go.

"I'm going too ... it's late and this last glass has helped my exhaustion..."

For a moment, Merlin is convinced that the blond will ask him to follow him and his heart stops beating, while holding his breath, but the other man continues and takes his leave.

"Goodnight then, see you tomorrow"

Merlin breathlessly responds with a slight nod. Then, when the other has left the room altogether, he leans against the back of the couch.

"You're a fool, Merlin! You are 28 and haven’t the courage to make a move!? What's the worst that could happen? At best, he says no!"

Merlin stays and thinks for a few minutes, unsure. Then, he gets up and walks towards the corridor leading to the rooms.

 

*****

 

Arthur is pacing his room, angry and sad, at the limit of exhaustion, furious with himself and with the world. He is starting to undress for the night: he is bare-chested, barefoot and dressed only with his jeans, when he hears a knock at the door.

He goes to the door, convinced it’s one of the household staff, when he finds Merlin at the other side, embarrassly smiling and with his hands in his pockets.

"Can I come in?"

Arthur looks at him astonished, his jaw blocked. Then, without responding, too surprised, moves to the side, allowing him to pass.

"...Yes... of course"

Merlin lowers his head and enters. Then, he lifts it to look around into the room, hoping that Arthur would say something, maybe asking why he is there in his room, making things easier for him. But the blond doesn’t. Instead, he approaches the bed and puts on the shirt he had left there before.

Merlin feels like dying at the sight of his bare back. He loses himself in his sculpted and manly muscles and in his male and perfect skin… so hot. So that it becomes even more difficult to try to say what he wants.

He approaches him slowly and stops the hands that are putting on the shirt. He stops behind his back.

"Arthur..."

The other turns, overwhelmed. His face is pure hell, overflowing desire, almost close to tears.

He stares at him without uttering a word, fearing that even breathing would make him take Merlin and make love to him, because he really can’t take it anymore.

Only a further step, another word, and Arthur will lose control... and yield to his instinct telling him to take him again and again and to forget that he should stay away.

But it’s Merlin the one to decide the fate of both… a fate impossible to escape.

"I don’t... I mean, I wanted to say that... I thought that... well... you..."

Arthur stares at him, dying inside at his every word, his body struck by spasms of pain mixed with excitement and desire.

"…you aren’t going to ask. So I’ll do it for you. Would you like to make love to me?"


	12. I'll GO WHEREVER YOU WILL GO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the last chapter...  
> thank you so much for reading this story that I have loved so much. 
> 
> I would like to thank Ship for allowing me to translate it...she is an amazing person and writer!!...THANK YOU!!! GRAZIE ^-^
> 
> ^^^^^^^^^^^^^
> 
> For Ship   
> THE STORY IS NOT MINE  
> This is a translation of the Italian story ‘I'll go wherever you will go’, sequel to ‘Shine Bright like a diamond in the sky’ by Ship  
> http://www.efpfanfic.net/viewstory.php?sid=2467732&i=1

“...Would you like to make love to me?”

Arthur doesn’t respond. His heart seems to beat at the speed of light and the blood is running so intensely and quickly in his veins that it’s setting them on fire.

His gaze is pure fire, exciting as hell, and Merlin perceives its heat as if it was coming from the flames, whose arrows seem to devour and dry his throat in a thirst that it’s not appeaseable by water.

Merlin’s eyes are dark with desire, as he approaches him slowly. He leaned his head on Arthur's chest, closing his eyes to better drown in his smell.

"Tell me yes...”

A whisper on the blond's skin, a breath. Then Merlin raises his face toward his, looking for his lips, finding them and opening them up. He gives him his own taste, then demands his.

“...Arthur”

His name is almost inaudible, muttered under his breath, and Arthur, remained motionless until then, feels the world all around breaking on his heart. Every sound, every colour, every vibration, every second has found a place in Merlin ... there, in his warm and soft lips, in the exiting wetness of his mouth, in his surrendered body, pressed against his own.

His legs give way and Arthur gives up entirely: his tongue slips inside Merlin’s mouth, finding the one of the brunet, taking it with possessiveness, in a deep moan that seems to contain all their days apart within itself.

The moan is a guttural sound. It comes from below, from the abdomen, and Merlin smiles on his lips.

Arthur is no longer able to see reason, defeated, trapped in the other's web, in the feelings that are screaming inside, in the urge to have Merlin back.

When Merlin hugs his neck with his arms after taking off his shirt, Arthur approaches him, holding him tight, by joining their naked bodies, getting lost in the heat of the contact of their skins, which seem to stick to each other and become one.

Arthur kisses him with arrogance and uncontrollable passion, taking away his breath, and Merlin indulges in a little effeminate cry, excited and eager to go and get what he wants. He pushes him back towards the bed and Arthur falls seated on the mattress. The jeans that Merlin must have unbuttoned a little earlier are open, allowing his hot groin skin to breath, while he spreads his legs under the push of Merlin’s hands.

“Merlin...”

The brunet slowly drops in front of him on his knees ... every glimmer of hesitation and shyness has been turned off on his tense and swollen lips, now wet with excitement and desire.

“Mmmm??”

“...We…can’t”

A whip more on his heart than on Merlin’s, who obviously doesn’t fully understand what the blond means.

Arthur is desperately won. He is aware he won’t be able to stop for much longer if Merlin doesn’t. His body is now melted under the fire that is consuming him.

“What…do you mean?”

Merlin continues his journey on Arthur's body, not intentioned on stopping.

Arthur trembles violently: everything is spinning around.

Merlin’s gaze is glued on the big swell of Arthur’s jeans. His hand is intrusive on his torrid and hard meat inside his shorts. Once out of the faded cloth, his excitement challenges gravity itself, majestic in his hand.

Merlin’s moans, his sighs ... everything is pure dizziness.

Arthur is no longer Arthur, but only a body burning with desire... God ... how to stop??

"I ... I have nothing ...with me...”

Actually they don’t need anything in order to make love ... they haven’t been needing to protect themselves since a long time, because they haven’t been with anyone else, but this is a way for Arthur to try and reject him, even if he doesn’t really have the strength to.

Merlin smiles maliciously, sending electric shocks in his sex. Then, the brunet takes a condom strip out from the back of his jeans pocket, putting them on the bed.

“I have come here to _seduce_ you ... I had to do everything myself, I couldn’t expe-”

The last syllables remain on the lips, while Arthur suddenly grabs him by force and kisses him, choosing not to be Arthur, not to listen to the world, to the problems, to the past, to the risks, to the fear.

Merlin breathes deeply.

“Is this a yes?”

Arthur's hands are lost in Merlin's dark hair, while taking possession of his mouth in yet another kiss, this time even deeper...

He has missed those lips like you miss air ... and with hunger for air, Arthur possesses them.

Merlin trembles, lost in that passion, vibrating with excitement for the effect that he feels he has on the blonde ... their attraction finally gets to burst and find an outlet.

Arthur lets him go, his blue eyes become dark with desire.

“God, Merlin...”

The other wides more his thighs, leaning down ... and Arthur surrenders: he grabs his own sex, stretching it even more, bringing it closer to Merlin's face, his other hand sunk into his hair.

Then, Arthur slowly slips with the hot and turgid tip of his penis along the contour of the brunet’s mouth, to draw it perfectly, to enjoy their softness, so that for a long minute he loses himself, moving around the perimeter of those so loved lips, finding them dripping with desire. Then, reached his limits, he sinks into them with a groan, while Merlin hungrily swallows him.

“MERLIN... YES”

It is what it takes to Merlin to precipitate: the permission to let everything happen.

He begins to move his mouth around Arthur's burning flesh, slipping greedy over his majestic and virile erection, sucking his sex as if it were food or drink, as if he had not eaten for a long time, as if being with ARTHUR WAS LIKE TASTING LIFE ITSELF ONCE AGAIN.

Merlin is lost in the kiss, his mouth full and sated only by Arthur, and can’t get enough of it.

"Arthur ... you're so...  beautiful, strong, manly..."                                                     

He has never wanted anyone so much, or has never felt so excited in his entire life as at that time, where he just wants to get lost and sink, never to emerge from that pleasure ever again.

“Arthur...”

Arthur sinks in and out from his mouth. He lets himself being enjoyed, licked, whimpering tight-lipped with his eyes half-closed, lost on Merlin's face, who is beating his eyelids, while satisfying himself.

Arthur is challenging fate and is aware of it, but cannot escape its plans on his terms.

“I WANT YOU...”

Merlin gets up again, joins him on the bed, pulls his pants off and then undresses in turn. He sits astride him, moving to the beat of his excitement resting on Arthur, who moves his hands behind, sliding down toward his white and warm buttocks. And while Merlin enjoys that touch along with that of his hot abdomen against his tense sex, aching with desire, Arthur is already preparing him after thoroughly wetting his own fingers, sinking them deliciously and deeply in him, making him more than ready, eager to have him within himself.

Merlin lowers himself toward his ear and, abandoned all sense of shame, whispers in it.

"Take me now Arthur… fuck me now...”

He unrolls a condom on the blond’s penis, stroking it slowly, and Arthur cries with pleasure. Then, aided by the movement of Merlin's hips, he penetrates him, pushing up with his pelvis to meet him, to sink in the heat of his flesh ... and the dizziness becomes distant from the world, confusion of the senses.

Neither of them are still connected with the rest of the world…there is only the other, madly, completely, fused into one.

Merlin rises again and rides him forcefully, clawing his knees, while Arthur moves hard under him, with quick and decisive movements, which fill him all the way. He is invading him relentlessly, making him choke not to scream, mouth open.

Merlin is beside himself. He throws his head back, offering his neck to provoke him, to invite him to sink into it, until Arthur gets up again and joins him, hooking it hard, biting that white flesh, making him scream.

Merlin bites his lips strongly, moaning and sighing, to hold yet another scream, another request:

MORE ... MORE...

And when Arthur penetrates him hard, so deeply that it almost hurts, Merlin strongly clings to him and claws at his back with his nails.

Then, while the blonde grabs the brunet's penis, pressed against his abdomen, squeezing it in his fist and moving it so hard to make him come…

“ _Arthur... I can’t take it anymore"_

It is then that the veil disappears.

“Arthur… I can’t take it anymore”

A sudden echo, a blinding flash in Merlin's head: his own voice in the distance. He feels a jolt like an earthquake in his mind: an incomplete dizziness. However, surrounded in the pleasure, Merlin attributes it to the ecstasy of the moment, when it actually means that since a second ago, he is no longer lost in the fog…

“ _Arthur…”_

“Arthur...” 

The name of the other dies on his own mouth, while Merlin bursts into an unstoppable orgasm, and Arthur squeezes him so hard it hurts, even stopping his heartbeat…

“ _Come for me_ , _Merlin…”_  

Yet another sudden echo, yet another light, that the brunet forgets and goes off the moment his heartbeat moves once again.

"Come for me, Merlin..."

And when he feels him coming, Arthur kisses him, moaning loud enough to scream, their lips joined together.

Merlin has forgotten to have remembered for a second, just a moment, a moment of his life. And Arthur is unaware that he has possessed the brunet for real, like in the past, while in turn bursts, indulging in the pleasure, in a violent long repressed orgasm.

“Merlin...”

 

The passion that burns their bodies has consumed everything, even their last breath. They collapse exhausted and out of breath on the bed, sweaty and red-faced, their hair plastered on their foreheads, their beautiful bodies intertwined, their panting and their skin still shaken by chills.

And in the end, they are one inside the other, not only what they can see, but every where, in every cell...

Arthur slowly slips off from Merlin’s body, who slides beside him, pushing himself against his shoulder, gathered in his arms, one hand resting on the blond’s broad chest. 

Merlin doesn’t remember the flashes of memory that have crossed his mind. But now the net has a larger hole, ready to welcome other memories ... even if he doesn’t know it yet.

Arthur is breathless. Everything is dead in his throat, even the tears that he would like to share for the hate he feels for himself. He has been unable to resist. He has given in to his desire and doesn’t know what will happen now, what the consequences of his inability to control himself will be. 

“How are you feeling?”

Merlin sighs and curls up against him even more, to collect the last heat on the skin that is starting to cool off.

"Saying something right now would be an understatement and would ruin everything. I want to continue to enjoy this moment and pretend that there is nothing out of this room. Can I answer you when I feel like returning to the world?"

Arthur holds him more tightly, nodding. Then, he turns his face and slowly kisses him on the lips for the umpteenth time.

 

***** 

 

Merlin has fallen asleep a while ago, satisfied and happy, sinking even more in his arms, but Arthur cannot sleep, overcome by thoughts he knows he has to give an answer to.

He's afraid.

Afraid of what will happen from then on, afraid to have altered the fragile balance of Merlin's mind, to face his awakening, to read what will be.

He knows it was wrong and he hates himself for not having been able to control himself. He has wanted Merlin for two whole days and with such an intensely he has never felt before. He feels bad and yet, despite all his complaints, he cannot really reproach himself, because something inside him continues to shout that this is the right way to win Merlin back, to have him back with him, to start their lives together again.

Definitively giving in – he convinces himself - was almost like surrendering to a law of nature: a duty to himself and also to Merlin, to prove to destiny and to the world that this is how it should be between them, because they have to be together, in spite of any possible medical theory.

More relaxed, he finds some peace and finally gives in to sleep, lost in Merlin's heat, listening to his heartbeat, calming down in the gentle rhythm of his light breath and finding the courage to move on in his body, tight to him.

 

*****

 

_"You do not accept my judgment as a doctor only with regard to yourself!! And now you compliment me on my work toward someone else?…… You are incoherent and indecisive. You don’t have the courage to accept professional advices…”_  

“ _I cannot stand that you have a so strong decision-making power on my career, my health, my judgment, on my feelings and my emotions! …………… You constantly destabilize me!”_

Merlin is sweating abundantly in his sleep. A light seems to cross his mind. Dialogues, clear scenes, MEMORIES are invading his sleep, even if he isn’t able to perfectly navigate through the images that are overlapping in his head…

“ _You are still wearing my marks...”_

“ _This time, don’t tell me we have to wait…”_

Merlin focuses on the face that remains in the shadows: one voice is his own and the other one is familiar to his ears, but he is not able to see the face of the person in front of him. Anxiously he tries to focus on him, to recognize this person…

_"Ok. What do you want me to do? TELL ME. Do you want me to sign a return certificate and probably give you the opportunity to kill yourself? You’re still not able to fly… and you know that…”_

“ _Give me permission to fly alone ... I will have no problem flying alone!!"_

“ _..........You are a bloody bastard!”_

“ _Tell me you don’t want me and I’ll leave……………”_

“ _I don’t want to come... I want to fuck you…MERLIN…”_

“ _Come for me……………”_

Merlin sits quickly, sweaty and agitated, aware he has REMEMBERED flashes of his past, he has turned on a light in the darkness.

He turns his eyes on Arthur, who is still sleeping next to him.

His face! Is it possible that that face lost in the fog is his?

That voice? ARTHUR??

That tone ... that security ... the discussion about FLYING??

Merlin gets out of bed, leaving Arthur still in the same position in which he has fallen asleep: he is beautiful and seeing him on the bed where they have loved each other with passion only a couple of hours before causes him a pang of incomprehensible deep pain, because of something he’s still unable to recognize ... he only knows that all these conflicting thoughts are causing him restlessness, forcing him to reflect.

His first memories are the memories of SOMEONE, someone who apparently plays a key role in his life and at a mere thought of this someone, the emotions reappear so strong and intense that stab him even if awaken... someone who…

…Arthur??

Merlin shakes his head, looking for something fresher in his mind, clearer.

He needs to move, to search, to think.

He approaches a table, where previously he has spotted a bottle, to pour himself a glass of water. When he reaches the table, he remains still on the spot: a little blue covered book of poetry is placed over it, freely dropped there.

It is a reprint, of course ... it is new compared to the one on the nightstand next to _his_ bed, but it is the same book nevertheless. Merlin trembles as he opens it on the page indicated by the bookmark, because he already knows what he will find there.

A poem, that Merlin knows by heart, is underlined in some places:

It could have happened.

It had to happen.

It happened earlier. Later.

Nearer. Farther off.

It happened, but not to you.

…. ….

Alone. With others.

… ….

A beam, a brake,

A jamb, a turn, a quarter-inch.

… An instant…almost a coincidence.

So you are here? Still dizzy from another dodge, close shave, reprieve? 

One hole in the net and you slipped through?

I couldn’t be more shocked or speechless.

Listen, how your heart pounds inside me.

 

Merlin closes the book, overwhelmed and crushed by the evidence, his heart in his throat, out of breath.

The hole in the net of his mind becomes a chasm and the memories creep in powerfully: the faces are sharp and clear now, the voices even more….

“ _I am ready to prove to you that I'm ready to entrust my life to you ... I will fly with you"_

“ _I cannot live without diving in this blue. This is my life, Merlin. This is me ...flying… is me. It is the best thing that can explain who Arthur is. I wanted to show you. And I also wanted... for you to want and to accept me for and despite this"_

Merlin turns toward the bed, approaching it slowly and finally letting go of the sensations he is feeling. It's hard to hold back the tears that are falling copious on his face, while staring at the face of the young man that he loves and has loved, in spite of everything: of the fog, of the memories, of the accident, of life, of destiny itself ...

"ARTHUR ... I lost the most important year of my life: the year with you, of the two of us together..."

The last doubt goes off at those words...

“ _Arthur… I can’t take it anymore… I LOVE YOU… I love you”_

“ _I love you…too”_

Merlin dries his tears with his hands. He would like nothing more than to throw himself on the bed, to wake Arthur and to scream at him that he remembers everything and needs a strong hug. He would like nothing more than to tell him that he loves him so much ... indeed, after struggling against the mist of his mind, perhaps he loves him even more than before.

But he is overwhelmed by what he is feeling, by the memories that are returning too quickly, hurting his head a little. The confusion they are creating doesn’t allow him to think, to breathe.

He gets dressed, needing to be alone, to seek a space where he can breathe without feeling invaded by everything that now is pinning him in the past.

He softly closes the door behind him, not to wake the man he loves. He wants to stand in front of him a few hours later at full strength and lucidity in order to fully take back his life and how it should be.

 

*****

 

Arthur wakes up with the feeling to have dreamed the whole thing, not finding Merlin beside him on the bed. Disappointed, he gets up, but then, when he moves his hand on the sheet where a still asleep Merlin was supposed to be, he feels paper under his fingers and, turning, he finds a note with a couple of lines written by the boy, probably before leaving the room.

He feels his heart leaping with joy mixed with restlessness, realizing that they have made love for real that night, and that it hadn’t been a dream.

He unfolds the paper with trembling hands and reads the brunet’s clean and elegant handwriting...

"Forgive me if I am not with you when you wake up. I wanted to go back to my room without anyone noticing we have spent the night together in your house: it would have been very embarrassing for me to meet your mother and my father on the way. I am going to take a shower and get changed. If when you get up it will be late and we won’t see each other for breakfast, meet me at the Hangar at 10... don’t forget the promise you made me yesterday to make me fly. We got permission from my personal doctors. See you later. Merlin"

Arthur falls heavily on his back on the pillow, eyes closed.

Apparently, everything is fine for Merlin, and he doesn’t know if it is more of a relief or a disappointment at the moment.

Thinking about him - he misses him already - he slides his hand to his groin, cuddling himself and caressing the classic morning wood, which at that time is particularly tense because he is still turned on by the pleasure of the previous night.

He loses himself in his own caresses and in the memory of the night with Merlin for a while. Then, wanting to see him right away, he gets up to take a refreshing shower and gets ready for the day.

 

*****

 

The breakfast room is empty. As announced by the waiter, Arthur is the last to arrive, so he doesn’t even sit at the table. He drinks a coffee standing up and eats a croissant quickly as he leaves, heading for the Hangar.

Mordred and Morgana have gone out early to take a walk in the countryside around the estate and also Uther and Ygraine are out riding. Therefore, Arthur doesn’t meet anyone and can concentrate: he is about to see Merlin again after the night together and is excited when he takes the path that leads to the Hangar. He has desperate need to take him in his arms and to get lost in the sensation of having him back.

"Merlin?"

Arthur advances with decisive steps, finding himself in front of a happy and tense Merlin.

"I was waiting for you! You know, someone has already come to fill it up with fuel ... it's a beautiful day and I cannot wait to go out ... and..."

Arthur bursts with joy at seeing him again and doesn’t hear half of the things he is saying.

"Hey ... slow down..." The blond covers the remaining distance between them and joins him, taking him in his arms, squeezing him so hard that he almost prevents him from giving him an answer. "Come here"

He chokes him with a kiss that takes both their breath away and Merlin is close to tears when Arthur finally lets go: his passion and possessiveness are the things he has missed the most during the period of distance and darkness in his head...

"... how passionate!"

“Really? And yet, last night you seemed to like it..."

"In fact I like it"

Merlin moves a lock of blond hair from his forehead slowly… it’s hard to resist the want to confess immediately that the fog has completely abandoned his mind.

He is still not ready to reveal himself...

"You do? Then why did you get up, leaving me all alone in that bed? I felt seduced and abandoned! First, you come into my room..."

Merlin takes possession of his lips again, this time seeking his tongue, stroking it softly with his own.

"And?"

Arthur ends the kiss reluctantly, his eyes darker, his voice deeper.

"And then, after making love so wonderfully, you have left me a note instead of your body. And I couldn’t make love to it once awake!"

Merlin smiles in front of the usual Arthur: some things never change, not even after so much time. Arthur's impetus and desire to constantly jump him, always ready to mark his territory in front of other people, or to satisfy his restless cravings haven’t changed...

Not that Merlin is displeased by it obviously...

"Hadn’t you promised me a flight?"

The brunet's heart pounds so hard that he is afraid it may leave his chest any moment now.

"Mmm ... and what if I were to tell you that right now I plan to do anything but fly with you?"

Arthur crushes Merlin even more towards himself, once again eager: he knows he should control himself, he shouldn’t push on the accelerator. He knows that he has already done too much and that it may become difficult to limit the damage, but it is as if his body and his will are detached from his mind all the time.

Merlin smiles, kissing him...

"Mmm… and if I were to tell you that your proposal drives me crazy, but that first I want to fly? And I promise you that later, when we will do it again, it will be muuuch more beautiful? Trust me..."

Arthur kisses him again, excited, but he forces himself to respect his wishes.

"Okay. But I'll hold you to that"

 

*****

 

Arthur checks that everything is in order for a good half hour, while Merlin waits patiently, sitting behind him. When everything seems all right, he turns around and hands him a pair of aviator sunglasses to protect the eyes from the wind.

"So Merlin... are you ready? It will be different from what you know! A unique experience. We cannot fly too high since this plane hasn’t a cover, but like this, you can enjoy the experience of flying completely. Does it excite you the fact you’ll see the landscape so closely from above? Personally, I think this is one of the best ways to fly, completely surrounded by air, 'breathing' the sky... "

Merlin shivers, while responding, happy.

 “Well, if I like it as I think I will, I am afraid that I won’t be able to get enough of it in the future as a result..."

Arthur smiles, starting the engine, already convinced that Merlin would love the experience exactly as he had the first time they flew on a fighter plane, although this flight will be completely different.

 

*****

 

The plane takes off, rising slowly. The start is very different from that experienced on the fighter plane and Merlin savours the taste of the caresses of the wind in his hair, of seeing the land and the London countryside slowly becoming smaller and smaller under them. The sun is warm on the skin. The sense of relax that allows him to fly with Arthur is beautiful as always, especially as he watches the blond in his natural element.

"So Arthur ... where are you taking me?"

"We’ll fly over the countryside eastwards. Then, we’ll reach the coast and turn back. I think we will stay out an hour or so"

"Very well, Captain Pendragon…”

Arthur feels a long shiver run down his spine at the sound of those words, but remains focused on driving, slipping up on the wind currents. On the other hand, behind him, Merlin is absorbed by his own feelings and is not able to recognize whether the most beautiful view is the one under and around him or Arthur in front of him.

He has decided to reveal to Arthur that he remembers everything during the flight, so that he can hide himself from his eyes during the confession. Like this, it may allow him to stay focused. Moreover, he has also thought that Arthur, not being forced to look at him as he hears his words, can have a moment for himself, only just a moment to absorb the news of the memory recovery in peace.

 

They have arrived on the coast and Arthur is turning to go back to the estate, when Merlin decides it's time to reveal himself, though due to the excitement he finds it hard to concentrate, to find the words and to start the conversation.

He is anxious and unsure about what to do, when suddenly Arthur speaks and Merlin understands what to do.

“Merlin, are you all right there?”

Perhaps recalling their conversation on the fighter plane during their previous flight may be a good way to make him understand that he remembers everything now.

“ _Yes… I feel more like drugged, actually…”_

Merlin remains silent for a moment…but the first feeble attempt to send him the message seems to fail.

"It's the altitude. Breathe slower and it will get better. It's completely different from anything you've ever done, isn’t it?"

Merlin smiles because he thinks he has found a better attempt…

“ _I'm sorry ... but I don’t have enough saliva to answer now, or enough concentration to articulate something coherent to say…”_

Arthur doesn’t answer, but a voice inside him is shouting at the sound of Merlin's words, and that voice seems to light a particular sensation in him, which he still cannot fully understand.

Behind him, Merlin has perceived the slight change in the mood of the other, suddenly become tense and anxious, although he cannot see his face.

Merlin sinks even more in the memory of the past…

“ _I... I need to recover a bit”_

This time Arthur is seriously affected. He is almost afraid to speak, afraid to discover that the feeling in his soul may be a mistake and end up being a big disappointment. However, he MUST know if those sentences are Merlin’s message.

“I want…I want to know if you liked it or _if you were afraid to fly with me_ ”

The wall between them falls. Merlin has realized that now Arthur KNOWS, or at least suspects it, and sends him one last, clear signal…

“ _Not for a second…”_

He holds his breath, as he sees the blond turning slowly to the side, his eyes lost in blue around them.

“Merlin… you…”

“I have never been... not last time ... even less today...”

Silence surrounds them unnaturally, in an embrace of souls that are touching without brushing against each other, without looking. Prevented by circumstances, by the physical distance, both become unable to say anything else and Arthur is trembling violently with emotion, nailed down by the joy and happiness to have recovered these moments with Merlin and the story of the two of them.

Finally he seems to be able to speak.

"I'm sorry, Dr Emrys. I fear that I need a moment, otherwise I may hyperventilate…”

Merlin laughs loudly behind him, moving closer to his ear so Arthur can hear him clearly. He has unshed tears in his lashes, and can see them in Arthur's eyes too.

"Breathe deeply, Captain Pendragon. I want to land safe and sound. I have to keep a promise made earlier to my man…”

Arthur eventually gives in to his emotions. He lets the tears fall free, emptying the anxiety and fear of those last two months …

“GOD… MERLIN…YOU…”

“Yes… I’m fine. I remember everything. Thanks to you”

 

*****

 

When the plane touches the ground and returns in the Hangar, Arthur takes off his aviator glasses in an instant, throwing them on the seat, and gets off the plane with a jump. Then, he extends his hand to Merlin and helps him to jump in turn, picking him up in his arms, sinking into his neck.

“Merlin… Merlin, I… all this time… these endless days… Merlin…”

Arthur is crying on his neck, wetting it with tears of joy and relief. He is vulnerable, as has never been before, and clings to him as if he were afraid of losing everything any minute.

“Arthur, I’m here…and it’s really me finally…”

Arthur takes his face in his hands, squeezing it, and kisses his lips with all the accumulated desperation.

“Merlin, I’m so sorry! Your accident happened while I… while we…”

“It has just happened, Arthur. It's nobody's fault. It looks like it had to happen…”

“But us… that month!! God, Merlin, I’ve been such a fool! Staying away from each other? How the hell have we allowed it to happen!? Breaking up like that, when we have so much??”

Merlin grabs the hands still wrapped around his face. Then, he slowly comes closer to kiss him on the lips.

"Arthur, we will talk about it, but not now. Just hold me…”

And Arthur holds him as if the world were to end in that moment, as if that were to be their last moment together. He holds him tightly to himself as if they weren’t two separate persons, but one.

 

*****

 

Merlin ask Arthur to reveal to no one yet that he has regained his memory. And as they are walking toward the house to search for the others and plan the day, they hold hands, lost in a common heat that warms them much more than the spring sun.

When they arrive in the garden in front of the palace, Arthur stops and motions to Merlin to stop too, pointing at something in the distance, that only later Merlin realizes being Uther and Ygraine, who are walking hugging each other. He has an arm around her shoulder; she has her arms folded, yet she turns around and gives him a light kiss on the lips.

Merlin has just turned to Arthur in amazement, when they are reached from behind by Mordred and Morgana, arrived in that moment after leaving the car in the garage with which they had gone out for a walk in the countryside.

Morgana quickly notices the scene in front of them and the four children insistently stare at the scene from afar, even if Uther and Ygraine are unaware of being judged by the eyes of their children.

"Hey ... are we already at the rings stage? Oh God, those two aren’t taking it slowly…”

Arthur smiles to his sister. Then, he turns to all three of them.

"Guys, I need to tell you something. You too should know this…”

Arthur tells them of the morning passed in front of Merlin’s hospital room, of the way Uther had approached him, of the confession of his love for Ygraine, of how their parents had once loved each other, of how life had separated them and of how probably they have both continued to love each other through time, albeit away from each other.

Morgana wipes a tear: she has been very sensitive since she found out she is pregnant, but she is also stabbed by discovering something none of them could have ever imagined.

“It’s... always painful to find out that your own father was not the love of your mother's life. But this finally closes a circle and tells us many things. Our mother, Arthur, has always been a very loving woman and devoted to her family, but also aloof: closed in her own unreachable private world. She has always been curious about our lives, but has never allowed anyone to enter hers. As a child I always thought that Ygraine was hiding something in her heart, and now I finally understand everything”

Arthur nods.

“I think Mom has suffered a lot. I think she has always loved Uther in silence, though she was very fond of Dad..."

Morgana runs a hand through her long black hair, sad.

"Yeah ... our father was a good man. How could you not love him? but the love ... the passion?” 

Merlin and Mordred have remained silent, listening and observing their father happy for the first time, as they have never seen him in their lives.

Merlin shivers and shrugs.

“I think I finally understand dad. He has lived his life in the memory of a woman he has lost, the only one he’s ever loved perhaps, continuing to love her all his life. This is why he has closed his heart, his love, enough to have even closed himself away from his sons. I'm sorry for my mother Hunith too. I think she had always known that he has never loved her. I feel like I have been discovering another man in the past month. Seeing how Uther has changed, now I understand that his opening up is but a return to himself, because he was born once again when he met Ygraine again…”

Mordred nods, serious.

“I hope that from now on they can have a bit of happiness again. They deserve it. And I want to say something in support of destiny, that has separated them, but by doing so has allowed all four of us to be together today”

 

*****

 

The four young men have moved away, leaving their parents alone, and have spent the morning chatting about this and that. Merlin and Arthur haven’t mentioned their secret, eager to talk about it at lunch with all of them.

It's finally time for lunch and the families gather at the usual table, that that Sunday morning is wonderfully prepared and full of food. Spring seems to burst all around them. Everyone sits happily and Morgana and Mordred hold hands under the table, anxious as they wait to start eating. Even Merlin and Arthur are tense, the same way the couple in front of them is, because all four young people need to announce something that morning.

It is Mordred the first to break the silence, with an excited Morgana at his side.

"So, we don’t know what you have done this morning before lunch, but we want to tell you what WE have done …”

Morgana rests her head on the shoulder of her partner, smiling. Then she lifts it.

"We took a ride around here, in the green and sunny countryside, and we went looking for a place where I used to go as a child with mom, while dad and Arthur went flying…”

Arthur observes his sister and then looks at Ygraine, who is smiling excited: perhaps she has realized what her daughter is about to say.

"There is a small country church not far from the estate. Being Sunday, I knew there would be the Mass and we talked with the priest... "

Mordred encircles her side, continuing for her because her voice has failed her.

“We're getting married. In two months. In that church. We don’t need big celebrations ... just us, friends and there will be a small party here, in the villa"

A moved silence envelops the air and Uther gets up from the table to go to the young couple. Mordred gets him to meet him.

“Mordred, I’m so happy!! Congratulations guys! Morgana, come here and let me give you a hug! What a good news you have given us this morning! This joy is exactly what we needed in these families!!"

Ygraine gets up in turn, rushing to embrace her daughter, and Merlin and Arthur hold hands tightly under the table. Ygraine was touched, filled with all the happiness she could feel, conscious of that beautiful choice that has become a great achievement for the couple after the pregnancy.

Arthur gets up to also congratulate them, but Merlin speaks…

“Sorry sorry, I wanted to join in the celebrations ... and tell you that I am more than happy to see you so determined to spend the rest of your lives together. It is important to realize that everything is going be all right: my niece will have two wonderful parents and a wonderful family..."

Merlin finds all eyes on himself at those words, everyone’s but Arthur’s, who is smiling at his side, lowering his head.

Mordred questions him, followed by Morgana and their parents.

“Merlin, you…how do you know about the pregnancy?”

Morgana has a dry throat as she turns to her brother.

"Arthur? You didn’t tell him, did you?"

Then Mordred realizes the truth and seeks a confirmation.

"He would have never done it... Arthur! Don’t..."

But Arthur smiles and shrugs and Mordred bursts happy...

“Merlin? Is it really you? You remember? You remember EVERYTHING?”

Merlin shakes his head, approaching the couple to hug them.

“I've flown with Arthur this morning among the clouds and the fog has vanished completely"

Morgana begins to cry and Mordred squeezes him, while also Uther approaches from behind him, hugging him and crying in turn.

"This is incredible! Everything is perfect now! It is so perfect it almost hurt"

Uther's voice trails off when also Ygraine joins them in order to embrace Merlin, under the eyes of an Arthur bursting with happiness.

“We'll have a big party! Merlin is better, he remembers everything, and you two are getting married. We absolutely have to celebrate! And let’s not forget that in this house soon there will be a child, whose sex we still don’t know, despite Merlin being so sure it will be a girl! But maybe this is just his wish!"

Merlin laughs happy, freeing himself from everyone’s hug to return by Arthur’s side...

 

*****

 

It's night. The weekend has flown and come to an end.

The others have returned to their rooms and Arthur and Merlin are on the outdoor terrace, adjacent to the room where they have had dinner.

All of them will spend the last night in the villa, leaving only the next morning, and for the night Ygraine has asked for two new double rooms, in addition to Mordred and Morgana’s, to be prepared.

No one said anything about it. No need to say anything, nor to clarify. Everything is as clear as that clear night.

Arthur is leaning on the balustrade of the terrace. Merlin approaches him, leaning against him, and Arthur hugs and kisses him lightly on the lips.

"Today is the best day of my life..."

Merlin returns the kiss with one of his own.

"It is? Yet we have had many wonderful moments..."

Arthur holds him even more.

“Yes ... but today is special. I thought I had lost everything, but instead I have regained everything. I wouldn’t have been able to live without you ... it would have been the end of me"

Merlin sinks on his neck, whispering against it.

“I'm here ... and we're together. And despite all that has happened, I can say that it was great for me to live this period of darkness..."

Arthur moves away to look into his eyes, questioning, and Merlin smiles, blushing. Staring at Arthur always excites him like the first time he has laid his eyes on him.

“This forced distance, this isolation ... meeting you again, even though I did not remember anything about you... has been beautiful. I've fallen in love with you for the second time, feeling the same emotions, the same feelings, the same desire to have you of the first time. And it has been even more beautiful than the first time: less suffered. We have found each other without fighting this time and life has given us those moments typical of the first shy approaches in a new relationship that in the past we didn’t enjoy, as we met under an unlucky star, too busy fighting against each other and ourselves..."

Arthur nods, understanding what the brunet means.

“It’s true. You are right. Perhaps it was supposed to be like this right away, even then: no anger, no resentment, no obstacles in our way ... This time it has really been like meeting again and this despite the fatigue and the pain. It has been so hard! I have spent a hellish month, Merlin..."

"I understand, Arthur. I can imagine. Really. It's strange ... you know ... to see how last time, during our first meeting, I was the one to suffer in silence your troubles, to have waited for you and helped you. This time it has been the other way around..."

"Yeah…”

Merlin sinks his head back on his shoulder, listening to his own heart beating, pushing himself a little more against him.

"Merlin ... I want to tell you that that month we've broken up ... I got it all wrong. I...”

Merlin plants his eyes in his, clarifying, "Arthur, it wasn’t your fault. I don’t want to hear about how stupid we have been. At that time, I should have accepted your proposal to move in together, but I succumbed to my fear of what that choice would have entailed. Wounded by my past, I hadn’t the peace of mind to accept your proposal. I know I hurt you, that you felt me distant and that you thought my feelings for you weren’t as strong as yours for me ... but I was just afraid... after Ryan”

“And I was a fool at not giving you time and to get angry. My character, my possessiveness ... I realize now that you had the right to take your time regarding the two of us, maybe different compared to mine. But instead, out of rage, I read your indecision as evidence of you not loving me. Then I decided to leave for the Top Gun course in America without informing you, out of spite, and you got so angry... then, you stopped answering my calls and…”

“Arthur, what's the point of all this? Why talking about it again? Why continuing to hurt each other? We are together. That's what matters now. I want nothing to separate us ever again"

Arthur hugs him again…

“Of course. I am not leaving for America. I don’t care. I was childish and pompous, and I have put my career before us to hurt you, but it doesn’t matter anymore. I won’t go. I'm not interested in being the best pilot in the world. I want to be with you and I am not going away…”

Merlin kisses him again.

“Well, I care. You are born for it. You're the best and the entire aviation world will know! You have to go to America, Arthur, and take that title that is already yours..."

Arthur shakes his head strongly.

"I will not leave you”

“You won’t. I am coming with you. I am coming to Arizona with you, Arthur. I’ll stay with you all the time. I’ll extend my leave. I cannot return to work yet, although I have my memory back and I feel better. Therefore, I will lengthen my leave for another month. I’m coming with you and you cannot say no..."

Arthur holds him so hard it hurts... joining their groins and spreading his legs to creep between them.

“Why in the end is it always me the damn selfish bastard and you the one giving in and staying by my side?"

"Because I love your possessiveness. I love having you this way. I love the passion you put in everything you do and in your life ... and I love you for that. And because I cannot stay in a place if you are not there: _'I’ll go wherever you will go'_ …”

Arthur hugs him again.

“America?”

“…America”

Merlin gives in, pressing his erection against him, suddenly become swollen against Arthur’s, already majestic.

Arthur’s hands slide further down, on Merlin’s ass, and he draws him even closer. Arthur is already panting, as he starts to kiss him breathlessly. Merlin steps back only for a moment.

"What do you think you are doing with these hands, Captain? We are outdoors. They may see us…”

Merlin is mischievous. He is only teasing him. In fact, if it were up to him, he would do it even there on the terrace, no matter the others.

"I fear I may have lost altitude..."

Arthur's voice is hoarse and his hands are still tightening with possession Merlin’s buttocks.

“Mmmm… then shall we land somewhere else, my pilot?"

Merlin’s hands slips naughty in the front pockets of the blond's jeans, giving him a caress, which makes him moan with pleasure.

“Shall we go, Dr. Emrys?”

Their words get lost in the night, when they leave the terrace. 

 

*****

 

Their room is dark and lit only by the moon; a large four-poster bed dominates the centre. Once opened the door, Arthur approaches the wall to turn on the light.

Merlin stops him.

"Don’t do it ... I like seeing you in the twilight. Your hair is silver instead of gold..."

Arthur takes him in his arms, sinking in his hair.

"God, Merlin... I have missed everything about you during these past two months! Your presence, your firmness, your way of 'taming' this pushy ass that’s me! Your..."

Merlin dips his hands into the back pockets of his jeans, squeezing his mighty buttocks.

“...my body?"

Merlin’s shirt slips on the floor in a moment at those words and Arthur’s hands are everywhere, while Merlin pants, pushing himself against him.

"Well ... that's why every time I have to stop myself from jumping your bones anywhere you are"

Merlin takes off his shirt for him, leaning against the blond’s warm skin, already on fire with desire.

"Today I have wanted you all day and struggled to stay with the others, when I just wanted to be with you..."

Arthur groans and unbuttons Merlin’s pants and pulls them off in one movement, leaving him naked in front of him, possessing him with his eyes.

"Merlin..."

Merlin approaches him, whispering in his ear.

"Last night we used condoms, but now we don’t need to... and remembering all the times we made love without it... flesh against flesh ... is already driving me crazy"

Arthur finishes undressing, already excited and ready to take possession of his body.

"Come here..."

He lifts him, kissing him, and Merlin offers him his mouth, as Arthur takes him to bed, trying to ignore his lust and need to take him on the floor.

They land on the bed and Arthur begins to caress him, losing all contact with the rest. The moonlight makes Merlin’s skin even paler and more desirable, the marks he is putting on his skin remain well visible.

Arthur spreads Merlin’s legs, clinging to his knees, and Merlin arches, moaning.

"God, Arthur ..."

"Keep them like this ... stay like this. Don’t move..."

Merlin is lost, excited and eager.

Arthur puts his fingers at his opening, beginning to massage it slowly, happy to feel it contracting... he bites his lip, excited.

"God, Merlin ... how much do you want me? You are already gone ... you NEED me ... your body belongs to me and it answers only to my touch. You should see yourself..."

"YES..."

Merlin moves to meet Arthur’s fingers, to push them deeper inside himself. He moans louder when the first finger penetrates him, followed by a second, which turns him on completely.

When Arthur feels him going crazy like that, he attacks his tense sex, sucking it strongly and thrusting into him so deeply he is giving him an immediate and violent pleasure, so much to make him almost come immediately.

"God... Arthur... wait... I..."

Arthur lets his fingers comply that request, exiting from him, and Merlin can breathe again, surrendered. But then, the blonde slides down and his tongue touches Merlin’s opening, loosing his muscles, penetrating him like that and forcing him to grab the sheets at the side of his head and to bite them, almost choking in his own pleasure.

"Merlin ... I want to feel you open, wet with pleasure, begging me to penetrate you..."

"Arth... ur... nnnn..."

Arthur’s caresses, his tongue inside him, so deliciously wet, the way he is possessing him ... Merlin is no longer able to understand and pushes up his pelvis, begging.

"Christ, Arthur, I'm about to come ... just come and fuck me..."

Arthur gets up again, takes his legs and firmly rests them on his shoulders. Then, he sinks into him at once. The sheets collect yet another cry from Merlin.

Merlin's ass throbs as he surrenders to the pleasure of being invaded by Arthur’s sex, hard and majestic inside him. He is possessing him breathlessly, crushing him under him with powerful thrusts.

"Arthur..."

Arthur releases one of Merlin’s leg, moving to the side and holding it once again to spread him more, to try a different angle, to push even deeper, to get lost in the high and powerful moans of the brunet, panting with an open mouth.

Merlin is thrown backward, lost in a selfish pleasure, thrust after thrust, sunk in the pain of a deep and delirious penetration, but also in the highest enjoyment.

"ARTHUR..." 

Merlin suddenly erupts, unable to delay further his orgasm, and Arthur is lost in his white flesh, biting his neck.

"Stay open for me, Merlin... stay open now..."

Merlin desperately tries to stay relaxed, while suffocating in his own pleasure, with Arthur that continues to push into him so hard he no longer understands where the pain and the pleasure begin, or vice versa...

"God yes .... Merlin.... am I hurting you?? Tell me ... it's so ... violent ... it is ... beautiful ... I don’t ...anymore..."

Arthur collapses on him, possessing him with pure instinct, without self-regulation, and cries with pleasure, not restrain, violating Merlin.

"MORE.... Arthur… more..."

Exhausted, Arthur comes violently in turn, bursting and filling Merlin completely, all the way, like a swollen river long restrained that overflows towards its natural course.

"I...love you... Arthur..."

 

*****

 

The sheets wrap their sweaty bodies, while they enjoy the fullness of their sated bodies, abandoned against each other.

"I cannot get used to the ecstasy of making love with you. You're insatiable every time, Arthur... an animal in heat..."

Now Merlin knows that tickling his virility gets Arthur high. He does it on purpose to provoke him, and the blond kisses possessively, astounding him.

"It's your fault. You awake the animal in me..."

Merlin melts in his arms, cuddling even more against him.

“Tell me something, Arthur… if I told you that I want to learn how to fly, to take a pilot's license…”

Arthur is speechless for a moment, confused ... Then he takes his chin between his fingers, turning his face to the right to look into his eyes, smiling and joking.

"Do you want to compete with me?"

Merlin laughs. Then, he kisses him on the lips.

“No… I already have a job. I would just like...to learn how to pilot a plane, that's all. I would really like for you to teach me…”

Arthur gets up and sits on his side, resting his head on the crook of his arm.

"I do not know if this is possible. We might ask if you want. Do you want to do it when we return to Dragon Cape?”

Merlin gets up too to kiss him on the lips.

“Yes”

“OK, it will be done. I will ask my superiors for advices, otherwise I can direct you to some other school of flight ... if your will is really learning how to fly, you can still do it even if I cannot be the one teaching you..."

Merlin nods, smiling.

"Ok, but I really would prefer for you to be my teacher…”

Arthur falls on the pillow and pulls him down on his chest.

"Aren’t you afraid that I may feel certain 'instincts' during the flight? I could kill the both of them..."

"Mmmm ... I'm sure you’ll know how to control yourself..."

Arthur lowers his voice.

"Something I’m unable to do right now..."

"Arthur, we have just done it…”

“What can I do if I am ready for round two? Aren’t you glad to have a partner ready to meet your every urge and at any time?"

Merlin grabs his pillow and slams it in his face, laughing.

"Yes, but control yourself. Anyway, I’ll go to the bathroom. I need a shower"

Arthur removes the pillow from his face, showing a playfully pout.

"Ok, I promise to stay here nice and easy”

Merlin gets up, laughing. Then, while he is going to the bathroom, he casts his eyes on the chest of drawers next to the bed, where he recognizes once again the blue book of poetry ... he takes it and returns to Arthur.

"Last night I promised myself to ask you. This book…"

Arthur stares questioning, without understanding what Merlin means.

"Have you ever wondered what happened to your old edition? The wrinkled one? This it is a reprint, but you had the first edition once…”

“Yes…in fact I… BUT HOW DO YOU KNOW I don’t have it anymore?”

Merlin smiles, finally solved the mystery of this book, so dear to him.

“That copy is now mine. You left it in my hospital room when we separated all those days ago. Haven’t you ever noticed? I have taken it immediately, loving this book at first sight, without understanding why. In the beginning, I thought an old patient had forgotten it in the room. I realized only yesterday when I saw this copy in your room that _my_ book was once yours"

Arthur gets up and sits on the bed, taking the book from Merlin.

“Yes ... I didn’t realize I had left it at the hospital ... I thought I had lost it at the airport or somewhere else"

"Can you tell me why you love that poem? The one with the bookmark... _'Could Have'_?"

Arthur opens the book, finding it immediately.

"Do you like it too?”

“Very much. It's like as if it had helped me to wake up, letting you enter my fog and go through the hole in the net ... but WHY DO YOU LOVE IT?”

“Because it speaks of the two of us. Of our story, of mine own. I've never loved anyone before you, Merlin, and when I say I haven’t, I don’t mean that I have never loved anyone LIKE I love you. I mean I have never really loved for real before. You're the only one I’ve ever loved in my entire life. Love had never struck me before you, for many reasons, for a thousand of destinies, for my thousands of ways to escape it. And then you showed up… IT COULD HAVE HAPPENED, IT HAD TO HAPPEN”

Merlin smiles and nodded. Then, he kisses him on the lips, unable to say anything due to his emotions. Therefore, he turns and leaves him to go to the bathroom.

Arthur is on his back and is reading for the umpteenth time the poetry in question, when he hears Merlin calling him from the bathroom.

"I am entering in the shower ... Do you want to join me? Didn’t you say you were always ready?”

Merlin’s tone is so mischievous it leaves no doubt and Arthur gets up from the bed, smiling and satisfied. Then, he enters the shower.

"Earlier, you have made me think I have to slow down my instincts…"

Merlin is already excited and takes Arthur’s hand, bringing it towards his tense sex. He kisses him, penetrating into his mouth to taste his tongue under the running water.

"You must have misunderstood. Never said such a thing…”

Arthur groans and grabs him, crushing him against the wall tiles. The water continues to flow on them, his lips glued to his.

"God, Merlin, how much I want you!"

Merlin smiles. Then, he stops him gently.

“Arthur…”

He takes Arthur’s head in his hands, bringing it down slowly, resting it on his chest.

"Come here. Listen..."

Merlin’s heart is pounding in his ears and Arthur closes his eyes, lost in that sound.

“ ** _Listen how your heart pounds inside me_** ”

Arthur holds his breath, suspended in the air and in the water around them.

"That line of the poem ... I understand only now what it means. I feel you so much inside of me, I love you so much, that my heart is no longer beating in my chest: I can hear yours. Do you recognize it? Do you recognize your own heartbeat?"

Arthur lifts his face and kisses him passionately, while they get lost in their caresses and begin to love each other one more time.


End file.
